How to overcome the fear of driving on the road?

[Catherineli]

Hi everyone! I passed the road test easily in the summer of 2013 and have my American driver's license now. BUT I don't think the officer should let me pass because he only let me drive slowly through some quiet streets. I'm just not confident in driving. When practicing driving, I would imagine that a racing car suddenly comes to hit me. Then the fear attacks me again and again. Right now I'm still in fear of driving. I don't dare to drive or even to think to drive on the busy main road. Would anyone please give me some tips to help me conquer the fear? Any ideas will be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance! Merry Christmas to everyone!

[Thomas Promise]

Congratulations! Job well done. To conquer any fear you must face it. When you do you cut the fear factor by 50%, Run from it multiplies two fold.

You will do well at driving just remember to watchout for the other driver.

[DocMartin817]

Take lots of short trips on safe non busy streets first. Then gradually extend the distance you go and the type of stress you drive on. But do it frequently -- lots and lots of driving trips. It is called systematic desensitization of fears.

Make a hierarchy of streets and times

e.g.

two blocks on neighbors streets when traffic is low

three blocks -- low traffic

two blocks medium traffic

four blocks low traffic

four blocks medium traffic

two lane highway during quiet time of day

etc, etc.

until you can drive busy streets anytime

[dnoblett]

It takes time, and you need to get use to driving in traffic, in my time I have had to deal with this when learning to drive bigger and bigger vehicles. First was driving a car in traffic, then school bus, and then later Tractor-Trailer trucks.

 

My wife seems to have dealt with it well, once she drove by herself from Virginia Beach VA to Rochester NY a distance 583 miles on busy interstates.

[Randy W]

Take lots of short trips on safe non busy streets first. Then gradually extend the distance you go and the type of stress you drive on. But do it frequently -- lots and lots of driving trips. It is called systematic desensitization of fears.

Make a hierarchy of streets and times

e.g.

two blocks on neighbors streets when traffic is low

three blocks -- low traffic

two blocks medium traffic

four blocks low traffic

four blocks medium traffic

two lane highway during quiet time of day

etc, etc.

until you can drive busy streets anytime

 

 

I basically agree with this, although you may not want to follow that schedule exactly. That is, once you start feeling comfortable, you may wish to take bigger steps - take the plunge and just get in there.

 

A second aspect to consider is speed. You may wish to practice driving up to speed in very light traffic conditions, until the speed itself doesn't bother you. Learn to drive WITH the traffic, instead of in the way of traffic.

 

It's hard to really offer advice without being there to see how you're doing - I hope this helps in some way.

[credzba]

Hi everyone! I passed the road test easily in the summer of 2013 and have my American driver's license now. BUT I don't think the officer should let me pass because he only let me drive slowly through some quiet streets. I'm just not confident in driving. When practicing driving, I would imagine that a racing car suddenly comes to hit me. Then the fear attacks me again and again. Right now I'm still in fear of driving. I don't dare to drive or even to think to drive on the busy main road. Would anyone please give me some tips to help me conquer the fear? Any ideas will be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance! Merry Christmas to everyone!

 

Everyone encourage you, and I agree.

Like most things in life, confidence comes with experience, and you don't get experience from a book.

 

One thing you mention, and perhaps I read it wrong, is "I would imagine that a racing car suddenly comes to hit me".

My wife constantly worries the car behind her is going to hit her, and I can't even imagine the thought process.

 

If you are doing what you are supposed to do: driving in your lane, keeping the speed limit, obeying the rules...

The chances of someone hitting you from the rear is very low, in fact in 30 years of driving it has NEVER happened to me.

 

If you are driving too slow, drifting into other peoples lanes, changing lanes when it isn't clear, ... You probably WILL get hit, or hit someone.

 

People in America tend to follow the rules, especially related to driving.

If your doing the right thing, other people will too and everyone will be safe.

[amberjack1234]

I can only echo what the others have said. My wife has been here for 15 years as you well know and she still has trouble driving. The best advice that I can give you is to practice, practice, practice. Keep in your lane and do not drive less than 5 miles per hour less than the posted speed limit. Most American drivers will drive 5 to 10 miles per hour over the speed limit especially in the mornings and the evening going to work and coming back home. I would avoid those time of the day if at all possible.

[Dennis143]

I have known many Chinese ladies who have the same fear as you, YaJie. I tell them first and foremost, relax. You must relax or you are more apt to make mistake by overreacting. Don't grip the steering wheel until your knuckles turn white. Relax and breathe. I will say it again... relax and breathe when you are following all the advice given above.

 

And, NO, a race car is not going to come from nowhere and hit you.

[Catherineli]

Hi everyone, hello Tom, Martin, Dan, Randy, Credzba, Larry and Dennis!! Thanks for the wonderful comfort! Practice makes perfect. I must put "Practice makes perfect" into practice. Yes, "hierarchy" driving sounds very much practical. I'll have to avoid the rush hour while being "legalistic" on the road. I think my fear is from a hit by another bicycle once my father was riding his bike having me sitting behind him. I must rebuke the fear. "No racing car will come to patronize me"!!!!

have a good day everyone!

Catherine

Edited December 20, 2014 by Catherineli (see edit history)

[DocMartin817]

You don't rebuke the fear -- you accept the fear and get on with your life. Fear is like quicksand. The harder you fight, the more it traps you. Mindfulness -- awareness and acceptance of the fear while taking valued action is the key.

[Mick]

My wife was very afraid of driving, especially on busy roads, when she first started behind the wheel. Nowadays, she is relaxed and confident while driving. And I also might mention that over the years, she has been hit from the rear three times, the last time just a few weeks ago on Black Friday. Even though these mishaps have occurred, she continues to drive without much anxiety. The way she overcame her fears was by just continuing to drive, over and over again. She started out on quiet country roads and gradually worked her way up to busy Interstates. Practice, practice, practice - those are the three key words. With time, you will find that driving is like second nature to you - even something you enjoy.

[Catherineli]

Well, you guys are very much helpful here. I feel much better now. I like Mick's wife's experiences! I also agree with Martin that fear is the first necessary step for driving, perhaps. Without fear, driving will become dangerous to everyone. Thanks, I'll take the valued action and let the quicksand go with breeze lol

[Randy W]

I'll mention here for reference that Catherine is in China.

 

Jiaying's been a pretty good driver pretty much from the beginning (she had only driven a scooter in China before moving to the U.S.), although she HAS gotten her share of tickets from the traffic cameras here in Yulin.

[Catherineli]

All your references are comforting and soothing to me. Thank you very much! I also have my admiration to Jaying. You're helping me building up my bravery!! BTW, what does Dennis mean by saying, "Don't grip the steering wheel until your knuckles turn white."? My knuckels can never be white as I'm Chinese with black hair lol

[tsap seui]

Catherine, "white knuckling" is a term for being so fearful that you grasp the steering wheel so tightly that the skin on your knuckles gets very thin from your knuckles being almost pushed OUT of your skin. LOL....your knuckles are white.

 

In helicopters we called it "the death grip". New pilots experiencing their first time in combat would tend to get a death grip on the sensitive control in their right hand and they would make the chopper fly erratically in a jerking motion. You had to have a soft fluid touch on the control in your right hand, the cyclic control. Once, we had an air burst right outside our windscreen that sent flying shards of plexiglas and shrapnel onto both of us pilots. The new guy pilot was on the controls at the time and he started jerking our bird all over the place in his fear. I quickly got onto my controls but he was way stronger than me with his adrenaline flowing from the sudden fear, but, I couldn't get control of the helicopter. I yelled into the intercom that I had the ship but he wouldn't or couldn't let go. One of the door gunners in the rear took a long screwdriver and literally hit him repeatedly in the helmet with it so he would snap out his fit and let me take back control of the helicopter.

 

We later had a good laugh at what happened but I was always amazed at how strong that guy's death grip on the chopper's controls had been, it was like I was pushing against a brick wall....and he was flying us into the ground!!!

 

Fear is a powerful force. I don't know what to advise you on getting over it. I have had the same type of fear when I tried to teach my wife, son, and daughter to drive. I would almost get sick to my stomach at the thought of riding with a new driver. As much as I love my family, I had to pay others to teach them how to drive...my fear was that strong. Funny now, but my fear was serious business, to me. My family couldn't understand it. LOL

 

Good luck with this. You will be okay, just do as others have suggested and take it slow on getting onto busy roads. One day you will laugh at all of this.