Why did you decide to marry outside your culture?

[David&Wendy]

I had no intention of meeting and marrying a Chinese woman or any other woman for that matter.

 

I dated girls that were a beauty and a brain. Mostly blonde, all petite, mostly Southern or "Texas" girls and dated quite a few of them in my 20s.

 

I was sent to China for my job with the complete intention to work, keep to myself and have fun while I was there. Watch American TV/Movies over the internet and talk with family and friends mornings and evenings every weekday.

Be a tourist on the weekends. Hang out with American expats.

 

I hadn't found a girl that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

One day a coworker of mine, Bill, that became a good friend was waiting on me to finish my shift so we could go have dinner at this place he wanted to introduce me to because it had great food.

When I walked up to him in front of the office he was talking to this girl. Our office was close to the local city college so it was common to see business dressed people walking by at 5-7pm. What was interesting was both of them were chatting in English. When I approached them and introduced I discovered they were from the same hometown and ran into each other this evening while Bill was waiting for me. Her British English was great even though she had never been abroad. We were social at that first meeting. It wasn't love at first sight or any dramatized version of that. She and I were friends for 3 months before I realized that I always interested in chatting with her, talking about various things everyday, and I always felt like something was missing the next day if we had seen each other socially.

 

To me: I didn't decide to marry outside my culture.

To me: I decided to create a new culture with her and we became a family.

[luckyjack]

i read this tread with concern, if you really think chinese women are less sesitive, selfice or emotional than westen woman. then you lie to yourself.

in fact we are probably more of these than most westen women, to use your language "very high maintainance" underestimate us. our needs and wishes you will feel this fast.

once we marry you , you have big responsibilities to learn fast. remember patience and flexibity is not our personality.

 

 

I certainly don't think Chinese women are less sensitive, or more selfish or emotional than western women.

 

I can sure agree that I have had to learn fast and that neither patience nor flexibility are your first qualities. By the way, I appreciate your comments on this and other threads. Thank you.

 

My wife is patient with her money (chinese stock market) but not with me or other people -- usually. This is her comment, not mine. But it is true.

 

But she is also very emotional about many things and didn't really understand how much sacrifice that she would have to make to come to the USA to be with me. She is learning now and slowly she is learning some flexibility. I'm not sure I would say stubborn as much as convinced and persistent in what she believes or wants.

 

I think being "a stranger in a strange land" brings her emotion to the surface more than if she were in China.

[luckyjack]

I had my fill of dating and internet dating. I decided that I wasn't willing to go more than 10 miles from my home for a date.

 

Then I got an email from China out of the blue. I thought it was a scam the way several were that I had received from Russia. So I responded just for fun.

 

Soon I learned it was a real, sincere and very interesting woman.

 

After a while and many email I was invited to Beijing. I went. We liked each other. We made plans which worked out over time.

 

Now we are married for 1.5 years and facing all the trial, tribulations and good times that I have read about here. It remains a challenge but one that is filled with hope and often with much joy.

 

When people asked how we met I tell them we met when I went to China on travel and just leave it at that. Do they need know more? Besides, it is true. We didn't truly meet until we saw each other at Beijing airport. And, had it not worked, then I would have toured and come home.

 

:-)

[weiaijiayou]

I've never heard this criticism from anyone.

 

me either, but i've had some confrontational-type experiences in china. once in beijing while walking on an overpass a guy who was selling stuff said to my fiancee in mandarin "couldn't you find a chinese man?" another time my fiancee and i wanted to take a picture with an old man's goat. he said "5 kuai." my fiancee asked why we would have to pay. he replied "why are you with a foreigner?"

[david_dawei]

I guess I could almost write a book on why I decided..

 

The sequel would be, all that I learned...

 

and the third book would be how I learned to move on in life based on what I learned

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I guess I could almost write a book on why I decided..

 

The sequel would be, all that I learned...

 

and the third book would be how I learned to move on in life based on what I learned

 

 

If you could almost write a book, how would there be a sequel?

 

[whome?]

i read this tread with concern, if you really think chinese women are less sesitive, selfice or emotional than westen woman. then you lie to yourself.

in fact we are probably more of these than most westen women, to use your language "very high maintainance" underestimate us. our needs and wishes you will feel this fast.

once we marry you , you have big responsibilities to learn fast. remember patience and flexibity is not our personality.

 

I've got to remember to ask my wife if she is really chinese ...

 

I think chinese women are as different as USA women .. you cannot generalize about them.

 

I was divorced for 4 years and had been raising my children on my because their mother had left and married a younger boy (think Demi Moore). Whne my company asked me to come to China it was for a 2 week start-up assignment. Almost 3 years later I am still here and my daughters have stayed in USA with their grandmother but they have encouraged me to be here and enjoy life.

 

I always liked to travel and expereince different cultures and working for a German company had allowed me to work all over Europe and South America. Coming to China was my first time in Asia but I immediately loved it. When asked if I would stay for 1 year I accepted. Then when asked to stay for 2 more years I accepted again.

 

During this time I met my now wife. She could speak good English, have travelled all over China and most of Asia, was university educated, and liked to enjoy life and its simple pleasures and was very flexibity in dealing with anything that came along. She has similar outlook on life to me and even though our cultures and backgrounds are very different we both relish in learning the new things and find that many times she wants follow USA/Western way and I want to follow China/Asia way.

 

Anyway we found out we were very good match and wanted to work hard enough to have enough money to live comfortable and be able to see parts of the world .. nothing more or nothing less..

 

She did surprise me in that she was more high maintenance in some ways then I expected from an Asian/Chinese woman but that was because I listend to generalizations.

 

The best part is that she is not afraid to commnicate her feelings be them pleasure or displeasure and she can do so without the mop .. just a look. This is so much better than being expected to know what she wants or is thinking which was my prior experience.

 

So in summary I came to China for a 2-week assignment and no intention to every marry until maybe my girls were grown/married. Also 3 years later I am still in China working and married to a beautiful and unique woman who happens to be Chinese also.

 

I am often asked why I went to China to get a wife when there are plenty of good women in USA. I just say mine is a good woman too who also was capable of melting my heart.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

i read this tread with concern, if you really think chinese women are less sesitive, selfice or emotional than westen woman. then you lie to yourself.

in fact we are probably more of these than most westen women, to use your language "very high maintainance" underestimate us. our needs and wishes you will feel this fast.

once we marry you , you have big responsibilities to learn fast. remember patience and flexibity is not our personality.

 

I've got to remember to ask my wife if she is really chinese ...

 

I think chinese women are as different as USA women .. you cannot generalize about them.

 

I was divorced for 4 years and had been raising my children on my because their mother had left and married a younger boy (think Demi Moore). Whne my company asked me to come to China it was for a 2 week start-up assignment. Almost 3 years later I am still here and my daughters have stayed in USA with their grandmother but they have encouraged me to be here and enjoy life.

 

I always liked to travel and expereince different cultures and working for a German company had allowed me to work all over Europe and South America. Coming to China was my first time in Asia but I immediately loved it. When asked if I would stay for 1 year I accepted. Then when asked to stay for 2 more years I accepted again.

 

During this time I met my now wife. She could speak good English, have travelled all over China and most of Asia, was university educated, and liked to enjoy life and its simple pleasures and was very flexibity in dealing with anything that came along. She has similar outlook on life to me and even though our cultures and backgrounds are very different we both relish in learning the new things and find that many times she wants follow USA/Western way and I want to follow China/Asia way.

 

Anyway we found out we were very good match and wanted to work hard enough to have enough money to live comfortable and be able to see parts of the world .. nothing more or nothing less..

 

She did surprise me in that she was more high maintenance in some ways then I expected from an Asian/Chinese woman but that was because I listend to generalizations.

 

The best part is that she is not afraid to commnicate her feelings be them pleasure or displeasure and she can do so without the mop .. just a look. This is so much better than being expected to know what she wants or is thinking which was my prior experience.

 

So in summary I came to China for a 2-week assignment and no intention to every marry until maybe my girls were grown/married. Also 3 years later I am still in China working and married to a beautiful and unique woman who happens to be Chinese also.

 

I am often asked why I went to China to get a wife when there are plenty of good women in USA. I just say mine is a good woman too who also was capable of melting my heart.

 

 

Nice story. Thanks for sharing....