Do I keep quiet or do I spill the beans?

[warpedbored]

Ah Dennis, a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into this time. There is no easy way out. No matter what you do someone is likely to be pissed. The question you have to answer for yourself is which person can you live with being pissed at you the easiest? In your shoes I'd pick Al. Why? first of all because it would keep the most peace in your family, second because you have no clue what the outcome will be if you side with Al. For all you know Al may be perfectly content with Jie. I would however make it clear to Lequin and her family that you won't involve yourself in this in the future because you are losing a lot of face and that you don't agree with the deception. Good luck my friend

[Dan R]

Dennis if nothing else Al will get an introduction to how Chinese deal. You can't win anything by changing the game. Let it play out. Either Leiqin will have a good lesson in how not to manipulate Americans or everyone will be saying see we told you so. Either way you don't lose and Al will either fall in love, find another or want nothing more to do with Chinese. It will be his choice.

 

Sit down and enjoy the show. And please follow up with the results.

[Dennis143]

Ah Dennis, a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into this time.

I GOT MYSELF INTO?

 

Why am I feeling like Fred Mertz, Larry David, or ...?

 

From the posts, so far:

 

Tell him:

Randy

TimB

Whutthapho

Wendy W

Cathy

Tony and Terrific

Rob

Jin

Amberjack

Amand

10

 

Don't tell him:

Richard and Li

George Lee

Jhammer

Aussie in love

Michaln

Warpedboard

DanR

pkfops

8

 

Looks like I should have made a poll.

Edited January 16, 2009 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[pkfops]

Don't tell the guy.

[Guest jin979]

Dennis are you big man in family ?

 

if so its your responsibilty to be boss

 

if you just little man in family then not your ability to interfere

 

just i say cheating this man concerns me alot.

[Guest jin979]

Ah Dennis, a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into this time. There is no easy way out. No matter what you do someone is likely to be pissed. The question you have to answer for yourself is which person can you live with being pissed at you the easiest? In your shoes I'd pick Al. Why? first of all because it would keep the most peace in your family, second because you have no clue what the outcome will be if you side with Al. For all you know Al may be perfectly content with Jie. I would however make it clear to Lequin and her family that you won't involve yourself in this in the future because you are losing a lot of face and that you don't agree with the deception. Good luck my friend

 

 

Carl ,Dennis loses face by not taking stance, he is not boy right , he is westen man in family, i hope has position in family of respect, so up to him to do right thing

[Dan R]

Dennis are you big man in family ?

 

if so its your responsibilty to be boss

 

if you just little man in family then not your ability to interfere

 

just i say cheating this man concerns me alot.

 

Big, Little????? what does that have to do to letting the women play their match making games?

[warpedbored]

Ah Dennis, a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into this time. There is no easy way out. No matter what you do someone is likely to be pissed. The question you have to answer for yourself is which person can you live with being pissed at you the easiest? In your shoes I'd pick Al. Why? first of all because it would keep the most peace in your family, second because you have no clue what the outcome will be if you side with Al. For all you know Al may be perfectly content with Jie. I would however make it clear to Lequin and her family that you won't involve yourself in this in the future because you are losing a lot of face and that you don't agree with the deception. Good luck my friend

 

 

Carl ,Dennis loses face by not taking stance, he is not boy right , he is westen man in family, i hope has position in family of respect, so up to him to do right thing

You are probably right Jin but the way I look at it, my first and most important loyalty is to my wife. Right, wrong or in the middle I always support her.

[Guest jin979]

Ah Dennis, a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into this time. There is no easy way out. No matter what you do someone is likely to be pissed. The question you have to answer for yourself is which person can you live with being pissed at you the easiest? In your shoes I'd pick Al. Why? first of all because it would keep the most peace in your family, second because you have no clue what the outcome will be if you side with Al. For all you know Al may be perfectly content with Jie. I would however make it clear to Lequin and her family that you won't involve yourself in this in the future because you are losing a lot of face and that you don't agree with the deception. Good luck my friend

 

 

Carl ,Dennis loses face by not taking stance, he is not boy right , he is westen man in family, i hope has position in family of respect, so up to him to do right thing

You are probably right Jin but the way I look at it, my first and most important loyalty is to my wife. Right, wrong or in the middle I always support her.

 

agree, but Dennis is husband she is putting him to lose face, allowing this is wrong, unless he happy to think all western men are just stupid money cow.

sorry he is man/ husband to alow deception for outside cousin is crazy , no respect there.

[Dan R]

Ah Dennis, a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into this time. There is no easy way out. No matter what you do someone is likely to be pissed. The question you have to answer for yourself is which person can you live with being pissed at you the easiest? In your shoes I'd pick Al. Why? first of all because it would keep the most peace in your family, second because you have no clue what the outcome will be if you side with Al. For all you know Al may be perfectly content with Jie. I would however make it clear to Lequin and her family that you won't involve yourself in this in the future because you are losing a lot of face and that you don't agree with the deception. Good luck my friend

 

 

Carl ,Dennis loses face by not taking stance, he is not boy right , he is westen man in family, i hope has position in family of respect, so up to him to do right thing

You are probably right Jin but the way I look at it, my first and most important loyalty is to my wife. Right, wrong or in the middle I always support her.

 

agree, but Dennis is husband she is putting him to lose face, allowing this is wrong, unless he happy to think all western men are just stupid money cow.

sorry he is man/ husband to alow deception for outside cousin is crazy , no respect there.

 

Women's intrigues should not be read as involving the husband's face. Choose battles wisely.

[2mike&jin]

How say you all?

 

This is too easy. (1) Ask yourself what would TOPLAW do?

 

(2) Honesty to end deception is a no brainer?

 

(3) Loved ones don't put others in lose lose situations!

 

(4) Yea, I understand Chinese thinking - having lived there two years...but I don't have 1 Chinese woman friend or my wife for that matter that would be a party to this!

[Guest Rob & Jin]

personaly i think is a no brainer

 

lie to him, bring him into family, reap the tornado

 

i cant believe guys here are even suggesting this is a ok thing to do , shame on you .

 

[Dennis143]

How say you all?

 

This is too easy. (1) Ask yourself what would TOPLAW do?

 

(2) Honesty to end deception is a no brainer?

 

(3) Loved ones don't put others in lose lose situations!

 

(4) Yea, I understand Chinese thinking - having lived there two years...but I don't have 1 Chinese woman friend or my wife for that matter that would be a party to this!

What would TOPLAW do? Sorry, I don't live my life with that credo.

 

To answer Jin, I would never loose face nor would it matter for whatever path or choice I make, I will continue to live my life with my chin held high and not concern myself with what others think. Sorry, but this is my way, not Chinese.

 

I will probably clue Al in, but it will be a way that will satisfy both his ultimate goal and the family's. That is the western way.

Edited January 16, 2009 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

 

Dennis you have been put into a weave of deception. If I where you I would extricate myself from this yesterday. I would tell this man what is going on. I am not going to soft sell this. Her family is just going to use this man for her to get into the US. If he is not the right meal ticket then she will move onto someone else once she is here.

This 'meal ticket' is so absurd and demeaning that I will take extra care and time to answer it appropriately, later.

[hakkamike]

Dennis you have pretty much proved that you cant keep quiet about it, you posted it here on CFL for almost 4000 members to read