What Happens to Expats...

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

My wife actually found this piece. It was written in Chinese, so I did an online Google Translation and conferred with a few of my co-workers. I suppose it could use a good cleaning up, but I thought most everyone would get the general idea the way it stands. Any of you native Chinese speakers and readers, please feel free to provide some clarification:

 

1. Alcohol no longer makes you confused and disoriented.

 

2. You are in a luxury restaurant eating when, and don¡¯t notice the guy next to you yelling in his cell phone.

 

3. First, you begin to walk around wearing house slippers; then, you start wearing pajamas to go shopping.

 

4. You begin to get your hair cut by barbers on the street.

 

5. You walk backwards in the park a walk, while listening to the radio.

 

6. Badminton and table tennis to become your favorite pastimes.

 

7. You smoke in elevators, and think pressing the buttons several times make you go 63 times faster.

 

8. You begin liking white people a lot more.

 

9. You find Western-style toilets uncomfortable.

 

10. You ask others what year it is as it relates to the Chinese calendar (Benming).

 

11. "Squatting" has become your favorite position, regardless of when and where.

 

12. You begin to like and eat moon cakes.

 

13. You tell your parents, your family had a bad feng shui influence growing up.

 

14. The sight of an old woman surrounded by heavy waste is no longer surprising.

 

15. You like to speak in sentences with grunting sounds to express your surprise, joy, pain or anger.

 

16. You feel tall, even though you are only 5.8 feet (about 1.74 meters).

 

17. When you return from the hospital or store you still have a lot of cash.

 

18. When you eat fish, the fish no longer watches you.

 

19. You start to feel silly to buy a new bike, those second-hand car from an unknown source, not even half of the price are not.

 

20. When asked for an explanation, you just repeat "I am sorry."

 

21. Every time you go to the toilet, you bring your own toilet paper.

 

22. You like to use chopsticks, and can use them on a wide range of food, including peanuts. Unless others compliment you on your use of chopsticks, you will not be happy.

 

23. Do you like turned his head to see what other people read books in all.

 

24. Your horn when driving Meng, because you are driving on the sidewalk they blocked your path.

 

25. When you are shopping in the Carrefour supermarket, a number of foreigners staring at you, because you are watching them in the basket, I would like to know what foreigners eat.

 

26. You start to other foreigners known as "foreigners."

 

27. Do you think McDonald's food delicious.

 

28. You speak Mandarin Chinese better than that. Chinese newspapers you buy, because you have forgotten that he had not read Chinese.

 

29.³¯´°ÍâWhen you look at, you may think, "wow, so many trees!" Rather than "wow, so much concrete!"

 

30. You do not like the new people who come to China on China's all.

 

31. Chinese people do not stare at you, you wonder why.

 

32. Firecrackers you can not be awakened.

 

33. The Chinese people in the street to inquire about the way how you walk.

 

34. When leaving China, you want to eat Chinese food.

 

35. In the summer, regardless of when to sit down, you have trousers to the knee while volumes.

 

36. You must have for each home shoes.

 

37. You did not expect the use of software is to pay.

 

38. You can always grab a bus seat.

 

39. You begin to feel that their nose is too large.

 

40. Take a taxi, you hear the car in the Chinese pop music playing and singing along with it.

 

 

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--edit--

 

I worked my way to clarify the first 18.

Edited June 12, 2009 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

---revision---

 

 

8. You begin to think white people all look alike.

 

17. You always take cash with you to the hospital or store.

 

22. You like to use chopsticks, and can use them on a wide range of food, including peanuts. When others compliment you on your use of chopsticks, you will not be happy.

 

23. You turn your head to see what other people are reading.

 

24. Your honk your horn when driving on the sidewalk because someone or something is blocking your path.

 

25. When you shop at the French supermarket in China, a number of foreigners stare at you, because you are closely watching what they pick to eat.

 

26. You start to view other foreigners as "foreigners."

 

27. You begin to think McDonald's is delicious.

 

28. You start buying Chinese newspapers and then remember you cannot read Chinese.

 

29.When you travel outside the city you think, "wow, so many trees!" Rather than "wow, so much concrete!"

 

35. In the summer, you pull your trousers up to your knees.

Edited June 12, 2009 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[weiaijiayou]

#24 is good, OIC... some other small corrections:

 

7.ÄãÔÚµçÌÝÀïÎüÑÌ£¬ÄãÏàÐŰѵçÌÝ°´Å¥Þô63´ÎÄÜÈÃÄã¸ü¿ì¡£

You smoke on the elevator. You think hitting the button 63 times will make it go faster. (your translation with "63 times faster" is funnier, though)

28.ÄãµÄÆÕͨ»°½²µÃ±ÈÖйúÈË»¹ºÃ¡£ÄãÂòÖÐÎı¨Ö½£¬ÒòΪÄãÒѾ­Íü¼Ç×Ô¼ºÔø¿´²»ÁËÖÐÎÄ¡£

You speak putonghua even better than chinese people. You buy a chinese newspaper, forgetting that at one time you couldn't read chinese.

30.Äã²»ÔÙϲ»¶ÏòÐÂÀ´ÖйúµÄÈ˽éÉÜÖйúµÄÒ»ÇС£

You no longer like introducing newcomers to every aspect of china.

33.ÖйúÈËÔÚ½ÖÉÏÏòÄã´òÌý·Ôõô×ß¡£

Chinese people stop you in the street to ask YOU for directions.

37.ÄãûÏ뵽ʹÓÃÈí¼þÊÇÒª¸¶Ç®µÄ¡£

You didn't realize people had to pay for software.

39.Ä㿪ʼ¾õµÃ×Ô¼ºµÄ±Ç×Ó¹ý´ó¡£

You begin to feel that your own nose is too large.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

This topic reminds me of you might be an egg if you.

 

You were indignant when the waiter handed you a fork in an Asian restaurant.

 

Your cell phone has Chinese characters on it

 

You drink loose leaf Jasmine tea.

 

In most the pictures you have of yourself you are the only white boy, and you didn't notice it at the time

 

You slurp your noodles

 

Chicken feet and pig blood cakes = good eatin'

 

Red bean ice cream is a real treat

 

PEARL MILK TEA!!!!

 

You are disappointed when they dubbed Crouching Tiger hidden dragon instead of leaving it in Chinese.

 

you can tell when the dialogue jumps back and forth between Mandarin and Cantonese.

 

you can tell which actors are from Taiwan by their accents.

 

you know how bad Chris Tucker's Chinese is.

 

You have those little Chinese health balls on your desk

 

You give a slight bow when you meet people.

 

You are charged with drunk driving because you said the entire be pe me fe alphabet by mistake.

 

You pass out lucky money in red envelopes on New Years

 

You don't think January 1st is New Years

 

You think white people smell funny.

 

You say "Lucy Liu and those other Angels"

 

You would rather just walk.

 

you have met Zhanghuimei, but you can't quite put a face to Gloria Estephan

 

All this open space gives you the heebie jeebies

 

You know the ins and outs of public transportation, and you can't drive

 

Most of your girl/boyfriends have been Asian.

 

Other Foodgroups

 

Egg: White on outside, yellow on inside.

 

Banana: Yellow on outside, white on inside.

 

You can't quite connect with 'regular' white people

 

You know Taiwan politics better than the American politics.

 

or even if you don't think "cross straights relations" is a conversation about Transvestites and Heterosexuals.

 

You get antsy when there aren't enough Asians around.

 

You have to explain to your work colleauges that you actually LIKE to drink cold coffee.

 

You visit a pier in Monterey and look down and get hungry from seeing the floating seaweed.

 

When your girlfriend is talking to you, you respond with "HMMMM" or "UHH-HHUUUUH" and believe that those are intelligible answers.

 

You regard pointing feet at others as unspeakably rude.

 

You just don't get "Americans"

 

You read this page and didn't realize it was a joke.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Cool! Thank you.

 

What's most interesting about these, is that they were written by a Chinese person, expressing in their view, what they think about how a Westerner adjusts to China. Just goes to show, they have a much better idea about Western culture than most of us do about China.

 

 

 

 

#24 is good, OIC... some other small corrections:

 

7.ÄãÔÚµçÌÝÀïÎüÑÌ£¬ÄãÏàÐŰѵçÌÝ°´Å¥Þô63´ÎÄÜÈÃÄã¸ü¿ì¡£

You smoke on the elevator. You think hitting the button 63 times will make it go faster. (your translation with "63 times faster" is funnier, though)

28.ÄãµÄÆÕͨ»°½²µÃ±ÈÖйúÈË»¹ºÃ¡£ÄãÂòÖÐÎı¨Ö½£¬ÒòΪÄãÒѾ­Íü¼Ç×Ô¼ºÔø¿´²»ÁËÖÐÎÄ¡£

You speak putonghua even better than chinese people. You buy a chinese newspaper, forgetting that at one time you couldn't read chinese.

30.Äã²»ÔÙϲ»¶ÏòÐÂÀ´ÖйúµÄÈ˽éÉÜÖйúµÄÒ»ÇС£

You no longer like introducing newcomers to every aspect of china.

33.ÖйúÈËÔÚ½ÖÉÏÏòÄã´òÌý·Ôõô×ß¡£

Chinese people stop you in the street to ask YOU for directions.

37.ÄãûÏ뵽ʹÓÃÈí¼þÊÇÒª¸¶Ç®µÄ¡£

You didn't realize people had to pay for software.

39.Ä㿪ʼ¾õµÃ×Ô¼ºµÄ±Ç×Ó¹ý´ó¡£

You begin to feel that your own nose is too large.

[Sebastian]

Jesse - ya - I remember 'hitting that wall' and then 'going through it' when I was an expat in Guangzhou.

 

Almost all of it happened to me.

 

Good luck with your assimilation - if you're not meeting with USA expats in Nanjing on a weekly basis,,, well, you might wanna 'find the group' ..

 

Good Luck !

[weiaijiayou]

Good luck with your assimilation - if you're not meeting with USA expats in Nanjing on a weekly basis,,, well, you might wanna 'find the group' ..

 

Good Luck !

 

are you going to live in china indefinitely?

 

some other expat experiences (some specific to beijing):

 

You've (not) gotten sick eating Yangrou Chuanr- the tasty street meat so cheap you can't afford NOT to eat it.

 

You've had to chase away those guys that stick business cards of prostitutes in the doors of every apartment.

 

You've had your bicycle stolen. Twice. And you bought back the same bike both times from the same bike shop. Hmm...

 

You've had to pay a semester's rent or buy other large items in a very thick wad of 100 yuan bills because the Bank of China doesn't print currency in higher amounts.

 

You've been in a cab that hopped the curb, drove up on the sidewalk, and ran a cyclist off the sidewalk just to avoid waiting at a red light.

 

You add "R"s to the end of words indiscriminately and do not move your jaw when you speak.

 

You've bargained with an old Chinese lady at Xiushui or Hongqiao:

A. while the foreigner next to you bargained in English and ended up buying the same item for five times your price.

B. until the lady told you, "You make me want to kill myself." And you responded NO, she makes YOU want to kill YOURSELF. This continued back and forth until you reached the standard 1/5 original price, at which point you both laughed, completed the exchange, and she waved and invited you to come back soon. And you did the same thing at the next six stalls.

C. until she bought YOUR fake North Face jacket.

 

You've started watching entire seasons of shows you never liked, because you now own them on DVD.

 

You think a$$-less pants are cute.

 

Upon leaving China, you persist in bargaining at inappropriate places in your home country (train station, haircut, Chipotle Mexican Grill).

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Jesse - ya - I remember 'hitting that wall' and then 'going through it' when I was an expat in Guangzhou.

 

Almost all of it happened to me.

 

Good luck with your assimilation - if you're not meeting with USA expats in Nanjing on a weekly basis,,, well, you might wanna 'find the group' ..

 

Good Luck !

 

 

I actually have hit a few walls. I don't know which one is which anymore. My wife keeps reminding me to not try to change things, so I try to get to the mental place of just accepting things how they are. It's not too hard to do for the short term, but if you fight it on the long term, it will likely swallow you alive.

 

I've looked around for expat groups here in Nanjing. There is a little activity, but not like you find in the bigger cities, like Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou. Starting to see a lot of activity with newbies coming into town to teach English. Rather amazing actually that they come from all corners of the World. Everyone has their own reasons for coming; maybe some just want a change in their life, and others come to get away from whatever is bothering them.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

There is a German / American expat in Dongguan who has compiled a very long list of things that happen to a lady after she's been living in China for a while. I can identify with many of these, and I think many Americans who have married a Chinese partner will also. Enjoy...

 

 

She answers the phone with ¡°Wei?!¡± *** When her parents call her from home, they also reply with ¡°ni hao!¡± *** She has a pet cockroach named Schubert *** She carries a poo poo pig keychain on her pink backpack *** She eats her cake with chopsticks *** She wishes her friends happy everyday and waves ¡°ba-bai!¡± *** Nothing can deter her from watching her favorite Chinese soap opera ¡°Above the Clouds¡± *** She could write her dissertation on how to safely cross Dongzong Dadao *** It makes perfect sense to her that the slowest Park N Shop employees are assigned to the Express checkout counter *** Someone calls out ¡°Song Xiaojie!¡± and she instantly feels addressed *** She wonders whether in terms of Feng Shui, there is a difference between the 12 yuan and 16 yuan water jug *** She always finds something to stir into the bad coffee to make it tasty *** She believes that repeatedly pushing the elevator button will make it move faster *** She can hold an animated and in-depth conversation by only using the word ¡°ha¡± *** When she is surprised, she declares ¡°aiyooo!¡± and when she is disappointed she wails ¡°aiyaaa!¡± *** She can fake Cantonese *** It doesn¡¯t startle her to hear a grown man suggest ¡°Let¡¯s go play!¡± *** She will not take ¡°mei you¡± for an answer *** She has vowed to never again extinguish a fire or help an old woman up because bystanders will immediately think that she is doing it out of remorse *** Usually she can speak Chinese ¨C unless a police officer approaches her *** She reacts to an insult with a big smile and cheerfully exclaims ¡°Dui!¡± *** She carries a parasol in the summer *** She no longer is alarmed by discovering her Ayi hanging outside the window on the 25th floor *** She has stopped pondering the large blood stain on the hallway wall *** She stopped trying to convince the hairdresser that her hair color and the waves are natural *** She regularly buys the ¡°Dongguan Daily¡± because she keeps forgetting that she can¡¯t read it *** A good friend convinced her that KFC is a Chinese chain that originated in the Province of Kentucky *** She leaves the protective plastic cover on her household furnishing and appliances *** Showering from the water dispenser has become a routine *** When she meets new people she asks them what animal year they were born in instead of how old they are *** Accidentally being served dog is the least of her fears *** She wildly honks at the pedestrians because they are in her way as she races along on the sidewalk *** She is making less than half the salary she could be making at home but wears custom-tailored clothes and has a massage therapist *** She comfortably navigates through the Chinese version of Windows XP *** She easily climbs six flights of stairs carrying bags of 2-Liter Dole apple juice cartons without stopping *** She stares at other foreigners *** She goes to the hairdresser to get her ears cleaned *** She is highly sceptical of everything labeled ¡®chocolate¡¯ *** She reads the English subtitles to an English movie *** When someone calls out, ¡°Laowai!¡±, she replies, ¡°Nali??¡± *** It feels awkward to hold a fork *** She looks forward to finishing up the meal with a bowl of plain rice *** She thinks of ¡°salad¡± as diced apples in mayonnaise *** She has no reservations about drilling on the wall and hanging up a painting at 2.30 am *** A bowl of chicken soup is only real with feet and a head in it *** When she is sick, boiled-down coca cola with ginger is the best medicine *** Most taxi drivers in Dongcheng already know where she lives and works *** When she visited her parents the last time, the first thing she did was to hand them her business card *** She has to mumble her phone number in Chinese several times before she can translate it into English *** When she sees three people on a motorcycle she wonders why there aren¡¯t two more *** She has developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags *** Why use a ladder when you can simply stack several chairs on top of each other? *** She thinks that charging 5 Euros for a sweater is an impertinence *** She diligently leaves her tray and the trash on the table because she feels obligated to keep the employees occupied *** She knows who of her neighbours has the best vocal talent *** Even though she has a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for the plane, she runs like mad to make sure she gets a seat *** She sees nothing wrong with standing in the middle of Dongguan Dadao during rush hour *** She begs, ¡°Please say it in Chinese!¡± *** She has accumulated hundreds of notes, business cards and addresses but can't read any of them *** She is used to drawing a large curious crowd and the local TV station when buying a jin of grapes at the market *** Open spaces make her nervous *** She finds herself asking anyone and everyone if they can lower the price *** She compliments, ¡°This is the best hot water I have ever had!¡± *** She doesn¡¯t think that the pollution is that bad *** When she buys a new pair of jeans, she instinctively asks for a zipper and button to be sewn on *** She gets impatient if she cannot find a Hollywood movie on DVD months before its official theatrical release *** She cannot sleep during her first days back home because it¡¯s so horribly quiet and the mattress is way too soft *** She takes her time bonding with the chicken that she will have for dinner *** She completely ignores most people who say hello to her *** She believes that all her bad experiences were due to her lack of cultural sensitivity *** She knows words in Chinese that she can¡¯t remember learning *** When someone asks her where she is from she replies ¡°Liaoning Province¡± *** Her first choice off the menu is tofu because there is nothing to spit out *** She can do almost anything standing on (but not actually wearing) her slippers *** She has learned that no-one notices if she arrives a day late for an appointment *** She has toothpicks between her teeth *** When she wants to see wild animals, she goes to the pharmacy *** She sings a heartfelt ¡°Yue Lai Yue Hao¡± in the shower *** She doesn¡¯t have skeletons in the closet but mooncakes underneath the sofa *** She couldn¡¯t imagine any place she¡¯d rather be.

 

[Zhou Zhou]

This is all very funny and entertaining...and some very true.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

This is all very funny and entertaining...and some very true.

 

 

I know, several funny ones there....

 

*** Accidentally being served dog is the least of her fears ***

 

 

and of course...

 

*** She couldn¡¯t imagine any place she¡¯d rather be.

Edited June 17, 2009 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[Sebastian]

Jesse - ya - I remember 'hitting that wall' and then 'going through it' when I was an expat in Guangzhou.

 

Almost all of it happened to me.

 

Good luck with your assimilation - if you're not meeting with USA expats in Nanjing on a weekly basis,,, well, you might wanna 'find the group' ..

 

Good Luck !

 

 

I actually have hit a few walls. I don't know which one is which anymore. My wife keeps reminding me to not try to change things, so I try to get to the mental place of just accepting things how they are. It's not too hard to do for the short term, but if you fight it on the long term, it will likely swallow you alive.

 

I've looked around for expat groups here in Nanjing. There is a little activity, but not like you find in the bigger cities, like Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou. Starting to see a lot of activity with newbies coming into town to teach English. Rather amazing actually that they come from all corners of the World. Everyone has their own reasons for coming; maybe some just want a change in their life, and others come to get away from whatever is bothering them.

 

Usually, if you go looking on the streets for expats, you won't find them. You'd think it'd be easy - they look like YOU, so wtf? Nah - they are as busy as you are, in another part of town, and can't be bothered whilst they are doing their day-to-day. But - a weekly meetup? ZOOM - they went that-a-way, regardless of which part of town they live in.

 

But you should find LISTED expat meetups somewhere - try these two places - nanjing.ixpat.com

expatacular.com/group/nanjing

I'm not recommending the sites, just mentioning that IF there's a meetup, it's LISTED somewhere on the interwebs.

 

USUALLY, that great social networking occurs AT the meeting, you can make new friends, exchange contact numbers IN PERSON, and somehow get 'replugged' into your former life. Most folk won't exchange info eletronically without getting to a meetup first (is almost a rite-of-passage).

 

I suggest you find some meetups, and go. It was a 'sanity-saver' for me.

Edited June 17, 2009 by Sebastian (see edit history)

[knloregon]

Expat resources and meeting places might be a good addition to the Candle. Obviously, AsianExPat (the web site) is a start, but doubt its much help in the inland cities.

 

I imagine Nanjing has changes so much in the dozen years since I was there that I wouldn't recognize it. King Beer (a restaurant, not a brewer, as we supposed----but served alot of King Beer) was trying very hard to attract English speakers while we were there, but we never saw any---except us----and they loved having us there, to the point that they didn't want us to leave...