Is it normal to feel so frustrated?

[woainilin]

Hi:

 

Just wanted to know if this is normal or not. I have been in this long distance relationship for almost 2 years now and I have never ever felt the least bit frustrated. However, this weekend I am trying to complete the 21 documents for my fiance, also trying to send money for his trip to GZ as well as take care of my normal weekend chores. I am always patient with him .. but this weekend has been really trying. I am up in the middle of the night trying to help him get these papers ready and while I am asking him questions he is making me wait while he plays with the dog .. or talks on the phone with his friend. Normally this wouldn't make any difference to me .. but this weekend it is driving me insane. Has anyone else had these type of unexpected reaction in this part of the process ?

 

[woainilin]

I am sorry.  My last reply sounds cold, and believe me I certainly did not mean it that way. CFL has become a bit testy lately and my replies are a bit guarded.

That being said, the Chinese play by different rules.  As you know, frequent cell phone interruptions are par for the course.  It's no big deal for a conversation to be what we consider rudely interrupted, even face to face conversations are interrupted without a second thought.  This is not rude behavior on your SO's part it is his culture.

In my opinion, Chinese men are very different from Chinese women. We can thank 5000 years of patriarchal society for that.  I would like to suggest that you consider that maybe he might consider it your duty to him to do all the work, hence his lack of support.

Again, this is my opinion after having studied Chinese culture for years.  Anyway, it might help you to read a book that I recommend in my post in the Cul & Lan, forum. 

My best to you,

Steve

231296[/snapback]

Hi Steve:

 

Thanks for the reply. Perhaps I didn't state my problem correctly. I understand his habbits, I also accept that I take care of most of our business. My frustration was more so because I am trying so desperately to get his papers done this weekend in time to mail them to him before he goes to GZ .. I guess I expected him to be more focused being as we have so much to do in such short time. He is always like this and this doesn't bother me at all .. I am fine with it .. It is only this weekend this bothers me .. so my question was is this part of the process as overwhelming for others and do they have similar reactions. But I will stop whining .. I am over it already :-) ..

[artmill4]

I am sorry.  My last reply sounds cold, and believe me I certainly did not mean it that way. CFL has become a bit testy lately and my replies are a bit guarded.

That being said, the Chinese play by different rules.  As you know, frequent cell phone interruptions are par for the course.  It's no big deal for a conversation to be what we consider rudely interrupted, even face to face conversations are interrupted without a second thought.  This is not rude behavior on your SO's part it is his culture.

In my opinion, Chinese men are very different from Chinese women. We can thank 5000 years of patriarchal society for that.  I would like to suggest that you consider that maybe he might consider it your duty to him to do all the work, hence his lack of support.

Again, this is my opinion after having studied Chinese culture for years.  Anyway, it might help you to read a book that I recommend in my post in the Cul & Lan, forum. 

My best to you,

Steve

231296[/snapback]

Hi Steve:

 

Thanks for the reply. Perhaps I didn't state my problem correctly. I understand his habbits, I also accept that I take care of most of our business. My frustration was more so because I am trying so desperately to get his papers done this weekend in time to mail them to him before he goes to GZ .. I guess I expected him to be more focused being as we have so much to do in such short time. He is always like this and this doesn't bother me at all .. I am fine with it .. It is only this weekend this bothers me .. so my question was is this part of the process as overwhelming for others and do they have similar reactions. But I will stop whining .. I am over it already :-) ..

231297[/snapback]

Your timeline shows you to be far along in the process. I remember those times, not so long ago, when my frustration was close to unbearable. I wonder if anyone really understands how hard the immigration process is when they first start. I certainly didn’t. You are doing great.

[Kalli and Greg Oveson]

I am sorry.  My last reply sounds cold, and believe me I certainly did not mean it that way. CFL has become a bit testy lately and my replies are a bit guarded.

That being said, the Chinese play by different rules.  As you know, frequent cell phone interruptions are par for the course.  It's no big deal for a conversation to be what we consider rudely interrupted, even face to face conversations are interrupted without a second thought.  This is not rude behavior on your SO's part it is his culture.

In my opinion, Chinese men are very different from Chinese women. We can thank 5000 years of patriarchal society for that.  I would like to suggest that you consider that maybe he might consider it your duty to him to do all the work, hence his lack of support.

Again, this is my opinion after having studied Chinese culture for years.  Anyway, it might help you to read a book that I recommend in my post in the Cul & Lan, forum. 

My best to you,

Steve

231296[/snapback]

Hi Steve:

 

Thanks for the reply. Perhaps I didn't state my problem correctly. I understand his habbits, I also accept that I take care of most of our business. My frustration was more so because I am trying so desperately to get his papers done this weekend in time to mail them to him before he goes to GZ .. I guess I expected him to be more focused being as we have so much to do in such short time. He is always like this and this doesn't bother me at all .. I am fine with it .. It is only this weekend this bothers me .. so my question was is this part of the process as overwhelming for others and do they have similar reactions. But I will stop whining .. I am over it already :-) ..

231297[/snapback]

This can be a very stressful time for all of us, and I don't believe there is any "normal" reaction to stress. Also, for many of us, this is the point in time when the realization occurs that this is serious business and we are rapidly approaching a final decision point. Once everything is mentally reconfirmed, it gets better.