John & Hai Yan Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 Hai Yan's grandmother died last night! She had been ill, off and on for the last six months. She was 89 years old. Hai Yan was very close to her grandmother, and had spent a lot of time with her grandmother growing up as a child. Her grandmother lives in a small village in Hunan province. Hai Yan lives in southern Guangdong province. She must take a train and two buses to get there, since there is no airport nearby. It takes almost a full day to get there. Does anyone know the usual protocol or customs for funerals. How soon after the death is the funeral?. Is there a funeral? Hai Yan did not want to speak about her grandmother at all today. She was feeling too sad and distraught. In addition Hai Yan has her interview in three days on thursday March 24th. Has anyone on CFL ever rescheduled an interview for a death in the family. If anyone knows of this actually happening, I would like to hear about it. If the interview is rescheduled for this reason, can it be rescheduled in the near future. I will leave all decisions up to Hai Yan about rescheduling the interview. I would like to give her advice on what might happen, however. Link to comment
Dan R Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 I am sorry to hear of the loss. It must be very hard having such a deep sorrow at a time that you have waited so long for. Link to comment
frank1538 Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 John, Sorry to hear about Hai Yan's grandmother. Jingwen was already here when her dad died, and I don't know if the customs differ with respect to parents and grandparents or male vs. female. I do know that Jingwen wanted to return to Zhanjiang as soon as possible, but we had to wait on her advance parole. Here's a thread that I posted about customs and traditions observed by Jingwen's family. Maybe it will help. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index....8060330c8633587 I know you guys have waited a long time for the interview. It would be a real shame if you had to re-schedule. If at all possible, try to get the interview behind you. If you want, I'm sure Jingwen would be willing to give Hai Yan a call. Just let me know. Link to comment
Dan R Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 John, Best to ask her what her family will do or a close friend. China has widely differing customs in this. Regional, religous, governmental and personal practices vary radically. In China it is very difficult to presume which way a family will follow. I saw several funerals which were burials with traditional musical processions going to the grave site. Cremation is also used. Burial location varies by place as well from local cemetaries to family plots on family land. Some families even still take the body to be buried in a traditional location such as a mountain. The main thing is to listen and be supportive. This is an emotional time made even more difficult by the timing of the interview which both of you must have been very anxious about. Best Wishes to you both. Link to comment
eeyore Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 Sorry to hear about your loss. I'm not sure the answer to your question. Thomas. Link to comment
rogerluli Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 My condolences for your loss also. I have no idea of the consulate's position on rescheduling an interview. I suspect that my SO would wish to go through with the interview after waiting so long for it. Roger & Lu Li Link to comment
ptcrusier333rph Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 sorry to hear your loss Robert and Thoa Link to comment
hypoclear Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 We are sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Mark and Bea and Elizabeth Link to comment
beijingjenny Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 So sorry John. Please pass our condolences to Hai Yan. I would recommend, with only two days to go, she just get the visa (try for one-day service) and then go straight there. But then I don't know what her family expects and if that will be very frowned upon. The timing is frustrating, but in a sense though, it's good it happened before she leaves China. Link to comment
NicolaNSam Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 John, I'm very sorry about what happened I can only imagine what you and your SO are going through so close to interview time. I just hope things work out for you all. Are you going to be there for the interview? Good luck to you guys your in our thoughts Link to comment
John & Hai Yan Posted March 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Thanks for all the well wishes and condolences! They are all most appreciated. Hai Yan also sends her thanks. I just got off the phone with Hai Yan, and she has decided to go to the interview. Then she will go to her grandmother's hometown immediately after picking up the visa. I don't know the details about the funeral. She doesn't know many details either. We only talked briefly. The extended family and friends will gather together for a meal, and some traditional music. After a few days they will bury her. She doesn't know much more at this point. She will be leaving for GZ in a few hours and has lots to do before she goes. Yesterday she didn't want to talk about her grandmother or the funeral at all. That's why I thought I would throw it out to CFL. Frank, Thanks for the offer to have Jingwen call HaiYan. Talking to another Zhanjiang woman from the U.S. would always be a plus. Everything seems to be OK for now. Right now she barely has time to talk to me. She has a lot to do the next 48 hours until the interview. I will not be at the interview. We'll be meeting in Hawaii in a few weeks. Link to comment
philb Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 John: Sorry to hear of ther loss. Like your SO doesn't have enough pressure on her. Support her and listen closely to her needs....that's what a good husband can do right now... Phil Link to comment
oregonknl Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 John, Fei and I discussed this at some length... ... she also is from Hunan, but she thinks that there is a more basic custom in play here... --- namely that the Grandmother needs to interred within three days of her death to find peace... That families who prolong the process are disturbed, and more concerned with "earthly" matters... So I think Hai Yan makes the right decision to go to the interview and THEN to the family... since it would be impossible to travel to Hunan, and then back in time for the interview Link to comment
John & Hai Yan Posted March 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Thanks Kim, It's nice to get some specifics about Hunan. Hai Yan is on the train to GZ as we speak. 36 hours to go before the interview. She should be in Hunan sometime on Saturday with the rest of her extended family. Link to comment
oregonknl Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Wow! What a compact time line, she must be filled with emotions! But one step at a time, after the interview, she will certainly be in a better emotional state to deal with her Grandmother's death... Link to comment
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