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Hello all. I'm a new member and very happy to find this forum. I'm desparately in need of some insight into the Chinese female's culture thinking. I'm a US professional man, divorced, with two kids, and two step-daughters (from my ex-wife's prior marriage). I'm engaged to a wonderful lady from Guangxi, also divorced. She had a daughter who passed away four years ago from Lupis. She divorced in 2002. Her daughter passed away in 2011 at the age of 18. I maintain a relationship with my oldest (43 years) stepdaughter. She's mentally impaired. I send her a gift on her birthday and Christmas, visit her a couple times a year (she lives about 25 minutes drive from me), and see her one or two other times a year at events for my two blood kids. My fiancee has a very difficult time accepting this relationship. She says the relationship is inappropriate because her mom and I are no longer married. From a legal standpoint, She feels strongly that, if I still regard her as my step-daughter, then I obviously consider my ex-wife as my wife. My fiancee has gone so far as to say that, if I continue relating to my stepdaughter as a stepdaughter, my fiancee won't marry me. I really don't get it. I don't know the Chinese culture's position on this, and my fiancee doesn't accept that its acceptable in western culture to have a relationship with (former) stepkids. My fiancee is 46. Perhaps she feels competition for my affection, though I assure her there's no comparison. My fiancee also doesn't believe that a man can have other women as friends - ever. I can accept that as a cultural difference and I'm perfectly willing to relinguish any and all other female friends. I only struggle with the fact that she can't accept that inter-gender friends are accepted in western culture. Not even in the case of long-standing friendships. I would be so grateful for any insight into this situation. I'm willing to do just about anything to move forward with her to marriage. But I really want to understand, from the Chinese perspective, if her concerns are rational or not. Thanks in advance!
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- former marriage
- ex-husband
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