Sunny side In - This Didn't go "Over Easy"

[Randy W]

The Global Times ventures into "pun"ishing territory

 

Sunny side in: Couple's egg sex game backfires

 

[tsap seui]

Doctors at the PLA No. 411 Hospital successfully removed the egg February 23, which she explained her partner inserted in her vagina in order to achieve more stimulus during sex.

 

Lord God Billy Bob....achieve more stimulus during sex??? Out cheer in the wide wide world of sports we call that....Bubba needing a bigger wrench.

 

Somebody needs to give that imaginative young couple the address for Doc Johnson out thar in Hollywood, Californica, seller of sex toys to the porn stars. I'd suggest the purple dayglo dildo

with rotating head and night vision eyeglass so you can see where thy staff goeth. Or at least a goose neck squash for those large women who is hard to please. Eggs??? What would Dr. Suess

have to say? Green eggs and ham?

 

tsap seui

[Dennis143]

Doctors at the PLA No. 411 Hospital successfully removed the egg February 23, which she explained her partner inserted in her vagina in order to achieve more stimulus during sex.

 

Lord God Billy Bob....achieve more stimulus during sex??? Out cheer in the wide wide world of sports we call that....Bubba needing a bigger wrench.

 

Somebody needs to give that imaginative young couple the address for Doc Johnson out thar in Hollywood, Californica, seller of sex toys to the porn stars. I'd suggest the purple dayglo dildo

with rotating head and night vision eyeglass so you can see where thy staff goeth. Or at least a goose neck squash for those large women who is hard to please. Eggs??? What would Dr. Suess

have to say? Green eggs and ham?

 

tsap seui

Or they cudda got dimselves one of dim thar spinnin terlot seats.

http://i61.tinypic.com/33ym2xu.gif

[tsap seui]

Nah, cuzin' Gilligan, when yore soup ladle is too small to stir the pot, tryin' to help things along wi

 

Doctors at the PLA No. 411 Hospital successfully removed the egg February 23, which she explained her partner inserted in her vagina in order to achieve more stimulus during sex.

 

Lord God Billy Bob....achieve more stimulus during sex??? Out cheer in the wide wide world of sports we call that....Bubba needing a bigger wrench.

 

Somebody needs to give that imaginative young couple the address for Doc Johnson out thar in Hollywood, Californica, seller of sex toys to the porn stars. I'd suggest the purple dayglo dildo

with rotating head and night vision eyeglass so you can see where thy staff goeth. Or at least a goose neck squash for those large women who is hard to please. Eggs??? What would Dr. Suess

have to say? Green eggs and ham?

 

tsap seui

Or they cudda got dimselves one of dim thar spinnin terlot seats.

http://i61.tinypic.com/33ym2xu.gif

 

 

 

 

Nah, cuzin' Gilligan. Nice thought, but when yore soup ladle is too small to stir the pot to begin with, tryin' to help things along with a spinnin' terlet seat will only

make your equipment prove to be even more "challenged". They'd be better off with tryin' some green ham with the eggs next time. Fill'er up, sailor. LOL

 

tsap seui

Edited February 27, 2014 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[Mick]

Now you can color me naive ifin' you wants to, but I bin tryin' tuh figger out egg-xactly what that feller was tryin' to do with that thar aig. Now, wuz he hopin' that cause hiz mighty sword wuz a tad on the short side of the scale that he might be able to push the aig on up deeper into his sweetie and thereby give her what the Chiner folks calls a "high tide."? (My wife says I don't give her high tides, I deliver tsunamis) Or do you thaink he thought cause he was, at best, totin' a Derringer when he needed a shotgun, that his tiny utensil might poke into the aig and, surrounded by the yeller yoke, feel a greater sense of snugness and therefore have more pleasure hizzowndamnself? Or, could it be that he wuz just marinatin' the aig in the splendid nectar of hiz sweetie's jade palace fer a spell, and hopin' to have hizzelf a bit of a cunninglingual snack later on. I ain't quite got it figgered out yet, cause I ain't never shoved no aig up in a lady, or even a blowup critter fer that matter. Now ol' Roscoe Rubadub, that's an entirely different story - he has shoved aigs, hell, even whole chickens......naw, Ol' Roscoe's stunts - that's even too perverted fer this forum ....

[tsap seui]

Mick, I'm like you, what wuz that boy and gal thinkin'....eggs in yore playground??? I had thunk I wuz a dadgum sexual-lectual of sorts and had tried some off the wall ah experiments and

posistions in my day, but eggs in the ol' Cadillac's warm moist fuzzy feelin' garage? Wassup wid dat? I cain't figger out if'n that idear is above, or jes plumb beneath my sexual-lectual

education and knowledge of the pleasure pit. Know wudda mean, Vern? Are ya supposed to push the egg out the lil' lasses butt with yore plumbin' pipe or something? Like you, when I'm in

momma, they ain't no room fer no stinkin' egg!!! What's the rub with an egg in there? Could the boy be that small?? It begs the age old question, what came first, the egg or the chicken

neck?

 

One of my favorite movie direstors is a man named John Waters. Yawl may remember him by the movie Hairspray. Well suh, Johnny Boy is from Baltimore (Balmer as pronounced by the locals) and

he loves makin' films about Baltimorons (emphasis on last 6 letters). John has made hisself some REALLY out there movies in his day. One of them is called "Pink Flamingos". In Pink Flamingos one of the lead "weird" characters is a lovely man named Divine (A 300 pound transvestite) who plays the momma to a young man called Crackers. Crackers likes to take his girlfriends out to

the barn beside the trailer they live in and while his friend Miss Snowball (ferget her name) watches, he takes the clothes off his girl friend makin' her think she is gonna get herself a

good ol' roll in the hay. Crackers reaches behind him and grabs a live chicken and proceeds to try to insert the dadgum chicken into you know where. Miss Snowball stands outside the winder watchin' the hole thing as she diddles herdadgumself into ecstasy.

 

If ya never seen the movie Pink Flamingos, ya really need to google it or go buy it. The live chicken act is NOTHING. Pink Flamingos used to play down there in Georgetown at Biograph

Theater. It was the longest running midnight movie they ever had. I still have the "Pink Phlegmingo" barf bag they gave out to each movie goer. It was labled as the grossest movie ever made....LOL My Gawd was it funny. People were continually getting up and walking out of the movie as it played...LOL What fun!!!

 

Egg, in "there". Boy, the kids of today. In our day cuzin' Doc, ya know, we may insert ben wa balls into our playpen, and maybe stuff the occasional Mexican jumpin' bean by that spot that

gets em hot. Do you think this enterprising couple didn't have the yuan to buy proper ben wa balls and thought an egg would replace ben wa balls? All the ben wa balls I ever saw were much

smaller than a dadblame EGG. Shucks, John Thomas needs his room too!!!

 

tsap seui

I await yore educated reply, Doc.

[Mick]

Tsap, let me tells you about my adventures with Pink Flamingos. In my sophomore year in college, I was appointed director of the Student Government Association's Film Series. That meant that it wuz up to me and my crack team of movie afficianados to bring in the weekly movies that were shown in the student union. Boy did they ever make a mistake with that one. My very first offering to the student body was a double feature that included Pink Flamingos and Mechanized Death, a horrid and grotesque car accident film put out by the Ohio State Police. You can imagine the reaction. The students loved it, but the university administration took a very dim view of my taste in celluloid entertainment. I got hauled into the President office and was told I needed to resign or they would freeze the funds to the Film Series. Well, I went ahead and resigned, rather than having no money fer the film series. The SGA, however, did get a lawyer and sued the university, stating the funds came out of student activity fees and the school had no right to impinge upon our "artistic freedom" under the First Amendment. We won the case and after that, all bets were off. The first film on tap after the court case was Deep Throat.

 

Pink Flamingos is a classic. Remember the lady with the blue hair, who sent Divine and Crackers a turd? "She sent us a turd, Ma!" said Crackers, over and over. And Edie, the fat girl that lived in the play pen eating boiled eggs? What a trip. I also remember the scene with the chicken and Crackers ripping its head off at one point. I loved that movie.

[tsap seui]

Doc, you shore we ain't cornected at the dadgum hip? Pink Flamingos is my favorite movie. Heck, we could fill a book about the fabulous scenes in that movie. By the way, it was Miss Cotton, not Miss Snowball, that liked to watch Crackers entertain his girlfriends.

 

Edie was Devine's mother. Sat all day in that playpen asking everybody who came in "Are you the egg man, are you the egg man, I just love eggs, are you the egg man?" Finally the egg man shows up in his white egg delivery suit and he and Edie get married. He pushes her off in a wheel barrow to consummate their wedding. Later Edie (her real name) toured with a punk band in Balmer, I kid you not!!! Edie had quite the following in Balmer.

 

John Waters is one hilarious character. He lives in and loves his Baltimore. He shot the movie (on purpose) in 8mm to make it look even more cheap. I had to make 3 trips to the Biograph in G-town to see the movie all the way through. The first time, one of the guys girlfriends got sick and my first wife had to sit with her in the lobby...fer Christsakes, that gal was a hooker...and she was so affected by the dang movie we had to leave. Then we tried it again, and again, somebody in our group got disturbed by the damn thing...and we had to leave. I just thought the thing was hilarious. But I finally got to see it through on the 3rd trip. Then, later bought the movie....LOL

 

Now, back on this horrible topic....an egg stuffed in the "playpen" as a sexual stimulus aid. At first, it sounded so California to me Where in the name of John, Paul, George, and Buddha hisowndamnself did these kids come up with this idea? My only conclusion is they didn't have the dough for ben wa balls and thought an egg would work as a quick handy supplement. Someone should have shown them a pitcher of an actual ben wa ball. An egg is simply too much stuffing in the ol' "pie" as it were. Ben wa balls are much smaller. Hell, I once met a sexaholic lass who walked around with a coupla ben wa balls inserted. I dunno, maybe these kids watched Pink Flamingos and took the egg thang too much for granted, not thinkin' about Chinese plumbin' and all. Cock ah doodle doo

 

This story gives new meaning to the term "nest egg". and a hardy har har har to one and all

 

tsap seui

Real life is much funnier than anything someone could dream up

 

My Gawd man, the things you and I have to sit and laugh about.

Edited February 28, 2014 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[Mick]

Lordy Mercy cuzin' tsapper - way back in 1978 Dan Fogelberg and Tim Weisberg put out an album entitled "Twin Sons of Different Mothers" and I swear you and me fits that bill to a T and then some. Pink Flamingos is one of my all time favorites and like I said, the minute I got that appointment to head up the film series I knew right outta the gate what movie was coming in first. Your story about having to make three attempts to see the whole thing all the way through cracked me up. Some folks jest can't handle the subtleties of fine art I guess and that must have been what happened to yer friends lady friend. Crackers and that thar chicken quite a series of scenes fer shore. And I had plumb fergot about Edie being wheeled off in the wheel barrow. Damnation, what a great scene that wuz. Divine was quite a popular figure in her (his) right. I saw him (her) on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson at some point. I can't resist posting this:

 

Edited February 28, 2014 by Mick (see edit history)

[tsap seui]

You cracked me up Mick....you are a Pink Flamingos lover and they let you put together movies for others to see. Now that's funny I loved the trailer, the plastic flamingos in the yard along with the chrome balls on their concrete stands, Devine eating shit at the end of the movie, Devine going grocery shopping and stuffing a large steak up her dress and rubbing it all around. Especially the shots of the "other" dirty family where the blue haired husband Raymond spots a pretty girl eating her lunch in the park and he runs down in his trenchcoat and opens it showing her his dingdong with a sausage tied to it. The pretty girl laughs and flashes him with a boob....so Raymond shakes his sausage (both of them) at her. What does this beautiful girl do? She raises her dress and DAMN...she shakes her PENIS which is larger than Raymond....Raymond almost faints, then runs off totally disgusted.

 

I admit, I almost fell outta my seat laughing at that scene!!! Oh man, I loved everything about that movie, and the music was just great too. Devine tells momma and cracker that she is getting ready to go downtown and find herself a man with a huge imagination for some fun...she drives to Baltimore in that pink caddy and a band is singing a song with the lyrics...SHe's so fine, the girl can't help she just can't help it.

 

Damn MIck, so great to see we even like the same sick movies. Well, I say sick for the others cause in my mind Pink Flamingos is the most wonderful movie ever made. I even planted plastic flamingos in my yard for years after seeing the movie....lol

 

JOhnny Dep understood John Waters, he was in one of his movies as the tough kid riding a motorcycle. In this second video Tab Hunter asked John to write him a part....Tab even sung the intro song. Tab Hunter stared in another favorite movie of mine...Lust in the Dust. That movie had Devine and a busty lady, I know it wasn't Gina Lolabridada but some Eyetalian name like that. Funny as hell.

 

Here is some of the story behind Pink Flamingos.

 

 

and as a special treat....the second video is another of John's hits.....Polyester. Some of the cast, to include Edith Massey, from Flamingos is here. Pop some poopcorn and enjoy another flick from the genius of John Waters. It's the whole dern movie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNla9LtpY5o

 

tsap seui

 

viva Baltimore and all of the hip Balmerorons

[Mick]

I love it, tsapper! The interview, especially. John Waters, with that little pencil thin mustache, just looks the part doesn't he. It's like, he exudes sleaze from every cell in his body. Just cracks me up to no end. Off on another tangent for a moment: his 'stache reminds me of a descriptive writing contest I won way back in high school. It was put on by some artsy fartsy society connected with New College up in Sarasota (I say "up" in Sarasota because I lived "down" in Venice, about 15 miles south." Anywaze, this was around the time New College was just getting started. They played us a clip of a video, about 30 seconds long and we were supposed to give a description of something we saw. One of the characters had one of those little pencil thin mustaches and I did an extended simile, likening the stache to a dying earth worm on a driveway in the august heat.