Aculturalization

[SinoTexas]

I have just returned from my second trip to visit with my Significant Other in Fushun, Liaoning Province. I brought my two sons along (ages 14 and 16) and we had a great trip for the most part. As we make our way through the visa maze, she and I had several opportunities to talk about her (Gui Ping) about the “Americanization of Gui Ping”. They made for very interesting conversations although with her limited English, I am not sure all the concepts and thoughts came through.

 

In the month since joining this site, I have found a wealth of valuable information from the visa process to what I call “Aculturalization”. By Aculturalization, I mean the process in which someone from another culture is absorbed and acclimated into a more dominant culture My good friend Lee (is that a good thing to say on this site?) has been a real help with the whole visa stuff and insights into the process. In reading through the volumes of information available on this site, I see a wide range of how members of this site are dealing with Aculturalization of their spouses and Significant Others.

 

Now that I will eventually be involved with the Americanization of my Significant Other, I looking at the options. Now that this subject it is no longer a dissertation topic, I’d like to seek this groups thoughts on Aculturalization of their Significant Others and spouses from China. I realize the individual experiences are broad and that your Significant Others and spouses come from a varied background of education, urban and rural, degree of exposure to Westerners, etc.

 

Gui Ping is 39 years old, divorced for over three years, with a 16 year old son who will not be coming over. She has been teaching accounting at the American equivalent of a Community College, in Fushun for nearly 20 years. She is well educated, lived all her life in Fushun, rarely traveled for from Fushun (i.e. never been on a plane), and has pretty limited understand of English albeit it is far better than my Mandarin. We talked about what her life may be like here in the US and I shared some the experience that I gleamed from this site.

 

I said that I would accommodate her needs as much as possible. I would attempt to make her adjustment from living in China to living in the US as easy of transition as possible. However, I tried to underscore the point that she would be living in America (if you can call New Orleans, America) and that she would need to adjust and eventually adopt America culture (what is American culture is a whole different dissertation) and Americanisms. While she can bring with her as much of her Chinese culture, traditions, lifestyle, etc as she wants, she will need to adopt the cultural attitudes and values of her adopted home. You all may or may not agree and I am interested in your thoughts.

 

I showed her pictures of the three bedroom, two and a half bath house she will eventually be living in. We talked about the house and its features. I said, I will not put in Chinese style toilets in any of the bathrooms and she laughed. I said the home is all electric and that using gas was not an option in my neighborhood. When she cooks, she will need to learn to use an electric range and that I would help her. My hobby is cooking and I love to cook a wide variety of ethnic dishes and so I said that she does not need to cook if she doesn’t want to. I will be happy to cook, but if she feels like cooking, that will be fine with me. I said that I cannot eat Chinese cooking for days on end. I like the occasional enchiladas, frijoles and Tex-Mex rice or sushi or gumbo or a nice Chicken Fried Steak or smoked brisket and so on. I like variety in my cuisine and thus have taken various ethnic cooking classes. She has never been exposed to any foods other than her own cooking of the foods found in Fushun. So, my cooking will be an adjustment for her. If she chooses not to learn other cooking styles, that is fine with me, we’ll just share in the cooking. I am curious as to see how she adjust gastronomically. That is usually the least flexible part in Aculturalization.

 

I mentioned that she will really need to work hard on learning English because she will need to use it in her daily life whether it is watching television, reading a newspaper, shopping, attending the theatre or dinner parties. I emphasized hat learning English is a must. We also talked about things like the differences in cultural manners. I said that in the US, we do not usually spit on the sidewalk nor do we spit out bones on a table. At home, this is not an issue with me, but in a restaurant or at a dinner party, one cannot spit on the table.

 

I have a ranch in Central Texas and she has spent very little time in a rural setting. It will be interesting to see her in the country with cattle and horse running about. I went to university on a rodeo (bull riding) scholarship and still attend many rodeos when I can. She’ll be exposed to some of the sports that I love to watch, like rodeo and the San Antonio Spurs. I’ll attempt to explain the nuances of the sports to her.

 

We continued on about a lot of the differences between US and Chinese cultures. None of the issues seemed insurmountable and certainly willing to work with her. Many of you have probably dealt with these and other issues, so I am interested in your advice. I’ll continue to use this site and all of you as a valuable support group (including Lee). I apologize that this is so long. Thanks for lending an ear.

 

Jim

[Dan R]

Ok but how did the boys do in Fushun and how did they get along with your SO? I think that is a big part of the process you mention. The rest will come as it is experienced but how the family interacts and the boys' understanding of where she comes from is a big an important step. From what I read the two of you understand the need of adapting. The problems in it are very individual and difficult to anticipate. Flexibility, understanding and patience I think are the keys.

[SinoTexas]

Ok but how did the boys do in Fushun and how did they get along with your SO? I think that is a big part of the process you mention. The rest will come as it is experienced but how the family interacts and the boys' understanding of where she comes from is a big an important step. From what I read the two of you understand the need of adapting. The problems in it are very individual and difficult to anticipate. Flexibility, understanding and patience I think are the keys.

144037[/snapback]

The boys did great and they enjoyed meeting Gui Ping. They had a blast with her 16 year old son. She spoiled and pampered the boys while they were there. Everyone got along great. Her family welcomed the boys and her mother was very happy to meet her "American grandchildren". None of her family had ever met American kids before.

 

It was their first trip to Asian so there were a few cultural adjustments and the occasional upset tummy (mine included). Apparently few Westerns make it to Fushun, so they were somewhat of a novelty as they toured around.The blending of this multi-cultural family will probably be the least of this issues. They are ready to go back next summer, if it works. Otherwise, the boys look forward to showing off their Chinese hou mu and showing her America and sharing in her life!

[Dan R]

Did they see any of the cool shops selling statues carved of hard coal (jet)? I have a pen holder with a crane carved of it. Did they get any time in the big city (Shenyang)? Lots of stores with computer gadgets and game software there.

[tonado]

Jim,

 

Since she has a 16 year old boy, you should ask her how often does she want to visit China and how long. I am sure she would want to see her son once she is here.

[Randy W]

I don't know where you are in Central Texas (you said New Orleans???), but I would think that finding Chinese friends for her would take priority over 'Americanization'. Is there a Chinese community anywhere near you? Friends who have been through the same experience can be a big help, as you know from this board.

 

Chinese TV? Either through cable, or satellite would at least give her a rest away from the constant English every where else.

 

Take it easy on her - let her 'Americanize' at her own rate. Mine will be as Chinese as she wants to be, with my full support.

[jim_julian]

I had several opportunities to talk about her (Gui Ping) about the “Americanization of Gui Ping”.  They made for very interesting conversations although with her limited English, I am not sure all the concepts and thoughts came through.

 

144035[/snapback]

I think at this point I would be most concerned about the double barreled effect of her perhaps not truly understanding the concepts and a penchant for Chinese ladies to agree on things they might not completely understand or that they consider minor, while they have their eye on a larger goal.

 

From what you say about her background life with you in America will be a huge change for her. I guess the best way to work on this is to work on the English and to spend many hours explaining and discussing ... maybe repeating the same concepts from slightly different angles to build depth of understanding. If you or she has a good friend who is fluent in both languages perhaps they could help in some of the discussions.

 

You need to pay a lot of attention to this ... but your note indicates that you understand that. Good luck!

[warpedbored]

I agree with Randy. Let her acclimate at her own speed. I have never pushed my wife to adjust, she does so as she can handle it and is doing very well.. My house is also electric. I solved the gas cooking problem by buying a one burner portable at a Chinese market and building a roll around cabinet for it that holds a five gallon propane tank. We have dish network with the great wall package that has aobut 17 Chinese channels on it. We buy her phone cards that she can call China on with 700 minutes for ten dollars so she can call home as often as she likes.

 

Get her in ESL classes ASAP. I live in a medium sized city so we had adequate public transportation until she got her drivers licence and a car.

Probably one of your biggest hurdles will be living in a rural area. Chinese have a different idea of what living in the countryside is than we do. Chinese farmers are poor and often looked down upon by city dwellers.

[SinoTexas]

Did they see any of the cool shops selling statues carved of hard coal (jet)? I have a pen holder with a crane carved of it. Did they get any time in the big city (Shenyang)? Lots of stores with computer gadgets and game software there.

144042[/snapback]

I had asked Gui Ping about coal carvings and apparently it is a dying art and difficult to come by and expensive. Apparently there are a few good immitations around. So, nope, we never saw it. Yep, we went to Shenyang a couple of times and both boys mentioned how much cleaner it was than Fushun. They did all the computer stuff and video arcades while hanging with her son. He and his friends were great and my sons now have new IM buddies.

 

She said she thought she would want to go back every two years but only if I was going or one of my sons wanted to go with her.

 

For the most part, she can take things at her own pace, but while I welcome her retaining her Chinese heritage and customs, there are things she will need to adjust to faster than others. I live in New Orleans because of work and there is not much of a Chinese community here. I'm from San Antonio, with a ranch about half way between San Antonio and Houston, so I make that trip about once every couple of months to stock up on Texas goods and kick back on my porch swing. I am told that Houston now has an fairly extensive Chinese community and so that will be an option for Chinese goods. As far as television, no Chinese programming, but again, I'm hoping that this will help with the English langauge process. I understand the language process having spent 18 months in northern Japan on an exchange program for the National Park Service. I speak, read and write fluent Japnaese, primarily as a result of studying it in university, but also as a means of survival in Japan. Now Japanese cuisine, I have no problem eating for long periods on end. Not being a major fan of Chinese food, I figure that at least three our four times a week, I'll cook and it will be some ethnic cuisine other than Chinese, so she will be exposed to non-Chinese foods by default. It will be interesting. Thanks for all the thoughts.

 

Jim

[Randy W]

. . . and I thought I would have to teach mine how to light the pilot light!

 

When you come to Houston, turn south on the West Beltway about 5 miles to Bellaire Blvd. Then either east or west along Bellaire Blvd.

 

Chinatown Map

 

She'll feel right at home.

 

If you want to look into Chinese TV, check with DirecTV, or Dish Network. They each carry, I believe, between 20 and 30 channels.

[Randy W]

Oh, and change your signature to:

 

[SIZE=14][COLOR=green]Jim[/color][/size]

 

well, maybe SIZE=7 would be better

Edited August 6, 2005 by Randy W (see edit history)

[tywy_99]

Thru Directv I get 6 channels including CCTV4 and 9 at $40/mo.

It's called the 'Jade Package.' They don't watch it much but they do watch it. My wife likes CCTV4. And twice they both checked out that 4, 5 or 6 hour CNY extravaganza. I enjoyed watching that myself.

Also, I get a cool Chinese TV magazine that comes in the mail every month.

I think it is important for them to have these channels so they can keep in some kind of touch with their culture they left behind.

[warpedbored]

Interesting about Japan. My ex is from Japan and after 21 years of being married to her I am pretty tired of fish and rice. Some Japanese food I still like but I am pretty content to eat Chinese food for the rest of my life.

 

My wife has found great comfort from the Chinese progaming on dish network. It helps her feel connected to her homeland. Chinese in general are not very world wise and a little isolated. Japanese on the other hand travel the world extensively and are more aware of other cultures. Probably your wife will have a more difficult adjustment to life here than you did in Japan or a Japanese person would here. Patience is the big thing. There will be severe bouts of homesickness. Especially around major holidays like new years or moon festival.

 

I understand the language process having spent 18 months in northern Japan on an exchange program for the National Park Service. I speak, read and write fluent Japnaese, primarily as a result of studying it in university, but also as a means of survival in Japan. Now Japanese cuisine, I have no problem eating for long periods on end. Not being a major fan of Chinese food, I figure that at least three our four times a week, I'll cook and it will be some ethnic cuisine other than Chinese, so she will be exposed to non-Chinese foods by default. It will be interesting. Thanks for all the thoughts.

 

Jim

[The Jeff]

...I've been in China for 5 years and have pretty much became Chinese. When we get to the US, it's going to be culture shock for the both of us!