Should I buy them a gift?

[Guest lilac6451]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been studying in England for nearly three months, during which time I have experienced what one cant experienced in all one's life. First thing is homesickness. I always feel guilty leaving my daughter at home alone,and missed her so much that I cant fall asleep sometimes at night. Another is the feeling of being in a prison. ( we stay in the host family). Feeling free to laugh, to talk, to telephone, to watch movies, to shower, to have whatever meals I like, to have some fruit after each meal, all the basic things I took granted at home now is a problem.As if for the first time in my life, I know the deep meaning of freedom.

 

There is a little boy of 8 in my hostfamily, who I found always has problems with his homework. Many a time I found he made lots of mistakes with his maths, and I told him about it one day. To my surprise, he felt so angry that he threw away his pencil, leaving me at a loss what I did wrong? This is only one example of his moody. ( I stayed in a different hostfamily in the first month there and they had a boy of the same age and of the same behaviour.) I just keep on thinking, many chinese women said most western men are all gentlemen like, but if their early upbringing is like that, how can they make a gentleman later?

 

Now Christmas is coming, should I buy each of the family member a gift? ( there are four people in this family). Any advice about culture difference is appreciated, to make my staying comfortable.

[tywy_99]

Hi lilac6451,

 

Little boys can be big, obnoxious brats...lol. How is the rest of the family treating you? Good, I hope, or at least tolerable.

 

You ask whether to give gifts to them. I would say yes.

It is said, "It is better to give than to receive."

This saying can never be more true then at Christmas time and I think you will see, and understand this.

 

There is another saying,

"It's not the gift but the thought that counts."

Your gift doesn't have to be costly. Just a little something that you think each of them would like and maybe a nice, little Christmas card to go along with your gift to each of them signed with "a merry christmas" to them from you. They should accept your gifts graciously and with open arms which leads back to the first saying.

 

I hope that the family is treating you well and with respect. I would like to think they do but if not, there is one more saying; "Kill them with kindness."

Still give each of them a small gift, even if they are intolerable people. This will show that you are by far the better person and they will see this, and you will see this, and others will see this too.

This saying may be a little harder to grasp, but it is a true saying all the same and I am sure that this isn't the case with you.

 

Christmas is all about the spirit of giving.

 

Good luck in your studies and have a merry Christmas, lilac6451.

[frank1538]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been studying in England for nearly three months, during which time I have experienced what one cant  experienced in all one's life. First thing is homesickness. I always feel guilty leaving my daughter at home alone,and  missed her so much that I cant fall asleep sometimes at  night. Another is the feeling of being in a prison. ( we stay in the host family). Feeling free to laugh, to talk, to telephone, to watch movies, to shower, to have whatever meals I like, to have some fruit after each meal, all the basic things I took granted at home now is a problem.As if for the first time in my life, I know the deep meaning of freedom.

 

There is a little boy of 8 in my hostfamily, who I found always has problems with his homework. Many a time I found he made lots of mistakes with his maths, and I told him about it one day. To my surprise, he felt so angry that he threw away his pencil, leaving me at a loss what I did wrong? This is only one example of his moody. ( I stayed in a different hostfamily in the first month there and they had a boy of the same age and of the same behaviour.) I just keep on thinking, many chinese women said  most western men are all gentlemen like, but if their early upbringing is  like that, how can they make a gentleman later?

 

Now Christmas is coming, should I buy each of the family member a gift? ( there are four people in this family). Any advice about culture difference is appreciated, to make my staying comfortable.

My youngest is also eight. He can be a real pain, and it has taken him almost a year to adjust to having three new family members. I suspect part of it is jealousy - dad's time is now shared among more people. And like your experience, sometimes his response is a display of anger expecially when Jingwen or her children try to correct him over some mistake. But, he is growing out of this. I figure by the time he turns 21, he'll be back to normal.

 

I agree that gifts would be appropriate, but the cost of the gift is not as important as the giving.

[lele]

I would also like to put in a plug for the poor maths education which most people have in the US and England. Having taught maths in HS for a year to some of the brightest, it was sad to see what basics they had not been taught. It is quite possible that the kid resented that you knew something that he did not. I think that if you go about it in a different way that you could really help him.

 

I do not know if it is possible, but if you can make it interesting, that would go a long way. It as worked for many people that I have tutored privately as well as in the school.

 

And if you could do that, it would be a gift the host family would most likely be grateful for!

[sylinchinastill]

I think the child was probably just frustrated- I agree with lele about the lack of math education in the states- I am very bad at math and so is my little sister- who is nine- she gets very frustrated when you correct her but the frustration is not at whoever helped but really at herself and kids just don't know how to communicate this. I think the most important thing about gift giving is how well you know the person. For me- if anyone buys me a book or a journal I think they are the greatest because I love to read and I was a poetry major in undergrad and like to write in my journal as well. So either give each member a gift that shows that you know who they are from living with them for this long or give them something like Michael said- something from your own culture. My husband's sister always knits stuff for me which I think is really sweet because being the talentless American that I am I have no idea of how to knit-

[Guest lilac6451]

Hello everyone,

 

Thanks every one for showing concern of my staying at the hostfamily, and also for your nice advice.Though, there are some problems from the 8-year-old boy, their parents treat me really well, just like a family member, for example, the hostmother does the laundry for me( it is too kind of her, isnt it) and the hostfather took me in his car to the football (football is very big in England). They even led me to the pub.(they paid for me)

 

I have bought each of the family member a small present(as Tywy_99 suggested, not expensive,also thank you for your nice writing, I like it a lot). Last Saturday, when all the family were at home, I gave out the presents. They were so glad that they took out their best red wine at dinner.( There is no wine at the usual dinner time, except juice),ending up each of us talking, laughing and half drunk.To see them happy makes me happy too.

 

With time going on, also, because I changed my direct way of telling the boy what is right and wrong,(thanks Lele and sylinchinaastill for reminding me) the boy is becoming more and more friendly, sometimes I found he is rather sweet.

 

I am happy now, and may each of you a merry Christmas!

[Bigguy_33]

Hi Lucy,

 

I am glad you are happy now, and things have improved at your host family.

 

I know it is very difficult being away from your family for so long while you are studying in England.

 

Best Wishes,

[Guest lilac6451]

Thank you, Duane.