Anger Management for my wife

[chilton747]

Anyone know where these places exists or how much they cost?

[Mick]

Not familiar with Atlanta Charles, but I suspect that Emory University might be a good place to start. They have excellent counseling and psychological services there. Is she willing to attend?

[chilton747]

Not familiar with Atlanta Charles, but I suspect that Emory University might be a good place to start. They have excellent counseling and psychological services there. Is she willing to attend?

I've talked to her on several occasions about this and when she is in one her non-anger moods she sounds favorable of it. But it doesn't take long and she is angry again and wants no part of it. I think there will come a time because it's beyond me to think that someone would rather stay angry all the time instead of getting help.

[Mick]

I hear you Cuzin', but sometimes these issues don't obey the laws of logic. It doesn't make sense that someone might want to stay angry all the time, unless, and this is the big "if" - unless that anger serves a purpose of some sort. I know in my own case my anger and rage after Nam, in addition to being justified, served a larger purpose. As long as I was angry, I didn't have to feel the intense pain buried underneath all the anger. Sometimes these things are sort of layered and when you get through one layer, you find the next one underneath until you reach the place of peace and healing. For me, those months meditating in the Arizona desert with those Zen monks led to the surfacing of these layers of intense emotion and gave me the opportunity to confront the demons head on. Don't know what may be down inside your lady but I wouldn't be surprised if the anger was a cover for something. Either way, you have to start with the anger. Of course, I could be way off base here as well so take all this with several large grains of salt.

[dnoblett]

I seem to recal A Mafan having to deal with this a few years ago, perhaps shoot him a PM

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?/user/2475-a-mafan/

[chilton747]

I hear you Cuzin', but sometimes these issues don't obey the laws of logic. It doesn't make sense that someone might want to stay angry all the time, unless, and this is the big "if" - unless that anger serves a purpose of some sort. I know in my own case my anger and rage after Nam, in addition to being justified, served a larger purpose. As long as I was angry, I didn't have to feel the intense pain buried underneath all the anger. Sometimes these things are sort of layered and when you get through one layer, you find the next one underneath until you reach the place of peace and healing. For me, those months meditating in the Arizona desert with those Zen monks led to the surfacing of these layers of intense emotion and gave me the opportunity to confront the demons head on. Don't know what may be down inside your lady but I wouldn't be surprised if the anger was a cover for something. Either way, you have to start with the anger. Of course, I could be way off base here as well so take all this with several large grains of salt.

 

Ya know cuzzin Mick, what you are saying is the problem and I am sure of that. Perhaps PTSD is a major player. I have often thought that she would pull out of it with my help and some time but that's not going to happen now. I have to get her counseling somehow or other. But I think that she will have to be helped by Chinese because of the language. Can you tell me more about this Zen?

[chilton747]

I seem to recal A Mafan having to deal with this a few years ago, perhaps shoot him a PM

 

http://candleforlove...r/2475-a-mafan/

 

Been in regular touch with A Mafan for quite a while now. He has helped a lot.

[tsap seui]

Dang Chawls, let me sit my computer chair back upright again.... if she's even discussing or admitting that she has an anger problem that is one helluva huge step. Most of us won't even admit a problem and that is always the first step...in AA, in life, in anything that counseling is needed to help with a problem.

 

I am amazed and heartened for you, and "Jane". Not that it's going to be easy to get her to talk to a counselor on a regular basis but good Gawd man, she's taken the first step by even admitting she has an anger issue. That in itself is HUGE buddy.

 

Where to go, or who to see? For best success with her opening up you could ask or guess at who she would most easily talk about herself to....a white male therapist? White female therapist? My point is she or any of us that are in therapy have to develop a relationship with whoever we talk to....a comfortable trusting relationship with the therapist, so we open up and lay our cards on the table. (I've been in tons of therapy over the years and still go regularly...seeing therapists this Monday and Tuesday....anytime I found a therapist I couldn't relate to or whom I didn't feel open and comfortable with I just found one who I fit in with and could open up 100% with.) That's all pretty basic self explanatory guidelines...who will she feel comfortable and relate with.

 

Cost? That is wide open, I'd guess today's rates are in the $50-$75 per 45 minute range. Often insurance pays a percentage and if no insurance the therapists will sometimes give a percentage (10 to 15%) of discount.

 

Where to find them....without a referral from someone you trust, I'd start in the yellow pages, or local government mental health offices. Call them and start interviewing the therapists yourself. That's what I did when my daughter was molested by her mom's cuzin' years ago. Then I stayed on top of things with my kid and the therapist, not as to content of discussions, just to asking if my daughter was open with the therapist.

 

Charles, as you know, this isn't rocket science....and honestly, any problem any of us have can be found on page 137, etc of a pysch book. The key is finding a therapist she, or anyone of us, will open up with....that is the HARD part. Maybe Hotlanta has enough of an Asian community you can find a Chinese speaker, then again, maybe someone else would be even better.

 

Good luck....and don't forget yourself buddy.

 

It all starts out with a person needing therapy for a problem.....by the time they finally go to therapy they usually have become the second person who needs help. Know wudda mean, Vern?

 

tsap seui

 

I ain't no therapist so I'm not gonna load you up with conjecture and speculation but I've been in therapy personally, and had my daughter in therapy for many years, at least enough to see how things work in the real world.

[warpedbored]

I think the whole face issue for Chinese is a big factor in their reluctance to seek counselling. Mick may be onto something with the whole Zen thing. It could help her and she wouldn't lose face since it's spiritual enlightenment.

[chilton747]

Thanks cuzin Tsap. I will be doing my homework trying to find a therapist. I think the best place to start is in China town here.

 

Carl, I will also try this approach as well. Face is huge to her, perhaps too huge. I know there are plenty of Buddhist here and shouldn't be too difficult to find.

[Mick]

If you go for the Zen approach, please keep in mind that there is a wide range of quality in terms of teachers and training centers. Atlanta has many I am sure. Also, with this sort of thing results come slowly, not overnight. It is a very subtle approach to human change, based on mindful living, shifts in perception of how things are, non-attachment to non-essentials, and the capacity to confront oneself with brutal honesty. If you are looking for a good Zen teacher, take your time and be highly selective. In Chinese, Zen is called Chan by the way. In Chinatown, you may hear it referred to that way. Most Buddhist from China are now associated with the Pure Land School (Jingtu), which is fine also but much different than the utter directness of Zen. David Dawei is also very knowledgeable in this area and also may have some great insights.