Wendy W Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 (edited) A Mafan,Thanks for sharing the story. may I ask why your wife gets angry each time? can you give some example? Edited October 7, 2008 by Dylan's Wendy (see edit history) Link to comment
A Mafan Posted October 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 A Mafan,Thanks for sharing the story. may I ask why your wife gets angry each time? can you give some example?I won't talk about why she gets angry because that is *her* heart. I have no right to share her thoughts and feelings here, only mine. ÎÒ¾ö¶¨²»ËµËýÉúÆøµÄÀ´Ô´£¬ÒòΪÄǸöʱËýµÄÊÂÇé¡£ÎÒÔÚÕâÀïÖ»¿ÉÒÔ˵ÎÒ×Ô¼ºµÄ˼Ïë¡£ Link to comment
Guest Rob & Jin Posted October 10, 2008 Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 A Mafan,Thanks for sharing the story. may I ask why your wife gets angry each time? can you give some example?I won't talk about why she gets angry because that is *her* heart. I have no right to share her thoughts and feelings here, only mine. ÎÒ¾ö¶¨²»ËµËýÉúÆøµÄÀ´Ô´£¬ÒòΪÄǸöʱËýµÄÊÂÇé¡£ÎÒÔÚÕâÀïÖ»¿ÉÒÔ˵ÎÒ×Ô¼ºµÄ˼Ïë¡£ maybe you can ask her to start posting here . because we want to know why is she gets angry with you . anyway . hope we can read all your story . thanks ! ´ó¸ÅÄã¿ÉÒÔ½ÐËýÀ´ÕâÀï·¢ÐÅÏ¢ ¡£ÒòΪÎÒÃÇÏëÖªµÀËýΪʲô»áÉúÄãµÄÆø¡£ÎÞÂÛÈçºÎ£¬Ï£ÍûÎÒÃÇÄÜ¿´µ½ÄãµÄÍêÕûµÄ¹ÊÊÂ. лл£¡ Link to comment
A Mafan Posted October 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 A Mafan,Thanks for sharing the story. may I ask why your wife gets angry each time? can you give some example?I won't talk about why she gets angry because that is *her* heart. I have no right to share her thoughts and feelings here, only mine. ÎÒ¾ö¶¨²»ËµËýÉúÆøµÄÀ´Ô´£¬ÒòΪÄǸöʱËýµÄÊÂÇé¡£ÎÒÔÚÕâÀïÖ»¿ÉÒÔ˵ÎÒ×Ô¼ºµÄ˼Ïë¡£ maybe you can ask her to start posting here . because we want to know why is she gets angry with you . anyway . hope we can read all your story . thanks ! ´ó¸ÅÄã¿ÉÒÔ½ÐËýÀ´ÕâÀï·¢ÐÅÏ¢ ¡£ÒòΪÎÒÃÇÏëÖªµÀËýΪʲô»áÉúÄãµÄÆø¡£ÎÞÂÛÈçºÎ£¬Ï£ÍûÎÒÃÇÄÜ¿´µ½ÄãµÄÍêÕûµÄ¹ÊÊÂ. лл£¡ She doesn't really like writing on blogs or discussion boards that much. She reads a few, but never comments, and thinks mine is kind of a waste of my time. Link to comment
david_dawei Posted October 10, 2008 Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 AM...enjoy reading your posts... and I agree with a number of your observations and discoveries about self and the other. My gut feeling is that this has caused you to shift your paradigm, thinking, and behavior and it's not clear how much transformation (maybe a little strong but I think you know my meaning) she has also gone through. I'm not one of those types that demands equal transformation, just a thought; I prefer to just think as; don't worry about finding the perfect queen, just be the prefect king. My wife will get easily frustrated. I also don't want to speak too specifically about situations but would mention what I simply think is mroe of the source of the issue; I think it mostly boils down to the emotional and relational security they have always lived by which flows naturally from their cultural upbringing and experiences. I think the life experience for chinese is a more engrained one; it comes with a strong belief in being the 'correct' way (there's an ethic for roger in his thread) for their body, soul and spirit. One has to often look beyond the surface to see all the attachments that come with any issue regarding chinese, IMO. Alot is lost in translation (verbal and non-verbal). I notice that it takes my wife alot of energy to have to 'explain' something which someone in her culture would never question or need an explanation for... and then try to do it in their second language is an exercise in deep frustration. I've come to accept that I don't need to know some things; I don't really need to have all the details, etc. That was one of my earliest 'enlightenments'. As much as I have strong affection for daoism, the difficulty for the west is making it a living philosophy. In explaning/talking/debating about it, I'm fully capable; In terms of living it, I'm about 1/2 way there... I would say chinese are the opposite. They are fully there in terms of living it naturally... But asking them to explain why they do this or that or specific philosophical backgrounds to this or that can produce blank stares... My wife will often say, "no reason.. no why... just do...". I have actually found this quite good advice at times. That was another early realization... what I called the chinese "do" ethic. This is what may make them one of the most humanistic cultures; A living thing, "is". It will, "do"... Instead of seeking what makes the human special and different from the rest of the "ten thousand" things, there is a sense that the chinese are often happy to rest in the fact of association of all things: One of the many. Maybe when confronted with another one of the many which seeks to live completely outside of the many (ie: individualistically and not sticking close to the other's way), then there is an internal distruption. Imagine if water didn't follow it's intended flows Link to comment
A Mafan Posted October 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 AM...enjoy reading your posts... and I agree with a number of your observations and discoveries about self and the other. My gut feeling is that this has caused you to shift your paradigm, thinking, and behavior and it's not clear how much transformation (maybe a little strong but I think you know my meaning) she has also gone through. I'm not one of those types that demands equal transformation, just a thought; I prefer to just think as; don't worry about finding the perfect queen, just be the prefect king. My wife will get easily frustrated. I also don't want to speak too specifically about situations but would mention what I simply think is mroe of the source of the issue; I think it mostly boils down to the emotional and relational security they have always lived by which flows naturally from their cultural upbringing and experiences. I think the life experience for chinese is a more engrained one; it comes with a strong belief in being the 'correct' way (there's an ethic for roger in his thread) for their body, soul and spirit. One has to often look beyond the surface to see all the attachments that come with any issue regarding chinese, IMO. Alot is lost in translation (verbal and non-verbal). I notice that it takes my wife alot of energy to have to 'explain' something which someone in her culture would never question or need an explanation for... and then try to do it in their second language is an exercise in deep frustration. I've come to accept that I don't need to know some things; I don't really need to have all the details, etc. That was one of my earliest 'enlightenments'. As much as I have strong affection for daoism, the difficulty for the west is making it a living philosophy. In explaning/talking/debating about it, I'm fully capable; In terms of living it, I'm about 1/2 way there... I would say chinese are the opposite. They are fully there in terms of living it naturally... But asking them to explain why they do this or that or specific philosophical backgrounds to this or that can produce blank stares... My wife will often say, "no reason.. no why... just do...". I have actually found this quite good advice at times. That was another early realization... what I called the chinese "do" ethic. This is what may make them one of the most humanistic cultures; A living thing, "is". It will, "do"... Instead of seeking what makes the human special and different from the rest of the "ten thousand" things, there is a sense that the chinese are often happy to rest in the fact of association of all things: One of the many. Maybe when confronted with another one of the many which seeks to live completely outside of the many (ie: individualistically and not sticking close to the other's way), then there is an internal distruption. Imagine if water didn't follow it's intended flows I understood about half of what you said.. I'm not really trying to live Daoist, and my wife has no connection to that sort of mysticism/spirituality. But what I did understand of what you said I agree with. Is/Do: definitely. But when I do *do*, she also likes the sweet words along with it. It just can't be the 2nd without the first, which is (too often) the American way. (side note: take a look at 80% of US romance movies: the guy screws up, and then realizes it, and then wins the girl back with a great speech of love. We're *all* about talking a good game) But your entry also helped me to answer the questions about what makes her mad, and also spurs me to make a point about her transformation. First, she gets angry because "life" frustrates her, and I am her safety valve. I might not do anything wrong, and she still loses her temper with me. That bothered me alot at first, but now that I understand it, I just laugh. And now that I'm handling it so much better, she gets more release from even a smaller temper tantrum (because she doesn't have to feel guilty about hurting my sensitive feelings anymore), and so gets angry much less. I've made some mistakes, but it's mostly just life; even if I do perfect, she'll still angry at something because she's a woman. But let no one assume that she isn't trying her best to change and make me happy, too. She doesn't like getting angry, and she certainly doesn't like hurting my feelings. But as much as it might grate on some people to hear this: it is clear that she depends on me. Her emotions depend on my reactions. I control the direction of our relationship by what I choose to notice, to react to, to ignore. The better I am at it, the more she needs me. It's one of those ironic things: the more it sounds like she's in control, the more I'm actually in control of the relationship. If I do things right, she can't help but helplessly cling to me. Link to comment
david_dawei Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 I'm not really trying to live Daoist, and my wife has no connection to that sort of mysticism/spirituality.Just to clarify... I usually refer to daoism as philosophical daoism (µÀ¼Ò) and not religious daoism (µÀ½Ì). Link to comment
A Mafan Posted October 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 I'm not really trying to live Daoist, and my wife has no connection to that sort of mysticism/spirituality.Just to clarify... I usually refer to daoism as philosophical daoism (µÀ¼Ò) and not religious daoism (µÀ½Ì).Good point. But either way, my wife doesn't really know/talk about them. Link to comment
Guest jin979 Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 can you all try to keep posts in chinese or both. even half chinese half english is ok .as this forum for those who cannont read english too. thank you ! ÄãÃÇÄÜÊÔ×ű£³ÖÔÚÕâÀï¶àʹÓÃÖÐÎÄÂ𣿻òÖÐÎļÓÉÏÓ¢ÎĶ¼¿ÉÒÔ£¬ÒòΪÕâÀïÊÇ»ªÈËÂÛ̳£¬ËùÒÔÎÒÃǹÄÀø´ó¼Ò¾¡Á¿Ê¹ÓÃÖÐÎÄ£¬»òÖÐÎļÓÓ¢ÎÄ£¬ÉõÖÁÒ»°ëÖÐÎÄÒ»°ëÓ¢ÎĶ¼¿ÉÒÔ£¬ÄÇôÏóÄÇЩ²ÅѧϰӢÓïµÄ½ãÃÃ/ÐֵܾÍÈÝÒ׿´µÃ¶®ÁË£¬Ð»Ð»´ó¼Ò£¡ Link to comment
A Mafan Posted October 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 can you all try to keep posts in chinese or both. even half chinese half english is ok .as this forum for those who cannont read english too. thank you ! ÄãÃÇÄÜÊÔ×ű£³ÖÔÚÕâÀï¶àʹÓÃÖÐÎÄÂ𣿻òÖÐÎļÓÉÏÓ¢ÎĶ¼¿ÉÒÔ£¬ÒòΪÕâÀïÊÇ»ªÈËÂÛ̳£¬ËùÒÔÎÒÃǹÄÀø´ó¼Ò¾¡Á¿Ê¹ÓÃÖÐÎÄ£¬»òÖÐÎļÓÓ¢ÎÄ£¬ÉõÖÁÒ»°ëÖÐÎÄÒ»°ëÓ¢ÎĶ¼¿ÉÒÔ£¬ÄÇôÏóÄÇЩ²ÅѧϰӢÓïµÄ½ãÃÃ/ÐֵܾÍÈÝÒ׿´µÃ¶®ÁË£¬Ð»Ð»´ó¼Ò£¡ ºÃÁË¡£¶Ô²»Æð£¬Ð´ºº×ÖµÄʱ¼äƽ³£ÐèÒª±ÈдӢÎĵÄʱ¼ä¶àÈý±¶£¬ËùÒÔÈç¹ûÎÒÀÛ»òÕßûÓÐÄÇô¶àʱ¼ä£¬ÎÒ¾ÍдÁËÓ¢ÎÄ¡£´ÓÏÖÔÚÆð£¬Îһᱣ֤ÎÒÓúº×Öд¡£ Link to comment
Guest jin979 Posted October 12, 2008 Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 can you all try to keep posts in chinese or both. even half chinese half english is ok .as this forum for those who cannont read english too. thank you ! ÄãÃÇÄÜÊÔ×ű£³ÖÔÚÕâÀï¶àʹÓÃÖÐÎÄÂ𣿻òÖÐÎļÓÉÏÓ¢ÎĶ¼¿ÉÒÔ£¬ÒòΪÕâÀïÊÇ»ªÈËÂÛ̳£¬ËùÒÔÎÒÃǹÄÀø´ó¼Ò¾¡Á¿Ê¹ÓÃÖÐÎÄ£¬»òÖÐÎļÓÓ¢ÎÄ£¬ÉõÖÁÒ»°ëÖÐÎÄÒ»°ëÓ¢ÎĶ¼¿ÉÒÔ£¬ÄÇôÏóÄÇЩ²ÅѧϰӢÓïµÄ½ãÃÃ/ÐֵܾÍÈÝÒ׿´µÃ¶®ÁË£¬Ð»Ð»´ó¼Ò£¡ ºÃÁË¡£¶Ô²»Æð£¬Ð´ºº×ÖµÄʱ¼äƽ³£ÐèÒª±ÈдӢÎĵÄʱ¼ä¶àÈý±¶£¬ËùÒÔÈç¹ûÎÒÀÛ»òÕßûÓÐÄÇô¶àʱ¼ä£¬ÎÒ¾ÍдÁËÓ¢ÎÄ¡£´ÓÏÖÔÚÆð£¬Îһᱣ֤ÎÒÓúº×Öд¡£ ллÄãµÄÖ§³Ö£¡ ÖÜÄ©Óä¿ì£¡ Link to comment
weiaijiayou Posted May 10, 2009 Report Share Posted May 10, 2009 (edited) ÎÒ¾õµÃ£¬ÎÒÓÃÓ¢ÎÄ¿¼ÂǺÍÎÒÓÃÖÐÎÄ¿¼ÂǵÄЧ¹ûÉÔ΢²»Ò»Ñù¡£ ÎÒ¾õµÃÓ¢ÎĶàÔÊÐí¿ÉÄÜÐÔ£¬ÖÐÎĵ¹ÊǶàÓеÀÀíµÄ £¨»òÕßÓÃÖÐÎÄ˼ÏëµÄµÀÀíÊǸüÇå³þµÄ£©¡£ ÄãÃǾõµÃÔõôÑù£¿ Õâ¸ö»°ÌâÕæÓÐÒâ˼£¬ºÜ¶àÐÄÀíѧ¼ÒÑо¿Õâ¸öÏÖÏ󣨾ÍÊÇ˵¡°ÓïÑÔ¶Ô˼άµÄÓ°Ï족£¬ÀíÂÛ½Ð"the whorfian hypothesis"£©£¬µ«ÊÇ´ó¸ÅÑо¿½á¹û¶¼Ã»ÓÐÑéÖ¤ÄÇÑùµÄÀíÂÛ¡£Ò»¸ö³öÃûµÄÐÄÀíѧ¼ÒÕâÑùÃèÊöÄÇЩÑо¿ÏîÄ¿£º "to conclude, the evidence tends not to support the hypothesis that language significantly affects the way that we think or the way that we perceive the world." ËûÃǶ¼²»ÄÜÖ¤Ã÷²»Í¬µÄÓïÑÔ¶Ô˼άµÄÓ°Ïì²»Ò»Ñù ÖйúÈ˺ÍÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼άһ¶¨ÓÐһЩ²îÒ죬µ«ÊÇÎÒ²»ÈÏΪÊÇÓïÑÔµÄЧ¹û Edited May 10, 2009 by weiaijiayou (see edit history) Link to comment
weiaijiayou Posted May 10, 2009 Report Share Posted May 10, 2009 (edited) ²»ÄÜÐÂÐÞÂÒÂë¡£¡£¡£ Edited May 10, 2009 by weiaijiayou (see edit history) Link to comment
carl.hops Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 (edited) When chinese girls angry, they always say no, or I dont love you anymore or some other denied word. but in the bottom of their heart she mean yes. and when they say leave me alone they do not really want the guy walk away. I think at that moment a hug is what she want. What do you think? I've learned this the hard way, but pay attention to this guys. Confusing yes, but at least it doesn't change! I tried reading your post, but I still don't understand a lot of Characters, 我还是不能读汉字. Edited June 15, 2009 by carl.hops (see edit history) Link to comment
weiaijiayou Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 When chinese girls angry, they always say no, or I dont love you anymore or some other denied word. but in the bottom of their heart she mean yes. and when they say leave me alone they do not really want the guy walk away. I think at that moment a hug is what she want. What do you think? I've learned this the hard way, but pay attention to this guys. Confusing yes, but at least it doesn't change! I tried reading your post, but I still don't understand a lot of Characters, ÎÒ»¹ÊDz»ÄܶÁºº×Ö. http://www.mandarintools.com/--> C/E Dictionary ÕâÀïÄÜ·Ò뺺×ÖºÍÓ¢Îĵĵ¥´Ê£¬¶¼¿ÉÒÔ¡£¼ÓÓÍ£¡if you »¹¿´²»¶® some characters, you can translate them here.ѧϰÆÕͨ»°¹ýµÃÔõôÑù£¿ Link to comment
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