Joanne Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 I noticed a possible difference between our two cultures. Our Chinese people like to be with friends. Almost every Tuesday, after our school meeting, I will go with a few friends to a tea house for some casual chat. Friends can be male or female. We talk about work, family and exchange opinion on how each member should handle different situation. (Just like CFL, in a sense, we also learn how to understand and treat our SOs better) However, I noticed that my husband doesn't like to "gossip". He does have lunch with colleagues on a regular basis, but he always try to bring us, his family, along for almost every after-work gathering, including the ones organized by his company. I appreciate it that my husband always think about his family. But at times I felt uncomfortable that I was the only outsider there, because most of his non-single colleagues are Chinese and they usually don't bring family. I also hope that he has opportunity to make closer friends to share ideas. Link to comment
Joanne Posted November 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 Another thought related to my first post. Do you think you can start a relationship from being simply friends? It is possible to make friend with opposite sex, and truely without intention of marriage, if you are single? Link to comment
Randy W Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 Another thought related to my first post. Do you think you can start a relationship from being simply friends? It is possible to make friend with opposite sex, and truely without intention of marriage, if you are single?165979[/snapback] I have found Chinese people to be much more typically possessive (both male and female) of their SO's with regards to even a casual ongoing aquaintance. I was banned recently from having lunch with a Chinese (female) friend that I had had lunch with most every Monday for more than a year. When I told her that my fiance was being a typically possessive Chinese female, she said that her husband was likewise a typically possessive Chinese male - and didn't like it either. She just hadn't said anything to him for a long time. She feels better now that we are both in line with our SO's pictures. To answer your question, yes of course it's possible, but there are three sets of feelings to consider - also what is most important to you. Link to comment
se_lang Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 I don't see a problem with going out with a "group" of friends that are mixed, However I do have trouble accepting close relationships with a members of the opposite sex simply said "Shit happens". I think it is cool that your husband includes you in his social life there can be many reasons why he does this but as long as he is not dragging you along and then ignoring you, enjoy it, maybe even try to get the other men to bring their families. Link to comment
tywy_99 Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 Another thought related to my first post. Do you think you can start a relationship from being simply friends? It is possible to make friend with opposite sex, and truely without intention of marriage, if you are single? A Platonic relationship....Hhhmmm. Only good,,,IN THEORY and SITCOMS like, you know,,,Three's Company!..... I have to side with se_lang on this one.I'm not so liberal or open minded (or naive) to think that would honestly ever work! It ranks right up there with "utopia", and we all know....that doesn't exist. Like se_lang said, 'it Happens"........ Link to comment
jim_julian Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 If a man has a lady as a close friend he is trying to have sex. If a lady has a man as a close friend I think the same is probably true. I only have one close lady friend ... my lao po. It has been almost 40 years since I have been in love like this ... I want no other. Link to comment
Dennis143 Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 OK Joanne, you ask us (mostly men here) a very loaded question that has been talked about for ages. Can a man, in a relationship with another woman, have single women as friends? Most women view these as simple friendships, usually only platonic. However, a man NEVER has any relationship with any single woman whom he would not like to have sex with! You will not see a heterosexual man with a woman whom he does not desire sexually. I have very many single female friends. But, I have learned that once I am in a committed relationship, I must let these friends go. Pardon my frankness, but, as the saying goes, men are very simple creatures. We are either hungry or horny. If we don't want sex, make us a sandwich. Link to comment
Randy W Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 OK Joanne, you ask us (mostly men here) a very loaded question that has been talked about for ages. Can a man, in a relationship with another woman, have single women as friends? Most women view these as simple friendships, usually only platonic. However, a man NEVER has any relationship with any single woman whom he would not like to have sex with! You will not see a heterosexual man with a woman whom he does not desire sexually. I have very many single female friends. But, I have learned that once I am in a committed relationship, I must let these friends go. Pardon my frankness, but, as the saying goes, men are very simple creatures. We are either hungry or horny. If we don't want sex, make us a sandwich. 166000[/snapback] Have a good trip, guy! Let us know when you get back! Link to comment
Joanne Posted November 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 However, a man NEVER has any relationship with any single woman whom he would not like to have sex with! 166000[/snapback]This comes to: What is friendship? Why can you have male friends? Link to comment
Tom Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 Wow...I can't wait to see the looks I get from my female friends when I tell them we're friends because I want to have sex with them... I'll bet they didn't know that... Heck...I didn't even know that until just now... Link to comment
Joanne Posted November 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 OK Joanne, you ask us (mostly men here) a very loaded question that has been talked about for ages. Can a man, in a relationship with another woman, have single women as friends? Most women view these as simple friendships, usually only platonic. However, a man NEVER has any relationship with any single woman whom he would not like to have sex with! You will not see a heterosexual man with a woman whom he does not desire sexually. I have very many single female friends. But, I have learned that once I am in a committed relationship, I must let these friends go. Pardon my frankness, but, as the saying goes, men are very simple creatures. We are either hungry or horny. If we don't want sex, make us a sandwich. 166000[/snapback]You would have to explain to me why you commented that was a "loaded question". (I didn't know what this means until I just checked it out from the dictionary). No hurry though. But I think if you try to take this GZ lady, Feifei, as a friend to start with, you might be able to feel more relaxed and enjoy your time together better. That means, don't have to worry about lots of things, like her intention,etc.etc. Just a thought. Enjoy your journey!!!! Link to comment
warpedbored Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 My wife is my best friend but i have male friends I tell things to I wouldn't tell my wife. I am sure the same goes for my wife. I prety much agree with Dennis. Men and women don't make good platonic friends unless the woman is too hideous to have sex with. Sex always gets in the way. I do have friends of the opposite sex though. They are the wifes of other couples I socialize with. I wouldn't dream of hanging out with them alone. If a man or woman is married I don't think it is appropriate for either of them to be hanging out with people of the opposite sex alone. Link to comment
hakkamike Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 Wow...I can't wait to see the looks I get from my female friends when I tell them we're friends because I want to have sex with them... I'll bet they didn't know that... Heck...I didn't even know that until just now... 166027[/snapback]If I dump all of my women friends and just hang around guys do you think I may become gay(dont answer that Trigg) Link to comment
LeeFisher3 Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 Wow...I can't wait to see the looks I get from my female friends when I tell them we're friends because I want to have sex with them... I'll bet they didn't know that... Heck...I didn't even know that until just now... 166027[/snapback]That's it Tom!!!! You found me out, but sex is just out of the question now that I am married!!!! Link to comment
LeeFisher3 Posted November 4, 2005 Report Share Posted November 4, 2005 My wife has male friends in China and will have male friends in the US, I do not feel threatened and have absolutely no concern. I have introduced my wife to female friends I have known for years and she does not feel threatened, she even had one of my friends stand with her at our wedding. I believe much of the problem goes back to insecurity and can happen to both men and women. Link to comment
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