christmas

[Cerberus]

I won't be in China for Christmas...  Do I get gifts for the whole family, or just her?  That or maybe save the big gift giving for Chinese New Years?

 

I must admit I was a pretty sad gift giver my first time out, even if well-intentioned.   Her aunts and uncles save for one didn't come to the wedding ceremony because I didn't give enough of a dowry to my mother-in-law.  Her immediate family was less disappointed because my SO 'paved the way' with gifts and things she said was from me, though she paid for them and never asked me for any money.  They also took the time to get to know me, and despite not being a wealthy guy (I'm basically upper middle class in my region, maybe just average in the US), I had good intentions.  I gave things from my samll town, like t-shirts and coffee (ok tea) mugs.  I gave some locally made jewelry but it didnt look much different that the stuff she could buy from any street vendor.

 

So I want to do it right this next time!

 

I want to send things like nuts and fruit, as well, but I am not sure if that will work its way through customs.  USPS lists all the restrictions for mailing to China, but doesn't mention any produce being restricted.

 

ANY help on this would be great.  I saw in another thread making her an ally in the process, and I think I will probably have to do that, because I know her brother, brothers in law, and uncle will all want beer, bijiu, and cigarettes (none of which I am supposed to mail), so she'll have to get those things for me there.  She would also have the great ideas, but her family is huge (youngest of six), and I don't know where the line gets drawn....

 

Thanks!

167371[/snapback]

Mercator,

 

Try RTFF. Go to this link post #4; http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=12659. I answered it completely. Your SO and her family will desires with the likes and dislikes will vary from family to family. Flowers are good, however many Chinese people believe them to be wasteful, because they don't last long. My SO I send flowers on special occasions only. IMHO, chocolate tastes will vary from person to person. Chinese choclate, they generally don't like unless they are addicts. Most Oriential perople I have been around love Hersheys, or Belgian choclates.

 

 

2d piece of advice is research and more research of SO and family. What does she need, and want? The gift that is chosen wisely, for what they need and still gives them some amount of guangxi is the best. Then choose the gift wisely.

 

Cerberus

167750[/snapback]

Mercator,

 

I was negilient in one aspect to my reply. My individual sitiation is trbely complicated for gifts at Christmas. SO's and my anniversay is Christmas, Day, is actually Christmas, and the SO family's gifts have to be chosen at the same time. Advice I gave in last post is is still applicable.

 

I should mention that SO's choice of flowers is yellow plum blossoms in the latter part of the year. I still haven't found a flower delivery shop that can handle this order.

167752[/snapback]

I've opted not to give Christmas gifts because of religious reasons with her family, but all of this good information still applies when it comes time to buy gifts, probably at Chinese New Year.

 

As for the flowers, four days on, and she still raves about them. She got them at work, so her co-workers have a fresh bit of gossip to spread. She still talks about the fact that they wither and die, but I told her it was only a little money (compared to if I wanted to send the same package to someone here in the US - heck I can go buy a dozen roses at the store and pay $15-20 and still have to deliver them myself... I sent word 10000kms away and she got them same day for $22. a bargain, imho), and she deserved them.

 

We normally talk on the phone once every 2-3 days on the phone, but now she is calling me 1-2 times a day. I should send them more often!!

 

Wewt!

168047[/snapback]

Agreed,

 

If the shoe fits, wear it! If your wife wants wife wants flowers, then flowers she must get! LOL Enjoy the ride. I would suggest when there in China for Christmas, try giving her the plum blossoms. They are a very traditional guft, smell very nice (in fact more than roses) you can smell them for at least 4 feet away. If in doubt send both. Seems the plum blossoms last longer than roses and they cost about 10RMB a bundle. The price can't be beat!

 

On a more serious note, you have struck a very serious chord with the gossip bit in your SOs office. She is absolutely correct in this. My SO will not wear her wedding ring, since the diamond is too big by Chinese standards. There is no photo of me on her desk. I don't call her cell phone in her working hours unless there is a real emergency. Try to imagine what would happen, if during lunch she begins talking to a Laowei! She is absolutely paranoid about the gossip. Many women become jealous and gossip when they have an issue! My SO worrks in the PRC Bureau of Agriculture! Try to imagine the impact this would have on her workplace enviornment. It is sad, a but true reality issue our working SOs have to deal with. I would caution you to listen to your SO on this matter. It's her career and her work enviorment, she knows best, I promise you.

 

Heres an idea. I wonder how many men in this forum, who have working SOs, have the same thoughts and actions as you and I? Perhaps a poll?

[mercator]

I won't be in China for Christmas...  Do I get gifts for the whole family, or just her?  That or maybe save the big gift giving for Chinese New Years?

 

I must admit I was a pretty sad gift giver my first time out, even if well-intentioned. Her aunts and uncles save for one didn't come to the wedding ceremony because I didn't give enough of a dowry to my mother-in-law.  Her immediate family was less disappointed because my SO 'paved the way' with gifts and things she said was from me, though she paid for them and never asked me for any money.  They also took the time to get to know me, and despite not being a wealthy guy (I'm basically upper middle class in my region, maybe just average in the US), I had good intentions.  I gave things from my samll town, like t-shirts and coffee (ok tea) mugs.  I gave some locally made jewelry but it didnt look much different that the stuff she could buy from any street vendor.

 

So I want to do it right this next time!

 

I want to send things like nuts and fruit, as well, but I am not sure if that will work its way through customs.  USPS lists all the restrictions for mailing to China, but doesn't mention any produce being restricted.

 

ANY help on this would be great.  I saw in another thread making her an ally in the process, and I think I will probably have to do that, because I know her brother, brothers in law, and uncle will all want beer, bijiu, and cigarettes (none of which I am supposed to mail), so she'll have to get those things for me there.  She would also have the great ideas, but her family is huge (youngest of six), and I don't know where the line gets drawn....

 

Thanks!

167371[/snapback]

Mercator,

 

Try RTFF. Go to this link post #4; http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=12659. I answered it completely. Your SO and her family will desires with the likes and dislikes will vary from family to family. Flowers are good, however many Chinese people believe them to be wasteful, because they don't last long. My SO I send flowers on special occasions only. IMHO, chocolate tastes will vary from person to person. Chinese choclate, they generally don't like unless they are addicts. Most Oriential perople I have been around love Hersheys, or Belgian choclates.

 

 

2d piece of advice is research and more research of SO and family. What does she need, and want? The gift that is chosen wisely, for what they need and still gives them some amount of guangxi is the best. Then choose the gift wisely.

 

Cerberus

167750[/snapback]

Mercator,

 

I was negilient in one aspect to my reply. My individual sitiation is trbely complicated for gifts at Christmas. SO's and my anniversay is Christmas, Day, is actually Christmas, and the SO family's gifts have to be chosen at the same time. Advice I gave in last post is is still applicable.

 

I should mention that SO's choice of flowers is yellow plum blossoms in the latter part of the year. I still haven't found a flower delivery shop that can handle this order.

167752[/snapback]

I've opted not to give Christmas gifts because of religious reasons with her family, but all of this good information still applies when it comes time to buy gifts, probably at Chinese New Year.

 

As for the flowers, four days on, and she still raves about them. She got them at work, so her co-workers have a fresh bit of gossip to spread. She still talks about the fact that they wither and die, but I told her it was only a little money (compared to if I wanted to send the same package to someone here in the US - heck I can go buy a dozen roses at the store and pay $15-20 and still have to deliver them myself... I sent word 10000kms away and she got them same day for $22. a bargain, imho), and she deserved them.

 

We normally talk on the phone once every 2-3 days on the phone, but now she is calling me 1-2 times a day. I should send them more often!!

 

Wewt!

168047[/snapback]

Agreed,

 

If the shoe fits, wear it! If your wife wants wife wants flowers, then flowers she must get! LOL Enjoy the ride. I would suggest when there in China for Christmas, try giving her the plum blossoms. They are a very traditional guft, smell very nice (in fact more than roses) you can smell them for at least 4 feet away. If in doubt send both. Seems the plum blossoms last longer than roses and they cost about 10RMB a bundle. The price can't be beat!

 

On a more serious note, you have struck a very serious chord with the gossip bit in your SOs office. She is absolutely correct in this. My SO will not wear her wedding ring, since the diamond is too big by Chinese standards. There is no photo of me on her desk. I don't call her cell phone in her working hours unless there is a real emergency. Try to imagine what would happen, if during lunch she begins talking to a Laowei! She is absolutely paranoid about the gossip. Many women become jealous and gossip when they have an issue! My SO worrks in the PRC Bureau of Agriculture! Try to imagine the impact this would have on her workplace enviornment. It is sad, a but true reality issue our working SOs have to deal with. I would caution you to listen to your SO on this matter. It's her career and her work enviorment, she knows best, I promise you.

 

Heres an idea. I wonder how many men in this forum, who have working SOs, have the same thoughts and actions as you and I? Perhaps a poll?

168062[/snapback]

I think her workplace is a little more laid back than many. She really raves about the flowers, and I sent them to her work on purpose because they constantly ask her about me. Now I am less of an enigma... I am the Lao Gong that sent her flowers. Maybe now it will be less of an issue.

 

I for one dislike the gossip, but its part of human nature I guess. At my job, the ladies who work there know more about the goings on of most families and people in town then the people themselves do. I like my privacy too much not to be against gossip.

 

I've called my wife at work, and while we make them quick, it isn't a huge issue. I don't call unless it is something important that she would be taking care of after work.

 

I have no idea how to set up a survey, so I'f recommend you do it so it is set up properly. eheh

 

merc

[sylinchinastill]

What about sending gifts to Chinese female relatives oversees? I want to send Christmas gifts to my husband's family- or Chinese New year gifts- I thought about clothes- but sizes are an issue- make-up- skin tone is an issue. Money is too crass. They don't read English or I would get books. There are so many things they could just get in China. I want to get them something from here. And women are almost impossible to buy for anyway. His neice is much better- she little and there are tons of cute toys.

[Cerberus]

What about sending gifts to Chinese female relatives oversees? I want to send Christmas gifts to my husband's family- or Chinese New year gifts- I thought about clothes- but sizes are an issue- make-up- skin tone is an issue. Money is too crass. They don't read English or I would get books. There are so many things they could just get in China. I want to get them something from here. And women are almost impossible to buy for anyway. His neice is much better- she little and there are tons of cute toys.

168682[/snapback]

Syliva,

 

The same rules that are talked about in Gift Giving in Links and Resources are still appicable.

 

You're niece is easy! Children depends on what do or buy is whatever is fashionable or that they will promise to behave if they get that toy! LOL There is a flip side of the coin that I didn't elaborate on though. Chinese parents are really high on a childs education. Personally, I would get toys(s) and then coupled with an educational gift at the same time. Chinese parents are always proud when a realtive takes an interest in the childs education. They feel that the giver is not only generous, but also sincere about the child's future. This gives them face!

 

For the ladies, I personally would suggest comestics. Yin prefers Shishedo facial moisterurizers. Seems to her that the Chinese facials aren't up to snuff, with what they promise. (This last statement shows exactly how much I know about womens make-up! LOL) I didn't mention in my previous posting, whenever I came through customs, in the duty free shop I would purchase a variety of colors of a brand name lipsticks, of varying shades. I would suggest not too garish. This makes them stick out like a sore thumb in their society and starts gossip. The other choice, was the same type of variety of sampler perfumes. Many Chinese women don't wear a lot, so the sampler bottles are better on your pocketbook, and enough to last for a while with the ladies. The popular brand names that are actively sought are Shishedo (better for Oriental complexions), Christian Dior and finally Lancome. Yves St Laurent is another choice, but it is pricey!

 

If your pocket book can stand it, for special gifts I would purchase Coach leather goods.

 

My family loves both European and American chocolates. To me a bit funny. When they have Chinese chocolates, they take a single piece at a time. When I bring the chocolates I mentioned to them, it is akin to pirahanna feeding in the Amazon jungle. I can't remember a time when I didn't have at least 4 pounds per person! That is a Hell of a lot of chocolate! I'm still the butt of many a joke in Chengdu Chinese Customs! However, this is their personal preference and your family may be different. Again go back to my advice and employ your husband as your "spy!" Chinese men are not much different than Chinese women. Unfortunately, Chinese men have the same motivations as Western men. You may have to "kick start" both of us, to get the job done! LOL. I apologize for the hasty generalization. However, this is very, very close to reality.

 

Good luck

[sylinchinastill]

Thanks for the advice- and no kidding about the kick-start thing. I have had packages with our wedding pictures in them ready to be shipped to China for over six months. My husband keeps forgetting to give me the address.

[Cerberus]

Thanks for the advice- and no kidding about the kick-start thing. I have had packages with our wedding pictures in them ready to be shipped to China for over six months. My husband keeps forgetting to give me the address.

168753[/snapback]

ROFLMAO. Yep! I told you so. Have you gone crazy yet?

 

My SO keeps tight rein on me. Damn! The woman has a book that she writes everything down in, so she doesn't forget. I forget and say that I don't think that she told me......then she flips back through to check! LOL

 

Mop slapping what a joke! Wait until you have been "booked!" Don't worry! Women will almost always win! Remember the adage; "The one that laughs last, will laugh the best!"

 

Best of luck in "kick starting" And from my postings, you may have thought I was a male chauvenaistic pig!

 

Take care!

[Joanne]

Syliva, in my family's case, my folks are happy to receive gifts from husband because this gesture shows that he is thinking of them. It doesn't matter what they buy. For best effect, buy something parent-in-laws can show off in front of their old acquaintances. For example, a scaff or a hand bag for your mother-in -law, a vest or a baseball hat for father-in-law, etc. Get your SO to spy on their personal preferences.

[izus]

Remember that the Chinese  women DO NOT LIKE chocolates - like American women.... don't waste your money on this. Flowers are the best choice! And jewelry is always very special.

167304[/snapback]

some dont like chocolates

 

my girl lives on dove (her weakness)