Your bonus this year . . .

[Randy W]

Chinese company offers young men inflatable sex dolls as annual staff bonus instead of cash

 

http://www.scmp.com/sites/default/files/styles/486w/public/images/methode/2016/01/27/cdf0cf8a-c4bd-11e5-bbaf-0bb83de8b470_486x.jpg?itok=GG6Nvxdg

 

Another employee at the Guangzhou company’s annual conference holds up the annual bonus of an inflatable sex doll. Photo: Guangming Daily

 

Wang Yuzhu, Lianlian’s chief executive, said the blow-up dolls had been prepared especially for single men working at the company, who had been shown how to use them at the company’s annual conference on Sunday.

 

. . .

 

The survey also found that the longer people were working, the less satisfied they felt about their bonuses.

 

[tsap seui]

I kin tells ya from extensive personal usage, them blow up dolls are totally worthless. Plus their faces look STOOPID!!! They wear out and explode after about 10,000 strokes (one good sessions worth). When they explode they sail around the room with a tremendous farting sound and it is jest downright embarrassing to a fellow's ego, not to mention his self esteem to see his date sailing around the room, sometimes out the dern window, all with a turbulent expulsion of flatulence which usually wakes up neighbors.

 

A much better choice of a bonus, one that can actually take a pounding and keep on giving without having to put on patches every five minutes is a good blow up Tibetan Ibex.

 

Something new on the blow up critter market is the Mekong River monitor lizard. Yes, ladies and gentle bosses and CEO's, now you can give yore valued employees the bonus which they deserve. As any chopper pilot who has ever skimmed the Mekong River with their skids 3 feet above the orange turbulence can testify to, these monitor lizards are very seductive. With their thicker skin you can get many more miles out of a good monitor lizard than some dumb lookin' blond blow up doll. An added benefit is, with monitor lizards, no blow up stump is needed.

[Mick]

I'm with you, tsap - them blow up dolls are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. I find that as a general rule, quadrupeds are sturdier and less prone to unexpected explosions. Tibetan Ibex, now that is a fine rubber critter, both cute and exotic. I saw they had a special on those at that place out in Kneebrasker that I gits my critters from.

 

On a more serious note, I wonder if this choice of bonus gift is somehow connected with China's gender imbalance.

[wawster]

Dang!

First off...who in the world thought up this for a bonus?

Secondly, Tsap is right,...that flatulence sound is very disconcerting as they sail around the room backwards. Not that I have any personal knowledge of this, mind you, but the garbagemen still smirk at me and ask if I have any vinyl patch kits.

 

Monitor lizards, huh? (taking notes). Maybe we oughta recommend them to this company.

[tsap seui]

Yes fellers, as you two enlightened gentlemen of the back hills and woods, and who have enjoyed the bliss of the blow up latex love receptacle can well attest to, there is something magical about love making with a blow up critter. Be it a blow up gazelle, orangutan, bull moose, you name it, sometimes it is nice to make love...and not be presented with a honey do list... when you stop sweating and catch yore breathe afterwards.

 

No sir, blow up critters don't come with lists of chores that you must do. How prefect of a partner could a humble redneck sumbitch ask fer? They don't even have any brains!!! Ya don't even have to talk to 'em afterwards. They never say no, and they can't hold a mop in their paws or claws to slap you around with if you aren't quick enough with doing your chore list.

 

No siree...with a blow up critter, you jes GIT ER DONE (with no infernal beggin', pleadin', or bargaining what so ever on yore part) and you can right directly git back to pickin' yore nose, scratchin' yore butt, and contemplatin' about why, and how, the sun keeps on rising each morning.

 

Doc Mick, I think the blow up critters as bonuses has nothing to do with how there aren't enough wimmin in Chinar. No sir, I think it is a brilliant way to save marriages of men, and women, who receive bonuses as they work their way up in their companies. Some of these rising stars are weak of the flesh, I sayeth unto thee, and they find "side show partners". With blow up critters, there is no need to buy expensive clothes and pay for apartments, etc, for girlfriends. The cheating man or woman doesn't have to worry about a blow up critter seeking them to divorce their husband or wife, there is no fear from blackmail from a blow up critter...what the heck do they care about money, and a blow up critter ain't gonna come knocking on yore door at 2am in the morning, drunk and crying and making a scene about what they are giving up as you keep delaying the "divorce" you told them about.

 

Yes Doc, who ever came up with a blow up critter as a bonus, even something as unappealing as a dang blow up doll, that man is very forward thinking as a businessman. He well knows that whatever happens in a blow up critter, STAYS in Vegas....or some such high intellect words.

[Allon]

I am not going there with this subject other than to say the STD from a monitor lizard must be terminal, especially when their mouth is full of all kinds of little critters that can cause a real infection, being as they are scavengers. No telling where the rest of that beast has been. 'Course, you can get the same result from our favorite Bangkok waitress.

 

In long periods of abstinence, I follow my Navy doctor's advice: take things well in hand, but wash'em first.

[Thomas Promise]

China just loves their soy products. Afterall they are meat substitutes.

[tsap seui]

Chinese company offers young men inflatable sex dolls as annual staff bonus instead of cash

 

http://www.scmp.com/sites/default/files/styles/486w/public/images/methode/2016/01/27/cdf0cf8a-c4bd-11e5-bbaf-0bb83de8b470_486x.jpg?itok=GG6Nvxdg

 

Another employee at the Guangzhou company’s annual conference holds up the annual bonus of an inflatable sex doll. Photo: Guangming Daily

 

Wang Yuzhu, Lianlian’s chief executive, said the blow-up dolls had been prepared especially for single men working at the company, who had been shown how to use them at the company’s annual conference on Sunday.

 

. . .

 

The survey also found that the longer people were working, the less satisfied they felt about their bonuses.

 

 

I'm sure female employees get a male blow up doll. Right??

[Randy W]

http://www.scmp.com/sites/default/files/styles/486w/public/images/methode/2016/01/27/cb71fcde-c4bd-11e5-bbaf-0bb83de8b470_486x.jpg?itok=M97c0nUP

 

Other bonuses given to staff included popular Chinese spicy sauces (above) and dehumidifiers. Photo: Guangming Daily

 

[Randy W]

You did SO well this year, that we'd like to reward you with . . .

 

Chinese school rewards top academic students with ‘ultimate prize’ – pork chops

 

http://cdn1.scmp.com/sites/default/files/styles/486x302/public/images/methode/2016/02/28/d76b8e66-de02-11e5-ba33-b7a5a5ded6db_1280x720.jpg?itok=gtIkd4Z-

 

A 2.5kg joint of pork was presented to students achieving the highest marks, and a 1.5kg of pork chops to those ranked among the second tier of marks.

The practice of presenting pork to successful students in the city, which lies in a prosperous area of the country close to Shanghai, had started three years, headmaster Wu Guanghui said.

He believed this kind of reward was beneficial because it was something that could be shared by the child’s entire family, which would bring them even greater satisfaction.

 

 

Hey! Sounds good to me!

[wawster]

Hmm... recieiving pork chops..or the getting the ability to Pork?

I'd go with the blow up monitor lizard.....