I am out of control

[bill23]

I am absolutely disgusted with myself. Upon getting news that my SO's interview is Sept 5, I am not acting well. I hope to get some perspective from others, especially a Chinese perspective. My biggest fear is being prepared. I am so worried about the isolation for my SO and have expressed it in emails to her. Her English is poor but she is working on it. After getting my last email, I got the feeling she is tired of my worrying about her adjustment. I go to work at 7:30 and get home around 6:30.

 

Even knowing or having a feeling that she is tired of hearing how life is here, I did it again. For some reason I have this need to prepare her. I have prepared on throwing out a bunch of junk, making the house beautiful and stuff like that. I just cannot conquer the problem of giving her transportation whenever I am gone. In China, it is easy to come and go as you please. Not here in the suburbs of Atlanta. Her isolation is something that really bothers me but she is tired of my preaching about it. I wish I could let it go. Any advice?

[LeeFisher3]

While you have tried to address the issues you foresee as being a problem for her you need to let it go, she may or may not fully understand, but for the moment she believes she has got it.

 

There are many things I tried to explain to my wife before she arrived, some she understood and others missed completely and until she sees it for herself she's not going to fully understand what you are telling her.

 

Now something you might start doing is helping her to understand the differences in houses between China and the US. This could be a shock for both of you in various stages if you leave it be.

 

A good start would be the bathroom, in China it is usually a wet area and there aren't any problems with splashing water around and mopping the floor, but in most US houses that results in water damage. Apparently I did a good enough job that my wife gets after me for the slightest drop of water on the carpet in the Master bath. There are other members here who have remodeled the bath, to the smell of mildew, to be tile floor to ceiling.

 

Other topics might include vacuum cleaners, washer and dryers, kitchen(especially oven and refrigerator).

 

And if you don't have a good vent-a-hood you might want to start looking for one that will suck a bowling ball off the floor. Woks put out much more than the standard American hoods can handle.

 

When she arrives you will discover how well you have prepared her for an American house. One of the signs of doing a good job is to discover if she mops the carpet or not.

 

Just try to be patient and keep a good sense of humor as you both learn together about the adjustments each of you will go through, you both have the choice to make this an adventure or a series of problems. If everything is an adventure into the unknown it makes life much happier.

 

I can guarantee you will both discover some extremely interesting things that neither of you would ever have thought would come up.

 

Now as for your long work day, you might try to locate somewhere near that offers ESL classes that are more than just a couple of hours. We found one place that had them 5 days a week from 8:30 am - 3:30 pm, this gave my wife something very productive to do besides sit around the house and gave her some social time each day.

[chef4u]

And if you don't have a good vent-a-hood you might want to start looking for one that will suck a bowling ball off the floor. Woks put out much more than the standard American hoods can handle.

234688[/snapback]

Excellent suggestions Lee. However, if you do not have a great exhaust system over the stove, I suggest an alternative approach. Open all your windows and blow like hell!!....... .....

[chef4u]

Seriously...I too have been worried about her arrival. She tells me the same thing, "you are thinking to much", "We will be fine", and "Stop your worry". Sooo, as hard as it is....I'll behave and will not worry...

[Guest pushbrk]

Seriously...I too have been worried about her arrival.  She tells me the same thing, "you are thinking to much", "We will be fine", and "Stop your worry".  Sooo, as hard as it is....I'll behave and will not worry...

234692[/snapback]

"MING BAI, LAOGONG. MING BAI!!" Does this sound familiar?

Edited July 30, 2006 by pushbrk (see edit history)

[LeeFisher3]

And if you don't have a good vent-a-hood you might want to start looking for one that will suck a bowling ball off the floor. Woks put out much more than the standard American hoods can handle.

234688[/snapback]

Excellent suggestions Lee. However, if you do not have a great exhaust system over the stove, I suggest an alternative approach. Open all your windows and blow like hell!!....... .....

234691[/snapback]

Only a few of our members have enough hot air to accomplish that task. Perhaps we should have a competition.

 

But then some members could only win if they reversed the flow.

Edited July 30, 2006 by LeeFisher3 (see edit history)

[LeeFisher3]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

[se_lang]

I would strongly suggest Dish Network with the Great wall package this way she will have 17 channels of chinese comfort in her new life also on one of those channels they sell those big sucking vent hoods, My wifes biggest adjustment I think was the lack of hords of people, There will be moments of difficult adjustment maybe even days or weeks but stick with it and it should level out.

[chef4u]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

[mercator]

Nothing you say can prepare her for reality. Remember how different China was to you? Reverse it and you will see where she is going to be coming from.

 

I mentioned times too numerous to count how boring my little town (pop 1600) is compared to GUZ (pop 10+ million).

 

She is feeling that in full effect, at times, but I do everything I can to help her adjust. She has some Chinese TV, plenty of English to study (incl citizenship and driving manuals, besides pimsleur and rosetta and others), and we spend a fair amount of time together.

 

Atlanta should still avail you and she to a Chinese community she can meet friends in. This is the hardest for my wife, who is the only Chinese adult in town (3 adopted Chinese girls are here too, but they are >3 y.o.), and one of 20 (according to census) in my whole county. When double nines comes in a month or so, we'll be heading to Spokane and joining their moon festival to meet people and hopefully get some local friends for my wife. She calls family and friends often, and it staves off the big homesickness (only had one bad night thus far). Plan on Onesuite, or some version of what you use now, at the same levels you use it now.

 

Be there for her, and make the house as neat and tidy as possible. Take some time off if you can, to be there with her for the first few days. If you don't have to work weekends (or whatever days you get off), plan events with her, mixed, probably, with some sort of honey-do list for arranging and rearranging the house.

 

I'm a month in (as of 7/1), and its been a very interesting month. Work has suffered a bit, but I think she's worth it. Good luck, and relax.

[mercator]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

234709[/snapback]

Try

 

Wo shi huangdi!

 

This gets almost as good a laugh as when she tells me to get out of bed because "time is money."

[bill23]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

234709[/snapback]

Try

 

Wo shi huangdi!

 

This gets almost as good a laugh as when she tells me to get out of bed because "time is money."

234712[/snapback]

Thanks guys!

 

I just need to chill. I will be here a week with her when I get back. Unfortunately, after that, we will see how it goes.

[LeeFisher3]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

234709[/snapback]

Chefy, quit using slang, what do you think she watched Seinfeld half her life?

 

Try very precise English and spell check it carefully. I found that what we consider common jokes are not all that common and usually are not considered jokes when translated.

 

Besides any semblance to you being the boss is all in your mind and she will be sure you fully understand that very very quickly.

[Randy W]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

234709[/snapback]

Chefy, quit using slang, what do you think she watched Seinfeld half her life?

 

Try very precise English and spell check it carefully. I found that what we consider common jokes are not all that common and usually are not considered jokes when translated.

 

Besides any semblance to you being the boss is all in your mind and she will be sure you fully understand that very very quickly.

234716[/snapback]

 

 

Have HER explain it to YOU.

[LeeFisher3]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

234709[/snapback]

Chefy, quit using slang, what do you think she watched Seinfeld half her life?

 

Try very precise English and spell check it carefully. I found that what we consider common jokes are not all that common and usually are not considered jokes when translated.

 

Besides any semblance to you being the boss is all in your mind and she will be sure you fully understand that very very quickly.

234716[/snapback]

 

 

Have HER explain it to YOU.

234717[/snapback]

I can see Chefy resorting to "No habla" very fast and running to hide in the kitchen where he belongs.