America is boring

[I-Luv-America]

Anywhere is boring to the non-motivated; and it's easy to get de-motivated. If you find yourself continually in the role or motivating your partner, your very life will get sucked from you. Instead, offer suggestions and point, using two fingers rather than one. Pointing using one finger, like the index finger, has an authoritarian connection. Suggest and point. Do that everyday. Don't force, but continue to suggest and point. Those that are unwilling to try making it in the US without total immersion into the English language and lifestyle, will eventually suck you dry. You cannot be the go between ongoing. Be patient, but encourage every single day. While making Chinese friends is helpful in the interim, it just will not sustain you in the long run, or will rob you of a more valuable relationship.

[IllinoisDave]

I like the boring midwest life, I can live that way for ever.

 

I'll second that sawadee.

[I love Sunshine]

its all in your attitude....

if you wanna be depressed about life in the US of A...

im sorry to tell you but you aint gonna be happy anywhere.

The cow always sticks his head through the fence for better grass.

and you got the freshest grass in the world right now in the States.

 

i mean if your girl is currently living in BeiJing and she moves to a place with one traffic light and one store in a town of about 300...

this is just not going to be an easy transition, ontop of everything else she will endure for leaving everything she has ever known.....be ready.

 

I agree with you about attitude being the most important thing.

 

My Sunshine is from Shanghai and runs her own successful company there. I own a hotel in a resort town with a population of 9,000 people that is far removed from any decent-sized city. I am also a student in thriving Tempe, a suburb of Phoenix. The plan is to spend our summer in the resort town, when most of our business occurs, and the rest of the year in Arizona.

 

She is lukewarm about coming to Arizona, but excited to go to the resort town. I was just up there, and sent her photos of the leaves changing colors and waterfalls tumbling from the mountains overhead. She compared it with Jiuzhaigou, where we visited in May, and is eagerly looking forward to her new life with me, especially in the resort town. She can't wait to go hiking or tubing down the rapids... it is my goal to give her a happy life here.

 

Bored? I guarantee she won't be bored. Life is what we make of it!

[Urkidding]

Have kids....

 

 

and I guarantee... your life will never be boring again

[Nick&Ran]

My wife and I have an interesting twist to these stories I've read so far. We met in Graduate school here in the states which means that we both pretty much know what life in the US is like. I, as the US citizen a different perspective of course. After graduating we headed straight to Shanghai to start work there for two US multi-nationals, lived in a very nice (small) apartment high up in the air (smoke) and enjoyed China to the fullest. Over the year we lived in Shanghai we enjoyed everything we possibly could in that short time span. We toured almost every corner of China (thank goodness for three national holidays), ate about every type of food, met interesting international friends; in short it was hard/exciting and made both us and our careers grow.

 

We came back to the US three days ago to live and work and although we're only an hour outside of NYC living on the coast its like the world stopped moving. We always knew we would come back to the US, knew what it was like however once you get back here it takes some serious adjustment! So, in the fact that we both lived in China for a year our situation is a bit different since we are both going through the culture shock (for me reverse culture shock ). I would say without question our careers and desires will move us back to Asia later on in life if even only for a few years. Living there for a year as a local would live (at least a relatively well paid IT local) certainly changed my outlook and allows me to better understand my wife now that we're both back in the US.

 

As far as America being boring, I don't think so. In China you are constantly bombared with people, flashing lights, signs, chaos, entertainment and food. So in effect in China your environment provides constant stimulus and you'll often find yourself running into or unable to avoid an after work engagement or trip to the mall. If you're a easy going person then you'll probably perceive China to be very exciting or maybe even too much on some days. If you're a driven person then you'll fit in a place like Shanghai where everyone fights for resources every day. So the question is what exactly is boring? Is the US boring because you spend less time walking, doing remedial tasks which in the US are automatic or not needed, traveling by subway and bus for 1.5 hours to an from work? I think the strongest reason the US may be perceived as boring is that we aren't as prone to do things in large groups frequently, its more of a "get in my car, go to my home, type of place" rather than "lets get in the subway and lets go out type of place" China kind of takes you along for the ride and doesn't let you get bored. America offers you the chance to be bored or go make your life as exciting as you'd like it.

 

For me I won't chose sides since I like aspects of both places, so I guess I prefer to live in the "World". Once you live in the US and in Asia everything in between is just a mix of either two (well maybe except Africa). So, I'm keeping my mind open and we'll do our best to enjoy all that my home country, America, has to offer!

[IllinoisDave]

My wife and I have an interesting twist to these stories I've read so far. We met in Graduate school here in the states which means that we both pretty much know what life in the US is like. I, as the US citizen a different perspective of course. After graduating we headed straight to Shanghai to start work there for two US multi-nationals, lived in a very nice (small) apartment high up in the air (smoke) and enjoyed China to the fullest. Over the year we lived in Shanghai we enjoyed everything we possibly could in that short time span. We toured almost every corner of China (thank goodness for three national holidays), ate about every type of food, met interesting international friends; in short it was hard/exciting and made both us and our careers grow.

 

We came back to the US three days ago to live and work and although we're only an hour outside of NYC living on the coast its like the world stopped moving. We always knew we would come back to the US, knew what it was like however once you get back here it takes some serious adjustment! So, in the fact that we both lived in China for a year our situation is a bit different since we are both going through the culture shock (for me reverse culture shock ). I would say without question our careers and desires will move us back to Asia later on in life if even only for a few years. Living there for a year as a local would live (at least a relatively well paid IT local) certainly changed my outlook and allows me to better understand my wife now that we're both back in the US.

 

As far as America being boring, I don't think so. In China you are constantly bombared with people, flashing lights, signs, chaos, entertainment and food. So in effect in China your environment provides constant stimulus and you'll often find yourself running into or unable to avoid an after work engagement or trip to the mall. If you're a easy going person then you'll probably perceive China to be very exciting or maybe even too much on some days. If you're a driven person then you'll fit in a place like Shanghai where everyone fights for resources every day. So the question is what exactly is boring? Is the US boring because you spend less time walking, doing remedial tasks which in the US are automatic or not needed, traveling by subway and bus for 1.5 hours to an from work? I think the strongest reason the US may be perceived as boring is that we aren't as prone to do things in large groups frequently, its more of a "get in my car, go to my home, type of place" rather than "lets get in the subway and lets go out type of place" China kind of takes you along for the ride and doesn't let you get bored. America offers you the chance to be bored or go make your life as exciting as you'd like it.

 

For me I won't chose sides since I like aspects of both places, so I guess I prefer to live in the "World". Once you live in the US and in Asia everything in between is just a mix of either two (well maybe except Africa). So, I'm keeping my mind open and we'll do our best to enjoy all that my home country, America, has to offer!

 

Nice post Nick.

I'm extremely jealous of the whole "living in Shanghai for a year/travelling to all corners of China" thing. Damn you for living MY dream.

 

I would just add that I think part of what may contribute to the perception by some that the US is boring once you've been to China is the whole familiar vs unfamiliar aspect. From my perspective anyway, everything in China was new,fascinating and unfamilar. Compared to that, life here could be perceived by some to be quite boring.

[lostinblue]

yan and I were at a dinner saterday night and talked with a man and his wife who grew up in Hong Kong. He has been here for about 40 years. Has a degree from Georgetown. He worked in DC for a while and now is here in upstate NY.He said it is boring here. Side walks fold up at 10.....He said in HongKong or Shanghai people wait until 10pm to go out and see something. The city never sleeps.

Edited February 5, 2008 by lostinblue (see edit history)

[Jay & Ping]

We can hardly compare Shanghai and Guangzhou with suburban America can we? NYC, Chicago, Washington and segments throughout the country offer a 24/7 lifestyle. You want crazy - move to Vegas. America does tend towards the sedentary (as our guts expand).

China is amazing. Much of that excitement comes from packing people one on top of another. This excitement comes right to your door for free! Here we spread out a little, have a "rugged individual" mentality and socialize less. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I can dial in the level of excitement I want. Of course most I have to pay for. My honey gets bored, I'll take her bungee jumping. That'll keep her quiet for a day!

Do any ladies from the "countryside" think America is boring? Just curious.

[IllinoisDave]

We can hardly compare Shanghai and Guangzhou with suburban America can we? NYC, Chicago, Washington and segments throughout the country offer a 24/7 lifestyle. You want crazy - move to Vegas. America does tend towards the sedentary (as our guts expand).

China is amazing. Much of that excitement comes from packing people one on top of another. This excitement comes right to your door for free! Here we spread out a little, have a "rugged individual" mentality and socialize less. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I can dial in the level of excitement I want. Of course most I have to pay for. My honey gets bored, I'll take her bungee jumping. That'll keep her quiet for a day!

Do any ladies from the "countryside" think America is boring? Just curious.

 

Well, I've lived near Chicago almost my entire life,including five years in the city itself. IMO it doesn't compare at all to the vibrance of Shanghai at least. Yes, maybe part of it is the fact that there are so many people everywhere. But Shanghai just has a kind of pulse that you feel everywhere you go, 24/7. The same can't be said of Chi-town, IMHO.

 

Does that mean that Chicago is boring? Not hardly. But if your looking for pure non-stop excitement, I'd pick Shanghai over it anytime.

[ameriken]

We can hardly compare Shanghai and Guangzhou with suburban America can we? NYC, Chicago, Washington and segments throughout the country offer a 24/7 lifestyle. You want crazy - move to Vegas. America does tend towards the sedentary (as our guts expand).

China is amazing. Much of that excitement comes from packing people one on top of another. This excitement comes right to your door for free! Here we spread out a little, have a "rugged individual" mentality and socialize less. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I can dial in the level of excitement I want. Of course most I have to pay for. My honey gets bored, I'll take her bungee jumping. That'll keep her quiet for a day!

Do any ladies from the "countryside" think America is boring? Just curious.

 

Well, I've lived near Chicago almost my entire life,including five years in the city itself. IMO it doesn't compare at all to the vibrance of Shanghai at least. Yes, maybe part of it is the fact that there are so many people everywhere. But Shanghai just has a kind of pulse that you feel everywhere you go, 24/7. The same can't be said of Chi-town, IMHO.

 

Does that mean that Chicago is boring? Not hardly. But if your looking for pure non-stop excitement, I'd pick Shanghai over it anytime.

When I saw the thread title, I knew exactly what it was going to be about......my wife has made that very statement.

 

I couldnt think how to explain it, so Dave and Jay, I must say you put it very well. As for my wife, she is comparing busy Shanghai to a quieter Denver suburb, and coming from that 24 hour city she will obviously feel the difference. I suppose a country girl in rural china who meets a man from Chicago, LA or NY, and moves there may have a different kind of shock coming to her.

Edited February 5, 2008 by ameriken (see edit history)

[ameriken]

We can hardly compare Shanghai and Guangzhou with suburban America can we? NYC, Chicago, Washington and segments throughout the country offer a 24/7 lifestyle. You want crazy - move to Vegas. America does tend towards the sedentary (as our guts expand).

China is amazing. Much of that excitement comes from packing people one on top of another. This excitement comes right to your door for free! Here we spread out a little, have a "rugged individual" mentality and socialize less. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I can dial in the level of excitement I want. Of course most I have to pay for. My honey gets bored, I'll take her bungee jumping. That'll keep her quiet for a day!

Do any ladies from the "countryside" think America is boring? Just curious.

 

Well, I've lived near Chicago almost my entire life,including five years in the city itself. IMO it doesn't compare at all to the vibrance of Shanghai at least. Yes, maybe part of it is the fact that there are so many people everywhere. But Shanghai just has a kind of pulse that you feel everywhere you go, 24/7. The same can't be said of Chi-town, IMHO.

 

Does that mean that Chicago is boring? Not hardly. But if your looking for pure non-stop excitement, I'd pick Shanghai over it anytime.

When I saw the thread title, I knew exactly what it was going to be about......my wife has made that very statement.

 

I couldnt think how to explain it, so Dave and Jay, I must say you put it very well. As for my wife, she is comparing busy Shanghai to a quieter Denver suburb, and coming from that 24 hour city she will obviously feel the difference. I suppose a country girl in rural china who meets a man from Chicago, LA or NY, and moves there may have a different kind of shock coming to her.

 

 

I was reading this thread in more of a pre-emptive education perspective and it dawned on me that whenever/whoever I end up with is in for one hell of a shock!. NOTHING that goes on in my current life has ever been experienced in China. Can you imagine a native Chinese woman being exposed for the first time to a live and in-person Top Fuel Dragster breathing fire and smoke and the exhaust pulses so strong that it actually shakes the air around you and almost knocks you off your feet? HAHAHA....Can you imagine taking your lady up in an airplane and then just as you are both enjoying the beautiful view, you open the door, tell her you'll see her on the ground and fling yourself out the door? Are there Harleys in China? If so, probably not like mine. A custom chopper with a exhaust note that sets off every car alarm for three blocks. When I fire up my daily driver Mustang, the house shakes. I have no qualms about waking up and deciding that a remodeling project is the order of the day, fixing some coffee and taking a sledgehammer to a wall that I think should be moved. I live in a small town. The extent of our public transportation is 3 taxi cabs. No building is over two stories except the hopsital and a few of the motels. I live in the home of Wal-Mart. Traffic congestion in the morning is horrendous, then it is gone...no traffic to speak of...

 

I know that I am in for a shock as well. I know that some of the things I do now, I will probably never do again. Mostly because of the danger aspect and the fear of leaving her alone. But some of the things will remain. I'm not giving up my affiliations with racing. I climbed out of the cockpit years ago and now let the young studs do the driving, but I build the engines that go in these beasts and it will be part of our livelihood. Skydiving I may give up..no sense in tempting fate and leaving this earth too prematurely, although, to date no mishaps yet. The sledgehammer action, well maybe she should pick the wall...

 

All in all, I think many of you are right. Life is exactly what you make of it. Boring is good..its lets you lay together and listen to each others heartbeat. Exciting is good. It is a good test for your heartbeat. I think the key to a not boring, but not wild life is moderation in all things....and sometimes a moderate amount of absolutely nothing is good...

There's someone for everyone, and once you find some sincere girls to chat with, the next issue is finding the right compatibility...someone who either will enjoy all the same things, or at least someone who can accept you for who you are.

 

I am positive theres one out there who'll either be right behind you in falling outta that plane....or if she dont jump outta the plane, she'll be waiting at the bottom with open arms for ya!

 

Just give her that pre-emptive education about the Harley and planes too.......

[Jay & Ping]

Well, Larry, whoever she is she won't be bored!

[Jay & Ping]

Well, Larry, whoever she is she won't be bored!

 

 

Ah!!!!!...Jay!!!! You say that like it's a bad thing!!!!?????

 

 

Nahhhh, just be prepared for "that look". Hopefully it will be with a little smirk. I've become acustom to it.

[IllinoisDave]

I was reading this thread in more of a pre-emptive education perspective and it dawned on me that whenever/whoever I end up with is in for one hell of a shock!. NOTHING that goes on in my current life has ever been experienced in China. Can you imagine a native Chinese woman being exposed for the first time to a live and in-person Top Fuel Dragster breathing fire and smoke and the exhaust pulses so strong that it actually shakes the air around you and almost knocks you off your feet? HAHAHA....Can you imagine taking your lady up in an airplane and then just as you are both enjoying the beautiful view, you open the door, tell her you'll see her on the ground and fling yourself out the door? Are there Harleys in China? If so, probably not like mine. A custom chopper with a exhaust note that sets off every car alarm for three blocks. When I fire up my daily driver Mustang, the house shakes. I have no qualms about waking up and deciding that a remodeling project is the order of the day, fixing some coffee and taking a sledgehammer to a wall that I think should be moved. I live in a small town. The extent of our public transportation is 3 taxi cabs. No building is over two stories except the hopsital and a few of the motels. I live in the home of Wal-Mart. Traffic congestion in the morning is horrendous, then it is gone...no traffic to speak of...

 

I know that I am in for a shock as well. I know that some of the things I do now, I will probably never do again. Mostly because of the danger aspect and the fear of leaving her alone. But some of the things will remain. I'm not giving up my affiliations with racing. I climbed out of the cockpit years ago and now let the young studs do the driving, but I build the engines that go in these beasts and it will be part of our livelihood. Skydiving I may give up..no sense in tempting fate and leaving this earth too prematurely, although, to date no mishaps yet. The sledgehammer action, well maybe she should pick the wall...

 

All in all, I think many of you are right. Life is exactly what you make of it. Boring is good..its lets you lay together and listen to each others heartbeat. Exciting is good. It is a good test for your heartbeat. I think the key to a not boring, but not wild life is moderation in all things....and sometimes a moderate amount of absolutely nothing is good...

 

Nice post Larry.

 

I didn't think of it in your "James Bond" thread so I'll mention it here. Aside from the obvious, I think the biggest shame in what happened to you was that you were cheated out of the incredibly wonderful experience that China can be.

 

I really hope you'll give some consideration to returning someday, even if it's just as a tourist. Or maybe with your yet-to-be-met future wife.

 

Go back and visit Shanghai or Beijing or Xian or Chengdu or all of the above. See The Great Wall, The Forbidden City, Summer Palace and Ming tombs. Go to Nanjing Road in Shanghai as well as some of the off-the-beaten-path streets to sample some of the delicious food, in the restaurants and on the street.

 

China has so much to offer as all here can attest to. I really feel for you that you missed out of the good parts.

 

Best of luck.

[griz326]

I am another one in a remote location. More animals than people, very few shopping options vast distances between local "features" and so on...

 

This place has its share of wonders and things to do...but Xiaoyuan is a social person in a community with a culturally rich lifestyle.

 

Time will tell how she likes it here.