P O L Y G A M Y

[LaurenAmber]

Lauren - I understand your POV.. Personally, for me, it doesn't work either. But I think it could work for millions of people all over the world, and I also think it should NOT be outlawed. I see it as a way to grow stronger families and conserve capital (which mostly is used for the raising of children anyway).

 

Pardon me, though, examples of polygamist sects with child abuse and slavery in em - no, thats NOT the model I would attempt to use as a 'working model'.

 

 

I don't think it should be outlawed parsey, but definitely not encouraged. Much like any alternative lifestyle, it's not for everyone. i think outlawing or promoting any alternative lifestyle is wrong. I can not/will not ever do polygamy. I don't want people pushing that it's right to do it. A lot of people don't approve of gay relationships, but some are the msot loving couples i've ever seen. I could never be gay, but i don't hate people that are. I don't hate polygamist, but the idea of myself getting caught up in it makes me sick to my stomach. I have too much bad blood related in that field to even begin to understand why someone would even want to.

 

Again only my two cents. I'd hate to offend anyone on here, but there's few things you'll see me get up in arms about, this is one of them. I'm dealing with enough drama of my husband's father teaching him it's ok to have women on the side, and that i should know about it and be cool with it. We're burning that ship right now as my husband is realizing that does nto fly with me and he's seen my complete breakdown because of him thinking it's ok.

 

It's a hard road but he's getting so much better and understands a lot more. Sorry but i could NEVER do polygamy nor can i understand it. I've read this entire thread attempting to wrap my head around it and i just can't

[LaurenAmber]

actually.... based on the gender problem in china... surprised they didn't reinvent this as a woman taking multiple men

 

 

My husband tried to offer that to me to which i was like NOOOO

[Joanne]

....In ancient times, men were always more at risk... ergo, maybe more woman existed; it may of been a very simply solution to an issue we can never comprehend....

 

I have heard such rumor that after the Korean war in late 1950s, it was common for household to have more wives in North Korean, simply because a lot of men were killed during the war.

[SheLikesME?]

Dennis and all I guess this thread is dead and I won't list scripture references I found.

 

There is even some interesting web sites out there I was unaware of that will give scripture references and interpretations both ways. One just needs to search. Like I posted before it can depend on which bible you use and the wording there and splitting hairs on words in a few cases. Overall I don't see it condemned but it seems to depend on the situation at the time. Some men could handle it and some, like Solomon, could not. When a foreign girl, who worshiped the wrong God, was married it influenced worship of the wrong God which broke a commandment and caused a lot of trouble. So if one is not strict about obedience they can get in a lot of trouble whether your married to one wife or many.

 

Our history of making the monogamous law is hard to find, but I am curious why and how it happened so I will dig.....later or I may PM you.

 

I know you did not want to get into the Chinese part of things here, so I just won't go there.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

An old Polgymist joke is: When my 1st wife dies I am a Widower with means.

[Sebastian]

Douggie - I'm a fan, not a practitioner. IF you read what I wrote here, you'll get some general idea.

 

Warmest Regards..

[SheLikesME?]

Douggie - I'm a fan, not a practitioner. IF you read what I wrote here, you'll get some general idea.

 

Warmest Regards..

Hey, I just stumbled across this again and got curious. I am in no way looking for multiple wives. I am a bit more curious about the law side of it rather than the scripture part at this moment. Ehhh, should have let the thread alone....... sorry

[Dennis143]

Douggie - I'm a fan, not a practitioner. IF you read what I wrote here, you'll get some general idea.

 

Warmest Regards..

Hey, I just stumbled across this again and got curious. I am in no way looking for multiple wives. I am a bit more curious about the law side of it rather than the scripture part at this moment. Ehhh, should have let the thread alone....... sorry

It's a subject that still fascinates me in that it occurred frequently in Bible scriptures, US laws were enacted primarily to curb Mormonism and the subject enlists a lot of passion (no pun intended). With what little controversy we're left with here at the Candle, might as well dredge this up and kick it around again. B)

 

I just read Amber's post:

I'm dealing with enough drama of my husband's father teaching him it's ok to have women on the side, and that i should know about it and be cool with it. We're burning that ship right now as my husband is realizing that does nto fly with me and he's seen my complete breakdown because of him thinking it's ok.

And I've seen the opposite way of thinking from a Chinese woman, who, I guess, has simply resigned herself that men will be men and as long as her husband doesn't leave or divorce her she is accepting of his infidelity and has told him.

[LaurenAmber]

I just read Amber's post:

I'm dealing with enough drama of my husband's father teaching him it's ok to have women on the side, and that i should know about it and be cool with it. We're burning that ship right now as my husband is realizing that does nto fly with me and he's seen my complete breakdown because of him thinking it's ok.

And I've seen the opposite way of thinking from a Chinese woman, who, I guess, has simply resigned herself that men will be men and as long as her husband doesn't leave or divorce her she is accepting of his infidelity and has told him.

 

 

Yeh that i know of and i think it's the sign of ultimate weakness. Living like that is pitiful existence. To just put up with anything as long as your husband stays with you is pathetic. I'm sorry, that's harsh, but it's true. I could never be weak enough to live that way. It took my husband a little bit to understand but now he fully gets it and he could never imagine infidelity. He griped out a friend of his about it too and told him America had the right idea about fidelity

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

I just read Amber's post:

I'm dealing with enough drama of my husband's father teaching him it's ok to have women on the side, and that i should know about it and be cool with it. We're burning that ship right now as my husband is realizing that does nto fly with me and he's seen my complete breakdown because of him thinking it's ok.

And I've seen the opposite way of thinking from a Chinese woman, who, I guess, has simply resigned herself that men will be men and as long as her husband doesn't leave or divorce her she is accepting of his infidelity and has told him.

 

 

Yeh that i know of and i think it's the sign of ultimate weakness. Living like that is pitiful existence. To just put up with anything as long as your husband stays with you is pathetic. I'm sorry, that's harsh, but it's true. I could never be weak enough to live that way. It took my husband a little bit to understand but now he fully gets it and he could never imagine infidelity. He griped out a friend of his about it too and told him America had the right idea about fidelity

Infidelity is a terrible sin. If you have to explain this to your spouse the do's and don'ts ya dialed the wrong number here. Your spouse should already know this with his upbringing as a youth and his family values.

[A Mafan]

The following is all just my OPINION.

 

 

 

 

As far as I can tell, in every culture that polygamy has been tried, there are far more families with significant problems than there are those who pull it off successfully.

 

Why do we have laws?

 

Is it evil to run a stop sign? No.

 

Is there some universal agreement that it is the worst thing in the world if someone under 21 buys beer? No.

 

Is there a law against detonating a nuclear device in your backyard? Not that I'm aware of.

 

Put all these things together and you should realize that societies have laws in order to keep some people from doing things they feel are right. Laws are about preventing people from doing whatever they want, and that prevention is both for the good of society, and often for the good of that individual.

 

Do you think drunk driving laws have reduced the number of people driving drunk? I do.

 

So we put these laws in place so that they don't kill/maim themselves or kill/maim others. And we make the laws strict so that someone who doesn't have the experience to realize exactly how much his driving is impaired, even if he doesn't feel buzzed.

 

There is an inherited wisdom that comes from mature people learning from their mistakes and passing it down to younger generations. Younger generations don't like that of course, but in the past, older generations were able to impose their will, and the younger people were able to live long enough to learn why there were those rules.

 

So it seems to me that after thousands of years of polygamy being tried out, it rarely works. There is jealousy, strife, increased inheritance problems, etc. It has led to murder time after time after time. The only times it works at all is if the women are oppressed and powerless to object, resist, or change the situation, i.e., they would be killed for trying to leave, or unable to support themselves in society if they did.

 

So most societies have outlawed polygamy as a Bad Idea.

 

Unfortunately, the current world (and US in particular), have decided that wisdom means nothing. This society has to have their hands burned before they realize fire is hot. Heck, most of the time they blame the govt for not preventing the fire from burning them! Thus, I expect unless some extremely idealistic people die off, we will probably have some attempts at polygamy legalization within the next 20-30 years...

 

Natural consequences can be avoided temporarily, but always catch up in the end. I just feel sorry for the people who get hurt when the chickens come home to roost. Especially the children who don't have any choice, having been born into it.

[SheLikesME?]

Douggie - I'm a fan, not a practitioner. IF you read what I wrote here, you'll get some general idea.

 

Warmest Regards..

Hey, I just stumbled across this again and got curious. I am in no way looking for multiple wives. I am a bit more curious about the law side of it rather than the scripture part at this moment. Ehhh, should have let the thread alone....... sorry

It's a subject that still fascinates me in that it occurred frequently in Bible scriptures, US laws were enacted primarily to curb Mormonism and the subject enlists a lot of passion (no pun intended). With what little controversy we're left with here at the Candle, might as well dredge this up and kick it around again.

 

I think a lot of our protestant Christian beliefs or traditions come from Saint Augustine, whom I don't care for in every sense, but I found his writing on this a bit surprising. Also found some reference that Martin Luther could not denounce polygamy either.

 

I have to kind of agree with A Mafan here, but apparently, and if true, God did provide a way for having a lot of children made. If people were doing all they should in obeying commandments and did not do it for lust I can see it working. Certainly a woman may care for her best friend or sister or a widow and ask her husband... It happened that way at times. I don't care for the sects today who practice this outside of both laws.

 

If I can pull this from Wikipedia and I read it in other places to try to confirm:

Saint Augustine saw a conflict with Old Testament polygamy. He writes in The Good of Marriage (chapter 15) that, although it "was lawful among the ancient fathers: whether it be lawful now also, I would not hastily pronounce. For there is not now necessity of begetting children, as there then was, when, even when wives bear children, it was allowed, in order to a more numerous posterity, to marry other wives in addition, which now is certainly not lawful." He refrained from judging the patriarchs, but did not deduce from their practice the ongoing acceptability of polygamy. In chapter 7, he wrote, "Now indeed in our time, and in keeping with Roman custom, it is no longer allowed to take another wife, so as to have more than one wife living."

 

 

I just read Amber's post:

I'm dealing with enough drama of my husband's father teaching him it's ok to have women on the side, and that i should know about it and be cool with it. We're burning that ship right now as my husband is realizing that does nto fly with me and he's seen my complete breakdown because of him thinking it's ok.

And I've seen the opposite way of thinking from a Chinese woman, who, I guess, has simply resigned herself that men will be men and as long as her husband doesn't leave or divorce her she is accepting of his infidelity and has told him.

Glad he is following you Amber. My wife's father is the son of the 2nd wife or gf, depending on how you want to call it. Some people in China never even go register their marriage because of what they think of the govt. so I hear. Several of us have had our wives suggest a gf, or in my case say she would get upset but then get over it. what is HORRIBLE to my wife is spending money I don't have. Having everything paid for and money for emergency in the bank is crucial to existence and the minimum a man MUST provide for his family.

 

Of course most don't like it if this husband gets a gf but then it is so common. I have had to get my wife going to church to help her see a group of people who don't follow that way.

 

I also met a girl in china on line 3+ years ago who had a brother who went to BYU. He told her about those people living a much different way of being faithful to each other, compared to what she knew. So she was looking for a man like that or in that religion. I never heard form her again. I guess I didn't qualify or something

Edited November 24, 2008 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[SheLikesME?]

Infidelity is a terrible sin. If you have to explain this to your spouse the do's and don'ts ya dialed the wrong number here. Your spouse should already know this with his upbringing as a youth and his family values.

But Tony there seem to be many who did not have that family value and came from a polygamous family like my wife did. She had 2 grandfathers and 3 grandmothers. Also her family did not teach what most of us were taught, if not direct then by our mostly Christian based society. This is one of the eye openers for some of us.

 

Wife's Mom even wanted more grandchildren from one of the daughters who has a defective husband, so she encouraged an affair and let the husband get over it. That man has a gf anyway and wife's sister is making no move to leave him and still gives her paycheck to hubby to take care of finances at home. Go figure. (She has made no move to go have an affair either!)

 

Mom is now going to a Christian church or study group, my wife tells me, and is strong in it.

 

PS: Let me add that my wife was kind of slow telling me some of the things about her family in fear I would not like them and curse them. I have told her that where there is no law given then one cannot judge so easily. I certainly won't condemn them for not knowing what I know. Patiance and time and letting them learn and decide to follow or not, you know?

Edited November 24, 2008 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[LaurenAmber]

Infidelity is a terrible sin. If you have to explain this to your spouse the do's and don'ts ya dialed the wrong number here. Your spouse should already know this with his upbringing as a youth and his family values.

 

Family values? You certainly havn't met my father-in-law. Trust me when i say my husband's thoughts were no fault of his own. It was drilled into his head that it was right to be unfaithful and that there was nothing wrong with it. His father is, shall we say, an undesirable individual. He is not a model citizen, husband, or father. It takes a while to reverse over 20 years of a certain thought. There's a few other things that my husband is learning he's been brought up wrongly on. He's learning and actively changing. He sees now that alot of what his father does is very wrong. Not that he's the same as his father. He's jsut becoming very aware and making a lot of changes in his life. His father, on the other hand, is not too thrilled about my husband's "newfound righteousness".

 

 

Glad he is following you Amber. My wife's father is the son of the 2nd wife or gf, depending on how you want to call it. Some people in China never even go register their marriage because of what they think of the govt. so I hear. Several of us have had our wives suggest a gf, or in my case say she would get upset but then get over it. what is HORRIBLE to my wife is spending money I don't have. Having everything paid for and money for emergency in the bank is crucial to existence and the minimum a man MUST provide for his family.

 

Of course most don't like it if this husband gets a gf but then it is so common. I have had to get my wife going to church to help her see a group of people who don't follow that way.

 

I also met a girl in china on line 3+ years ago who had a brother who went to BYU. He told her about those people living a much different way of being faithful to each other, compared to what she knew. So she was looking for a man like that or in that religion. I never heard form her again. I guess I didn't qualify or something

 

 

Yeh see you were one of the ones talking to me when i made my very first post here which was ironically on this issue. My husband has changed drastically from those days. It seems like all it took was one day with a fallout of that wicked landlady. She went after me and was even seemingly like she was going to turn violent. Something flipped inside my husband's head and he went into "Super Husband" mode. He defended me hardcore against the woman and made the decision for us to move in with his parents to save me from the woman. After that i haven't had a thing to worry about. He's been making so many active changes, and he'll brag about being married to anyone that will listen for 5 seconds. I guess all it took was that moment where he suddenly had the lightbulb go off.

 

I guess for some people it just takes that one moment of realization to know that your spouse REALLY is all that you need and you wouldn't want anyone else.

[david_dawei]

I think a lot of our protestant Christian beliefs or traditions come from Saint Augustine, whom I don't care for in every sense, but I found his writing on this a bit surprising. Also found some reference that Martin Luther could not denounce polygamy either.

. . .

If I can pull this from Wikipedia and I read it in other places to try to confirm:

Saint Augustine saw a conflict with Old Testament polygamy. He writes in The Good of Marriage (chapter 15) that, although it "was lawful among the ancient fathers: whether it be lawful now also, I would not hastily pronounce. For there is not now necessity of begetting children, as there then was, when, even when wives bear children, it was allowed, in order to a more numerous posterity, to marry other wives in addition, which now is certainly not lawful." He refrained from judging the patriarchs, but did not deduce from their practice the ongoing acceptability of polygamy. In chapter 7, he wrote, "Now indeed in our time, and in keeping with Roman custom, it is no longer allowed to take another wife, so as to have more than one wife living."

I used to read alot of St. Augustine... the "Doctor of Grace". He found it not against the scriptures. He further broke sin down as against: Nature, Custom, and law. So in this way, as customs or laws change so certain acts would be considered as at one time permissible and at another prohibited.