Losing face

[tmkeith]

 

If she can move on, there is not a great need for her to know that everyone makes mistakes... that's a given with humans. IMO, The issue is the string and ropes of 'duty' which bind us at times.

 

Very well said. I'm also learning that the truth will come out in time. As she becomes less dependent on the family ties and duties which she has known and followed the vast majority of her life, and more trusting and comfortable in her current, stable and secure life with you, she will unload her burdens without a second thought.

[lostinblue]

I had read of "losing face" before I first met my SO in person, but likewise, I had no idea telling others we met on the internet would make her lose face. Compaired, I think she took it pretty well... I said something along the lines of "It doesnt matter what they think, as long as we are happy" I've explained it in many different ways how americans view it. I'm lucky enough that she not only understands but accepts that I have no shame haha.

 

We kissed in public countless times, in front of many chinese and by the time I left I think her mind has changed, yet that root is still insider her and once in a while she feels embarassed. I think after some time in the US she will atleast accept our concept of "no shame" ;-)

With my ex girlfriend who lived in Toronto we were standing at a bus stop with no one near and I started to hold her hand . She was upset as a chinese man was across the street and she said he might laugh at her. She would then loose face.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I had read of "losing face" before I first met my SO in person, but likewise, I had no idea telling others we met on the internet would make her lose face. Compaired, I think she took it pretty well... I said something along the lines of "It doesnt matter what they think, as long as we are happy" I've explained it in many different ways how americans view it. I'm lucky enough that she not only understands but accepts that I have no shame haha.

 

We kissed in public countless times, in front of many chinese and by the time I left I think her mind has changed, yet that root is still insider her and once in a while she feels embarassed. I think after some time in the US she will atleast accept our concept of "no shame" ;-)

With my ex girlfriend who lived in Toronto we were standing at a bus stop with no one near and I started to hold her hand . She was upset as a chinese man was across the street and she said he might laugh at her. She would then loose face.

 

When we were in Dali we went for a hair cut, I went to kiss Jin she stopped me, turned red and everyone in the shop smiled. she told me we cannot in public, will loose face as people will think she is a bad woman. When she told me things about her past some of which I've shared here, some not, she was very worried about loosing face, but said as she loves me she took a chance.

I asked her why she was so brave in doing this, she said between husband and wife, she believes there should be no secrets, even about past. Guess I'm lucky as we have discussed all things about both our pasts and it has done nothing but draw us closer together. She probably knows more about me than I do.

[Dennis143]

I had read of "losing face" before I first met my SO in person, but likewise, I had no idea telling others we met on the internet would make her lose face. Compaired, I think she took it pretty well... I said something along the lines of "It doesnt matter what they think, as long as we are happy" I've explained it in many different ways how americans view it. I'm lucky enough that she not only understands but accepts that I have no shame haha.

 

We kissed in public countless times, in front of many chinese and by the time I left I think her mind has changed, yet that root is still insider her and once in a while she feels embarassed. I think after some time in the US she will atleast accept our concept of "no shame" ;-)

With my ex girlfriend who lived in Toronto we were standing at a bus stop with no one near and I started to hold her hand . She was upset as a chinese man was across the street and she said he might laugh at her. She would then loose face.

 

When we were in Dali we went for a hair cut, I went to kiss Jin she stopped me, turned red and everyone in the shop smiled. she told me we cannot in public, will loose face as people will think she is a bad woman. When she told me things about her past some of which I've shared here, some not, she was very worried about loosing face, but said as she loves me she took a chance.

I asked her why she was so brave in doing this, she said between husband and wife, she believes there should be no secrets, even about past. Guess I'm lucky as we have discussed all things about both our pasts and it has done nothing but draw us closer together. She probably knows more about me than I do.

Oh Rob!!! (Do I sound like Laura Petrie?) Rob old buddy, I know that you both have shared a lot and you have bared your soul to her, but never believe she knows everything about you or vice versa. You never know anyone until you live with them, ole buddy. Got to leave a little room to realize there's always a period of adjustment for both of you.

 

Your story about kissing in public made me remember my first trip to see my former Nanning woman. We returned from Yangshou and the taxi drops me off at her apartment, while she continues on to work for a few hours. I tell her I want a kiss goodbye. Now this is in front of her apartment in the middle of a very busy Nanning street. She dutifully walks over to me and gives me a quick peck. As she is walking away, a complete look of disgust comes across her face. She slowly raises her hand to her face and then with deliberation wipes her lips with the back of her hand. Good lesson learned for me about how to find face after loosing it.

Edited October 2, 2007 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I don't know what to think about this topic. The more I learn the more confused I get.

 

On the one had, Ping has been careful to make sure that her girlfriends know that we met through an introduction by Susan and a friend of mine, because it saves face for her, apparently.

 

But on the other hand, Ping has shown no concern about kissing me and holding hands and putting her arms around me everywhere we go. She has been unabashedly affectionate in public.

 

I have decided to just stop thinking about it and enjoy the ride.

Being in a cosmopolitan metropolis somewhat alters the rules.

 

I agree, Jin is not a cosmopolitan womam, but then neither am i a cosmopolitan man, just ordinary but honest folks people. Of course we have have alot to learn about eachother and living togeteher. But for the first time in my life this is something I am going into with a totally open heart and mind, and thats about her. Might sound sloppy but coming from a guy divorced twice, who has learnt alot, when it feels right at the deepest level, you have to follow this

[chilton747]

On my first trip to China my then girlfriend (now wife) was sure to tell me about no public display of affection. However, we were in an internet cafe and we were having a very good time using the online translator so we could understand each other. One thing led to another, I told her that I was really falling in love with her and she started crying and gave me a big kiss in front of everybody. Sometimes emotions overrule tradition. It is definitely not uncommon to see younger people showing displays of affection in public as I saw this a lot. But my wife insists that we follow the "no public display of affection" rule while I am there.

[Dennis143]

I don't know what to think about this topic. The more I learn the more confused I get.

 

On the one had, Ping has been careful to make sure that her girlfriends know that we met through an introduction by Susan and a friend of mine, because it saves face for her, apparently.

 

But on the other hand, Ping has shown no concern about kissing me and holding hands and putting her arms around me everywhere we go. She has been unabashedly affectionate in public.

 

I have decided to just stop thinking about it and enjoy the ride.

Being in a cosmopolitan metropolis somewhat alters the rules.

Yep, I spent time with different women in NN and in GZ. The rules placed on NN women are pretty stringent; whereas, I don't think there are any rules in GZ.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I don't know what to think about this topic. The more I learn the more confused I get.

 

On the one had, Ping has been careful to make sure that her girlfriends know that we met through an introduction by Susan and a friend of mine, because it saves face for her, apparently.

 

But on the other hand, Ping has shown no concern about kissing me and holding hands and putting her arms around me everywhere we go. She has been unabashedly affectionate in public.

 

I have decided to just stop thinking about it and enjoy the ride.

Being in a cosmopolitan metropolis somewhat alters the rules.

Yep, I spent time with different women in NN and in GZ. The rules placed on NN women are pretty stringent; whereas, I don't think there are any rules in GZ.

 

That's just it, there really are no rules. Just be ready to duck and or say your sorry at a moments notice....

 

[david_dawei]

I don't mind the "no public displays of affection" at all with my wife while in china... it seems to give all her girlfriends an excuse to hold my hand instead

[Dennis143]

I don't mind the "no public displays of affection" at all with my wife while in china... it seems to give all her girlfriends an excuse to hold my hand instead

Uh, David, you don't need to go to China for that 'lao gong'.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I don't mind the "no public displays of affection" at all with my wife while in china... it seems to give all her girlfriends an excuse to hold my hand instead

Uh, David, you don't need to go to China for that 'lao gong'.

 

you guys are all fun

 

[david_dawei]

I don't mind the "no public displays of affection" at all with my wife while in china... it seems to give all her girlfriends an excuse to hold my hand instead

Uh, David, you don't need to go to China for that 'lao gong'.

 

you guys are all fun

 

dennis is sneaking in an 'insider story'... I was at a party with my wife's work... and there were about 20 chinese ladies and me ! The only mei guo ren in the chinese restaurant and half of them are tanking down alcohol and getting light up.. and the one next to me keeps calling me "Lao Gong", since she was getting so drunk, she decided two words were easier than three (ie: Zixuan Lao Gong)...

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I had read of "losing face" before I first met my SO in person, but likewise, I had no idea telling others we met on the internet would make her lose face. Compaired, I think she took it pretty well... I said something along the lines of "It doesnt matter what they think, as long as we are happy" I've explained it in many different ways how americans view it. I'm lucky enough that she not only understands but accepts that I have no shame haha.

 

We kissed in public countless times, in front of many chinese and by the time I left I think her mind has changed, yet that root is still insider her and once in a while she feels embarassed. I think after some time in the US she will atleast accept our concept of "no shame" ;-)

With my ex girlfriend who lived in Toronto we were standing at a bus stop with no one near and I started to hold her hand . She was upset as a chinese man was across the street and she said he might laugh at her. She would then loose face.

 

When we were in Dali we went for a hair cut, I went to kiss Jin she stopped me, turned red and everyone in the shop smiled. she told me we cannot in public, will loose face as people will think she is a bad woman. When she told me things about her past some of which I've shared here, some not, she was very worried about loosing face, but said as she loves me she took a chance.

I asked her why she was so brave in doing this, she said between husband and wife, she believes there should be no secrets, even about past. Guess I'm lucky as we have discussed all things about both our pasts and it has done nothing but draw us closer together. She probably knows more about me than I do.

Oh Rob!!! (Do I sound like Laura Petrie?) Rob old buddy, I know that you both have shared a lot and you have bared your soul to her, but never believe she knows everything about you or vice versa. You never know anyone until you live with them, ole buddy. Got to leave a little room to realize there's always a period of adjustment for both of you.

 

Your story about kissing in public made me remember my first trip to see my former Nanning woman. We returned from Yangshou and the taxi drops me off at her apartment, while she continues on to work for a few hours. I tell her I want a kiss goodbye. Now this is in front of her apartment in the middle of a very busy Nanning street. She dutifully walks over to me and gives me a quick peck. As she is walking away, a complete look of disgust comes across her face. She slowly raises her hand to her face and then with deliberation wipes her lips with the back of her hand. Good lesson learned for me about how to find face after loosing it. B)

 

THATS FUNNY

and yes I know we still have lots to learn about eachother, like she cant understand why i dont like boney fish soup