Do I keep quiet or do I spill the beans?

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

My wife¡¯s 22yo niece, Jin, in Nanning, has been corresponding with two American men (Al and Kurt) through the help of her mother, my wife¡¯s sister, Yue.

 

Yue is the one who corresponds with these men, (through a translator service) not only for her daughter but for many Nanning women by pretending to be the woman whom these men think they are writing to, (sometimes using the woman¡¯s words, sometimes her own). Got it?

 

OK, Kurt visited Jin last year. Jin and Kurt fell in love and got married and their immigration application is in process today.

 

The other man, Al, doesn¡¯t know that Jin is married and he recently wrote to me saying that his flight to Nanning is all set for March 1st. Al¡¯s very excited about finally meeting Jin and wanted to know if I had any tips or information that I could give him about his visit and/or about China, as this is his first trip ever outside the US and, of course, he¡¯s a bit scared.

 

I tell my wife about the email from Al and ask her what the heck is going on? She tells me not to worry and not to say anything to Al. They (her sister and Jin) plan to introduce Al to Jin¡¯s cousin, Jie. Leiqin tells me that Jie is very beautiful and will make Al a much better wife than Jin, as Jie is more traditional and mature in taking care of the home. Jie (not Jin) will be meeting Al at the airport.

 

Anyway, Leiqin (my wife) says that they¡¯re not about to throw this catch back (my words) when there are so many women very eager to marry him. And, all¡¯s fair in love and war, and especially love (my interpretation).

 

Still, I don¡¯t like the dishonesty. It¡¯s not fair to Al or any man to be deceived like this. Yet, I can¡¯t seem to get that point through to my wife and her sister. The bigger picture is the end result of the common good (for both Al and Jie) is what¡¯s important, more important than any deception.

 

Personally, I believe my wife, and I think that Al will be getting the better of this deal even though he probably won¡¯t agree, initially. If my wife says that Jie is more beautiful and would make a better wife then I believe her (for whatever that¡¯s worth ). If it were me, knowing what I know now, I¡¯d be one excited man.

 

Yet, I wonder how this will go down with Al. Maybe, he¡¯ll be disappointed that he was set-up after getting his heart set on Jin. I suppose it will boil down to whether there¡¯s an attraction between he and Jie. If there isn¡¯t an attraction, he¡¯s probably going to be upset for being duped.

 

So, what should I do? One thought was to wait and spill the beans a day before his flight. Another is to just stay quiet and let the chips fall¡­

 

This still puts me in a delicate dilemma¡­my loyalty to my wife and her family vs. being honest and trying to explain all I know to Al.

 

How say you all?

This total deception by her part. Talk about bait and switch! This is Bullshit! This man thinks he has been writing to the same woman only to find he has a rain check at the last minute.

[Dennis143]

Al deserves to know what is really going on with him. He emailed you and asked for your advice, so you are obligated to help him to realize his situation ASAP.

 

The thing is, this happens all the time.

Say, if there are 1000 criminals out there, it doesn't mean it is alright for you to become the 1001.

 

Should I risk that he might cancel his trip, lose his ticket money and the possibility of having a trip of a lifetime not to mention a potential future wife?

This will be a decision that he needs to make. If you tell him the truth ASAP and also introduce him to this CFL site, he would have plenty of time to think through and decide.

 

Do I like to be trapped? No. Do I trap others? No. Do I help anyone to get out of a trap? Yes. Truth always pleases me, no matter how harsh it is.

 

MHO.

So then, I am my brother's keeper. And, it is entirely up to me to rescue him. Otherwise, I am an accomplice.

 

BTW, Al never came to me seeking relationship or cultural advice, but advice on travel.

 

None the less, your points are not invalid and are exactly the dilemma that I am mulling over.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

Now Dennis, which one of your 6 wives, sisters cousins is this

 

gonna be a bit of a susprise for Al when a different lady meets him at the airport dont you think

 

i think a bit of honesty may be in order for everyones sake

[Dennis143]

 

This total deception by her part. Talk about bait and switch! This is Bullshit! This man thinks he has been writing to the same woman only to find he has a rain check at the last minute.

Yo, Tony, don't be so naive bro. This is not an isolated case. Does that make it right? Probably not. Do marriage work, because of it? Yes. Mine is one of those, as my wife's sister posed as my wife!

 

When you say 'her part', you are wrong. The conspirators are mom, dad, daughter, dad's brother and sister in-law, and their daughter, Jie.

[Dennis143]

Now Dennis, which one of your 6 wives, sisters cousins is this

 

gonna be a bit of a susprise for Al when a different lady meets him at the airport dont you think Not if she's a knock-down-drop-dead gorgeous hottie!

 

i think a bit of honesty may be in order for everyones sake

[Guest Dylan W]

Now Dennis, which one of your 6 wives, sisters cousins is this

 

gonna be a bit of a susprise for Al when a different lady meets him at the airport dont you think Not if she's a knock-down-drop-dead gorgeous hottie!

 

i think a bit of honesty may be in order for everyones sake

Perhaps you should share some photos with the group and let the guys here decide first.

[JimS.]

Now Dennis, which one of your 6 wives, sisters cousins is this

 

gonna be a bit of a susprise for Al when a different lady meets him at the airport dont you think Not if she's a knock-down-drop-dead gorgeous hottie!

 

i think a bit of honesty may be in order for everyones sake

Perhaps you should share some photos with the group and let the guys here decide first.

I like your thinking remember to keep it P13 ..that's topless now right...crap I think I just heard the mop stir

[Guest Dylan W]

Now Dennis, which one of your 6 wives, sisters cousins is this

 

gonna be a bit of a susprise for Al when a different lady meets him at the airport dont you think Not if she's a knock-down-drop-dead gorgeous hottie!

 

i think a bit of honesty may be in order for everyones sake

Perhaps you should share some photos with the group and let the guys here decide first.

I like your thinking remember to keep it P13 ..that's topless now right...crap I think I just heard the mop stir

You can keep it Oklahoma legal, which means if liquor is served, underwear must be on and nipples must be covered with at least some form of dark tape or band-aids.

[Dennis143]

Back to being serious...

 

The family seriously believes that Al is a good man. And, the chance to have him in the family shouldn't be lost (they believe).

 

One thing I may consider is to suggest that Jie write to Al and explain everything.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

seriously though Dennis a surprise woman that doesn't speak a word of english

 

come on Dennis she has never even spoke to or seen him or visa versa do them both a favor.

[Cathy]

So then, I am my brother's keeper. And, it is entirely up to me to rescue him.

Is this difficult to do? It is up to your fingers.

 

BTW, Al never came to me seeking relationship or cultural advice, but advice on travel.

He didnt ask because he didnt know people could be so deceptive. Dont you want to help your fellow Americans?

[Guest Dylan W]

seriously though Dennis a surprise woman that doesn't speak a word of english

 

come on Dennis she has never even spoke to or seen him or visa versa do them both a favor.

That's my serious thoughts as well. I would be very angry and I would feel cheated if this happen to me.

[Dennis143]

 

come on Dennis she has never even spoke to or seen him or visa versa do them both a favor.

Rob, Jin (not your Jin) doesn't speak any English either. Al doesn't seem to think that is an issue. Little does he know, but that's another subject.

[Guest jin979]

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[Guest Tony n Terrific]

So then, I am my brother's keeper. And, it is entirely up to me to rescue him.

Is this difficult to do? It is up to your fingers.

 

BTW, Al never came to me seeking relationship or cultural advice, but advice on travel.

He didnt ask because he didnt know people could be so deceptive. Dont you want to help your fellow Americans?

Amen!