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[Guest jin979]

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¶Ô... µÀ¼Ò...ȷʵÓְѼòµ¥µÄÊÂÇ鸴ÔÓ»¯.

»¹Óзð½ÌºÍÈå½Ì. ÓÐʱ½ÐÈý´×Æ·³¢Ê¦ (Èý½ÌѧÊÇÒ»¸ö).

ÖйúÈË£¬±È½Ï¸´ÔÓ.

 

 

àÅ£¡¶Ô¡£ÎÒÒ²ÈÏΪÖйúÈËÒª¸ü¸´ÔÓ¡£ËùÒÔͨ³£Î÷·½ÈËÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵ÄÊÂÇ飬ËùÒÔÎÒΪʲô˵£ºÎÒÃÇ¿ÉÒÔʹÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼ά˼¿¼£¬µ«ÊÇÎ÷·½ÈËÈ´ÎÞ·¨Ê¹ÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼άÀ´Ë¼¿¼£¬¼´Ê¹ÊÇÄǸöÎ÷·½È˵ÄÖÐÎķdz£ºÃ£¬µ«ÓÐʱ»¹ÊÇÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½£¬×ÜÖ®ÎÒÃǶ¼Ï°¹ßÁËÓÃÄÇÖÖÖйúʽµÄ·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒÏëÖйúÈË¿ÉÒÔÊÔ×ÅÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼άȥ˼¿¼£¬Î÷·½ÈËÒ²Èç¹ûÔ¸ÒâÒ²¾¡¿ÉÒÔ³¢ÊÔÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼£¬×ÜÖ®Á½ÕßÖ®¼ä¿ÉÒÔÈ¡³¤²¹¶Ì¡£

All you comments are very insightful... I'm impressed with what you wrote.. very good !!

 

One can learn from the other's strong and WEAK points!!

 

A fundamental difference between east and west is one's worldview; the east is one of integration (the three philosophies mixed as one is a great example in my opinion of the chinese ability to understand life as "both/and". The west is one of separation (our desire for dividing down to the atom; for individualism; to compartmentalize and make distinctions is our way of treating life as "either/or".

 

Here is my theory on why chinese should be able to understand western way better than western person understand chinese way (but that doesn't mean you agree with it!):

 

To tie a shoe takes alot of effort, to make two parts seemingly as one whole. (The western struggle).

 

To untie a shoe is very easy; pull the one string and it becomes two... (The eastern advantage!).

 

Try to ask a western to understand ÀÏ×Ó:

ÎÞΪ

ΪÎÞΪ

¶øŸo²»žé

 

I can't expain this in chinese... so forgive the english!

 

ллÄãµÄ»Ø¸´£¡

 

ÎÒÕýÔÚÊÔ×ÅÎÊ¿´ÔÚÕâÀïÊÇ·ñÓÐһЩÎ÷·½ÈËÖªµÀÄÇЩ¹ØÓÚÀÏ×Ó£¬ÃÏ×Ó£¬»òÊÇׯ×ÓµÄѧ˵¡£µ«ÊǺÜÒź¶£¬ËûÃDz»ÖªµÀ¡£¶øÇÒÔÚÕâÀÎÒÃÇÖÜΧµÄÈËËûÃÇËƺõ¶ÔÑÇÖÞµÄÊÂÇéÖªÖ®ÉõÉÙ¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒ»¹ÊÇÏ£ÍûÈç¹ûÓÐÒ»ÌìÎÒÃǶ«·½È˺ÍÎ÷·½ÈËÄÜ»¥Ïàѧϰ£¬È¡³¤²¹¶Ì¾ÍºÃÁË£¬²»ÖªµÀÕâÓÐûÓпÉÄÜ£¬×ÜÖ®ÎÒ»áÈ¥ÕâÑù×ö¡£ÎÒÒ²»á¼ÌÐøȥѰÕÒÄÇЩ¶®µÃÖйúÎÄ»¯µÄÈË£¬ºÍËûÃǹ²Í¬Ì½ÌÖÎÒËù¸ÐÐËȤµÄ»°Ì⣬ͬʱÎÒÒ²ÕýÏëѧϰÎ÷·½ÎÄ»¯£¬ÒòΪÎÒÏëÒª²»¶ÏµØ³äʵ×Ô¼º¡£

 

´ó¸ÅÓÐһЩÖйúÈ˾ÍÊÇÖйúÎÄ»¯×îºÃµÄдÕÕ£¬ÒòΪÎÒÃÇ×ÜÊÇϲ»¶È¥Ñ§Ï°±ðÈË£¬È»ºó°Ñ±ðÈ˵ĺõض«Î÷ÄÃÀ´ÂýÂýµÄ¡°Ïû»¯£¬ÎüÊÕ¡±£¬´Ó¶øÂýÂýµÄʹËüÃDZä³É×Ô¼ºµÄÎÄ»¯£¬ÄÇÒ²¾ÍÊÇΪʲôÕâÈýÖÖѧ˵£¬»¹ÓÐÒ»¸öÊÇ¡±¿××Ó¡°¡£ÎÒÃÇ»áÈ¡ÆäÖÐÎÒÃÇÈÏΪºÃµÄ¶«Î÷À´´úÌæ²»ºÃµÄ£¬´Ó¶øÂýÂýµÄËüÃÇÑݱä³ÉÁËÎÒÃǺóÀ´µÄÖйú´«Í³ÎÄ»¯¡£

[Guest jin979]

µ«ÊÇÎÒÃÇÒ²²»µÃ²»³ÐÈÏ£¬ºÜ¶àʱºòÕâÖÖÕÜÀíÐÔµÄ˼¿¼

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¶Ô... µÀ¼Ò...ȷʵÓְѼòµ¥µÄÊÂÇ鸴ÔÓ»¯.

»¹Óзð½ÌºÍÈå½Ì. ÓÐʱ½ÐÈý´×Æ·³¢Ê¦ (Èý½ÌѧÊÇÒ»¸ö).

ÖйúÈË£¬±È½Ï¸´ÔÓ.

 

 

àÅ£¡¶Ô¡£ÎÒÒ²ÈÏΪÖйúÈËÒª¸ü¸´ÔÓ¡£ËùÒÔͨ³£Î÷·½ÈËÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵ÄÊÂÇ飬ËùÒÔÎÒΪʲô˵£ºÎÒÃÇ¿ÉÒÔʹÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼ά˼¿¼£¬µ«ÊÇÎ÷·½ÈËÈ´ÎÞ·¨Ê¹ÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼άÀ´Ë¼¿¼£¬¼´Ê¹ÊÇÄǸöÎ÷·½È˵ÄÖÐÎķdz£ºÃ£¬µ«ÓÐʱ»¹ÊÇÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½£¬×ÜÖ®ÎÒÃǶ¼Ï°¹ßÁËÓÃÄÇÖÖÖйúʽµÄ·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒÏëÖйúÈË¿ÉÒÔÊÔ×ÅÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼άȥ˼¿¼£¬Î÷·½ÈËÒ²Èç¹ûÔ¸ÒâÒ²¾¡¿ÉÒÔ³¢ÊÔÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼£¬×ÜÖ®Á½ÕßÖ®¼ä¿ÉÒÔÈ¡³¤²¹¶Ì¡£

All you comments are very insightful... I'm impressed with what you wrote.. very good !!

 

One can learn from the other's strong and WEAK points!!

 

A fundamental difference between east and west is one's worldview; the east is one of integration (the three philosophies mixed as one is a great example in my opinion of the chinese ability to understand life as "both/and". The west is one of separation (our desire for dividing down to the atom; for individualism; to compartmentalize and make distinctions is our way of treating life as "either/or".

 

Here is my theory on why chinese should be able to understand western way better than western person understand chinese way (but that doesn't mean you agree with it!):

 

To tie a shoe takes alot of effort, to make two parts seemingly as one whole. (The western struggle).

 

To untie a shoe is very easy; pull the one string and it becomes two... (The eastern advantage!).

 

Try to ask a western to understand ÀÏ×Ó:

ÎÞΪ

ΪÎÞΪ

¶øŸo²»žé

 

I can't expain this in chinese... so forgive the english!

 

ллÄãµÄ»Ø¸´£¡

 

ÎÒÕýÔÚÊÔ×ÅÎÊ¿´ÔÚÕâÀïÊÇ·ñÓÐһЩÎ÷·½ÈËÖªµÀÄÇЩ¹ØÓÚÀÏ×Ó£¬ÃÏ×Ó£¬»òÊÇׯ×ÓµÄѧ˵¡£µ«ÊǺÜÒź¶£¬ËûÃDz»ÖªµÀ¡£¶øÇÒÔÚÕâÀÎÒÃÇÖÜΧµÄÈËËûÃÇËƺõ¶ÔÑÇÖÞµÄÊÂÇéÖªÖ®ÉõÉÙ¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒ»¹ÊÇÏ£ÍûÈç¹ûÓÐÒ»ÌìÎÒÃǶ«·½È˺ÍÎ÷·½ÈËÄÜ»¥Ïàѧϰ£¬È¡³¤²¹¶Ì¾ÍºÃÁË£¬²»ÖªµÀÕâÓÐûÓпÉÄÜ£¬×ÜÖ®ÎÒ»áÈ¥ÕâÑù×ö¡£ÎÒÒ²»á¼ÌÐøȥѰÕÒÄÇЩ¶®µÃÖйúÎÄ»¯µÄÈË£¬ºÍËûÃǹ²Í¬Ì½ÌÖÎÒËù¸ÐÐËȤµÄ»°Ì⣬ͬʱÎÒÒ²ÕýÏëѧϰÎ÷·½ÎÄ»¯£¬ÒòΪÎÒÏëÒª²»¶ÏµØ³äʵ×Ô¼º¡£

 

´ó¸ÅÓÐһЩÖйúÈ˾ÍÊÇÖйúÎÄ»¯×îºÃµÄдÕÕ£¬ÒòΪÎÒÃÇ×ÜÊÇϲ»¶È¥Ñ§Ï°±ðÈË£¬È»ºó°Ñ±ðÈ˵ĺõض«Î÷ÄÃÀ´ÂýÂýµÄ¡°Ïû»¯£¬ÎüÊÕ¡±£¬´Ó¶øÂýÂýµÄʹËüÃDZä³É×Ô¼ºµÄÎÄ»¯£¬ÄÇÒ²¾ÍÊÇΪʲôÕâÈýÖÖѧ˵£¬»¹ÓÐÒ»¸öÊÇ¡±¿××Ó¡°¡£ÎÒÃÇ»áÈ¡ÆäÖÐÎÒÃÇÈÏΪºÃµÄ¶«Î÷À´´úÌæ²»ºÃµÄ£¬´Ó¶øÂýÂýµÄËüÃÇÑݱä³ÉÁËÎÒÃǺóÀ´µÄÖйú´«Í³ÎÄ»¯¡£

 

 

ÍüÁË˵£ºÇë±ðµ£ÐÄ£¡Äã¿ÉÒÔÓÃÓ¢ÎÄд£¬ÎÒÒ²¿ÉÒÔÓÃÖÐÎĻظ´Ä㣬Èç¹ûÓÐʲôÎÒ¿´²»¶®µÄµØ·½£¬ÎÒ»áÈÃÕÉ·ò¸øÎÒµ±·­Ò룬ÎÒ»¹¿ÉÒÔ·¢pm¹ýÈ¥ÎÊÄ㣬ËùÒÔÇ뾡¹ÜÓÃÓ¢ÎÄд¸øÎÒ.thank you !

ÀÏ×ÓËùÖ^µÄÎޞ飬Ö÷ÒªÊÇ¡°¸¨ÍòÎïÖ®×ÔÈ»¶ø²»¸ÒΪ¡±£¬¼´²»×Ô×÷´ÏÃ÷£¬²»ÌíÂÒ¡£ÒÔÇúÇóÈ«¡¢ÒÔÈáʤ¸Õ.

¡°ÎÞΪ¡±Ë¼ÏëÊÇÓÉÀÏ×ÓÔÚ¡¶µÀµÂ¾­¡·ÖÐÌá³öµÄ.

[Guest lilac6451]

µ«ÊÇÎÒÃÇÒ²²»µÃ²»³ÐÈÏ£¬ºÜ¶àʱºòÕâÖÖÕÜÀíÐÔµÄ˼¿¼

ȷʵÓְѼòµ¥µÄÊÂÇ鸴ÔÓ»¯ÁË¡£

¶Ô... µÀ¼Ò...ȷʵÓְѼòµ¥µÄÊÂÇ鸴ÔÓ»¯.

»¹Óзð½ÌºÍÈå½Ì. ÓÐʱ½ÐÈý´×Æ·³¢Ê¦ (Èý½ÌѧÊÇÒ»¸ö).

ÖйúÈË£¬±È½Ï¸´ÔÓ.

 

 

àÅ£¡¶Ô¡£ÎÒÒ²ÈÏΪÖйúÈËÒª¸ü¸´ÔÓ¡£ËùÒÔͨ³£Î÷·½ÈËÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵ÄÊÂÇ飬ËùÒÔÎÒΪʲô˵£ºÎÒÃÇ¿ÉÒÔʹÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼ά˼¿¼£¬µ«ÊÇÎ÷·½ÈËÈ´ÎÞ·¨Ê¹ÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼άÀ´Ë¼¿¼£¬¼´Ê¹ÊÇÄǸöÎ÷·½È˵ÄÖÐÎķdz£ºÃ£¬µ«ÓÐʱ»¹ÊÇÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½£¬×ÜÖ®ÎÒÃǶ¼Ï°¹ßÁËÓÃÄÇÖÖÖйúʽµÄ·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒÏëÖйúÈË¿ÉÒÔÊÔ×ÅÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼άȥ˼¿¼£¬Î÷·½ÈËÒ²Èç¹ûÔ¸ÒâÒ²¾¡¿ÉÒÔ³¢ÊÔÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼£¬×ÜÖ®Á½ÕßÖ®¼ä¿ÉÒÔÈ¡³¤²¹¶Ì¡£

 

Jin, ÎÒºÜϲ»¶ÄãÃÇÕâÕÅÕÕƬ. ºÜÎÂÜ°.

 

...¶Ô²»Æð,³¶Ô¶ÁË.

ÎÒÒ²ºÜϲ»¶ÕâÕÅÕÕƬ.

[david_dawei]

Try to ask a western to understand ÀÏ×Ó:

ÎÞΪ

ΪÎÞΪ

¶øŸo²»žé

 

I can't expain this in chinese... so forgive the english!

 

ÍüÁË˵£ºÇë±ðµ£ÐÄ£¡Äã¿ÉÒÔÓÃÓ¢ÎÄд£¬ÎÒÒ²¿ÉÒÔÓÃÖÐÎĻظ´Ä㣬Èç¹ûÓÐʲôÎÒ¿´²»¶®µÄµØ·½£¬ÎÒ»áÈÃÕÉ·ò¸øÎÒµ±·­Ò룬ÎÒ»¹¿ÉÒÔ·¢pm¹ýÈ¥ÎÊÄ㣬ËùÒÔÇ뾡¹ÜÓÃÓ¢ÎÄд¸øÎÒ.thank you !

ÀÏ×ÓËùÖ^µÄÎޞ飬Ö÷ÒªÊÇ¡°¸¨ÍòÎïÖ®×ÔÈ»¶ø²»¸ÒΪ¡±£¬¼´²»×Ô×÷´ÏÃ÷£¬²»ÌíÂÒ¡£ÒÔÇúÇóÈ«¡¢ÒÔÈáʤ¸Õ.

¡°ÎÞΪ¡±Ë¼ÏëÊÇÓÉÀÏ×ÓÔÚ¡¶µÀµÂ¾­¡·ÖÐÌá³öµÄ.

sorry.. my meaning was: I do understand them.. I just cannot give an explanation in chinese...

[Guest jin979]

Try to ask a western to understand ÀÏ×Ó:

ÎÞΪ

ΪÎÞΪ

¶øŸo²»žé

 

I can't expain this in chinese... so forgive the english!

 

ÍüÁË˵£ºÇë±ðµ£ÐÄ£¡Äã¿ÉÒÔÓÃÓ¢ÎÄд£¬ÎÒÒ²¿ÉÒÔÓÃÖÐÎĻظ´Ä㣬Èç¹ûÓÐʲôÎÒ¿´²»¶®µÄµØ·½£¬ÎÒ»áÈÃÕÉ·ò¸øÎÒµ±·­Ò룬ÎÒ»¹¿ÉÒÔ·¢pm¹ýÈ¥ÎÊÄ㣬ËùÒÔÇ뾡¹ÜÓÃÓ¢ÎÄд¸øÎÒ.thank you !

ÀÏ×ÓËùÖ^µÄÎޞ飬Ö÷ÒªÊÇ¡°¸¨ÍòÎïÖ®×ÔÈ»¶ø²»¸ÒΪ¡±£¬¼´²»×Ô×÷´ÏÃ÷£¬²»ÌíÂÒ¡£ÒÔÇúÇóÈ«¡¢ÒÔÈáʤ¸Õ.

¡°ÎÞΪ¡±Ë¼ÏëÊÇÓÉÀÏ×ÓÔÚ¡¶µÀµÂ¾­¡·ÖÐÌá³öµÄ.

sorry.. my meaning was: I do understand them.. I just cannot give an explanation in chinese...

 

 

thats no problem, but to try is learning

[Guest jin979]

µ«ÊÇÎÒÃÇÒ²²»µÃ²»³ÐÈÏ£¬ºÜ¶àʱºòÕâÖÖÕÜÀíÐÔµÄ˼¿¼

ȷʵÓְѼòµ¥µÄÊÂÇ鸴ÔÓ»¯ÁË¡£

¶Ô... µÀ¼Ò...ȷʵÓְѼòµ¥µÄÊÂÇ鸴ÔÓ»¯.

»¹Óзð½ÌºÍÈå½Ì. ÓÐʱ½ÐÈý´×Æ·³¢Ê¦ (Èý½ÌѧÊÇÒ»¸ö).

ÖйúÈË£¬±È½Ï¸´ÔÓ.

 

 

àÅ£¡¶Ô¡£ÎÒÒ²ÈÏΪÖйúÈËÒª¸ü¸´ÔÓ¡£ËùÒÔͨ³£Î÷·½ÈËÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵ÄÊÂÇ飬ËùÒÔÎÒΪʲô˵£ºÎÒÃÇ¿ÉÒÔʹÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼ά˼¿¼£¬µ«ÊÇÎ÷·½ÈËÈ´ÎÞ·¨Ê¹ÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼άÀ´Ë¼¿¼£¬¼´Ê¹ÊÇÄǸöÎ÷·½È˵ÄÖÐÎķdz£ºÃ£¬µ«ÓÐʱ»¹ÊÇÎÞ·¨Àí½âÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½£¬×ÜÖ®ÎÒÃǶ¼Ï°¹ßÁËÓÃÄÇÖÖÖйúʽµÄ·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒÏëÖйúÈË¿ÉÒÔÊÔ×ÅÓÃÎ÷·½È˵Ä˼άȥ˼¿¼£¬Î÷·½ÈËÒ²Èç¹ûÔ¸ÒâÒ²¾¡¿ÉÒÔ³¢ÊÔÓÃÖйúÈ˵Ä˼ά·½Ê½À´Ë¼¿¼£¬×ÜÖ®Á½ÕßÖ®¼ä¿ÉÒÔÈ¡³¤²¹¶Ì¡£

 

Jin, ÎÒºÜϲ»¶ÄãÃÇÕâÕÅÕÕƬ. ºÜÎÂÜ°.

 

...¶Ô²»Æð,³¶Ô¶ÁË.

ÎÒÒ²ºÜϲ»¶ÕâÕÅÕÕƬ.

 

лл£¡ÎÒҲϣÍûÄÜ¿´¼ûÄãÃǵÄÕÕƬ

[applebee88]

´ó¼ÒºÃ,

 

ÎÒ¾õµÃÖйúÈ˱Ƚϸ´ÔÓÊÇÒòΪÖйúÈ˶¼Ï°¹ßÐÔµÄÈ¥²ÂÏë±ðÈ˽²µÄ»°µÄÑÔÍâÖ®Òâ, »¹Òª·Ñ¾¢È¥²ÂÏë±ðÈ˵ÄÐÄ˼.

[A Mafan]

When chinese girls angry, they always say no, or I dont love you anymore or some other denied word. but in the bottom of their heart she mean yes. and when they say leave me alone they do not really want the guy walk away. I think at that moment a hug is what she want. What do you think?

ÊÇ¡£

µ«ÊÇÄÑÌâÊÇ£ºËý˵¡°Äã¹ö£¡¡±µÄʱºò£¬ËýÒªÎÒ±§Ëýµ«ÊÇÇéÐ÷²»ºÏÊÊÄÇÑù£¬ËùÒÔÎÒ±ØÐëÏȺåºåËýµ½ÎÒ¿ÉÒÔ±§Ëý¡£

 

¶Ô¶Ô£¡£¡ ¾ÍÊÇÕâÑù£¡ A Mafan Äܲ»ÄÜдһµãÄãÕâ·½ÃæµÄÐĵÃÌåÑé

 

wow. A MaFan is an expert

I've really been trying to figure out how to explain.

ÎÒ×î½üÕæµÄ·Ñ¾¢¶ùÏëÔõô½âÊÍÎÒÀí½âÎÒÀÏÆŵÄ·¡£

 

When we started dating, I was completely American.

ÎÒÃÇ¿ªÊ¼½»ÅóÓÑ£¬ÎÒµÄ˼ÏëÊDz¶àµ¥´¿µÄÃÀ¹úµÄ¡£

 

I told Yatou: I think love is like an arch: we both support each other equally. She agreed.

ÎÒ¸æËßËý£ºÎÒ¾õµÃ°®Çé/»éÒöÓ¦¸ÃÏñ¹­ÐÍÒ»Ñù: ÎÒÃǶ¼»¥ÏàÖ§³Ö¡£ËýͬÒâ¡£

 

But after we met and officially decided we wanted to marry, right before I left she told me not to flirt with other girls , and she got angry with me when I told her that she should also not flirt with other men. This was the first time I encountered her assumption that we are not equal in all aspects of our relationship.

µ«ÊÇ£¬ÎÒÃǼûÃæ¶øÕýÊǵľö¶¨Òª½á»éÒÔºó£¬ÎÒ¿ìÒª×ßʱËý¸æËßÎÒ²»Ó¦¸Ã¸ú±ðÅ®È˵÷Ç飬ȻºóÎÒ˵ËýÒ²²»Ó¦¸Ã¸ú±ðÄÐÈËÍæ¶ù£¯µ÷Ç飨ÌôÇ룿£©£¬Ëý¾ÍÉúÆø¡£ÕâÊǵÚÒ»´ÎÎÒÓöµ½ËýµÄÏë·¨£ºÎÒÃǵĹØϵÀïÃ棬²»ÊÇÿһ¸ö·½ÃæÊÇƽµÈµÄ¡£

 

Then she made me promise that I would never, ever, ever, ever want to leave her, and that I would never, ever, ever, ever even *say* I wanted to leave her. But she could say it any time she wanted to, but she said she wouldn't mean it. I didn't understand, but I agreed. Mostly because I was afraid she would leave me if I didn't.

ÏÂÒ»¸öÊǼ¸¸öÔÂÒÔºó£¬ÎÒÏ´κÍËýÔÚÒ»Æð£¬Ëý˵ÎÒ²»¿ÉÒÔ²»ÒªËý£¬²»¿ÉÒÔÏëÒªÀ뿪Ëý£¬ÎÞÂÛÈçºÎÁ¬ËµÒªÀ뿪ËýÒ²²»¿ÉÒÔ¡£¶øÇÒ£¬ËýÓÐȨÀû¿ÉÒÔËæ±ã˵¡£µ«ÊÇËý²»»áÕæµÄÒªÀ뿪ÎÒ¡£¡¡ÎÒûÓÐÍêÈ«Àí½â£¬µ«ÊÇÎÒͬÒâ¡£ÄǸö²î²»¶àÊÇÒòΪÎÒµ£ÐÄÈç¹ûÎÒûÓдðÓ¦µÄ»°£¬Ëý»áÀ뿪ÎÒ¡£

 

The next time we were together, she got mad over something minor. I didn't know how to make her feel better. Our fight got worse. She said she wanted to leave. She took off the engagement ring and the necklace I gave her. I was crying so bad, and she didn't seem to care. She left me the key and walked out. I was devastated. But I couldn't let her leave like this, so I chased after her without even putting on my shoes. She came back, but she never softened. We had to go meet her family. On the way she tried to get me to eat some candy, but I refused because the last thing she had said to me before meeting her family was that we were finished, that it was over. Her family could tell that we were unhappy. But we still took pictures of all 6 of us together. I helped lighten the mood by playing some Chinese word games with her little brother, and by taking Yatou's side in a bet she had with her brother. I am what the Chinese call a "Pin zui", a chatterbox who likes to crack jokes. But inside, my heart was cold and felt dead. That night we talked more, and even though she didn't say anything about being sorry, I could tell we were back together. We talked about some of my problems, and pretty much got over it. But she also complained that I let her leave the apartment: I should never have let her even get out the door. And she told me that she had never given a man a second chance like she did me.

ÎÒÃÇÏ´ÎÔÙÒ»Æð£¬ÒòΪһ¸öºÜСµÄÎÊÌ⣬Ëý·¢ÁË´ó»ð¡£ÎÒ²»ÖªµÀÔõôºåºåËý¡£ÎÒÃÇÔ½³³Ô½À÷º¦¡£Ëý˵ҪÀ뿪ÎÒ¡£ËýÄÇÏÂÀ´¶ø»¹¸øÎÒÄǸö¶©»éµÄ½äÖ¸ºÍÎÒË͸øËýµÄÏîÁ´¶ù¡£Õâ¸öÈÃÎÒ¿ÞÆüµÃºÜÀ÷º¦£¬µ«ÊǺÃÏñËýÍêÈ«²»ÔÚºõ¡£Ëý¸øÎÒÒªÊÇ£¬×ß³öÈ¥»ØÁËËý°ÖÂèµÄ¼Ò¡£ÎÒϳÁÁËÏëËÀ£¬µ«ÊÇÊܲ»ÁËËýÕâÑù×ߣ¬ËùÒÔÎÒ²»´©Ð¬µÄ×·ÁËËý¡£Ëý»ØÀ´£¬µ«ÊÇÒ»µãҲûÓÐÈí»¯¡£È»ºóÎÒÃÇÐèҪȥ¸úËý¼ÒÀïÍæ¶ù¡£ÒòΪËý×îºó˵µÄÊÇÎÒÃÇÍêÁË£¬ËùÒÔËýÊÔ×ÅÈÃÎÒ³ÔһЩÌÇÎÒÒ²¾Ü¾øÁË¡£ËýµÄ¼ÒÈË¿´¼ûÁËÎÒÃDz»ÏàºÃ¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒÃÇÁù¸öÈË»¹ÊÇÒ»ÆðÕÕÁËÕÕƬ¡£ÎÒÊǸöƶ×죬ËùÒÔÎÒ²»µÃ²»²Î¼Ó´ó¼ÒµÄ¶Ô»°£¬°üÀ¨Ö§³ÖÎÒѾͷºÍËýµÜµÜµÄ´ò¶Ä£¬Ò²¸úËýµÜµÜÒ»ÆðÍæ¶ùһЩÓïÑÔµÄÓÎÏ·¡£µ«ÊÇÐÄÀïÃæÕæµÄºÜÀ䣬ºÜʧÍû¡£

µ½ÁËÍíÉÏÎÒÃǺÃÏñ»Ö¸´ºÃÒ»µã£»Ëýû˵ʲô¶Ô²»ÆðµÄ»°¡£ÎÒÃǽ²ÁËһЩÎҵĸÐÇé»òÐÄÀíµÄÎÊÌâ¡£ºÃÁËÒÔºó£¬Ëý»¹ÊÇÒ»Ö±ÔÚÂñÔ¹ÎÒÈÃËý×ߣ¬Ã»ÓÐÔçÒ»µã˵¶Ô²»Æð·ÀÖ¹Ëý×ß¡£ËýҲ˵Ëý´ÓÀ´Ã»ÓÐÔÊÐíÒ»¸öÄÐÈ˶ÔËýÄÇÑù¡£Èç¹ûÒѾ­ÄÇôÀ÷º¦£¬ÒѾ­Êǻز»Á˵ķÖÊÖ¡£

 

£¨ÒÔºó¼ÌÐø£©to be continued...

[Guest lilac6451]

When chinese girls angry, they always say no, or I dont love you anymore or some other denied word. but in the bottom of their heart she mean yes. and when they say leave me alone they do not really want the guy walk away. I think at that moment a hug is what she want. What do you think?

ÊÇ¡£

µ«ÊÇÄÑÌâÊÇ£ºËý˵¡°Äã¹ö£¡¡±µÄʱºò£¬ËýÒªÎÒ±§Ëýµ«ÊÇÇéÐ÷²»ºÏÊÊÄÇÑù£¬ËùÒÔÎÒ±ØÐëÏȺåºåËýµ½ÎÒ¿ÉÒÔ±§Ëý¡£

 

¶Ô¶Ô£¡£¡ ¾ÍÊÇÕâÑù£¡ A Mafan Äܲ»ÄÜдһµãÄãÕâ·½ÃæµÄÐĵÃÌåÑé

 

wow. A MaFan is an expert

I've really been trying to figure out how to explain.

ÎÒ²»ÖªµÀÔõô½âÊÍÎÒºÍÎÒÀÏÆŵĹØϵ¡£

 

When we started dating, I was completely American.

ÎÒÃǵÚÒ»´ÎÔ¼»áʱ£¬ÎÒµÄ˼ÏëÊDz¶àÊǵ¥´¿µÄÃÀ¹úʽµÄ¡£

 

I told Yatou: I think love is like an arch: we both support each other equally. She agreed.

ÎÒ¸æËßËý£ºÎÒ¾õµÃ°®Çé/»éÒöÓ¦¸ÃÏñ¹­ÐÍÒ»Ñù: ÎÒÃǶ¼»¥ÏàÖ§³Ö¡£ËýͬÒâ¡£

 

But after we met and officially decided we wanted to marry, right before I left she told me not to flirt with other girls , and she got angry with me when I told her that she should also not flirt with other men. This was the first time I encountered her assumption that we are not equal in all aspects of our relationship.

µ«ÊÇ£¬µ±ÎÒÃǼûÃæ¾ö¶¨Òª½á»éÒÔºó£¬ÎÒ¿ìÒªÀ뿪ÖйúʱËý¸æËßÎÒ²»Ó¦¸Ã¸ú±ðµÄÅ®È˵÷Ç飬ȻºóÎÒ˵ËýÒ²²»Ó¦¸Ã¸ú±ðµÄÄÐÈ˵÷¡£ËýºÜÉúÆø¡£ÕâÊÇÎÒµÚÒ»´ÎÒâʶµ½£ºÎÒÃǵĹØϵÀïÃ棬²»ÊÇÿһ¸ö·½Ã涼ÊÇƽµÈµÄ¡£

 

Then she made me promise that I would never, ever, ever, ever want to leave her, and that I would never, ever, ever, ever even *say* I wanted to leave her. But she could say it any time she wanted to, but she said she wouldn't mean it. I didn't understand, but I agreed. Mostly because I was afraid she would leave me if I didn't.

¼¸¸öÔÂÒÔºó£¬ÎÒºÍËýµÚ¶þ´Î¼ûÃ棬Ëý˵ÎÒ²»¿ÉÒÔ²»ÒªËý£¬²»¿ÉÒÔÏëÒªÀ뿪Ëý£¬Á¬ËµÒªÀ뿪ËýÒ²²»¿ÉÒÔ¡£ËýÓÐȨÀû¿ÉÒÔËæ±ã˵¡£µ«ÊÇËý²»»áÕæµÄÀ뿪ÎÒ¡£¡¡ÎÒûÓÐÍêÈ«Àí½âËýµÄÒâ˼£¬µ«ÊÇÎÒͬÒâÁË¡£ÊÇÒòΪÎÒµ£ÐÄÈç¹ûÎÒûÓдðÓ¦µÄ»°£¬Ëý»áÀ뿪ÎÒ¡£

 

The next time we were together, she got mad over something minor. I didn't know how to make her feel better. Our fight got worse. She said she wanted to leave. She took off the engagement ring and the necklace I gave her. I was crying so bad, and she didn't seem to care. She left me the key and walked out. I was devastated. But I couldn't let her leave like this, so I chased after her without even putting on my shoes. She came back, but she never softened. We had to go meet her family. On the way she tried to get me to eat some candy, but I refused because the last thing she had said to me before meeting her family was that we were finished, that it was over. Her family could tell that we were unhappy. But we still took pictures of all 6 of us together. I helped lighten the mood by playing some Chinese word games with her little brother, and by taking Yatou's side in a bet she had with her brother. I am what the Chinese call a "Pin zui", a chatterbox who likes to crack jokes. But inside, my heart was cold and felt dead. That night we talked more, and even though she didn't say anything about being sorry, I could tell we were back together. We talked about some of my problems, and pretty much got over it. But she also complained that I let her leave the apartment: I should never have let her even get out the door. And she told me that she had never given a man a second chance like she did me.

ÎÒÃÇÏ´ÎÔÙÒ»Æðʱ£¬ÒòΪһ¸öºÜСµÄÎÊÌ⣬Ëý·¢ÁË´ó»ð¡£ÎÒ²»ÖªµÀÔõôºåËý¡£ÎÒÃÇÔ½³³Ô½À÷º¦¡£Ëý˵ҪÀ뿪ÎÒ¡£Ëý»¹¸øÎÒ¶©»éµÄ½äÖ¸ºÍÎÒË͸øËýµÄÏîÁ´¶ù¡£ÎÒÉËÐĵĿÞÁË¡££¬µ«ÊÇËýºÃÏñÍêÈ«²»ÔÚºõ¡£Ëý¸øÁËÎÒÔ¿³×£¬³å³ö´óÃÅ¡£ÎÒãÂÁË£¬µ«ÊÇÊܲ»ÁËËýÕâÑù×ߣ¬ËùÒÔÎÒÁ¬Ð¬Ò²¹Ë²»µÃ´©£¬ÅܳöÈ¥×·Ëý¡£Ëý»ØÀ´ÁË£¬µ«ÊÇÒ»µãҲûÓÐÈí»¯¡£ÄÇÌìÎÒÃÇҪȥËý¼Ò¡£ÒòΪËý×îºó˵µÄÊÇÎÒÃÇÍêÁË£¬ËùÒÔµµËýÊÔ×ÅÈÃÎÒ³ÔһЩÌÇÎҾܾøÁË£¨´©²åÎÒ¸öÈ˵ÄÏë·¨£ºËýÈÃÄã³ÔÌÇ£¬´ú±íËýÏëÄãµÀǸ£¬ÖйúÈ˲»ÉƳ¤µ±ÃæµÀǸ£¬ËùÒÔËýÃǾ­³£×öһЩÊÂÇ飬ϣÍûÄãÀí½â¡£µ«ÊÇ£¬ÄãÓÖÊÇÃÀ¹úÈË£¬ÄãÓÖ²»ÄÜÀí½âËý£¬ÕâʱºÜ¶à²»Ó¦¸Ã³ÉΪÎÊÌâµÃʳÉΪÁËÎÊÌ⣩¡£ËýµÄ¼ÒÈË¿´³öÎÒÃDz»Ì«¸ßÐË¡£µ«ÊÇÎÒÃÇÁù¸öÈË»¹ÊÇÒ»ÆðÕÕÁËÕÕƬ¡£ÎÒÊǸöƶ×죬ËùÒÔÎÒ²»µÃ²»²Î¼Ó´ó¼ÒµÄ¶Ô»°£¬°üÀ¨Ö§³ÖÎÒÅ®ÅóÓѺÍËýµÜµÜµÄ´ò¶Ä£¬Ò²¸úËýµÜµÜÒ»ÆðÍæ¶ùһЩÓïÑÔµÄÓÎÏ·¡£µ«ÊÇÐÄÀïÃæÕæµÄºÜÀ䣬ºÜʧÍû¡£

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£¨ÒÔºó¼ÌÐø£©to be continued...

[Wendy W]

Hi A Mafan, as I said similar thing to Dylan. I try to explain why your wife said "she told me not to flirt with other girls , and she got angry with me when I told her that she should also not flirt with other men." and "she made me promise that I would never, ever, ever, ever want to leave her, and that I would never, ever, ever, ever even *say* I wanted to leave her. But she could say it any time she wanted to, but she said she wouldn't mean it. I didn't understand, but I agreed. Mostly because I was afraid she would leave me if I didn't."

 

argue about Equal at this moment is not necessary as the girl who require it will do the same. I think by saying this to Dylan, I was just enjoying being loved and greedy for more love and wanted to be spoiled by Dylan and I was just Èö½¿.

 

alot of chinese girls(at least most of my friends) are over spoiled in relationship and treated as princess, I mean when comes to arguement,when girls are angry, the boyfriend would comfort the girls and try to make up.and if the girl want to break the ice she will ÕǪ̀½×Ï£¬means giving chance to make up "like the candy thing as your wife did.) if the guy wanted to make up,he would make up with the girls. I know it do harms to relationship if always fight and threaten to leave when she not really mean it. some of my girl friend broke up with their boyfriend when threaten to leave(deep in their heart they didn't want to) and the boy friend agree with them. so they broke up alot of bad examples there but I do not know why girls keep doing the threaten thing.

 

 

The princess mind made Dylan and I fight alot becos Dylan is Dylan.I learn more and more and I have stop wanting to set the unfair treaty but one thing i can't change is that I am still greedy for more attention. I have the wish in my heart that we hold the privity of never leave.

 

When we girls say things like don't flirt with the other girls bla bla bla, just agree with us you enjoy the equal rights. when girls are angry, don't argue and give a hug please, and talk it through later when both calm down. Be happy if we are greedy for attention, it becos you are loved by the girl and it won't make you lose your arms.

 

Girls don't abuse it when being loved

Boys don't abuse it when being loved

Edited October 5, 2008 by WenDylanforever (see edit history)

[A Mafan]

¶Ô¡£ÎÒ»¹Ã»Ð´ÍêÁ˹ÊÊ¡£ÒòΪÎÒÏëÒªÃÀ¹úÄÐÈ˶àÀí½âËûµÄÖйúµÄÀÏÆÅ£¬Ò²ÏëÒª°ïÖúÖйúµÄÅ®È˶àÀí½âËýµÄÃÀ¹úµÄÀϹ«£¬ËùÒÔÎÒÐèÒªÓÃÁ½¸öÓïÑÔд¡£¹ÊÊÂÖ»ÊÇ£±£¯£³ÍêÁË£¬¡¡µ«ÊÇ»áÐèÒªÒ»¶Îʱ¼ä²Å¿ÉÒÔÍê³É¡£

 

¡£¡£¡£µ«ÊÇ£¬ÎÒÀí½âÄã˵µÃÍêÈ«¶Ô£¬ÍêÈ«Çå³þ¡£Äã˵µÃÊÇÎÒÒÔºó²ÅÃ÷°×µÄ¡£

[Wendy W]

¶Ô¡£ÎÒ»¹Ã»Ð´ÍêÁ˹ÊÊ¡£ÒòΪÎÒÏëÒªÃÀ¹úÄÐÈ˶àÀí½âËûµÄÖйúµÄÀÏÆÅ£¬Ò²ÏëÒª°ïÖúÖйúµÄÅ®È˶àÀí½âËýµÄÃÀ¹úµÄÀϹ«£¬ËùÒÔÎÒÐèÒªÓÃÁ½¸öÓïÑÔд¡£¹ÊÊÂÖ»ÊÇ£±£¯£³ÍêÁË£¬¡¡µ«ÊÇ»áÐèÒªÒ»¶Îʱ¼ä²Å¿ÉÒÔÍê³É¡£

 

¡£¡£¡£µ«ÊÇ£¬ÎÒÀí½âÄã˵µÃÍêÈ«¶Ô£¬ÍêÈ«Çå³þ¡£Äã˵µÃÊÇÎÒÒÔºó²ÅÃ÷°×µÄ¡£

 

ÆÚ´ý¿´µ½ÄãµÄ¹ÊÊ¡£ both chinese and english version

Edited October 5, 2008 by WenDylanforever (see edit history)

[Guest jin979]

¶Ô¡£ÎÒ»¹Ã»Ð´ÍêÁ˹ÊÊ¡£ÒòΪÎÒÏëÒªÃÀ¹úÄÐÈ˶àÀí½âËûµÄÖйúµÄÀÏÆÅ£¬Ò²ÏëÒª°ïÖúÖйúµÄÅ®È˶àÀí½âËýµÄÃÀ¹úµÄÀϹ«£¬ËùÒÔÎÒÐèÒªÓÃÁ½¸öÓïÑÔд¡£¹ÊÊÂÖ»ÊÇ£±£¯£³ÍêÁË£¬¡¡µ«ÊÇ»áÐèÒªÒ»¶Îʱ¼ä²Å¿ÉÒÔÍê³É¡£

 

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Hi MaFan .

ÎÒÕýÔÚ¿´ÄãÃǵĹÊÊ£¬ÎÒ¾õµÃÕâºÜÓÐȤ£¬Ò»°ëÖÐÎÄÒ»°ëÓ¢ÎÄ£¬µ«ÊÇû¹Øϵ£¬ÎÒÃÇÔÚºõµÄÊÇÄãµÄ¹ÊÊ£¬¶ø²»ÊÇÄãÓÃʲôÓïÑÔд£¬µ«ÊÇÎÒÏëÁ½¸öÓïÑÔ°æ±¾»á¸üºÃ£¬ÎÒÃǵÈ×Å¿´µ½ÄãÍêÕûµÄ¹ÊÊ£¡ÎÒ¸üÏ£ÍûÄãµÄ¹ÊÊÂÄܸøÎÒÃÇ´ó¼ÒÒ»¸öºÜºÃµÄÆô·¢£¬´Ó¶øʹÎÒÃǶ໨µãÐÄ˼ȥÁ˽âÎÒÃǵÄÕÉ·ò£¬¶øÄãÃÇÕâЩ¼Ò»ïÒ²Ó¦¸ÃѧѧÎÒÃǵÄÎÄ»¯£¬È»ºóÎÒÃDZ˴˶¼Ñ§Ñ§¸÷×Եij¤´¦£¬Õâ²ÅÊÇ×î¼ÑµÄÖÐÃÀ×éºÏ£¬hahah..just kidding .

[Joanne]

¼ÓÓÍ°¡-Âé·³.

[A Mafan]

By this time, I knew that she didn't want an equal relationship. She often told me I complained like a woman, and that I shouldn't be so sensitive.

到了那个时候（2年以前）我了解她不要一个平等的关系。她常常说我像一个老妇女一样

喜欢埋怨，像女人一样脆弱。

 

 

It was at this point that I finally understood: in the US, we talk about feelings so much, men learn to be as sensitive as women. I realized this is probably why my ex-wives got tired of me and started treating me bad. I realized, also, that I didn't have to be so sensitive.

过了几个月，我终于认识到：美国人那么重视“表示感情”，在感情的方面，男人就是长的像女人一样脆弱！这个就是为什么前妻恋红过了以后就讨厌我，开始对我不好。我也突然认识到：我根本不必那么脆弱。是一个挺有自由的感觉，你知道吗？

 

But realizing that and doing it are two different things.

但是很可惜，理解和做到是两件事。

 

We married, and she came to the US.

我们结了婚，她来到美国了。

 

Some of our problems have already been discussed in the Problems section, and I won't repeat them now. But I will say that now I realize that my biggest problem was in telling the difference between what she said in anger and didn't mean, what she said in Sa Jiao but didn't mean, and what she said in love and *did* mean.

我们那个时候的问题我已经在这个网站的别的地方描述过，所以我不重复。我现在倒是认识到那个时候的最大的问题是我分不清（搞不清？）她生气的话（不代表她真实的想法），她撒娇，和她不生气的话（代表她真实的想法）。

 

The first thing I learned is that when she wanted me to never leave her or say I wanted to leave her, that also meant that I should not agree to divorce when she insisted on it. This is a security issue. If she has to be careful what she says when she is angry, then she can't really get the release of emotion that she needs.

那个时候，我第一个学会的是：她给我那个“不许说分手”的规定也包括不能同意她 说要分手。这个是个安全感的事。如果她需要小心她生气的说法，那她不能有效地发泄她的愤怒，不高兴，不满意的感觉。

 

The next thing I learned is that when she gets angry, if I get stubborn or angry, it will always get worse, to the point of her hitting, biting, or walking out. The only way to calm her down is to stop fighting.

我下一个学会的是：如果她法脾气，如果我固执或者反映的法脾气，就会变成一个恶化循环，甚至她会打我，咬我，或生气地冲出房子。唯一的办法是不跟她顶嘴。

 

She told me very early: when she gets mad, give her warmth and softness, and she will stop being mad. This is also easy to hear, but difficult to do. Many times, the only way I could give her the warmth/softness she needed was to let myself get depressed and hate myself. Then I would need her to help me feel better, which she couldn't do because she was still resentful.

她早就告诉我：她发脾气时，我一给她温暖/软，她就不生气。这个也很容易了解，很难做到。常常，我唯一的办法给她她先要的软是我自己消沉，恨我自己。这样，我就需要她哄我觉得好一点，但是因为她还是觉得委屈，她不能。

 

I kept hoping that if I put her first in emotions, she would put me second. But she never could.

那个时候，我一直希望如果我先照顾她的心，她会以后照顾我的。但是她差不多从来没有。

 

She always said she put me first, but I didn't care that much about making dinner or cleaning the house or spending money. I wanted her to take care of my heart.

反正，她说她总是把我放在前面。但是我不是那么在意她做饭或收拾房子，或买给我东西。我是希望她会照顾我的心。

 

Then in one fight, I realized that I always wanted someone to feel sorry for me. But that doesn't work in a marriage, because the only way Yatou could feel sorry for me is to believe that she was being mean to me. The good part is that as soon as I realized I had this need, I realized it was ridiculous, and I was able to stop needing that very quickly.

有一次的吵嘴，我突然认识到我总是想要一个人同情我。但是，在婚姻里面，那个不好， 是不是？因为如果要丫头同情我，她需要觉得是她对我太不好，欺负我。很幸运，我想起来这个就马上认识到是不必的而排除这个要求。

 

Interestingly, every time I gave up an emotional need for my wife, I felt stronger, more like a man.

 

Her parents stayed with us, and they helped us resolve a few fights. Her mom kept insisting Yatou loved me and my kids so much, and gave examples of it. But the things she did never matched what she said when she was angry.

 

This is when I finally realized: I believe that most people say the most true feeling when they lose control of their temper. But Yatou believed that when she loses control of her temper, it is NOT what she really feels or thinks or believes. So I started paying more attention to what she did for me. And trying to appreciate it.

 

But we still had too many fights. I still felt hurt, lonely, and unappreciated.

 

I wondered what happened to the woman I fell in love with? Did she lie to me? What happened to her goal to make me the "luckiest man on earth"? What happened to her agreeing that our marriage would be like an arch?

 

After thinking about this for several weeks, I decided: she must still be the same person. I either misunderstood her before, or I misunderstand her now. Either way, I have to understand the woman I am married to now.

 

I started to remind myself: words are just words. Yatou sacrificed much to be with me. Life is often hard for her. She was so close to all her family and friends, but chose to leave them to be with me. I started to notice how problems with people at work (or on message boards like this one and my favorite football one) didn't bother me as much anymore. I noticed how I didn't feel as much stress at work, and how my bosses were more happy with me than before. Why? Because my wife was helping me be tougher, and make better decisions.

 

I realized that I lost my ideal somewhere: "no matter what, never give up" had become: "I don't think I can take it much longer". So I returned to my ideal: she could do whatever she wanted, I would never give up. When we first married, she demanded that all the money be hers, that if I ever left her or cheated on her, all my money, and all my future money, would be hers.

 

Well, we had another fight, worse than all the others, and I really believed that she had decided to leave me. She demanded my money (she was trying one more time to shock me into giving her warmth/softness), but I didn't understand, and said, "But I'm not leaving you, so I shouldn't have to give you everything."

A few hours later, I realized what she was doing and why that was the wrong thing to say. I immediately told her I would give her everything, no matter what.

 

She still complained about me being selfish about money for another month, but now I understood. Now I know how to make her happy.

 

(not necessarily in order)

1) All money is hers.

2) I will never want to leave her, and never agree to divorce. NO MATTER WHAT

3) I don't feel angry, no matter what mean things she says

4) I don't feel hurt, no matter what mean things she says (I'm still working on this one; I'm about 80%)

5) When she gets angry, I always give her patience, warmth, softness and love

6) I can laugh about some of the mean things she says (about 30%)

7) I trust her to always put me first

8) I trust her to always be faithful and loyal to me

9) She is usually right (she might say: ALWAYS right, but I'm still working on that)

10) I need to appreciate her

11) I need to spoil her

12) I need to help make her life smooth and easy

13) I need to, and do, accept her completely

14) I trust her to not take advantage of all the power I give her

 

The last 4 months have been spent getting better at those things, and showing her it isn't just a temporary change, but real and permanent. And that I will keep trying to get even better.

 

As a result, she spends most of our free money on me.

She makes sure my body is satisfied in all important ways.

She now gets over her anger much more quickly.

She now gets angry much less.

Her sense of security is getting stronger.

She cannot stop herself from falling madly in love with me all over again.

 

...I'm too tired to write this all out in Chinese right now.

 

故事完了！（有可能有一些部分我需要说得更清楚，但是基本上是完了）

Edited October 7, 2008 by A Mafan (see edit history)