Back In China

[tsap seui]

Chinese Students and Studying

 

I think many are aware of the obsession in studying in china; children studying at break-neck lengths of time over years, and as Mick has pointed out studying for 'exams' is paramount; Your brain dump mileage may vary afterwards.

 

Here is what I have gathered in Fushun, but just one experience of course:

 

Lulu's daughter, Meng is 16, and during the 'school year' she gets up at 5:30 and returns between 6-8pm for 6 days a week. Sunday, she is free to catch up on the work she didn't complete

 

Summer vacation she gets a break: She gets up at 7:30 and goes to school and returns at 4:30 for 6 days a week. This appears to be such a welcomed respite from the normal rountine

 

Studying is not so much in her blood as it is developed like muscle memory. She hits a study rhythm and achieves a Zen-like ONEness with studying... ala energizer bunny.

 

The summer appears to be mostly 'exam' preparation. As well, 12th grade appears to be an entire year of essentially 'exam' preparation. She has surprised the family by moving to '12th' position in the class ranking. She is at the #2 school and it is in the top class of that school. Everyone seems quite happy on the outside. Of course I worry about the burn out factor but there is no sign of that. Most expect her to study at least another 6 years. Meng seems to think that this is simply normal. I think that may be a good mindset to have.

 

There is a cost savings to being a good student; the better your grades, the less you pay for school throughout your school life. Her grandmother was a doctor all her life and is the force behind the need to study; Get an education and get a better life. I know I have seen this as a chinese saying or idiom somewhere, but can't find it... but it is the mantra true for some today.

 

There seems to be six subjects she tests for, which I may not get correct:

1. English

2. Chemistry

3. Chinese [History]

4. Math

5. Physics

6. ??

[tsap seui]

I see the same thing with our 14 year old son in the same city. He goes to the #50 school starting the 9th grade now. So he's preparing for the #2 schoo, hopefully we can get him to America next March.

 

I witnesed his getting up around 5:30 each morning and taking off to school lugging about a 25 pound back pack. I would meet him on the stairs when he came home, around 7 or 7:30pm, and haul his back pack upstairts for him.

 

HIs mother had his food ready, and he quickly ate, we maybe had 15 or 20 minutes with him, then the TV went off and he went to study , while we retired to the bedroom to read, etc, and do everything possible to not disrupte his studies.

 

Usually around 10 or 10:30, often 11pm, his mom would go into his room to listen as he recited somehthing and to give him a sort of pretest for tomorrow.

 

Same story 6 days a week, and on SUndays he went to one or other of two tutors.

 

No life or youth for a young Chinese kid, it's all work.

 

This summer, everyday was spent going to school or tutors, and preparing for the exams for high school. All summer.....home work home work home work.

 

I literally saw the bald patches in the back of his thick hair from the stress he's under.

 

His mom says this year he will have to stay up later, and if he isn't in America, for high school, he will be studying until 1 or 2 am.

 

His mom gets up ahead of him to make sure his food is ready, awaits his time coming home and has his food ready when he walks in the door. She's under the stress and strain too.

 

It's just life in China....it you want to get ahead.

 

My hope is he and his mom get visas. He would still study here in America and be a brilliant student, but he would get to have a little bit of a life as a teenager, also. Who knows, maybe his hair will stop falling out in patches on the back of his head.

 

tsap seui

[david_dawei]

A cure for the blues

Having come 4 times to see Lulu and now gone 4 times leaves her a big more emotional each time. I found one way to ease the departure pain but don't expect to be able to do it since you can't really control this.

 

My original flight was scheduled for tuesday and she has scheduled a flight back to Shenyang at the same time... Mine was cancelled due to mechanical issues and when I sent her an SMS it turns out her's was delayed too. The frequent flyers were sent to the China Air lounges where they fattened us up for the news. I knew from the beginning this was a bit of a ruse to tell us to 'go wait'.

 

Once they started to issue out the tickets for the next day, I told them I was going to stay a few days more instead and didn't want the next day ticket. That caught them by surprise to say the least. I told Lulu to come out of her gate area and we'd stay a few days more. We chalked it up to "Yuan Fen" (fate).

 

We went to the hotel near the airport we stay at before, Golden Phoenix, and when going to meet a friend in Beijing we took the shuttle to the airport to catch the bus. Thus, we were back and forth through the airport over the next three days (which reminded us of our repeated trips to the marriage office for 6 days). By the time we both left, she could do almost nothing but laugh about the month's repeated trips to certain locations.

 

One thing I noticed is that they cancelled my original departure stamp since I never really left china. I know they would of done that to everyone who had to come back for the next days scheduled flight as well.

[david_dawei]

Small or Large Bed?

 

Not sure why, I have always been a fan of small beds. Maybe because I used to sleep up against the wall and so the bed size never really mattered till I had to get off and the shorter the distance the better. Also, I've never seen the point of a large bed unless the couple just would rather not be in close contact; in that case, two small separate beds do the same trick

 

But I don't see the point of a very large bed if the two are going to just occupy only 1/3 together anyways. I am more like the swimmer who does the flip turn in place; I only need my body width to do my 'turn' or 'rolling'.

 

Lulu likes a very large bed which may be good for 'bed rollers'. But when together, she'll usually get me in some sort of leg lock and then I can't get to the wall and she can't do her rolling anyways. Fact is, most of the time we're together, the bed is not up against a wall so her rolling into me does little more than push me off the bed; lucky for me I used to wrestle and am quick to do a leg lock to keep half my body on the bed, usually forming a "V" with our two bodies.

 

One night I could not sleep too much so I planned some R-L (Roll and Lock) stratagems; I angled myself so my upper half was closer than the lower half, thus giving me some leg leverage to resist the roll and subsequent push off of the bed. At first this worked good. She rolled into me and we were locked at the top as I 'dug in' my legs to prevent any push off. Then I heard a sounds like there was a mouse in our bed; it was her leg doing reconnaissance. Her leg was looking for mine but she was too much in a sleep to realize how long this 'recon' was going on. Now were resembled an "A" form but my leg strength was slowing giving out and I realized she was not going to pull back.

 

I decided to pursue a plan B strategy; when faced with a roller, perform a counter-roll. This seemed like a good idea since I would be further into the middle of the bed and have more room to 'retreat' if necessary. So I did my forward march and was immediately snared in the recon teams leg lock. I had a sudden realization of what an insect must feel like when caught in a spider's web. But by my account, I in the center zone and decided it was a better strategy to now conserve energy for another day... or night...

[david_dawei]

Reminiscing

 

This was my 9th trip overall to china covering and I'm getting close to a year of total time there. My original fascinates don't seem to abate but rather seem to just turn more obsessive. With my flight cancellation, I had a few days more to spend there and the last night I shared a bottle of Er Guo Tou (yes, Dennis), which was 56% and sneaks up on you like a mop slap.

 

To say the least, the next day we both had a hangover (which I call Er Guo Tou Tong, which combines Er Guo Tou with Tou Tong, the latter means headache) which gives Lulu a chance to call me little child (xiao hai zi) about 300 times. I have found that she never pulls out the mop the day after I drink too much; I guess she knows the pain exacted by this chinese white lightning and figures if I am still alive that is enough pain for me.

 

But here are some traveler's tips that I will miss about china:

- freedom to choose whether to wear a seatbelt or not.... NOT.

- competing with pedestrians, cars, bikes, motorcycles, buses to cross the street like this is some sort of arcade game.

- the shenyang marriage office... I got rather attached to them and told them I should work there since I visited so much. They laughed and agreed.

- alcohol which tastes like gasoline on arrival but tastes like water by the time I leave; seems a touch biblical (water to wine in reverse).

- a [mother in law who is a] retired doctor and who will practically perform surgery on you in the bedroom if you tell them you have some issue.

- the never ending rash was a true source of pain but plenty of laughs. I asked for the infant split pants to wear and lulu said she would get some.

- visiting sites 5000 years old and then seeing KFC, McDonalds, and Burger King around the corner.

- the variety of fish dishes among all dishes, particularly fish head as big as a catchers glove.

- KTV... and I can't believe I said it.

- outdoor eating, particuarly spicy Sheep (Yang Rou) on a stick and cold beer.

- the currency exchange rate.

 

I am thinking of going again in April, but we'll see. I will probably file some time over the next several months as I consider various issues. Lulu knows the process can be 1-5 years and so would rather just ignore the government efficiency and not worry about it all. Whatever happens, happens. We have talked of having a baby and decided we just do it when we want; don't wait on the government to define our live together; that started 18 months ago by a chance chat. Now marrying on the fourth trip to see her, that is the most memorable part of the trip, of course. The closeness of her family is a bit overwhelming to say the least. We did talk about whether we would pursue other ideas (ie: i go to china) but there is time to consider it all.

 

Despite our more unusual relationship length, the family accepted me even prior to the actual marriage. Her mom giving me the 'Fu' gold ring when it was originally intended for her son and then Lulu's first husband but she ultimately only felt comfortable to give it to me reveals the depth of mom's acceptance of me and lulu. When we were faced with many issues on this trip to get something done and found ways around each one, I told Lulu each time, the 'Fu' ring has brought us a lot of luck. So it was by some chance that I put that on as my avatar some months back and now I know why.

[TLB]

Wow, these warm my heart as well. Some comments intertwined; thanks for making my heart ache

Reminiscing

 

This was my 9th trip overall to china covering and I'm getting close to a year of total time there. My original fascinates don't seem to abate but rather seem to just turn more obsessive. With my flight cancellation, I had a few days more to spend there and the last night I shared a bottle of Er Guo Tou (yes, Dennis), which was 56% and sneaks up on you like a mop slap.

 

To say the least, the next day we both had a hangover (which I call Er Guo Tou Tong, which combines Er Guo Tou with Tou Tong, the latter means headache) which gives Lulu a chance to call me little child (xiao hai zi) about 300 times. I have found that she never pulls out the mop the day after I drink too much; I guess she knows the pain exacted by this chinese white lightning and figures if I am still alive that is enough pain for me.

 

But here are some traveler's tips that I will miss about china:

 

- freedom to choose whether to wear a seatbelt or not.... NOT.

 

Funny story about this; I wear seatbelts religiously, and when I was with the wife and her sister and her sister's husband in the car, my wife chided me for buckling up, suggesting that I didn't trust her sister's driving. I responded that I trusted her driving but not the other drivers; somehow the issue turned into buckling up as a way of expressing caring for our loved ones by protecting ourselves from harm and after that everyone buckled up each time we were in the car!

 

- competing with pedestrians, cars, bikes, motorcycles, buses to cross the street like this is some sort of arcade game.

 

I am constantly amazed at the level of concentration needed to survive that game and their ability to handle it with ease.

 

- the shenyang marriage office... I got rather attached to them and told them I should work there since I visited so much. They laughed and agreed.

 

I know the Shenyang office and those people! We were there registering our marriage in July; I enjoyed my time there and found the people there good-humored and very nice. Most of the folks there were getting married to Korean guys...

 

- alcohol which tastes like gasoline on arrival but tastes like water by the time I leave; seems a touch biblical (water to wine in reverse).

- a [mother in law who is a] retired doctor and who will practically perform surgery on you in the bedroom if you tell them you have some issue.

- the never ending rash was a true source of pain but plenty of laughs. I asked for the infant split pants to wear and lulu said she would get some.

- visiting sites 5000 years old and then seeing KFC, McDonalds, and Burger King around the corner.

 

- the variety of fish dishes among all dishes, particularly fish head as big as a catchers glove.

 

I eat a lot of fish in the States, but I can't eat anything that is staring at me and I saw still moving when I walked in.

 

- KTV... and I can't believe I said it.

 

I'm with you on this; I rolled my eyes and put up with it the first time, but now I don't think I could visit without going there with the family and friends.

 

- outdoor eating, particuarly spicy Sheep (Yang Rou) on a stick and cold beer.

 

OMG yangrouchuanr are TO DIE FOR! (I wonder if that's really lamb...) And I got very used to drinking Qingdao (the bottles are bigger there) with meals -- it doesn't taste as good here...

 

 

- the currency exchange rate.

 

I am thinking of going again in April, but we'll see. I will probably file some time over the next several months as I consider various issues. Lulu knows the process can be 1-5 years and so would rather just ignore the government efficiency and not worry about it all. Whatever happens, happens. We have talked of having a baby and decided we just do it when we want; don't wait on the government to define our live together; that started 18 months ago by a chance chat. Now marrying on the fourth trip to see her, that is the most memorable part of the trip, of course. The closeness of her family is a bit overwhelming to say the least. We did talk about whether we would pursue other ideas (ie: i go to china) but there is time to consider it all.

 

Your somewhat detached attitude about the eventual outcome of filing for her visa is laudable, IMO. I'm trying to manage my wife's expectations as well. It's difficult but we just focus on our love and that we WILL be together (I might go there). Also, the quickness with which I have been accepted by the family shocked me; I'm meeting my wife in HongKong for Christmas, and as I plan the trip I'm starting to regret not being able to see the family this time over. I have learned a lot about what a family can be in the last 18 months.

 

Despite our more unusual relationship length, the family accepted me even prior to the actual marriage. Her mom giving me the 'Fu' gold ring when it was originally intended for her son and then Lulu's first husband but she ultimately only felt comfortable to give it to me reveals the depth of mom's acceptance of me and lulu. When we were faced with many issues on this trip to get something done and found ways around each one, I told Lulu each time, the 'Fu' ring has brought us a lot of luck. So it was by some chance that I put that on as my avatar some months back and now I know why.

[david_dawei]

- competing with pedestrians, cars, bikes, motorcycles, buses to cross the street like this is some sort of arcade game.

 

I am constantly amazed at the level of concentration needed to survive that game and their ability to handle it with ease.

That is the key issue; how they handle it with both ease and much ado about nothing. Cars whizzing in front and behind and just stand there. A lady darted out one time and someone yelled at her so hard, saying, "don't run... the drivers cannot figure out your next move if you do that". And that was the pedestrian manual in a sentence !!

 

 

- outdoor eating, particuarly spicy Sheep (Yang Rou) on a stick and cold beer.

 

OMG yangrouchuanr are TO DIE FOR! (I wonder if that's really lamb...) And I got very used to drinking Qingdao (the bottles are bigger there) with meals -- it doesn't taste as good here...

I hear the same thing from chinese there, sometimes about the dog or donkey meat; is it really that meat? As long as they keep serving Qingdao pi jiu it doesn't matter to me

 

 

I am thinking of going again in April, but we'll see. I will probably file some time over the next several months as I consider various issues. Lulu knows the process can be 1-5 years and so would rather just ignore the government efficiency and not worry about it all. Whatever happens, happens. We have talked of having a baby and decided we just do it when we want; don't wait on the government to define our live together; that started 18 months ago by a chance chat. Now marrying on the fourth trip to see her, that is the most memorable part of the trip, of course. The closeness of her family is a bit overwhelming to say the least. We did talk about whether we would pursue other ideas (ie: i go to china) but there is time to consider it all.

 

Your somewhat detached attitude about the eventual outcome of filing for her visa is laudable, IMO. I'm trying to manage my wife's expectations as well. It's difficult but we just focus on our love and that we WILL be together (I might go there). Also, the quickness with which I have been accepted by the family shocked me; I'm meeting my wife in HongKong for Christmas, and as I plan the trip I'm starting to regret not being able to see the family this time over. I have learned a lot about what a family can be in the last 18 months.

Some things we can control in this process and some things we cannot. And each case needs to be able to look at their own with some scrutiny since GUZ will most likely do that. I think we need to be realist with optimism in check. The government owes us nothing. They could care less who we want to marry or if we want to marry in another country; but applying for someone to gain entrance to the US is their decision.

 

I've told Lulu of the white slips that we see weekly on the website and we sometimes discuss them so she understands the process better. At first, she said she wanted nothing to do with a greencard. What she meant was: she thought that was what the 'trial relationships' went after; she said she only wanted to be by my side, without a GC. I explained that anyone who wants to go to the US will need a visa but those who stay need a greencard; then she felt like she was getting lumped together with other "types". I explained that is GUZ's dilemma: How to differentiate the hundreds of cases they get daily. And they will get some wrong.

 

Her boss knows she refuses to accept higher level jobs (and pay) since she wants to take care of her mom and daughter easily. So the boss asked her to take on another job she really needs her for but she can maintain her flexible schedule. She agreed knowing that the boss would not ask unless she really wanted her for that role. What she does about work in the long run depends on what we ultimately do as a family, so that is often a topic of discussion. She has to look into the retirement issues given one set of actions or if a pregnancy occurs, and another if I went to china (or if we decided to go to another city). So we take the approach that we will plan our lives as we can possibly do it but not get too worried about we cannot control. We do what we want and let fate play its role too.

[Joanne]

Puts a whole new meaning to the term "bedtime exercises".

 

He is good at making a romantic scene a technical analysis.

Edited September 20, 2010 by Joanne (see edit history)