bob23

My wife insisted on a ring and I felt the same way so we ended up buying them. But on a trip back to China she nearly lost hers because it was so loose and that experience kind of changed her attitude about it. At the moment we don't wear rings but that kind of goes back to the whole sizing issue. I am sure once we get some free time we will get them resized and start wearing them again. I have to agree that wearing a ring is much more common among younger couples... her mom and grandma never wore a ring.. but her mom's friend went out and bought a ring after her husband refused to buy her one haha. Just goes to show how each woman is different.

I am going to try and answer everyone's questions so bear with me I am originally from Ponca City. 1. We went back to China for 4 months since coming to the u.s. so she has really only been "here" for 14. 2. She is a junior but has enough hours to be a senior (just how everything worked out.. who know universities...) 3. I would say that she is somewhat serious, she doesn't feel like this is her "call" but she is serious enough to work hard and get good grades. I am not too sure if it has changed her opinion a lot, it very well could have. I went to a few of her classes and at times they can really push some insane points of view... so I am guessing it has some but it can't account for everything. 5. She has some "so so" friends I guess, she doesn't have any true friends like in china and I can really understand how that feels. I would say that its mostly Chinese but not all... but she really doesn't have many friends and like I said no "true" or "close" friends which is a serious problem I am trying to fix. I would say it has been increasing over time with a few major bumps along the road Interestingly enough she believes Americans are way to optimistic and should be more negative. After we got back from our 4 month stay in china should started complaining about China ect ect and was so so about going back to the u.s. We also lived in Europe and while she never displayed this extreme form of hate, she didn't like Europe and was ready to move to the u.s. (we moved from Europe to America). She took a ton of English classes in China because she was heading to a European university at the time but none in the u.s. I would have to say some of her classes are fairly easy but others are very hard. If you mess up one comma you lose 5 points, misspell a name you fail the paper so it is really stressful. I am not 100% sure what she was expecting, I think because she was younger she expected my family to really help fill the void that was being formed by leaving her family. Unfortunately though my mom works all the time because of the nature of her work (recovery nurse.. so on call all the time) and doesn't have much time to do things like her mom does. My sister just went on this crazy streak and really really showed my wife how slutty and messed up American girls can be. I honestly hate her for that... I think everyone's expectations change as time goes along. If they had changed before we moved to America it was only that the western world isn't as perfect as so many girls think it is. But she found that out living in Europe... long before we moved to the u.s. I am trying to get her in some clubs to let her meet more Chinese students... but she resists soo much. I think she just wants to give up and scrap the idea of living in the u.s. but I am really trying hard to push her into society.. at least parts that she can relate to. She doesn't work but wants to find a part time job. I think the main things to work on are: 1. friends 2. family 3. get her more into society 4. really try hard to make her have an open mind so she can try to adjust. Any advice is warmly welcomed.

Ha I got my masters at UF. Lived there for 2 years. Moved back to Oklahoma in May of 09. Bad timing. If it was now, I had several foreign chinese friends. I could have introduced your wife to them and maybe she would have been more comfortable. I only know one that still lives there and she is not typical chinese. She really likes to go out and party, get high, drink etc. She is working on her phd. She really doesnt like to hang out with chinese people because she says they are boring. So I cant really help you there. Just a couple of years too late. Seriously? I moved from Oklahoma to Florida a few years ago (then went on a crazy trip around the world lol), although I still consider Oklahoma my home it just wouldn't work out too well with her lol. You a sooner fan?

I am in Gainesville at the moment, but I really want to head out west or the northeast. Gainesville is just a really crap town even though there are tons of chinese students. We have been talking a lot about making a plan as to what we will do and when but it is just so hard to make her come up with one that doesn't involve moving back to china in the next year or so. I have already told her I am willing to move there for 20+ years if the d visa ever becomes an option (d visa is almost impossible I know, so it isn't too big of a concern for me.. z will work if it is with an honest company) and or I am able to find a non English teaching job. My plan would be to live in the u.s. for 10 years and then live in china for 10 years ect... I don't want to destroy her Chinese culture... or my own that I seemed to have gained the last 4-5 years. I do have a lot of hope that we can work something out. Thanks for the idea to visit SF, she did seem a little happy to know she can eat some good sichuan food... at least while we are there that week lol.

This is a great point to raise as they consider their options... But there are subtle ways around this. I know someone who worked in china for a law firm as one of the 'helpers'. Later went to the US to get his law degree and now is considering how to help chinese companies with US law and patent issues. He is fluent in chinese and so bridges the legal gap. I can put Bob in touch with this person if needed. Yeah, I knew about the Chinese citizen thing, and it is something that I worry about more and more. I was also considering going the "helper" route, but there is also talk of letting foreigners take the Chinese law exam so there is still some hope... I have also been considering trying to get into the foreign service as a visa officer.. but 48k a year... even in China can make it hard to pay off a law school student loan. It will be awhile before I get a law degree but the more contacts the better.

Hey, my wife and I are 23 and 22 and met while I was studying in China (almost 4 years ago) and have been married for a year and a half. We are both currently college students in the U.S. I really understand Chinese culture and her family really likes me, and while we are in China everything is great. Yet she can't seem to adjust to life in the U.S. at all. I mean I understand how some of you are 40 or 50 and marry a 30 year old Chinese woman and her English is so so etc and so I perfectly understand why it would be hard for them to adjust to American life given all of the assumptions that go along with that (language prob, moving to the U.S.. at an older age, maybe even age difference). But why is my wife having such a horrible horrible time adjusting? She won't eat any western food aside from maybe a hamburger once in awhile, she won't watch English TV (unless it is subtitled in Chinese), she seems to look down on all Americans now... the list goes on. This is a person that goes to one of the top 3 journalism schools in the U.S.... her English is very very good, she has studied and liked western culture since she was 5 years old, and yet only 3 or 4 months into the U.S.. she couldn't stand it (18 months in the U.S. so far). I have tried to be supportive, tried to work my butt off so I can transfer to a more Asian friendly place for law school (in Florida now), yet all she can think about is moving back to China. Can someone please help me out? I am willing to do whatever I can to help her. But she thinks Chinese Americans are morons, foreign students are egocentric, and blah blah blah. What can I do??? Thanks