Posted this here away from prying eyes

[carhil24]

Patrick,

I don't get to spend much time on Candle, and I rarely go into the rumpus room when I do, but tonight I did, and I'm glad I did so. We went through basically the exact same problem a little over a year ago with my wife's daughter who is 12. First of all, the necessity of the birth certificate is only part of the problem. And I believe that she can get a certified copy of the birth certificate without her ex-husbands consent. However, your wife will not be able to get a passport for her son without the father giving up all legal rights to his son. This is so one half of a divorced couple cannot take the child out of the country without the other half's permission. We have similar laws in America. We ended up going through the court system in China, which by the way moves a lot faster than in America, especially if you are willing to part with a little cash. What we ended up doing was basically what you are considering, threatening him with paying back child support, and using additional money as an incentive. My wife found a judge who basically mediated the deal, which ended up costing us about $300.00 for the judge and the paperwork, and $2400.00 paid to her ex-husband, supposedly as reimbursement for monthly insurance payments he had made for her daughter, but which we all knew was just a way for him to save face, and collect a bribe. One thing you want to make very certain of, is that whatever happens, your wife gets a notarized, certified document from him stating that he is giving up all legal rights to his son, and ensure that it is signed and dated by him. If she has that, and the birth certificate, she can get a passport for him, usually within a week. Again, depending on how much free cash you have, you can even speed that process up a bit. Keep this in mind, money speaks very loudly in China, especially with the bureaucracy. And tell your wife to hold her emotions and tongue until she has received that document from her ex, and afterwards she can tear into him and call him all kinds of names like my wife did to her ex. (You guys who think you're marrying a docile Chinese woman are in for a big surprise!). By the way, I had the same feelings you are having, I could not even ask my wife to come to America without her daughter. I was prepared to go to China and teach English for a few years if that was the only choice. I honestly felt that if my wife came to America without her daughter, a part of her heart would remain in China, and the adjustment to life in America would be made that much more difficult. And although we have had some bumpy spots in the road with her daughter coming to America, I know deep down in my heart that I made the right decision. As I write this, her daughter is holding down an A- average in junior high school, has made numerous friends, and has picked up the English language at a phenomenal rate. Good luck with your endeavours, I honestly think all it will take is a little bit of money! If you have any other questions, please PM me. I believe I still have a copy of that document somewhere if you need some help in the wording. Just remember, make sure that your wife has him sign and date it, and it needs to be notarized, as well as have a certified English copy attached. GOOD LUCK!