Coming to America vs. Becoming Americanized

[Dan R]

I guess I'm feeling a little "culturally rejected".  I don't want to have to become Chinese just to fit in.  If I wanted to do that, I would have preferred to have lived in China, and gone all the way.

 

Trust me, it could be worse. My SO loves China and is very skeptical about moving to the US and actually wants me to move to Chongqing. Of course, if I married her, I would do definitely have to consider this reality.

 

Consider yourself lucky that your SO is very happy among her people, she loves you and you still enjoy the benefits of living in the USA. I wouldn't worry too much about you turning Chinese, if you're willing to give up everything and move to make her happy, then a little cultural shake-up for the same reason shouldn't be overwhelming.

190366[/snapback]

Wow I thought Chonqing was a great city. We even looked at a Garden Condo project near the river. I can understand someone living in the mountain city not wanting to leave. On the other hand when she gets here she won't have to walk up hill or hire a porter to carry things up the hill.

[sylinchinastill]

Jason- I know exactly what you mean.

 

My husband is very American. He lived here before but his english is good. He also really understands the culture and he only hung out with americans in school. I know he misses his culture but there aren't very many Chinese here and I think he doesn't want to hang out with someone just because they are Chinese. My husband likes country music and loved "Brokeback Mountain"- but on some things he will never change. We eat Chinese food most of the time. He doesn't like American food very much and thinks it is boring. If we go out we eat Indian, Vietnamese, Chinese, or Japanese almost exclusively. I don't mind this at all because I know he just can't change at this point-

 

But this is about Jason- I think that once you arrive things will strike a balance and she will hang out with her friends but you will make friends too- they will probably not be Chinese- and when she is with you guys she will speak english. Sometimes I get frustrated by unwillingness to adapt. I also hate it when my husband used to say that we have no culture. There is an American culture- and I have been glad that we live in the south and my dad has my husband wearing cowboy boots and huntin'. Because now he sees that we do have a culture. You don't have to be an old country to have a culture. I agree that you should try to meet more CFL-type couples. I hope her english continues to improve and that she doesn't fall into the trap of her friends.

 

I have met people who have lived here for 10 years and haven't adapted- but I think that is more common in Chinese/Chinese relationships than in those like ours.

[skibum]

One of the reasons that my wife gives for being glad she is in the US is that she does not have to put up with the other Chinese women and their attitude that they are are better in every way than you are. Husband makes more, our house is bigger etc.We were also lucky that my friends (American) have truely embraced her and she now knows more people here than I do. Everyone seems to like her at school and work so she is very happy.

Plus, we don't have a Chinatown here.

So we do not have your problem. She has adjusted well to life in America. I am just happy today because I get to use the car!