Got K1, got married, now might have to start over

[HanLi]

Frank, nice script, and I think is good suggestion base on the situation they are in.....

 

I wish them best of luck

[umgoblue]

Building on lies is like building a house of cards.  If it collapses, everything collapses.  Having said that:

 

Dear Dad,

 

I have some wonderful news, but I need your advice on what to do.  Do you remember that nice man [umgoblue] who visited us?  Well, he has asked his government for permission for me to come to the United States.  Guess what.  The United States told him it has given me permission, but I would have to come to America very soon.  Imagine that.  [umgoblue] must be a powerful man to be able to accomplish this.

 

I have already talked to my boss about this, and he thinks this is a fantastic opportunity for me – to be able to go to America where I might earn a lot of money.  I owe this all to you dad since you were the one who helped me all these years.

 

So, this is what I would like to do.  I would leave now and go to America and see if I like it.  If I don’t, I will return home to you.  But, if I like America, I would want to stay to see if I could earn a lot of money and help you like you helped me for all those years.  [umgoblue] tells me that it would take about three months after I arrive in America for the government to issue travel papers for me, so I can return to China.  So, whether I like America or not, I will be home in about three months to see you.

 

I am so excited about this.  You have raised a good daughter, and I owe this chance of a lifetime to you.  It will be hard being away from you for the next three months, but I know you raised a strong daughter, and I will make you proud of me.

 

Tell mom your plans and get her buy in, but if the old man says "no", everything collapses.

148026[/snapback]

A little update as the saga continues...

 

Thanks for the letter idea, but...unfortunately its not a possibility. Pretty much I can only go with my wifes ideas on how to deal with this situation as she knows her dad best, and at this point she refuses to tell him whether by phone, face to face, or a letter, because she is very sure of his reaction. She had several fights with him over this in the last year and was always selling the good parts of what our situation has to offer, telling him how great I am, how her future here is solid and we have a plan for an MBA and job for her, etc. but in the end even he has doubts about all of that, the main objection is he won't live a life without his daughter near by. He chose to bring her into this world, he worked hard to make her a success and give her a future, he now wants to see the rewards from his effort.

 

I have tried several times to force her to call her dad now, saying we deserve to decide our future immediately, if hs has the final decision then I'd rather have that now and we either can be together or both move on with our lives. I've even been tempted to call him directly myself or write a letter behind my wife's back, but that would be really bad i think for everyone.

 

Meanwhile we went to see an immigration lawyer, a free perk I get in my work benefit package, but that was useless. Seemed we knew more then he did, and at every question he was difficult in some way. He kept saying "whats the problem, apply for an AP before she goes, give them the money and they for sure will give you the AP", but from what we've read and from our experience at the immigration office, it has to be an extreme condition for the AP to be granted. Anyway, we built our case and will go down tomorrow morning to try. If that fails, she will leave next wednesday regardless. Our future lies with the AP, if she can't get that we basically start over, another year of waiting, and in the end we'll have the same problem, how to get past the dad?

 

And its sad because I do like family and do want to be part of her family, look forward to having her parents come over and visit, show them many new things, have them spend time with their daughter, etc. I actually like her parents. Her mom has been somewhat supportive of us. But she has no influence over the dad, she seems afraid of him and I'm sure she won't speak up to defend us. And I really hate to cause her trouble.

 

It just seems I have no control of this situation, only choice is to follow my wifes long-term plan or give up. If we get denied for the AP, we both think thats a bad sign and one with may just force us to end this dream. All of the stress has also caused some recent arguments and difficult situations between us, really not fair we have to be put under such constraints, with time and family against us. Nearly 2 years back on a vacation to China, I met this girl and things really took off from there, we've put 2 years into this, waiting, travelling, phone cards, web cams, patience patience patience...only looking at the calendar for the day to come we can be together, but I never would have thought she'd come here, we'd get married, and 2 weeks later she would leave...all because of her dad, its a very sad time.

[umgoblue]

...And the answer from immigration this morning is.....DENIED!

 

Even we presented evidence of a serious problem with her dad, their answer is basically unless he's days away from death and you have evidence, then its not considered an emergency, therefore no Advance Parol for you.

 

So now we are completely screwed. We've tried everything, lawyers, emergency AP walk-in, and no way to get approval, and she will leave the US regardless, next wednesday. I only see we have the following choices:

 

1. Call my local congressman and see if they can pull strings to get the AP approved quickly.

2. Send the AP in overnight with an emergency letter and more evidence to show that the condition is life threatening.

3. Let her leave, apply for I-130 and later CR1 or IR1 (not sure what they are exactly, still have to research), but in any case we'd be starting over and have to wait 1 year or so.

4. Give up, divorce, move on with our lives.

 

At the moment I'm just too exhausted to think, too many nights of 4 or 5 hours sleep and high stress. What a mess, how unfair. But in the end...we wouldn't be in this situation if we had her dad's approval. She's here, she can stay...the problem comes the day she flys back home, maybe never to return again.

Edited August 25, 2005 by umgoblue (see edit history)

[Randy W]

I think most of us have been through a divorce and know what that is like. but with a wife who would rather stay in the marriage is inconceivable to me. Especially such a long, drawn out process. Our hearts are with you and we hope you can find a solution soon.

[david_dawei]

...And the answer from immigration this morning is.....DENIED!

 

Even we presented evidence of a serious problem with her dad, their answer is basically unless he's days away from death and you have evidence, then its not considered an emergency, therefore no Advance Parol for you.

 

So now we are completely screwed.  We've tried everything, lawyers, emergency AP walk-in, and no way to get approval, and she will leave the US regardless, next wednesday.  I only see we have the following choices:

 

1. Call my local congressman and see if they can pull strings to get the AP approved quickly.

2. Send the AP in overnight with an emergency letter and more evidence to show that the condition is life threatening.

3. Let her leave, apply for I-130 and later CR1 or IR1 (not sure what they are exactly, still have to research), but in any case we'd be starting over and have to wait 1 year or so.

4. Give up, divorce, move on with our lives.

 

At the moment I'm just too exhausted to think, too many nights of 4 or 5 hours sleep and high stress.  What a mess, how unfair.  But in the end...we wouldn't be in this situation if we had her dad's approval.  She's here, she can stay...the problem comes the day she flys back home, maybe never to return again.  

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Still an option to just not go back [yet]... and tell parents of the situation from US.. let it sink in... but sounds like your not considering that.

 

Dad's got too much power in this situation.. you're already married, what approval did he give for that?

 

I won't dare compare my situation too strongly.. but my SO has an eldest brother she is not going to tell she is get married to and going to the US without his knowledge... As the day approaches, she has decided that maybe she will tell him, but she doesn't 'ask for agreement' , which she knows he will not ...

 

Sorry to hear about all the obstacles... Hope the best for you.

Edited August 25, 2005 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[Guest Gene]

I am very sorry to hear the News, Don't give up yet

 

 

Does your wife have any Chinese friends here in the States that she can talk with about this? Do you think that would help?