Missing Wife

[a2396]

I recently married a Chinese lady, in China (PRC Citizen) about 6 weeks ago. Upon my return to the USA, she said her Mother & family were extremely opposed to our marriage and wanted it ended. After a few very disturbing and short phone calls with her, I have lost contact with her. I had no other way to contact her except her cell phone, now powered off or "expired". I have contacted the American Embassy and the Chinese Public Security Bureau.

 

Has anyone heard of a similar problem? Any suggetions as to how to locate her? Thanks.

[warpedbored]

Sounds like she has made her decision. Have you filed an I-130 yet? If not I suggest you just let it go.

[Jim - Portland, USA]

This is a very bizarre situation, and indeed I think we all have a lot of questions about how this can happen, including the history of you and her before you got married.

 

But for now, to answer your question, I think you've already done the right thing by contacting the Chinese Public Security Bureau. If they can't find her, nobody can, with the exception of her friends or members of her family. Although it sounds like none of them on on your side. Can't you contact one of them, and ask them about what happened to her?

 

That's totally irresponsible and cruel and mean-spririted of her to immediately stop contacting you without any word from her at all. If she wants to end the relationship, she should tell you. At least so that you don't have to worry about her.

 

At this point, she is your wife, and she is missing, and you should assume that something bad has happened to her. She's your wife, you gotta look out for her and protect her! All you need is a few simple words from her that she is fine, but has changed her mind, or whatever. But without that, you don't know what happend to her, maybe she was kidnapped and was sold as a wife to some farmer's family in Yunnan province.

 

You can't contact at least one friend or family member to inquire about her well being to make sure she is not dead? If you were that far removed from her and her friends and family, then IMHO perhaps your marriage never should have been. But nonehteless, she is your wife now, that is a responsibility, and now you must make sure she is okay. If it were me, I'd go over there and track her down (first to make sure she is okay, second to change her mind or perhaps sadly, third to sign the divorce papers).

[tonyontherock]

wow. Which city is your wife from? How come she did not tell her family that she is marrying you? Did you meet the family? China is a big country but tracking down a person is a relatively easy job. Getting a divorce or annulment is another matter.

Try talk to her and rekindle the love.

If everything else fails and you need really to track her down, PM me and I can put you in touch with the right people.

[keelec]

Did you meet the family in China? Did you ask the parents for permission to marry their daughter? Did you have a ceremony that they were invited to?

 

I also find it strange that she would disappear like this in China. Although it is not unreasonable that she is "avoiding you".

 

 

As I have discussed with some people in this forum, I was engaged to a woman in Russia. When she stopped writing to me in January/February, I asked the introductions agency in Russia where we met to find her. I had her address, her parent's address, and the phone number for an aunt/uncle, and they were able to locate her (some was from our I-129F/G325A app).

 

If Chinese is an issue, perhaps someone on this board would volunteer to call her parent's house and talk to them on your behalf (or help you with a 3-way call).

 

 

Talk to a lawyer if you decide to get a divorce/anulment. Perhaps an anulment would be better if you should choose to remarry a chinese woman and apply for a K1/K3 visa in the future (because if the marriage is anuled, legally it never existed).

 

Did you file the INS Paperwork? If you did, then perhaps you would have to mention the anulled marriage in the future.

 

Anyway. I know that it is not uncommon to get a divorace in the USA without getting into contact with the Ex, although I am not sure of the exact procedures, and waiting periods. I think you are supposed to put a notification advertizement in the newspaper or something like that. But, I would recommend going all-out trying to find her including possibly a trip to China before you try the divorce/anullment without her.

 

Best of luck, and our hearts go out to you,

Clifford

[SeaSame]

What I suspect might be some bad things happened on her, such as was kidnapped by some evil folks, or has car accident..etc. I had two female acquaintance disappeared from the world about 4 years still not found yet, the only thing their relatives knew were the evil cult "Lightening of the East" had kidnapped them. There is a rampant evil occultist actived around China since 1990 uptill nowaday,they often kidnapped the innocent to follow them and force them disappeared from the sight of all their relatives and family, then brainwashed those people to become a puppet of their female christ. Those occultist were under secret society, it is very hard to find them out...just a thought, to contact continually with the Public Security Bureau is the best thing you could do for her and yourself.

[skibum]

So why didn't she tell him that the occultist were kidnapping her instead of putting the blame on the parents.

 

a2396, you started the thread, how about answering some of the questions we have. Like what was the parents attitude at the wedding?

 

Me, I would head for China.

[SeaSame]

Skibum, If she was kidnapped by the occultists, she will not be able to contact anyone or tell anyone else. But you are right, a2396 should be head for China.

[a2396]

Regarding my missing wife:

 

I never met her parents and we did not have a planned celebration dinner, because she later felt that her family would get to upset over our age difference. We discussed all this age difference issue when I went to China and I told her not to marry me, if she thought it would create a problem. I did give her family money (via her) for the wedding, which they apparently readily accepted. They have not returned the money in any case.

 

I knew her for 4 months before going to China and communicated exensively with her leading up to my trip. We had (I thought) a very close and positive relationship. The best I have ever found. I just can not understand the 180 degree turn around, except that she is caving in to the family's demands.

 

This story has many facets and there are many things regarding this that do not make sense. I hope this sheds a little light on the situation.

[se_lang]

Regarding my missing wife:

 

I never met her parents and we did not have a planned celebration dinner, because she later felt that her family would get to upset over our age difference. We discussed all this age difference issue when I went to China and I told her not to marry me, if she thought it would create a problem. I did give her family money (via her) for the wedding, which they apparently readily accepted. They have not returned the money in any case.

 

I knew her for 4 months before going to China and communicated exensively with her leading up to my trip. We had (I thought) a very close and positive relationship. The best I have ever found. I just can not understand the 180 degree turn around, except that she is caving in to the family's demands.

 

This story has many facets  and there are many things regarding this that do not make sense.  I hope this sheds a little light on the situation.

I would say book a flight and find her, if she did cave into family pressure you can accept it and walk away or if she is reliant on family for shelter or support you need to offer to take care of her in her own place until she comes here. Listen to your hear but follow your head.

[Dave G.]

I don't know about you guys....

 

I spent a total of two months in China and visited tons of places. If I had to find one person in 1.3 billion on my own, it wouldn't be easy. I don't speak the language, know the streets, etc. I know one town fairly well and that's it. But, try to find a person in Beijing, Chengdu, Chongqing, Shanghai, etc.? Forget about it.

 

a2396.....I'd like to know more about what you wrote. What age difference? How'd you meet? How long did you know the gal? Where does she live? How much did you pay the parents?

 

I know these are personal questions. But, those in this forum are kind of a tight knit group. We welcome you to share, having confidence we'll be supportive, helpful, and honest. I know I couldn't have made it through the process without CFL and find myself still turning to the "pros" for more advice.

[skibum]

Sea, that was my point. She did have contact with him.

 

I think part of your problem a, was not meeting the parents. My wife's were pretty scepticial until they met me as I am older than them. Once we met, we developed a true friendship and we are expecting them to visit this summer.

 

So, get back over there. If you filed 130 you should have lots of address to check into. Most every neighborhood in China has a small police station that can show you the address. I have always found Chinese police very helpful.

[Jim - Portland, USA]

If she caved into pressure from her parents, she still should have contacted you to tell you this. All she had to say was "I can't be your wife, goodbye". And at least then you would know that was her or her parents' decision - no question about it.

 

But the fact that she has not contacted you is bizarre. Why hasn't she contacted you? What is preventing her? I'm sure her parents would love to hear her say "Goodbye" to you on the phone.

 

If what you say is true, it all seems awfully suspicious to me. Again, you are technically her husband and she may be in harm's way now ... you have no choice but to assume she is in peril, and you have to go save her!! Why aren't you over there by now?

 

As long as you can contact at least 1 of her friends or family members (and communicate with him/her/them via a hired interpreter) , then you will be able to find out what the story is.

 

If she is actually missing (kidnapped?), then her friends and family will be just as distressed as you. That is why you need to contact one of them to see what's going on.

 

I don't want to sound too ... whatever ... but I have about 10 different cell and home phone numbers of friends and family who are close to my fiancee. If anything like this happened to us, I'd be on the phone within hours (after I found a good translator of course). You don't have any way to contact anyone else she knows, not a single other person??

 

But if I had to bet money ... I'm almost sure that her mind was changed and she is just too irresponsible and not mature enough to contact you and tell you directly. It sounds like she is young. Under 20?

[skibum]

"After a few very disturbing and short phone calls with her, I have lost contact with her."

 

I would say that she had been in contact. This sounds like no more than what she said. Her parents were unhappy about it and put the screws to her.

 

Many lessons to learn here. Mainly one should learn about the culture before heading west. It is hard not to learn that the family is a very important part of that culture and bringing shame, real or imagained, on one's family is a no no. By avoiding meeting the parents the problem is magnified. I also have to wonder why it was important to get married rather than go the K-1 route which would have given more time to get to know each other and let her see the USA before making the final commitment.

 

If she is important to you, get thee to China. What town is she in?

[Jim - Portland, USA]

After a few very disturbing and short phone calls with her, I have lost contact with her.

 

Yeah, if you did have a few short and disturbing phone calls with her shortly before you lost contact with her, then yeah it sounds like she has changed her mind (or her mind was changed) and thus the marriage is on the rocks. Although it would still be nice of her to tell you in no uncertain terms about her decision. I guess now you have to make the choice if you want to salvage the marriage or not. It's a super tough spot to be in, I can only imagine how you feel now - it's a very sad story. Again all I can say is, if you want her, go get her.