robandbolor
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Posts posted by robandbolor
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good to hear that. moodiness is such a classic sympton of depression, but like the plumbling, its hot and cold. get help. if its mild depression, go to the store and pick up st. john worts, which might help temporarily (the jury is still out on its effectiveness) - but, get professional help.
i think with a little understanding and time, everything will be okay.
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My fiance is finally arriving. She has her passport and envelope.
But, one question, the consulate told her to bring her x-rays to the US? she forgot them in china. i did not read anywhere that this was neccessary?
could she just re-take them in the US when she arrives?
totally confused since i thought everything was done.
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181!
i thought it was great, carl u did look pretty good for someone with very little sleep, and bing's laughs are infectious. i thought, as a layman, that she understood everything because her laughs were real and on-time and not a response. its a keeper.
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guys, before making assumptions about her fiance, we need to try understand it better.
he's moody, his emotions swing, and he got off what appears to be an illness earlier. depression isnt a choice - for all we know he might really love her - he just can't figure out his mental/emotional thoughts clearly.
its sounds like he's insecure and non-committal, but then why did he take it this far emotionally, time wise, and economically?
something is amiss. if he see's a doctor, at least its a start, so blueheart can get a better understanding of whats up.
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did someone say USC - as in University of Southern California
?I am an alum! go Trojans!
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i have to say, whoa. i do think you gave up quite a bit to be with him after all - i think that even we as americans need to think about all the sacrifices our loved ones coming here have to make, to be with us.
i know it sounds weird, but i think it just sounds like he has some problems, you identified some sort of depression or mania that makes him moody and volatile. that he had to stay home and not work indicates its pretty serious and effecting his ability to just do common tasks or think rationally - if he did not seek help, its a dangerous situation. and, given as you said "we both need support" it sounds like he isnt getting any help.
did he have any recent physical problems? or major loss or economic problems? right now, he probably feels alot of insecurity and other mixed up thoughts. i think you need to understand, its not him, its the depression which is taking over his life.
i think you shouldnt worry about the other woman online. usually symptoms include feelings of worthlessness and guilt, he probably is using it to fool himself that he has value, which he may not be getting from you at this time. its a safety thing, he would be way too insecure to probably meet her anyway physically - hence, its mainly online.
what i hate to say is that in extreme cases it can last for years if not treated and possibly even lead to suicide.
the fact you came out here and looked for help is good, it shows you understand you want and need help. what your feeling about going home is also normal - its called being homesick.
i think you have two things you need to think of:
if you really love him, and this will take alot of understanding and a strong will, you will try to get him treatment for his depression. get a physical evaluation by a doctor to see if something is wrong - and let the doctor check for signs of depression by letting him know that he is acting the way he is. make sure he gets a mental status examination as well.
its going to take alot of time and will, but you will see results with treatment and medication.
the other path is quite simply, if you arent willing to do these things, you should question whether you love him at all. but, at the least let his family know so they can get him help.
none of this is your fault - i dont think you should accept blame for any of it. it could be physical problems that brought on the depression, it could be a past emotional problem or money problems, it could be his genetics, there could be a variety of reasons why this happened.
i think you pointed out he said he was ill before you came - i personally from what you said think he got physically sick, and that he picked up some mental changes he didnt realize or recognize mentally, maybe a chemical imbalance or something like that in the brain.
men are highly more likely NOT to recognize these kinds of problems and ignore them as well than women, its statistically correct.
i hope you do love him and help him get well and past this unfortunate problem - and that when he gets well, the both of you live a happy life.
hope this helps.
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hmm, i caught that too if anyone was looking. are you in the US or about to leave for the US? it sounded like you were in the US to me, and well, you and he gave it the 3 months and were about to go seperate ways (at least that is how it sounded to me). if you are serious about staying, i recommend you try to find a way to get to canada, and work it from there (i know a few foreign students who did this and continued to work there, you can cross the border anytime and visit, so its not like having to go back at all). plus its legal.
if you haven't left for the US, do a heart to heart with the fiance. honestly, he could have found another person, which could explain his change of heart. or it could just be jitters. from that point on it's your decision and you would have to live with it.
i dont see why this isnt like any other relationship, if you break up, then you break up - it just seems weird when one person says "no more" yet "i want to continue to live with you" and ask for him/her to be responsible for continued support (because he signed a pledge to the government on your status)? my apologies if i am straightforward.
but since i did this process, a year is a lonnnnggg time. i constantly asked myself over and over a thousand times, "do i really want to do this?" and my fiance told me over and over, if she even suspected anything funny about me, she didnt want to see me again. so, in some ways the lengthy time kinda helped us in proving its real - we had alot of tripwires. that is why its so surprising that neither one of you suspected something in over a year? and still managed the interview? someone should have "tripped" a wire?
if you want the student visa, apply for an f-1, but be prepared because the costs of foreign students in the US is pretty steep. plus, you need the TOEFL i think or proof you can do coursework - but save these - its not too difficult a process compared to the k-1.
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um i dont think so. i think its 3 months and thats it.
you have to reapply outside the US - try to get your school paperwork ready before you go maybe?
i know i may be a bit naive, but usually in a break up the first thing i would think is that someone would want to go home, sort of like a security blanket. your english is pretty good, i feel something is amiss.
if it was his fault and you feel you may be ostracized in your country, such as domestic violence or in that vein, you may be able to stay longer to sort things out. i am not an expert but lotsa free legal services are available.
if you did come just to come to the US, you owe him an apology, for pulling his strings for over the past year. he could have spent it trying to find his true love instead of being fooled.
my apologies, but some guy waiting over a year for you is saying alot about his committment. i would guess that there was alot of communications and whatnot, as you received a visa. sometimes things do go wrong like any relationship, but trying to stay in the US sounds a bit too self serving and strange, since most people would be more emotional and want to just leave and forget?
anyways, good luck.
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make the video but really really practice the questions.
my fiance was worried but i practiced with her for 2 weeks before on the questions and she aced it. hopefully, the VO will be satisfied with her answers right off and the video will be secondary - and you'll get it!
good luck. nothing beats practice B)
worked 4 us!
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wow - what a story
congrats - my fiance got approved and will be here near the same time - may 14th!
we're in SF if ya ever are nearby
she had a VO that was also nice - i kinda wish that someone would maybe do a close look at the VOs approvals/denials, and then run a second check on the appeals of their denials and rate them on how many appeals pass.
that way the real problem VOs who cause so much heartbreak and emotional distress, by being vendictive or just pain in the asses like that, could be somehow held more accountable.
but i digress...congrats again!
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this kinda stuff peeves me. luckily, my fiance had her visa and picked it up april 19th, before this situation fell - we're lucky i guess.
but, with the $165 fee increase, where else can there be a 65% increase in fees for services, and things get even more screwed up than ever? wtf? is wrong with this picture?
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hehe, this is indeed great news!
CONGRATULATIONS CARL AND BING!
your love is strong.
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otter, take a deep breath.
feel better.
k - we just got our visa on the 16th approved. you just need to hang tight, i was in your situation, i thought only a few weeks, well, it took 8 weeks.
and, the consulate always says the same thing "pending" so its no big deal.
you've waited this long, so keep the faith. and don't go insane, i used to send alot of frustrated emails to the consulate, but it did not speed things up. you just have to wait and not let it get to you.
hopefully, our government will someday be able to actually do a better job and stop all of our nightmares, but till then, just love the one your waiting for.
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yes, same here. i hope they arent playing the game.
hope you got back to the hotel and all is well. GZ is a nice place to "visa", but i wouldnt wanna live there. (hehe, lil bit o'
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good luck.
my fiance and i had same problem - major export fair in GZ - every hotel is socking it to everyone and rooms are hard to find. i found bolor one at around $91/night (750RM) at the GZ Baiyun Hotel economy rate through this guy. it usually goes for less than $40/per when the fair isnt in town, but it was a good deal.
here is his email. try him and ask - couldnt hurt - esp. since your really getting socked at $240/night right now. he might be able to pull something for you that is much more reasonable.
btw - he is excellent in responding.
Dac>> Harrison
Dac>> Beijing Connectwest Information Consultation Service Corp.
Dac>> Tel: (86-10)64334033
Dac>> Fax: (86-10)64334033
Dac>> No.16-16 Chaoyang District Beijing, P. R. China
Dac>> E-mail: harrison@sinohotelguide.com
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good luck carl and bing!
i hope you like tom petty because this was like our song (my fiance's and mine) for the past year. i am passing it on to the both of you. i hope it lifts your spirits!
Tom Petty
The Waiting
Written by - Tom Petty
From - Hard Promises
Oh, baby, don't it feel like heaven right now
Don't it feel like something from a dream
Yeah, I've never known nothing quite like this
Don't it feel like tonight might never be again
We know better than to try and pretend
Baby, no one coulda ever told me 'bout this
I said yeah, yeah
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
Well, yeah, I might have chased a couple women around
All it ever got me was down
Then there were those that made me feel good
But never as good as I'm feeling right now
Baby, you're the only one that's ever known how
To make me wanna live like I wanna live now
I said yeah, yeah
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
Oh, don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
Don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool
Don't let this go too far
Don't let it get to you
©1981 Gone Gator Music
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after a yearlong stuggle we got approved. it was great to read threads like this because it felt like we were hanging on a thread many times waiting and waiting.
cant think of how many times i played that tom petty song
"The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part"
good luck to y'all.
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hah, not in the cards right now.
but, its in the planning stages as soon as we complete all this
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I wanted to check on this. Kinda redundant I thought but I wanted to be careful.
Do I need to send a Letter of Intent to Marry for the interview my fiance will have at the US Consulate in Guangzhou on Friday, April 16?
I have already sent evidence to support this with my I-129 and tons of emails asking about my fiance's status to the consulate for the past 13 months. To top it all off - she has correspondence from me talking about our marriage plans and has a diamond engagement ring from me as well.
I wanted to check - because we are so close to conclusion now - 13 MONTHS!
thanks, keep the faith everyone.
its worth it
delays in social security card
in General Visa Discussion & First Steps
Posted
Does anyone have any information on why there is a delay in getting a social security card for a K-1 visa? my fiance (now wife married on 05/19) arrived on 05/15.
we went to the social security office on friday, 05/21, and were told there is a period that we would have to wait until 06/09 or longer, so that her visa information and homeland security information would have to be entered until she could apply for the social security card. this is weird since i thought by law, she could apply anytime after she arrived.
additionally, i will be filing the AOS form soon. (1) we have upto 3 months to get this in, right?
but since she also wants to work, i will be filing the I-765 employment authorization form first. (2) i dont understand if she gets a social security card why this is necessary since she supposedly has the legal right to work anyways?
also, when would she be able to travel outside the US? she would like to visit her parents soon - (3) but how could i make sure that its legal so that she can leave the US and come back without any problems and when could she do it at the earliest?
thanks. i fell in love with my wife when i first saw her in 2002 and it took us 2 years of visa delays to finally be permanently together. btw, here are our pictures!
cfl and the other sites dedicated to our loved ones waiting for guangzhou interviews have been a valuable resource and a blessing. thank you.
robert and bolor
first met in mongolia 2002
several trips to mongolia to be together 2003-2004
engaged march 2003
filed I-129 in april 2003
interviewed guangzhou april 2004
arrived may 15, 2004
married may 19, 2004
Pictures of Robert and Bolor