Great culture challenge when you marry her

[david_dawei]

My SOs only been here two weeks, so it is still much too early to make any conclusions about her adjustment. So far, it has been little adjustment...

 

We eat mostly chinese food (or cooking).

 

She watched more TV than I did prior to our being together, but given that she doesn't know english very well, she cannot tell what's going on anyway. She watches her VCD and DVDs she brought, as well as my asian collection of movies (about 300).

 

We said from the beginning of our relationship that we would try to do many things together... so far, that holds fairly true. We cook many meals together as an example.

 

Since her english is still in infancy, we use our imagination and guess at times.. but mostly we laugh about it all.

 

We read a line from "The little prince", who was told by the fox, "words often lead to misunderstand... each day, sit a little closer to me and I'll understand your intention". We looked at each other and laughed.. our relationship has basically been like this.

 

I would say, each couple will be different in some ways... but I read on a piece of paper that my SO had, and she also wrote it in english: "Attitude determines everything".

 

I would state that this is important... keep a positive attitude and try to understand each other as best as you can. make concessions, often. Treat and handle her like a treasure...

[Randy W]

David - would you comment for those of us who will soon be facing the same thing, that is, working at home while your freshly imported wife is there?

 

Problems/advantages, is she pretty understanding when you have to work, or anything you'd care to comment on.

 

I know your situation is different, since you work exclusively(?) at home, and you have occasional idle time during the day, but work longer hours. Has she adapted pretty well to your schedule?, etc., etc.

 

I'm sure it helps to not have to leave her at home, but how is it working out overall?

 

Thanks

[david_dawei]

David - would you comment for those of us who will soon be facing the same thing, that is, working at home while your freshly imported wife is there?

 

Problems/advantages, is she pretty understanding when you have to work, or anything you'd care to comment on.

 

I know your situation is different, since you work exclusively(?) at home, and you have occasional idle time during the day, but work longer hours. Has she adapted pretty well to your schedule?, etc., etc.

 

I'm sure it helps to not have to leave her at home, but how is it working out overall?

 

Thanks

158482[/snapback]

I'm glad to comment, but as I said, I do acknowledge it is only two weeks so far..

 

I changed my work about a year ago for the very reason you mention.. I did not want to leave her at home, particularly since a year ago, she could not speak english anyway...

 

To be honest, the hardest part is working. Probably mostly since I want to give her the attention that my situation offers and it's just plan hard to work with someone around the home (I'm sure many can attest to this).

 

My personal situation is that I am flexible since I simply need to get in my hours any time of day, including weekends if I choose.. so I have to be tremendously disciplined to not take advantage of the situation.

 

We have created a routine, and attempt to stick to it. Like, we try to get up early to exercise outside and then walk or run. If we wake up late, we do an abbreviated form of stretching inside, so that way, we don't just skip a step.

 

I still tend to split my hours up, so that I rarely work 8 hours straight. If we need something, we'll do it over lunch break. So, we are usually outside at midday.

 

She has sometimes told me "go to work"... so even though we do not discuss all of the above, we just started doing it from the first day... she realizes we have created a routine and helps me keep to it.

 

Many may know of our language gap... She tends to watch the VCDs/DVDs she brought for language. When we run or walk in the morning (or if again at night), we use that time to go over english and chinese.

 

She calls china once a day.. usually more than one person. Calls a few woman in the US that we became friends with while in GUZ. She uses my computer to do this (or my cell for US calls)... checks mail and news with my laptop. Neither of us hides anything. My laptop is in the living room and we look over each others shoulder without offense taken. I have a second computer and she asked if I could bring it into the living room as well and put on the same table as my laptop...

 

I also coach soccer about 2 hours a day/4 days a week, and she has come to a few sessions and the teams have meet her... she keeps me on schedule for getting to this...

 

What would I like to be different?

 

1) I live in an apartment, so there is not a lot to do during the day... at least a house would probably keep her a little busier.

2) her language keeps her close to my side and not able to work.. again, might help to keep her busy during the day... which is a role that sometimes I feel obliged to fill...

[Randy W]

This looks like an excellent response here David. I'll be back in a little bit to pore over the whole thing.

 

Thanks

Edited October 5, 2005 by Randy W (see edit history)

[Yuanyang]

David, your situation sounds joyous!

With my work there is no logical reason that it can't be performed at home... but the gods forbid it. I'd jump on that in a heartbeat once my wife is here if I could.

[Joanne]

David, knowing that you work at home, I am very curious on this issue. After I move to the States, hopefully end of this year, I will need to find a job, and it's better a work at home type because I still need to take care of our daughter. Is it difficult to make that kind of arrangement?

I saw lots of guide books talking about it. But are those advices real? (Sorry I am changing topic here, I will not feel offended if you choose not to reply to this subject.)

[david_dawei]

I'll reply.. it's probably appropriate, if Don can can move my first post until this one to a new thread...

 

Working from home can either occur because your work allows it or you are self-employed; I am the former. I think this is more and more available to people to work as 'telecommuters'. So in that sense, I did not have the stresses associated with starting a business, etc.

 

Being a telecommuter is more and more desireable for reasons like you mention. Businesses seem to realize this shift in needs and some have responded well to its use. The previous software company I was with changed their openess to this back and forth over the last 10 years, but as of late they are even allowing it for part time employees.

 

To be able to do it from the start of employment might be harder for some companys, as some might use it more as a reward... but I guess it will also depend on your job and the work needing to be done.

 

Maybe some others can chime in with other buzzwords to use for searching or can share their experience...

[Randy W]

It became an option at my company because the entire company moved about 30 miles from where they had been for 40 years. Suddenly, everyone's commute was 30 miles longer. Inaddition, new regulations covering the Houston area require companies to show that they are helping to reduce commute time. So they support the work at home option, van-pooling, and a 9 day/2 week work schedule where everyone (else) works 9 hours a day (ecxcept Friday), and gets every other Friday off.

 

Although supported by the company (because of the EPA regulations), work at home is generally frowned upon by individual groups. It has worked well for me, however, because I work at home usually 2 days a week, and come in to the office whenever I need to meet with someone.

 

Whether you are able to work at home depends on the nature of the job. Any job where you can take your work to your office, close the door, and work for 8 hours like that (e.g., programming and some IT work)would lend itself to a work at home agreement. But distractions at home (like a daughter) might not be desirable in your employer's eyes.

[Joanne]

It became an option at my company because the entire company moved about 30 miles from where they had been for 40 years. Suddenly, everyone's commute was 30 miles longer. Inaddition, new regulations covering the Houston area require companies to show that they are helping to reduce commute time. So they support the work at home option, van-pooling, and a 9 day/2 week work schedule where everyone (else) works 9 hours a day (ecxcept Friday), and gets every other Friday off.

 

Although supported by the company (because of the EPA regulations), work at home is generally frowned upon by individual groups. It has worked well for me, however, because I work at home usually 2 days a week, and come in to the office whenever I need to meet with someone.

 

Whether you are able to work at home depends on the nature of the job. Any job where you can take your work to your office, close the door, and work for 8 hours like that (e.g., programming and some IT work)would lend itself to a work at home agreement. But distractions at home (like a daughter) might not be desirable in your employer's eyes.

159314[/snapback]

Thank you David and Randy!!! You messages are encouraging.

 

I guess in my case, the best option would be to do contract work. So distracting from my daughter would be a less problem for employer.

 

P.S., I am also in IT field.

[david_dawei]

You'll still have some of the headaches of being 'self-employeed', paying self-employment taxes, etc...

 

I did this twice.. basicallly had exclusive contracts with one firm which was enough...

 

if this helps you achieve what you want, then hope the best for you !

Edited October 9, 2005 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[Joanne]

I guess the challenge for me would more likely to be how to find work than how to pay taxes. Right, David?

 

Thanks.

[Randy W]

But look into filing quarterly (estimated taxes), and self-employment tax (you pay both the employer's and the employee's portions of Social Security), so you won't be surprised.

 

It is very easy to avoid any penalty if you keep on top of it.

Edited October 10, 2005 by Randy W (see edit history)

[Joanne]

Good to know that, Randy. I should figure that into my cost.