Need some advice please

[JonathanM]

I need a little advice on how to mentally prepare for living in china. The first time I went to china it was a very enjoyable experience, I learned so much and just took everything in. When I returned it took a couple weeks to get back in the routine of things after living in china for six months. When I go back to China I would like to be a little more independent and not have to rely so much on my wife to do everything. This drives me nuts, sometimes I kind of feel helpless... Other than learning the language is there anything I can do or any suggestions that might help me feel more comfortable about living in China.

[Meiji Huaren]

It definitely helps to meet expats out there. Depending on where in China you will be, there may be an expat community. A large one is Shanghai Expat.

 

I know how it feels to need to rely on your SO there but it's ok to be a little bit adventurous ... The locals won't expect you to speak Chinese. Meeting new people and making friends will make it much easier to live out there.

 

Good luck! I wish I could do the same.

[ShaQuaNew]

I need a little advice on how to mentally prepare for living in china. The first time I went to china it was a very enjoyable experience, I learned so much and just took everything in. When I returned it took a couple weeks to get back in the routine of things after living in china for six months. When I go back to China I would like to be a little more independent and not have to rely so much on my wife to do everything. This drives me nuts, sometimes I kind of feel helpless... Other than learning the language is there anything I can do or any suggestions that might help me feel more comfortable about living in China.

 

 

There isn't really a whole lotta preparation you can do. It's sorta like standing over an ice pond in Harbin, knowing that you would like to jump in the icy cold water, with minimal impact. You just have to jump.

 

As for meeting other expats, that's something of a personal thing. While there is a certain sense of isolation here in China, I rather avoid most expats these days. I find that most of the conversations are not positive in nature, and while interesting, add little value to the experience if you intend to stay. Most expats have no intention of staying, and are only here for a few months.

 

So, just like jumping in the ice water pond, get out and mingle with the people of China. Go to parties and get togethers. If you're not being invited, go out and meet the native Chinese people. There will always be jitters, but keep your heart and mind open to the experience.

[Kyle]

As for meeting other expats, that's something of a personal thing. While there is a certain sense of isolation here in China, I rather avoid most expats these days. I find that most of the conversations are not positive in nature, and while interesting, add little value to the experience if you intend to stay. Most expats have no intention of staying, and are only here for a few months.

I can understand this point-of-view. I tend to do this as well (although not intentionally), Of course, I have several friends who have been living here for an extended period of time. That being said, I've often help folks on the street, when they get in a pinch.

 

I would at least try to learn some survival Chinese. If you hate to depend on your wife for everything - it's going to be hard to do if you're unable to communicate at a higher level than 你好，啤酒，再见，and 谢谢! Lonely planet has (or had at least one time) a decent but fairly basic (and somewhat formal) phrase book that you might want to check out. Even if you can't pronounce the words correctly - you can at least point to the phrase you're wanting to communicate. Again, the book doesn't get too deep, but it covers survival Chinese fairly well, and it's easy to use. Lonely Planet Publications; 4th edition (February 2000)

 

Below is another useful book for beginners.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Chinese-Character-Fa...4762&sr=1-1

 

EDIT:

 

On the other hand, she is your wife - and she should serve you, just as you should serve her. I'm sure she'll be depending a lot on you when she enters the US. If she's anything like my wife, she'll like taking charge and providing for her man. Just expect to return the favor later on. Granted, as I write this, I kind of miss all of that. Once you learn the language, they'll start asking you to do things for them!

Edited January 26, 2010 by Kyle (see edit history)

[chengdu4me]

My suggestions, in order of importance.

 

Do not hide in your home! Get out and do/see stuff!

 

Get some dark sunglasses so your wife can't see where your eyes are pointing. This will become important and you will understand why soon enough.

 

Get a bus pass. It will save you a lot of money.

 

Go the book store and get a map of the bus routes in your city.

 

Get a small book that will fit in your pocket. Every time you hear something that may be useful, write it down and then have the person that said it, write the Chinese characters and the Pinyin. Soon, you will have a book of useful phrases that you can study.

 

When you don't have anything better to do, take your map, translator, and GPS and go ride buses just to see where they go and to "mark" location on your GPS.

 

Take your pocket translator everywhere you go.

 

Get a phone with GPS English language capabilities and start marking everywhere you go.

 

Until you can whine and bitch like a Chinese woman, do not waste your time thinking that you can barter as well as she can. Let her do the negotiating until she thinks you are ready to waste money all on your own!

 

Do not sweat the small stuff. If it does not directly affect your families health, welfare or security...it IS small stuff!

Edited January 26, 2010 by chengdu4me (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I'm not sure any amount of short term preparation is as good as just doing whatever is natural. Don't force anything. Enjoy your stay. good luck.

[Guest Pommey]

Just go with the flow

[chengdu4me]

Yes, attitude is probably more important than anything else. I made my list based on being here for the past six months and wanting to overcome barriers to my independence. My wife is not working outside the home, so this list came as a slow learning curve. My list would be very important to someone who's wife works and/or works a different shift so the expat wouldn't be stranded without resources to keep from feeling completely helpless. One day of shopping and you are ready to fly on your own (mostly).

[weiaijiayou]

I'd say that if you want to avoid being too dependent on her, then don't get into the habit of being too dependent on her. If you're already used to doing so, I think you will have to "break the mold" of your daily expectations and routines, which could be hard. One day you'll have to say, "What do we need honey? I'll go get it myself." (As she says, "What? Huh?") When you get into a cab, you'll have to break the habit of allowing her to converse with the driver. Since you're starting fresh with your return to China, do your best to avoid falling into "dependent" habits that you'll want to break later.

[ShaQuaNew]

I'm not sure any amount of short term preparation is as good as just doing whatever is natural. Don't force anything. Enjoy your stay. good luck.

 

Good thinking, because everyone is a little different.

 

You may like being in China, then again, you may not. Keep in mind that most people that come to China last only a few months. The rare exceptions are those who stay. You can't force yourself to enjoy, or have good experiences. I suppose you could try, but it would likely be a recipe for becoming bitter.