umgoblue

...And the answer from immigration this morning is.....DENIED! Even we presented evidence of a serious problem with her dad, their answer is basically unless he's days away from death and you have evidence, then its not considered an emergency, therefore no Advance Parol for you. So now we are completely screwed. We've tried everything, lawyers, emergency AP walk-in, and no way to get approval, and she will leave the US regardless, next wednesday. I only see we have the following choices: 1. Call my local congressman and see if they can pull strings to get the AP approved quickly. 2. Send the AP in overnight with an emergency letter and more evidence to show that the condition is life threatening. 3. Let her leave, apply for I-130 and later CR1 or IR1 (not sure what they are exactly, still have to research), but in any case we'd be starting over and have to wait 1 year or so. 4. Give up, divorce, move on with our lives. At the moment I'm just too exhausted to think, too many nights of 4 or 5 hours sleep and high stress. What a mess, how unfair. But in the end...we wouldn't be in this situation if we had her dad's approval. She's here, she can stay...the problem comes the day she flys back home, maybe never to return again.

A little update as the saga continues... Thanks for the letter idea, but...unfortunately its not a possibility. Pretty much I can only go with my wifes ideas on how to deal with this situation as she knows her dad best, and at this point she refuses to tell him whether by phone, face to face, or a letter, because she is very sure of his reaction. She had several fights with him over this in the last year and was always selling the good parts of what our situation has to offer, telling him how great I am, how her future here is solid and we have a plan for an MBA and job for her, etc. but in the end even he has doubts about all of that, the main objection is he won't live a life without his daughter near by. He chose to bring her into this world, he worked hard to make her a success and give her a future, he now wants to see the rewards from his effort. I have tried several times to force her to call her dad now, saying we deserve to decide our future immediately, if hs has the final decision then I'd rather have that now and we either can be together or both move on with our lives. I've even been tempted to call him directly myself or write a letter behind my wife's back, but that would be really bad i think for everyone. Meanwhile we went to see an immigration lawyer, a free perk I get in my work benefit package, but that was useless. Seemed we knew more then he did, and at every question he was difficult in some way. He kept saying "whats the problem, apply for an AP before she goes, give them the money and they for sure will give you the AP", but from what we've read and from our experience at the immigration office, it has to be an extreme condition for the AP to be granted. Anyway, we built our case and will go down tomorrow morning to try. If that fails, she will leave next wednesday regardless. Our future lies with the AP, if she can't get that we basically start over, another year of waiting, and in the end we'll have the same problem, how to get past the dad? And its sad because I do like family and do want to be part of her family, look forward to having her parents come over and visit, show them many new things, have them spend time with their daughter, etc. I actually like her parents. Her mom has been somewhat supportive of us. But she has no influence over the dad, she seems afraid of him and I'm sure she won't speak up to defend us. And I really hate to cause her trouble. It just seems I have no control of this situation, only choice is to follow my wifes long-term plan or give up. If we get denied for the AP, we both think thats a bad sign and one with may just force us to end this dream. All of the stress has also caused some recent arguments and difficult situations between us, really not fair we have to be put under such constraints, with time and family against us. Nearly 2 years back on a vacation to China, I met this girl and things really took off from there, we've put 2 years into this, waiting, travelling, phone cards, web cams, patience patience patience...only looking at the calendar for the day to come we can be together, but I never would have thought she'd come here, we'd get married, and 2 weeks later she would leave...all because of her dad, its a very sad time.

I'm not sure I understand option #1. If we were to file for the k-3 visa, and she were to leave in a few weeks, can she return while the k-3 is pending? I thought in that case its just like the k-1, she can't come into the US until its officially approved. And how long is the current best guess of time to get the i-130? And to jump ahead to your second email, the part about talking to her dad...unfortunately she would definately have to be there to translate everything. We can only say hi/bye to each other currently and no way I could pull off a miracle to learn mandarin that quickly. And I am a pretty traditional guy, have suggested I have this serious talk with her dad on both of my last 2 trips to China but she said no way, it won't accomplish anything, best to just spend some time together with them and let her do the serious work. Her mom is actually neutral, of course doesn't want to lose her daughter and worries how well we could know each other and get along with all the culture difference, but in the end she says its her life her decision and she will support her. Her mom knows she is in the US now visiting me. All the relatives know, its only her dad that doesn't, and the secret works only because everyone is afraid to let him know. I really wish I could just convince her now to stay and continue the lie for the next few months until all our paperwork is approved and she can then go back without all the legal issues...we have enough to worry about with immigration, family and not to forget but our own relationship with each other which is somewhat lost in all the other trouble. And here I thought the last 2 years we could easily get thru this if patient...I flipped pages on the calendar for months waiting for that day we got the k1 visa...now it all seems so small! Thanks everyone for the advice!

We don't have the AOS receipt yet because we just got married 7 days ago, then 2 days later we sent in the AOS overnight express, so hopefully that will come within the next week. Then we can walk in and try for an emergency AP, but for that they've already said they need proof of the emergency...which of course I'm not sure what story to use and what will count as proof? If we just send in by normal mail for the AP and she leaves while its pending, then I get conflicting answers if thats allowed. The form itself says where do you want the AP sent, including any overseas embassy, but the instructions say if you leave while pending it will be abandoned. And as far as her being mature enough to stand up to her dad, not sure 10 years or 20 years more of maturity would help any in this case because I do think she is very mature. The problem is her dad has a vision of his perfect life, kind of old-fashioned and with some strong cultural influence, he loves his daughter and wants her under the same roof, or at least living on the same street so they can spend some time each day together. He's a very strong and proud father, thinks he knows best whats her best future, thinks coming to the US is a big mistake. And when he makes a threat he means it, guess he has a history of that and the family lives in fear of him in some way, he has even hit his daughter before to get his way. So how to overcome that? Last year he said he's against but won't stand in the way, but as we've got more serious in our relationship he's changed his mind and says he'd rather ruin the family and will do anything physically possible to stop her from leaving.

Just to follow up on a few comments so far: I do live near Ann Arbor and went to school at UM, nice to know there are some others around. I have tried to convince my wife to extend the current lie another 3 months so we can get the paperwork to allow easy in/out of the US but she says she can't do that because her trip here was originally a 2-week white lie to her dad about a business trip to Singapore, thats been extended and extended to the current 3 month and 2 week lie. And now he's quite anxious and pressuring for her return. So she says no way to extend any more or her dad will blow up. And as far as me moving to China, I have a great job here I would give up to go there and do nothing and jeopardize my career when I return some day, and have to learn the language there, etc, not a very good way to support a family. And I have been a member here for some time but haven't written too much, maybe because until now our case has been so smooth, just required patience to wait for a year. I did go to China 4 times during that year and met her parents on each trip, but they don't speak any english and I can't speak any Mandarin so my wife had to translate everything. He was very friendly to me always, showed me respect and treated me well, cooked for me, liked to show off many things around the house, etc. The problem really isn't me, its that he has the idea life of having his daughter marry a nice successful guy and live under her dad's roof as one close happy family. He's even ended her only previous relationship because the guy was too independent and lived on the other side of the city. I suggested many times I write a letter to her dad, have her translate it and help me to recite it to him in person some time, discussing our life, how I will take care of his daughter and them, plans for future family, etc, but my wife thought that he would just listen and not consider that very important, the real problem is he wants his daughter in his life every day. Well for now, seems she will leave in 2 weeks, and we are scrambling to come up with some way that will allow her to return in 7 months. So many things to look into, how to get emergency AP, how long for IR1, etc? Quite an emotional time these last few weeks...we are both very exhausted.

Hello, Just looking for any advice possible because right now we are in a real mess! My fiancee came here this summer and we got married just near the end of the 3 months. The main problem we face is her parents (dad specifically) never approved of our marriage...nothing against me, just she is an only child and her dad doesn't want to lose her to the U.S.. He threatened that if she leaves he will do something drastic because he considers his life over, perhaps killing himself or his wife or both. So my fiancee came here telling her dad she is away on a business trip, but during these months we can find no way to overcome her dad, other then for her to return, continue the lie to her dad and come back to the U.S. in 6 months telling her dad she's now on a 1 year business trip, at the end of which she thinks he'll have lost his control over her since she lives at home and with time apart the news will be softer, and we'll have been together long enough that she will have to tell her dad, perhaps even have a child coming would help. So sad we have to live under those conditions but thats only half the trouble! We have applied for AOS and are waiting, but seems many months until she gets that and she needs to return immediately. We tried a walk-in for an emergency Advance Parole but were told we need the AOS receipt which we haven't got yet, plus we need some proof of an emergency for her to return and have nothing for that. What emergencies qualify? We could apply for the AP and have her leave and I send it to her, but the USCIS office told us that it would be considered and abandoned application and be denied entry. I've tried to convince her to call her dad and tell him the truth now so we can continue our life more normally, but she is sure he will jump out the window on hearing that news and she can't live with that. If she leaves now, which she will for sure in 2 weeks, then basically we'll have to start over and apply for a regular immigrant visa (CR1?) and that could take 1 or 2 years. And since even then we won't have a solution for her dad, and there are many problems ahead, it may force us to divorce and give up on our dream, even we love each other very much. Any thoughts on how she can return in 6 months? How to get emergency AP? How to overcome her parents? Or any others with any similar experiences? All thoughts would be appreciated greatly! Thanks

I just thought to contribute to this about my phone card experience. I usually use uniontelecard.com and get the remember me card, I believe its 2.4 cents per minute, but the quality of the connection is great, never a problem in one year using that. It can remember the phones you tell it that you call from so you don't have to enter the pin, and I keep buying a new card and transfer the balance so the pin stays the same. Unfortunately there is no log of calls feature. So because of that I tried the bigzoo.com and that's really bad, great features and web site but the connections are always very low volume, many times have an annoying very loud buzz for 15 seconds every 5 minutes, and lots of disconnections. Not surprising they'll be out of business soon. And as for my girlfriend to call me, I buy her a card from ecallchina.com and that seems to work well, just not as cheap so she usually calls me then I call her back. We've also tried some internet phone software but never got that to work well, way too much lag time and poor sound quality, very frustrating! -- Rick

In the past few months I've seen several threads about phone call logs to be required at the interview, but I'm still not clear on that? Certainly I talk to my fiancee at least every other day on the phone, and spend many hours on the weekends. I go thru a $50 calling card every 6 weeks or so and have all of those receipts. I only call with the card because its .02 per minute instead of $2 per minute to use my home phone. Am I required to be stupid too? Who would pay $2 per minute when cheaper choices are available. The calling cards don't have any kind of report you can get online to show all of the itemized calls. To write down on paper each time we talk seems dumb too, anyone can fake that. I think the receipts should be enough, why would I buy so many cards if I'm not using them? Recently I started using my cell phone (to call the calling card number) when I call on the weekends (Sprint PCS) because at least I can go online with that and print some history. Hmmm...what to do?

Good to read some of the helpful info on format, most importantly that NTSC VHS is the format needed. But I just wonder in what circumstances is the VHS tape needed? My fiancee speaks nearly perfect english, we never have any problems, it was her major in college and she's even done some translating work. I tell her we should make a VHS tape anyway just to be safe, but she says no worry, its only needed when they question how you can communicate if the fiancee only speaks chinese. My digital camera that I gave to her takes little movies with sound and we have many of them to show at the interview, but have heard that won't be allowed into the room? Meanwhile I've dusted off my old VHS-C recorder and think to bring that but just not sure its needed? Any advice is much appreciated! Thanks!

Congratulations! And thanks for taking the time to share some encouraging news. During this entire process its one thing after another, this time for you was cancelled hotel, bad advice from some guy on the street, doctor exam, etc. Its as if we are hoping to get away with something illegal...it shouldn't be that way...we all have a right to do this, should never feel any doubt along the way for pass/fail. I am curious about the doctor exam as you mentioned you had to come back later for the results...what results? Do they do some blood work or something? Just curious...

I'm not sure if I should be jumping up and down or not, but I just called DOS and they said we've been approved, all background checks are complete and now are just in the queue waiting for an interview. We just sent in our p3 on 9/23. Maybe the background check is fast, but I got the impression that of the 4 months or so wait lately, that the name check was 3 months and the interview date comes 1 month later, something like that. Any ideas how long after the name check until we should receive the p4? I'm starting to gain confidence this visa might work! Rick ******************************* K-1 Status I-129F Sent.........03/20/2004 I-129F Arrived......03/22/2004 NOA1................03/24/2004 NOA2................07/07/2004 NVC Arrival.........07/16/2004 NVC Approval........08/16/2004 K1 Arrives GZ.......08/18/2004 K1 Clears Customs...09/13/2004 K1 at US Embassy....09/14/2004 P3 Received.........09/22/2004 P3 Mailed out.......09/23/2004 p4 Received......... Interview Date......

Hi Drew, looks like we're pretty similar with our dates, and now we begin the next possibly longest phase of this process. From watching the dates for months, my best guess is interview next april. Kind of depressing as winter approaches after an already long wait and now have to hope for spring to approach before any chance on the visa. But time seems to keep marching forward... Good luck! Rick ******************************* K-1 Status I-129F Sent.........03/20/2004 I-129F Arrived......03/22/2004 NOA1................03/24/2004 NOA2................07/07/2004 NVC Arrival.........07/16/2004 NVC Approval........08/16/2004 K1 Arrives GZ.......08/18/2004 K1 Clears Customs...09/13/2004 K1 at US Embassy....09/14/2004 P3 Received.........09/22/2004 P3 Mailed out.......09/23/2004 p4 Received......... Interview Date......

Wow that is great news, I'm jealous! Seems the k3 is faster than k1. I remember back in February thinking which would be better, and decided on K1 partially because would have to wait 3 months for vacation time to allow another china trip. But I read so many things that said k3 and k1 are about the same. Our k1 started mid-march, just 6 weeks after you and you already have your visa now, and we are thinking another 5 months. Anyway, congrats, great job, good luck too! Rick ********************************** K-1 Status I-129F Sent.........03/20/2004 I-129F Arrived......03/22/2004 NOA1................03/24/2004 NOA2................07/07/2004 NVC Arrival.........07/16/2004 NVC Approval........08/16/2004 K1 Arrives GZ.......08/18/2004 K1 Clears Customs...09/13/2004 K1 at US Embassy....09/14/2004 P3 Received.........09/22/2004 P3 Mailed out.......09/23/2004 p4 Received......... Interview Date......

Sometimes I hear people say their case is in the name check or second name check stage after they returned their p3. I just wonder how do you find this out? We sent back our p3 stuff just over 2 weeks ago and I've since called DOS to check and make sure they had received it, which they did. But then I asked if she could give me any info, like are their substages now that it goes thru and she said she can't tell me anything specific, just that I should expect to wait, and wouldn't give me any estimate either. **sigh** Is the only thing to do at this point just to wait for the p4 to arrive in the mail? I find it very frustrating to have our lives up in the air with no chance to really plan anything in the next year. Rick *********************************************** K-1 Status I-129F Sent.........03/20/2004 I-129F Arrived......03/22/2004 NOA1................03/24/2004 NOA2................07/07/2004 NVC Arrival.........07/16/2004 NVC Approval........08/16/2004 K1 Arrives GZ.......08/18/2004 K1 Clears Customs...09/13/2004 K1 at US Embassy....09/14/2004 P3 Received.........09/22/2004 P3 Mailed out.......09/23/2004 p4 Received......... Interview Date......

Actually I recently just came back from China and this trip, my third, I finally got sick. I don't consider I have a particularly strong stomach and was worried about this on the previous trips, but never any problems at all. And then on this trip I got food poisoning from a pizza from the western restaurant at the Marriot in Sanya, Hainan. I think thats pretty ironic actually, as I'd eaten all kinds of local food and sometimes at places that weren't super clean, and then I end up getting sick off the food at the Marriot, a 5-star hotel that was totally immaculately clean. And I wouldn't say it was super bad, I've had worse situations, but I was in the bathroom most of the day and unable to eat, and yet had to catch a flight back to Shanghai that night. My girlfriend ended up making a phone call and setting me up at a hospital where her friend works. It was quite cheap, for $10 total I got a doctor to tell me I had a common bacterial infection (#157) and he put me on an IV with antibiotics and glucose to get my strength back, and I just lay there for maybe 3 hours then left and the next day ate rice soup all day to recover even more. But then 2 days later, probably because the bacteria weakend my immune system, I got a pretty bad chest cold and finally flew back to the US coughing all the way. I think its all just part of travelling, and I certainly don't mind paying that price to spend time with my girlfriend, I just wish it would hit when I come back and not ruin the time with her. Hopefully better luck on next trip!