Marry or Fiancee Visa?

[Allon]

We went through the CR-1 and got rejected after waiting almost 2 years. CIS approved within 4 months.

 

She was rejected because she said she took an English course and did not have a receipt for the school. BS....We sent in a receipt and waited another year almost.

 

She was rejected because of an age difference. I had a lawyer anyway and he started doing his job. He finally threatened a lawsuit (the letter was scathing to say the least) and they approved immediately.

 

Almost 3 years. 2 visits to China. Whole lot of anguish and sweat.

[Catherineli]

Fiancee visa is meant to have three months to be ready for the wedding, not for the American guy to make a decision if he should marry her. Unfortunately some men may think "I'll send her back to China if we are not compatible, because it's conditional". That will become a big hurt or disaster to her. So better open your eyes large enough to see her before you bring her to America, be Cr1 or K1.

best wishes to everyone!

 

Catherine

[Robert S.]

One thing about getting married in China it took a very long time to get my wife's visa. This website helped me as it seemed to take forever

 

I am glad that Candle was here for you. At least your wait was not as long as ours during the 9/11 Black Hole which was the reason CFL got started.

[Darling]

Thank you for your suggestions. As we move along we are finding out more about this process. I have a friend who married a Filipino woman about 6 years ago as they went through the process. He recently told me that freshly divorced man will have hard time getting a visa. My fiancee has been divorced now for 8 years. Myself now only 2 months. My ex and myself have been separated since July of last year. He said I should wait a year before attempting this. Any truth to this?

Also he said our age difference of almost 18 years younger then me could hurt us.

Edited November 2, 2016 by Darling (see edit history)

[Catherineli]

I'm a little concerned with your life. Give yourself more time, and it won't hurt you!
Best wishes!

[Darling]

Our plans are to meet during the up and coming Spring Festival in 2017. We chat practically everyday. Our plans if we decided to pursue our lives together is to go the 129F visa. My fiancee wants to come here and let her 15 year old daughter finish her schooling in China and live with her grandmother. I'm a real greenhorn when it comes to this type of dating. When we discussed our future together and the needs of her daughter she said it would cost 3,500 RMB a month for her support. I thought this to be quite high for her daughter. I realize a parent wants the best for their child. My fiancee is a self employed owner of a beauty parlor and she earns 4,000 RMB per month. She also owns her home there with a mortgage of 2,000 RMB per month. After paying her house payment she has 2,000 RMB left to cover their basic needs. The home she has she wishes to keep it and use it when she returns to visit.

I'm just confused now. Any suggestions?

[Dennis143]

Thank you for your suggestions. As we move along we are finding out more about this process. I have a friend who married a Filipino woman about 6 years ago as they went through the process. He recently told me that freshly divorced man will have hard time getting a visa. My fiancee has been divorced now for 8 years. Myself now only 2 months. My ex and myself have been separated since July of last year. He said I should wait a year before attempting this. Any truth to this?

Also he said our age difference of almost 18 years younger then me could hurt us.

There's truth to that. Red flags to IO: Quick divorce and a rush to marry a younger woman. Give yourself a year, visit often maybe stay for an extended time... all will add weight to your relationship.

[Thomas Promise]

Our plans are to meet during the up and coming Spring Festival in 2017. We chat practically everyday. Our plans if we decided to pursue our lives together is to go the 129F visa. My fiancee wants to come here and let her 15 year old daughter finish her schooling in China and live with her grandmother. I'm a real greenhorn when it comes to this type of dating. When we discussed our future together and the needs of her daughter she said it would cost 3,500 RMB a month for her support. I thought this to be quite high for her daughter. I realize a parent wants the best for their child. My fiancee is a self employed owner of a beauty parlor and she earns 4,000 RMB per month. She also owns her home there with a mortgage of 2,000 RMB per month. After paying her house payment she has 2,000 RMB left to cover their basic needs. The home she has she wishes to keep it and use it when she returns to visit.

I'm just confused now. Any suggestions?

Blood is thicker then husbands. Every parent wishes their kid to have the best in life. You have not met her yet and she is wanting to send the home front nearly as much as she earns. She also has a 2,000 yuan a month wolf at her door as well. When she arrives here she more then likely will not be able to start working for 3-6 months. Depending on her English speaking and writing ability she may be forced to work in a very low paying job. She is a beautician and it will take her 3--5 years to become established here with her clientele. If money is an issue with for you and her I would strongly recommend coming to an agreeable and reasonable figure that is more then affordable. Many Chinese people think Americans are rich beyond their wildest dreams. They think our birthright is $300,000 to start off with.This is the myth they live by. She wishes to keep her home. Who is going to pay for it and maintain it during your absence? Her daughter is 15 and more then likely wants to go to college. So you will be looking at 7-8 years of you and your wife providing for her.I assume her father does not participate in their daughter's life. Since your wife wants to keep her home she more then likely wants to return to China once a year. That is a couple grand minimum. When you marry a Chinese woman most of us are on a 1st name basis with the Delta ticket agent. You are a freshly divorced man and you could be very vulnerable in your emotional thoughts. I would take it slow and go and visit with her and truly see what she is like. Follow your heart but take your brain with you. Good luck.

[Darling]

Thank you for all your suggestions. I don't think that I am going to pursue my girlfriend any longer. Yesterday we discussed many things about our future. When I asked her if she would sell her home to lessen the burden on us. She said no way. She wants to continue her business here in the US as well. All she talked about was after she gets her business going she would be able to repay me. She said I should not be so cheap with her and be more generous with her. I think she would be better off finding a very rich man to satisfy her demands. I will be 61 soon and I think being with her I would become a debt slave for life.

Thanks again for all the advice. I am a lot more wiser now.

[Greg.D.]

You wrote: "When we discussed our future together and the needs of her daughter she said it would cost 3,500 RMB a month for her support. I thought this to be quite high for her daughter."

 

That seemed high to me and aroused my suspicion.

 

You were brave to make this decision, hang in there.

[Thomas Promise]

Thank you for all your suggestions. I don't think that I am going to pursue my girlfriend any longer. Yesterday we discussed many things about our future. When I asked her if she would sell her home to lessen the burden on us. She said no way. She wants to continue her business here in the US as well. All she talked about was after she gets her business going she would be able to repay me. She said I should not be so cheap with her and be more generous with her. I think she would be better off finding a very rich man to satisfy her demands. I will be 61 soon and I think being with her I would become a debt slave for life.

Thanks again for all the advice. I am a lot more wiser now.

Your lucky you only seen the cartridge belt instead of biting the bullet. I get a kick out these hustlers like her. They love you so much until you can't do for them. Then the guilt trips come: You don't love me, you don't care about me, your just using me for sex etc. Then the personal insults. Your a cheap guy, you're a bad husband, your very rude, inconsiderate and only care about yourself etc. Then in the future she going to repay you? Is this a marriage or a joint venture? Of course you would never see dime one. If you married her you would also married a village. There would have been so many variable expenses come up with her just to fit her needs and wants. Your needs and wants are in another galaxy.

Unfortunately many Chinese woman have this mentality. Marriage to them is a business arrangement. When I married my wife we traveled to a small rural town that featured the Hua sha wall paintings. An elderly lady started up a conversation with my wife and me, the close encounter of the 3rd kind. She was very disappointed that I did not give Xia's parents 2 hogs for her hand in marriage.

I ope you have learned something from this encounter. Not all woman are like this emotional and financial leach you met. I hope you will recover from your divorce and find true happiness.

[Greg.D.]

Well, I am NOT saying she is a hustler, Tom P, I feel there was too much unknown between the two to already be discussing marriage.

 

I find with Chinese and Vietnamese people I know that discussion can quickly turn to finances and seem starkly frank to westerners. That's not wrong, just a little different as we front load a relationship more with romance and fall to figuring out a financial coexistence later. So, actually discussing costs is normal enough to me.

 

The exact and high number for her high school daughter's maintenance was rather luxurious. I would have questions about that, including how many of her brothers would also be taken care of by that stipend. Maybe it was for an apartment for her daughter and mother plus expenses. You did not say, I don't think, that she is living in a tier one city with higher cost of living.

 

Not wanting to get rid of her apartment I can understand. In her view it is her bank account, 401K, retirement home and estate to leave to her daughter.

 

So, I just wondered what could be behind the stipend for the daughter - given that she also owns an apartment. If the cost of going to visit her was going to be a sacrifice for you, then, as TP says, the cost to maintain the two homes and annual trips would definitely be a burden.

 

Sorry for the loss, I know you were very hopeful for a good outcome.

[thelocaldialect]

I know this thread is months and months old, but for anyone else reading along, I wanted to chime in that I don't think 3500RMB a month for her high school aged daughter's support is unreasonable at all. I was reading along with everyone chiming in about how much that is and felt like I was in an alternate reality.

 

I have lived in China for nearly 15 years and have two kids, who easily cost me more than that a month and they're only 10 and 8 years old. Kids cost loads of money here, particularly when they get to high school age. A good gaokao (college entrance exam) prep school (essential to scoring well) will cost upwards of 30,000RMB just for that alone. I just lent a friend 20,000 RMB to help with their daughter's high school entrance test prep school fees. And that's just high school, not gaokao. And you can't argue they don't need it, the system is set up so that if they don't have these prep classes, they don't stand a chance of doing well.

 

We have a good friend here who wants to divorce his wife but his wife is demanding 20,000RMB a month in child support and alimony. Friend is not loaded, they are a struggling middle class family. I was blown away when he told me this. Now his wife is definitely giving him a highball figure because she doesn't actually want him to leave, but that's still a far far cry from, in my mind, the very reasonable sum of 3500rmb a month.

 

China is not the China it was 10 or 20 years ago. Things are expensive here, and the cost of living is increasing. 2000rmb a month for a mortgage is also a pretty modest sum -- she must have bought her house awhile ago, before the housing market boomed. I have friends who are paying over 10k a month on mortgages.

 

I don't think this woman is a blood sucker, I think she's actually given you some rather modest figures. I know the whole thing is over now, but for anyone else still pursuing a Chinese woman long-distance, especially one who is leaving kids behind, keep in mind that China is not cheap anymore.

[MikeandRong]

"keep in mind that China is not cheap anymore."

 

You are so correct on that statement. Wife and some of her girlfriends back in China discuss prices all the time. When she tells me what some of the costs are now, I am floored. Then again back in the 2004-2007 era there were times I thought we were getting the deal of the century. It's hard to fathom that the wages have kept up with the inflation at the same pace. Sure there are still deals to be had, but certainly not around every corner as it once was.

[Kenny2016]

I would not recommend getting married in China. Bring your fiancee over on the 129F visa.