a cultural thing or just rudeness?

[mattman222]

Glad to see that the issue got some resolution. Nothing sucks worse than a verbal argument you can only half understand. I've been there done that. Nothing scares me more than an angry Chinese woman!!!

 

You might want to look into ways that you can help your adversary now that the dean knocked her down a few pegs and gain the upper hand. The other posters have given some good ideas. It's not a fun thing to do, but I've made some long lasting friends that way. If nothing else it might avoid getting the "evil eye" for eternity. Just keep it simple, so you don't appear like you're gloating. IMHO The best thing you can do is ask for her advice on language and culture. This will elevate her status as a teacher, keeps your status as humble, and you just might learn something. Win Win situation. I've had to swallow my pride many times in China, and forge ahead with new friends and allies.

 

Yes, her behavior was deplorable, but you have to consider the many cultural differences. There are probably more factors at play here than you can possibly imagine. My experience in China has been that once a conflict is resolved, it is gone forever. An unresolved conflict however, will last for centuries (eg Japan and China).

 

Take it or leave it, but that's my 2 Yuan. I hope things work out for you.

 

Where's the Chinese Dr Phill when you need him?

 

Matt

[Guest jin979]

Sorry you had a bad experience.

 

As you look chinese some will find it strange you cant talk mandarin and may think that strange, just work on your mandarin, ask their help.

 

Remember you are in china so better you learn their talk,it will help you with culture too, it is the same for us here from some american born chinese as well as white americans if you cant talk good english then they dont like it.

 

hope you enjoy your time there

 

Jin

[rogerinca]

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don¡¯t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ¡®f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

[Guest jin979]

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don¡¯t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ¡®f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

 

 

how does your argument for not learning the language of the country you live in really add anything useful to her position in china now ?

[rogerinca]

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don’t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ‘f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

 

 

how does your argument for not learning the language of the country you live in really add anything useful to her position in china now ?

 

 

She's a friend, I was just cheering her up !!

 

Humor is good for the soul.

Edited April 24, 2009 by rogerinca (see edit history)

[cguo7]

hey rogerinca,

 

we can't wait to see you guys in Sacto either. It will be good to go home to the US and share our experiences. Thanks for your advice!

 

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don¡¯t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ¡®f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

[IllinoisDave]

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don¡¯t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ¡®f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

 

 

how does your argument for not learning the language of the country you live in really add anything useful to her position in china now ?

 

 

She's a friend, I was just cheering her up !!

 

Humor is good for the soul. B)

Rog,

I think you're to be commended for trying, in the new Candle spirit, to make this a "friendly supportive place for people going through the immigration morass."

 

Sometimes kind words and empathy are much more useful than criticism and judgement.

[Guest jin979]

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don¡¯t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ¡®f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

 

 

how does your argument for not learning the language of the country you live in really add anything useful to her position in china now ?

 

 

She's a friend, I was just cheering her up !!

 

Humor is good for the soul.

Rog,

I think you're to be commended for trying, in the new Candle spirit, to make this a "friendly supportive place for people going through the immigration morass."

 

Sometimes kind words and empathy are much more useful than criticism and judgement.

 

 

i thought she was asking about "fitting in " in china, her life in china, did i miss her "immigration to usa process" question/concerns ?

 

dont really see where she got critism or judgement, just members offering advice on how to make things better in china.

 

David as your wife had no issues fitting into USA culture and life, i'm sure you must have invaluable insight as to how she can fit in easily there too, please share . B)

[IllinoisDave]

Chris, sorry I missed this when you first posted.

 

While I don’t feel qualified to provide you with a personal experience answer, my street instinct and advice would be that you learn the Chinese equivalent words for ‘f..k-off' !!

 

Never back down from someone like this. Remember, you are not only an ABC, you are a So-Cal girl!!

 

Also, hope all goes well with your process. We look forward to visiting with you guys for lunch, when you and Lao Gong return to your current home in Sacto.

 

Your husband can talk to my wife in perfect Mandarin or Cantonese, and you can talk to me in perfect English.

 

BTW, my nephew (my older brother's son) is married to a highly educated (civil engineer) first generation ABC, (age 34) and she can't speak much Chinese either.

 

Further, my niece (my younger sister's daughter) is married to an OTB, Chinese, and his English is crap, even after 15 years here.

 

 

how does your argument for not learning the language of the country you live in really add anything useful to her position in china now ?

 

 

She's a friend, I was just cheering her up !! B)

 

Humor is good for the soul. B)

Rog,

I think you're to be commended for trying, in the new Candle spirit, to make this a "friendly supportive place for people going through the immigration morass."

 

Sometimes kind words and empathy are much more useful than criticism and judgement.

 

 

i thought she was asking about "fitting in " in china, her life in china, did i miss her "immigration to usa process" question/concerns ?

 

dont really see where she got critism or judgement, just members offering advice on how to make things better in china.

 

David as your wife had no issues fitting into USA culture and life, i'm sure you must have invaluable insight as to how she can fit in easily there too, please share .

Jin,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

 

As a member of Candle and someone with a spouse going through the process I assume she qualified for having support given to her? Or are we to be supportive only when questions deal directly with coming here? Maybe I read Don's post wrong?

 

Empathy and kind words are better than criticism and judgement when directed at ALL in a thread, not just the OP. Wouldn't you agree.

 

I've already offered my humble advice to the OP in this thread. I guess you missed it. You can check it out if you like. It's post #11 for your easy reference. Although, I don't remember mentioning anything about my wife in it.

Edited April 24, 2009 by IllinoisDave (see edit history)

[warpedbored]

How are things at work now cquo7? Has your co-worker mellowed out any or is it injured silence?

[whome?]

I know a situation like this can be dificult but please dont suggest it was maybe caused to chinese culture .... these type of people are all over the world.

 

I have experienced similar while living and working in Europe. Some people just do not like change, new people, new situations, or different people.

 

Hope all is better now.

[cguo7]

hi warpedbored,

 

thanks for asking. i haven't seen her since the incident and i had never seen her before prior to the incident . i haven't gone back into that office yet because I'm still not okay with what happened to me and I definitely could not force myself to smile at her or greet her because of the way she acted before, with such an air of arrogance. I'm waiting for May 27th so we can get this interview over with. Jeffrey and I are preparing the best we can. We are nervous though, because he is still part of the CCP. He has gone ahead and written a letter in chinese regarding why he joined and had an English teacher translate it, so we can only hope this letter helps. This is what I'll focus on rather than dwell on the negatives (at least hope I can)

 

How are things at work now cquo7? Has your co-worker mellowed out any or is it injured silence?

[warpedbored]

I forgot about the CCP thing. Not much you can do except prepare yourselves for a 3-4 month delay.

[whome?]

hi warpedbored,

 

thanks for asking. i haven't seen her since the incident and i had never seen her before prior to the incident . i haven't gone back into that office yet because I'm still not okay with what happened to me and I definitely could not force myself to smile at her or greet her because of the way she acted before, with such an air of arrogance. I'm waiting for May 27th so we can get this interview over with. Jeffrey and I are preparing the best we can. We are nervous though, because he is still part of the CCP. He has gone ahead and written a letter in chinese regarding why he joined and had an English teacher translate it, so we can only hope this letter helps. This is what I'll focus on rather than dwell on the negatives (at least hope I can)

 

How are things at work now cquo7? Has your co-worker mellowed out any or is it injured silence?

 

Don't forget on the translation to follow this advice from DHS in Beijing

 

TRANSLATIONS

 

All documents that are in languages other then English must be translated. The translator must certify that they are fluent in both languages:

 

¡°I hereby certify that I am fluent and competent in both English and _____ and that I have translated the attached/above document from ______ into English. The translation is true and correct to the best of my knowledge.¡±

 

Signature

[IllinoisDave]

We are nervous though, because he is still part of the CCP.

 

Was or is? Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't he need to resign from the party and provide the resignation letter showing he did before the inteview?