Getting married in Chinertucky

[tsap seui]

Before I get into my humorous experience of getting things in order to get married in Chinertucky I'll just list what you need as it will be lost in the tale of my experience.

 

*Your divorce decree..I was NEVER asked for mine

*Your passport

*A trip to your friendly American consulate for your notorized affidavit of single status

*At the consulate you will be given a form to fill out that will later be signed by you and notorized by them

 

Now for the fun...

 

2March09

 

Off to the American consulate in Shenyang for my affidavit of single status...how fitting for me to write this as I sit on a terry cloth covered terlet seat.

 

Okay, the official consulate website states that I need 6 items, to include a Chinese residence permit, a paper showing that we aren't brother and sister, and a health certificate from a local Chinese doctor, plus a divorce decree if you've been married before.

 

For the record:

*You don't need a Chinese residence permit

*You don't need a letter from a Chinese doctor saying your hung like a horse and approved for marriage

*Divorce decree...I was NEVER asked to see mine

 

Now about the consulate it's owndamnself...

 

I can't help myself from saying this but as I am an acute observer of our governments USCIS/DHS and DOS workers in China I must say it was refreshing to see that not all of the American bozos are located in Guangzhou. No sir, they are spread out.

 

I get let into the compound by a very official looking Chinese guard (they surround the place and I even got to see them goose stepping as they changed the guard. They stand at strict attention like at Arlington...prety impressive. I go to a window and state my intention to another Chinese guard. I am buzzed into the building and another Chinese guard takes away my AK-47, my K-bar knife, my B-40 rocket launcher, my Mac-10, and a stray 1987 copy of Hustler magazine, then he takes my drivers license and runs me through a metal detector and gives me a badge to wear. He explains I'll get my hardware back (less the magazine) when I hand back my badge.

 

Now I walked to another larger building and I'm buzzed in by another Chinese guard...and run through another metal detector...I guess in case I had snuck an AR-15 past the first guard, or something.

 

I am directed down a hall to a window with a female Chinese worker who gives me the actual affidavit to fill out, hand it back to her (unsigned), and I take a number from her and am told to go sit in a waiting room for my number to be called.

 

I head back down the hall and I go to sit down with a bunch of Chinese folks in the room and a Chinese guard quickly takes my arm and politely directs me to another waiting room. This room has a small sign that says "American Waiting Room". Christ Almighty I think as I walk into the room that has 3 other Americans in it, what the hell is this? Shades of the 50's in the south. Here I haven't even seen another American and now we've got our own waiting room? I grew up in the south and I remeber asking my mother why the blacks had their own entrance to the dentist office and their own clearly marked water fountains. I thought, what the hell is this, are the Chinese (in their own country) the blacks of the 2 thousands?

 

Anyhow, as I walk into the"ugly American" waiting room I ask out loud, "American waiting room?" I guess the Chinese are lucky they even get inside this great sanctuary of Americans.Turns out, the Chinese even have different numbers than us Americans. Theirs is a 4 digit number and ours are 3 digits. I meet 3 Americans, one is there for adoption issues and has been living in China for 4 1/2 years, another is living in China and is there trying to turn in his DCF fee for a K-1 visa application????? The third got a denial white slip on January 18th...he and I hit it off really well as we both are there for our affidavits of single status. We wind up seeing each other again at the "marriage shop". I tell him about Candle.

 

Alrighty now, my number is called and I go to meet a young American gal who quickly asks me to raise my right hand, state that I'm not lying on my form, and she sends me back to see another Chinese worker who puts the "official" seal of approval on the form that states that I am single...NEVER was I asked to look at a divorce decree. My word and $30usd clearly states my honesty. Wonders just never cease in this life, I tells ya. Now, I am a boner fide, by Uncle Sam hisowndamnself, single stud...YAH WHOOOO

 

tsap seui

 

Right hand raised, I state that the above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but...the truth.

 

tsap seui

[shadeOgray]

It's just another way to shake you down for every penny they can Tsap, you know that by now though.