Wife travel to china for a long time

[bill23]

Wow! It has been a while since I have posted here. I am hoping someone can give me a little advice here. I am sure almost nobody remembers me here. My wife and I married in October 06. Things have been far from perfect but ok. We enrolled her in school for a while but she really didn't give the kind of effort. Her english is better and we can communicate.

 

Anyhow the question. We had a son, both our first, in December 2007. And he is great. Neely has not been back to China since coming here and of course she wants to go. I want her to go as well. I guess I am a little concerned that she wants to stay for 3 months. She thinks it is a short time. I can't imagine not seeing my son for that long but understand it will have been two years since she has seen her family.

 

Is this reasonable? And, do I have protections if she decides that she wants to keep our son in China. I know his VISA will only be that long but would the China or American government find him and send him back if she somehow did not want to come back?

[izus]

Wow! It has been a while since I have posted here. I am hoping someone can give me a little advice here. I am sure almost nobody remembers me here. My wife and I married in October 06. Things have been far from perfect but ok. We enrolled her in school for a while but she really didn't give the kind of effort. Her english is better and we can communicate.

 

Anyhow the question. We had a son, both our first, in December 2007. And he is great. Neely has not been back to China since coming here and of course she wants to go. I want her to go as well. I guess I am a little concerned that she wants to stay for 3 months. She thinks it is a short time. I can't imagine not seeing my son for that long but understand it will have been two years since she has seen her family.

 

Is this reasonable? And, do I have protections if she decides that she wants to keep our son in China. I know his VISA will only be that long but would the China or American government find him and send him back if she somehow did not want to come back?

 

give her the farm in confidence...

its not uncommon for an extended stay.

 

maybe she can go over by herself than when the 3 months is up you make the puddle jump and have a little vaction for yourself and bring your family home.

Edited July 3, 2008 by izus (see edit history)

[bill23]

Wow! It has been a while since I have posted here. I am hoping someone can give me a little advice here. I am sure almost nobody remembers me here. My wife and I married in October 06. Things have been far from perfect but ok. We enrolled her in school for a while but she really didn't give the kind of effort. Her english is better and we can communicate.

 

Anyhow the question. We had a son, both our first, in December 2007. And he is great. Neely has not been back to China since coming here and of course she wants to go. I want her to go as well. I guess I am a little concerned that she wants to stay for 3 months. She thinks it is a short time. I can't imagine not seeing my son for that long but understand it will have been two years since she has seen her family.

 

Is this reasonable? And, do I have protections if she decides that she wants to keep our son in China. I know his VISA will only be that long but would the China or American government find him and send him back if she somehow did not want to come back?

 

give her the farm in confidence...

its not uncommon for an extended stay.

 

maybe she can go over by herself than when the 3 months is up you make the puddle jump and have a little vaction for yourself and bring your family home.

 

 

 

Not a bad idea but do you know the answer to my question? If a worse case scenario happened, I would need a lot of help.

[amanda1969]

Wow! It has been a while since I have posted here. I am hoping someone can give me a little advice here. I am sure almost nobody remembers me here. My wife and I married in October 06. Things have been far from perfect but ok. We enrolled her in school for a while but she really didn't give the kind of effort. Her english is better and we can communicate.

 

Anyhow the question. We had a son, both our first, in December 2007. And he is great. Neely has not been back to China since coming here and of course she wants to go. I want her to go as well. I guess I am a little concerned that she wants to stay for 3 months. She thinks it is a short time. I can't imagine not seeing my son for that long but understand it will have been two years since she has seen her family.

 

Is this reasonable? And, do I have protections if she decides that she wants to keep our son in China. I know his VISA will only be that long but would the China or American government find him and send him back if she somehow did not want to come back?

 

give her the farm in confidence...

its not uncommon for an extended stay.

 

maybe she can go over by herself than when the 3 months is up you make the puddle jump and have a little vaction for yourself and bring your family home.

 

 

 

Not a bad idea but do you know the answer to my question? If a worse case scenario happened, I would need a lot of help.

Why do you think a worse case? I believe you should talk to your wife in a very open way. Say all of your concern and your love for her. and then see her response. Only you can judge your relationship with her.

If you trust her she will trust you!

Good luck.

 

Amanda

[Sebastian]

I note back in September 2006 you were making comments that you wanted her to want to learn to cook.

 

It's been a while - did she learn?

 

IF NOT - please make arrangements to teach her whilst she's in China for 3 months.

[bill23]

Wow! It has been a while since I have posted here. I am hoping someone can give me a little advice here. I am sure almost nobody remembers me here. My wife and I married in October 06. Things have been far from perfect but ok. We enrolled her in school for a while but she really didn't give the kind of effort. Her english is better and we can communicate.

 

Anyhow the question. We had a son, both our first, in December 2007. And he is great. Neely has not been back to China since coming here and of course she wants to go. I want her to go as well. I guess I am a little concerned that she wants to stay for 3 months. She thinks it is a short time. I can't imagine not seeing my son for that long but understand it will have been two years since she has seen her family.

 

Is this reasonable? And, do I have protections if she decides that she wants to keep our son in China. I know his VISA will only be that long but would the China or American government find him and send him back if she somehow did not want to come back?

 

give her the farm in confidence...

its not uncommon for an extended stay.

 

maybe she can go over by herself than when the 3 months is up you make the puddle jump and have a little vaction for yourself and bring your family home.

 

 

 

Not a bad idea but do you know the answer to my question? If a worse case scenario happened, I would need a lot of help.

Why do you think a worse case? I believe you should talk to your wife in a very open way. Say all of your concern and your love for her. and then see her response. Only you can judge your relationship with her.

If you trust her she will trust you!

Good luck.

 

Amanda

 

 

Amanda,

 

I have reason to believe that I can both trust her and not trust her. For the most part I do trust her. I do not have a desire to quote specific examples of things in our lives that would make me ask this question. I do want her and my son to visit China and see her family even though the outcome could be bad.

 

I have talked to her very openly. But unfortunately, you cannot take things back that you have said previously, even if you apologize for it. Quite frankly, she thinks our child is hers and not so much mine. Is that a cultural difference? She is the one who stays home and takes care of him. And I respect that. She has not adapted to America as well as I would have liked. The Chinese always know best. But in my opinion, that is not always the case.

 

This has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with the worst case scenario legal issue in the small chance should it happen.

[bill23]

I note back in September 2006 you were making comments that you wanted her to want to learn to cook.

 

It's been a while - did she learn?

 

IF NOT - please make arrangements to teach her whilst she's in China for 3 months.

 

 

Ha Ha.

 

She desparately wants to learn to cook. That is a good idea. She does much better with it but she still likes my cooking more. The girl loves to eat more than anyone that I have ever seen. And American food that she hated, now she wants me to make. She even loves cheese now which was big time taboo.

[Sebastian]

Sorry, I wanted to throw something light into this conversation, as the topic is quite heavy. Now that I've mentioned cooking lessons, allow me to move on to this heavy subject.

 

To me, the worst case scenario is that she will dissapear with the child in China, so yer gonna have to protect your son from that happening.

 

Does a worst case scenario require the worst case response ? Lets assume for the moment, it does, ya ?

 

The two of you file for divorce NOW. You file, she signs the initial filing documents as respondent. Inside of the divorce decree, you put in wording that requires her to give up custody of the child.

 

Notice we're stil at the 'filing' stage and not the 'granted' stage.

Once you've filed, you have a case number. Get the divorce paperwork translated into chinese, and filed for notary work at the closest Chinese Consulate.

 

If she disappears with the child in China, you have paperwork in English and Chinese that covers both legal sides.

 

If she returns to the USA, you can cancel the divorce proceedings.

 

Good Luck. Worst Case Scenario always, always, always sucks.

I pray you can temper your need for this type of coverage with your love for your son.

[H.Woodside]

 

This has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with the worst case scenario legal issue in the small chance should it happen.

 

 

If you have a feeling that that this is a possibility, and (I can't believe that I am saying this), but perhaps a consultation with a lawyer, as to the scope of the legalities is in order.

 

Good things could come of this and also bad, I hope good.

[bill23]

I understand some of this.

 

But lets be a little more specific. Let's assume she decides that she wants to keep our son and stay in China. Our son is an American citizen and only has a Visa for three months. Will the American and Chinese government assist me?

 

I think I have to sign something stating it is ok for Neely to take him to visit his grandparents. Will it state something more than this, this document. I am doing due diligence as best I can here. I just want to learn the facts just in case. My marriage is far from perfect but we try together as best we can.

[Sebastian]

If she brings his birth certificate to China, she can prove she's his mother. She can then apply for a temporary chinese residence permit for HIM, that will override his visa duration limitation.

 

I don't have any other input at this point, I could study some case law about this stuff, but you prolly want to engage yer own lawyer to have those bases covered on the research and due diligence.

 

Think of it like a post-nuptial agreement.

[Randy W]

I understand some of this.

 

But lets be a little more specific. Let's assume she decides that she wants to keep our son and stay in China. Our son is an American citizen and only has a Visa for three months. Will the American and Chinese government assist me?

 

I think I have to sign something stating it is ok for Neely to take him to visit his grandparents. Will it state something more than this, this document. I am doing due diligence as best I can here. I just want to learn the facts just in case. My marriage is far from perfect but we try together as best we can.

 

There are very few lawyers in the US who can tell you anything about Chinese law (or the reality). It's very likely that if she doesn't want you to see your child, you won't be able to.

[H.Woodside]

 

There are very few lawyers in the US who can tell you anything about Chinese law (or the reality). It's very likely that if she doesn't want you to see your child, you won't be able to.

 

 

Very true statement!

 

Having been in a similar situation, at one time, and not knowing the legalities on both sides in this scenario, I hope that your "possible" fears are unwarranted, as others have said, only YOU know your wife.

 

No disrespect to Darnell, but with that scenario it would take a lot of cooperation from your wife, (assuming the worst), which might not be forthcoming.

 

I hope everything goes well for you and your family.

 

Hamp

[tonado]

Stay calm. Three months stay is very reasonable. And she hasn't gone back for 2 years. You shouldn't be so negative. She is not leaving you. My wife's situation is a lot worst. Four years here and three trips back (First time 5.75 months, second time 4 months, third time 2.5 months).

[hakkamike]

Stay calm. Three months stay is very reasonable. And she hasn't gone back for 2 years. You shouldn't be so negative. She is not leaving you. My wife's situation is a lot worst. Four years here and three trips back (First time 5.75 months, second time 4 months, third time 2.5 months).

I wish that the wife and girls will go back to China for a year or 3 but it aint happened yet, damnit... And really what is the worst thing that can happen, she goes over with the kid and you never see either again, then 20 years later he looks you up and you have a new woman or man in your life, its all good

Edited July 3, 2008 by hakkamike (see edit history)