Dating websites for Finding an American man

[warpedbored]

Eunice was working with Marc Ellis last track I had. No one knows the visa process or the inner workings of the consulate better. I used to chat with her from time to time on Yahoo messenger but I seldom ever open it anymore. I really should keep in touch with her.

 

Ronny you pretty much nailed it. I knew my wife for two years before she came here and I think we were honestly in love for most of those two years but I hold no delusions that my good looks and 13 inch personality were the initial attractions. I have a theory that you never really know someone until you divorce them. I was with my ex for 21 years, I thought I knew her pretty well. She sure surprised me. I look at it as kind of like an arranged marriage. Some of us get lucky. My wife and I have been married for 10 years now. I figure she isn't going anywhere real soon.

[amberjack1234]

To bad Carl sure would like to hear from her.

 

Larry

[warpedbored]

To bad Carl sure would like to hear from her.

 

Larry

I had to think on that one a bit. At first I thought you meant my wife then I realized you meant Eunice.

[amberjack1234]

 

To bad Carl sure would like to hear from her.

 

Larry

I had to think on that one a bit. At first I thought you meant my wife then I realized you meant Eunice.

Yep

 

Larry

[tsap seui]

I dunno, maybe I am of a more open mind about online dating between American men and Chinese women. Scams work both ways and I for one don't look at it being a given that Chinese women are scammers first, then your little darling loving wife after their name has been cleared. Cleared by WHO?

I put the words into my signature. The Mail Order Bride is a very caustic and sarcastic comment. I use it with humor but it is very sarcastic...I well know that is the way many folks look at online dating, so, right back at them. I don't look at the OP's wife's cousin as playing some scam at all. If she goes online like thousands upon thousands of other Chinese women, good for her. She has seen her cousin do well, why shouldn't she? And so what the OP's wife wants her cousin somewhere in America so she can converse with her? That cousin has every right to put her name on a profile online as does anyone else....in my book.

 

Love is a quirky emotion that really is a crap shoot when the couple move in together. It is up to the American man to first off, go over and visit this woman, then see if they even fit together in any sort of way. Just as he would do with some American gal he met online that lived 100 miles away from him. No one, a Chinese woman and an American man, should trust that they have built a true relationship online. In my book it doesn't matter how long you talked online, even with your camera turned on so you can see the little darling.

 

The real relationship doesn't start until you both meet in person. That was the way I looked at it on my first trip to China. Hell, I had only been online for 6 weeks when I took off to Beijing. It mattered not that I had 10 photos of 3 different women. I had already discounted all the written word by email junk and figured I'd meet a woman in Beijing and from there, she and I would start a relationship, or say goodbye to each other. It takes two people to figure out for themselves in their own heads if this other person is good for me or not. I figured I had just as good of a chance of getting scammed in China as I would have in Greensboro, NC, or you name the city. Love is a quirky emotion and nothing is guaranteed, especially for long.

 

Actually, if I was going to worry for someone, I'd worry for the Chinese woman. She is the one who is giving up her life as she knows it, as well, from what I've seen since Wenyan came here, there are more American men who take a dump on their Chinese wives than visa versa.

 

If that woman's cousin puts her name in the hat it will be up to whatever man that meets her to see if she is a fit in his life, same for her.

 

That stuff about guys working 8 to 5 and trying to make a relationship out of a couple of two week trips...I was working 7am to 5pm often to 7pm many days (with hours of planning out the work schedule for my guys when I got home), and at the time I went to Beijing I had two 3,500 sq.ft houses under construction at the same time with a total of 9 people working for me. If I had had only 10 days or so to go over each trip, quite honestly, I wouldn't have started the whole thing with a woman in China. I didn't feel that that would give me enough time to get to know her, or her me. That's not me on my high horse trying to tell others with bosses that they shouldn't take the plunge with a Chinese woman...that's just me as the individual that I am. Unlike many, I make no judgements on how others run their lives. With love being as quirky of an emotion as it is, I say anyone can make it...and they do. Nothing is guaranteed in love, it doesn't matter how long you know, or think you know the woman. Sometimes love flits off like a monarch butterfly to the next flower, none of us are high and mighty enough to make that fact not so. Hell, you can go over to China and meet an unknown woman in an airport, like Larry did on an airplane, spend a month with her, and still develop a real lasting relationship. What is the real difference?

 

By the time (10 months from meeting to interview) Wenyan went to her first K-1 interview I had been to China 4 times and spent over 4 months actually living with her. On those trips we never went off to see the sights in China. I didn't care about that stuff. I was very concerned, after I saw I had feelings for this woman, that before I uprooted her from everything that she knew in her life that she and I had pretty damn solid ideas on who each other was. So we spent our time in hotel rooms or walking in parks talking and trying our best to get to know each other. In our book they were "business trips"...the business of getting to know each other as fully as we could...face to face and in person. So what I had never talked to her online, or even seen a photo of her before I met her....when did words online ever build a bona fide relationship??? The "relationship" only starts when two people meet in person...the way I see it, the rest is fluff.

 

I don't see the OP's wife's cousin as being a scammer of any sort. I can't make judgement calls on something like that, not from this far removed. Call her a MOB if you must....I can't. If a Chinese woman wanting to get out of a dead end life as far as many Chinese women who have been married, divorced, and with a child have it in China (I don't know that any of that applies to this woman, and it doesn't even matter if it doesn't), I say good for her to seek a new life....be it close to her cousin, or not.

 

I'd like to clear the air about something here.....A few years back someone started a rumor that Wenyan had been living with her ex-husband while our K-1 visa was ongoing, saying that was the reason for Wenyan's treatment at her interview and later being denied. And others have picked up his torch and carried this false rumor around, even lately propagating, and posting about it online. Folks, that BS rumor is a LIE!!! It never happened, Wenyan never lived with her ex while that K-1 attempt was going on. I have no clue why that rumor got started and others pass it on.....sort of shows you why I say online relationships are nothing and you never really know who you are with until you meet them in person. I hope no one "bet any money" on that lie.

 

The truth is, when I met Wenyan in Sept 2006, she was living in a tiny shit hole home with Fengqi. I tried to get her to let me pay for a better home but she refused me and said that "since you don't know me that well, I am not going to take your money like that." I persisted in the next few months and Wenyan told me that since her parents and brothers had met me and approved of me that they had agreed that Wenyan and Fengqi could come live in the parents home for the duration of the K-1 visa attempt. Wenyan and Fengqi slept on the concrete floor on her mother and father's home...for the 9 months until her interview....and, the 10 Fing months after the interview that it took for the assholes in Guangzhou to deny her, after her interview. The whole time she and Fengqi lived in the parents home, Wenyan would not take money from me to get another home.

 

It sucks that someone would come up with crap like that rumor, and even more saddening that others would propagate it, acting like it was the truth recently. I have no animosity to those who push this lie as fact, they have their own demons to face, maybe it made it easier for them and is more titillating in their lives to pass this sort of garbage around. I hope no one lost any money on that "bet."

 

Finally, Larry, I never knew your wife's immigration story before. How lucky for you guys that you married on her business visa and could forgo all of the paperwork, stress, and waiting that many of us had. That was a nice story you told, good for you guys for not having to run the lucky ducky gauntlet in Guangzhou!!! The gauntlet where your bona fides don't matter, anyone can be denied. I doubt I would have had the guts to do something like that, back in the day. As far as calling it "Very, Very, Very lucky" the the SOBs kept us apart for so long, or that they did us a favor...well, it could be put that way I reckon. We did take that lemon they handed us and made lemonade out of it but other than having been a couple who was forced to live the experience of life under extreme and horrible stress, we had already found something in each other with the over 4 months we lived together in ChIna before that sorry assed first interview, that melded us together as a couple with a true bona fide relationship. No thanks to Uncle Sams thugs, they hoped we'd just stop and go away. Bona fide relationships don't work that way, they never quit. Maybe everyone should be forced into that sort of 4 year 10 months of stress to get their loved one over here. ..but I doubt even that would make that monarch butterfly stay on the same flower if it had the notion to take off.

 

tsap seui

[amberjack1234]

That is what I like where folks can have a conversation and agree to disagree with each other without gettin' pissed off with each other. Folks having different views on things is what make the world go around. If it weren't that way we'd all be driving the same Toyota and living in the same kind of house. Wouldn't it be a boring place if everybody thought EXACTLY the same thing.

 

Oh, but just one thing. We did have it very easy. However we did not forgo all the paperwork and the fee's charged for EVERY one of them including biometrics twice. I was glad to have my wife with me at the time as SHE filled out ALL of the forms and all I had to do was to go over them to check for spelling and grammatical errors. We picked them up at the old INS office one day and turned all of them in the next morning and paid all the fees. I am not ashamed to tell it that my wife is MUCH more intelligent than I am. Heck she has an IQ of 120 mine is about 35 I think. So, yes I had it pretty easy that is why I can't give much help to folks on the visa process and I am here only to keep up with things about China and shoot to bull a little.

 

Another thing is that was exactly what I meant about taking the lemons that the SOB's gave you and made lemon aid out of it. You just can't keep a hard deadheaded ole redneck like us down, at least not for long.

 

Larry

Edited September 26, 2014 by amberjack1234 (see edit history)

[Joecy]

Rawknee, wonderful sharing! love to the read the details!

Did you really go through 4 years and 10 months to bring your wife here?!!!!

I wonder what's the longest waiting time in the history!

[tsap seui]

Rawknee, wonderful sharing! love to the read the details!

Did you really go through 4 years and 10 months to bring your wife here?!!!!

I wonder what's the longest waiting time in the history!

Joecy, from the date in 2006 that I made the original K-1 application for my wife, until the day she and her son were approved at their IR-2 interview, it was indeed 4 years and 10 months. We were run through a gauntlet after her K-1 interview. It took the State Department 10 months to deny her after that interview, then it took the State Department in Guangzhou 13 months just to send our case back to the USCIS service center in America. When the case got back to our USCIS service center they took only 3 days to reaffirm our case and they sent it right back to Guangzhou, telling them there was nothing wrong with our case whatsoever....or as attorney Marc Ellis, the State Department's case against us was so weak legally, the USCIS must have laughed at their judgement and sent it right back".

 

After being left in the dark so long (the interview was in 2007) and 23 months of waiting on the denial, and then the case to be sent back to teh USCIS, I had gone to China to marry my wife in 2009, with the intention that I would move to China and live with her and our son in the new home I had bought for Wenyan in mid 2008. It was a short time after I came home from the marriage trip that I got the letter from the USCIS that our K-1 case had been reaffirmed with no rebuttal to the charges against us being given to me. In effect, we never found out what the State Department denied us on. In 2011, at the IR-2 interview the State Department officer was nothing but nice and respectful to Wenyan and Fengqi....and she quickly told Wenyan "You Pass, please go to that line over there to fill out the paperwork to receive your visas".

 

It was almost 5 years of high stress but we knew we had a bona fide relationship that the Americans couldn't tear apart way back in early 2007. They were total jerks to us but we stood together and overcame their criminal activity.

 

Our case is far from the longest amount of time the State Department has criminally and unfairly interfered into honest people's lives and kept them apart. Many folks get the quick easy visa, some folks with bona fide relationships get trashed by the sorry State Department thugs and have to wait.

 

Rawknee

[tsap seui]

That is what I like where folks can have a conversation and agree to disagree with each other without gettin' pissed off with each other. Folks having different views on things is what make the world go around. If it weren't that way we'd all be driving the same Toyota and living in the same kind of house. Wouldn't it be a boring place if everybody thought EXACTLY the same thing.

 

Oh, but just one thing. We did have it very easy. However we did not forgo all the paperwork and the fee's charged for EVERY one of them including biometrics twice. I was glad to have my wife with me at the time as SHE filled out ALL of the forms and all I had to do was to go over them to check for spelling and grammatical errors. We picked them up at the old INS office one day and turned all of them in the next morning and paid all the fees. I am not ashamed to tell it that my wife is MUCH more intelligent than I am. Heck she has an IQ of 120 mine is about 35 I think. So, yes I had it pretty easy that is why I can't give much help to folks on the visa process and I am here only to keep up with things about China and shoot to bull a little.

 

Another thing is that was exactly what I meant about taking the lemons that the SOB's gave you and made lemon aid out of it. You just can't keep a hard deadheaded ole redneck like us down, at least not for long.

 

Larry

Candle is a great site Larry. Unlike some sites we can be open in our thinking and don't have to march in some lock step where if you have a difference of opinion you get your posts deleted. I enjoy the freedom that Candle affords us. It is nice to have a site that affords freedom of speech, and, more importantly...freedom of thought... without getting piled on by a few that demand that you think only in the box. Carl and the moderators are doing a great job here.

 

I meant you and Mike no disrespect, but we do have a difference of opinion from time to time and at least here, we can voice that difference in a friendly manner, without getting trashed. It would be so dull here if we had to think the same on every subject.

 

I am proud of Wenyan, she kept her cool at her first interview, and it was great to see our bona fide relationship hold so firm when the American's tried to interfere. I well know what my woman is made of after that ordeal. She may well....be a redneck hillbilly.

 

Rawknee

[amberjack1234]

Ronny, I have high admiration for you and Wenyan for sticking it out. Not many do. There is a guy on the other site that took 6 years to get his sweetie here. The only good thing that comes out of it is that you get the time to know each other and to commit to each other. That is the only good thing. I think that you and Wenyan have had one of the most successful international marriages on this site. I know that there are some more, don't get me wrong, but the two of you truly seem to be made for each other.

 

Some times with just a couple of SKYPE talks a day, an email or two a day and one or two trips to China and when the little lady gets here and she see's that the America streets are not paved with gold and we have our own problems unlike it is in the movies that she sees in China. When she gets here and she really gets to know the guy that she has given everything up for is not exactly what she thought he was we never hear from them again. You know what I'm talking about. Of course it works both ways. You and I were lucky in the respect that we had a lot of time to get to know our wives before we got married many don't. We spent a total of 7 months together before we got married on 2 November 2001 but that was in the course of about a year. My course was the easy road and unfortunately your road was the hard rocky road but you got to say I was always there to support you as many other here were. I don't know if that helped you in any way or not but we tried.

 

I got my wife here just as the black hole days were coming and felt so sorry for the ones that got caught up in that time. I know how I would have felt. I could or did not reveal much about how my wife got here so easily because back at that time getting married on a B-2 visa was taboo and considered by many as being illegal and circumventing the law but the way that we got into our relationship was strictly legit. In some situation it is illegal, if they catch them. Plus the fact that a 26 year old young Chinese lady getting out of China with a B-2 visa was about 1 in 10,000 maybe. I told several folks that my wife had been coming to the US on a B-2 visa and was called a liar. So I just stopped telling it. Almost all of those guys are gone now except for one. I certainly don't hold any grudges against him then or today. He just didn't know or understand the truth. I had found out through my wife that B-2 visa's were going to be much more easier to get in the future and we now can see that is true. She has never told me anything that was wrong, never. I hate that sometimes that she is always right but the truth is the truth.

 

She had a lot of help from her boss in China that had strong ties with US companies that were critical to China's growth as well as the CEO of one of the companies here in the US that they did business with and he thought the world of her. Both helped get her here for business reasons. She was able to get a passport and a multiple entry visa in only 3 weeks. Folks called me a liar about that too. But it was all true. I saw the dates in her passport when it was issued and the issue date of her visa and she still has that passport. All of this is the reason that I have never told our story. Now it was not all ice cream and cake. When she got to know me from the 3 days that we spent in San Francisco and she got to know me even more in the next 2 months she wanted to come to see me. She was suppose to stay in Utah for 12 months. At least that was the plan when she left China. Well when the CEO of her company found out that she had only stayed for 2 months with the company he was pissed. The boss between him and my wife knew where she was but would not tell the big boss. After 4 months he was ready to fire her so the number two boss sent her an email telling her to get back to China immediately. Which she did. He called her into his office and told her that she was the best employee that he had ever had and if it weren't for that he would fire her on the spot and see to it that she never got another job in any major company again. He told her you know that I can't let this go unpunished because if I do I will have to do it for everybody else. So he made her work for 60 days without pay and demoted her to office manager. I offered to send her money but she refused as I felt responsible. She said that she would be ok.

 

I kinda feel stupid telling all this newbie stuff after almost 14 years but I have never really gotten a chance to get it all out there and tell it like it is and to get it off my chest.

 

I once told that my wife had a Master Card and was called a liar about that too. I know that she had one because when I checked into the hotel that was $150 a day that she got for me at $35 a day they wanted cash for the entire 30 days. I had $8,000 on me in a money belt, a few hundred in my pocket and I told her that I would almost have to take my shirt off to get it out and she paid using her Master Card. I went to the Master Card site and showed that they had been in China for 2 years. That is when both our threads were deleted and both of us were banned for 3 days. That did not bother me one bit because I am not the owner here and I, as well as he, was acting childish to say the least. I should never have stooped so low as to even responded to these kind of remarks because when you do you put yourself on the same level as they are on.

 

The candle is a new place now. That kind of thing does not go on anymore thank God. If someone even thinks about it folks just ignore such post now. I embarrass my wife sometime by speaking my mind and if I hear someone saying something that I don't think is not right I will speak up. But everyone has the right to air their own opinions as long as they are civil about it.

 

Ronny, you and I are cut from the same cloth I do believe after all we were born just a few miles from each other so we were influenced by the same style of living and culture but we are free thinking individuals and are not afraid to speak our minds. So in saying that as long as we are civil feel free to disagree with anything that I say with no hard feeling on my part what so ever.

 

Hope you and Wenyan are reunited soon

Larry

[Joecy]

Rawknee, I am very touched by your story. I can't image 5 year after 2 years of waiting.

 

Someday, I will write about CFL folks' story.

[tsap seui]

Rawknee, I am very touched by your story. I can't image 5 year after 2 years of waiting.

 

Someday, I will write about CFL folks' story.

Joecy, Wenyan and I were meant to meet each other. It was a long hard struggle in the war with the State Department but we stood together and fought them every inch of the way. In 2008, I bought a new home in China for my then girlfriend and made sure it was completely in her name. It looked like the only way I was going to be able to live with Wenyan was for me to move to China, so, I did what needed to be done. One of the biggest thrills for me was after she had the home finished and furnished to her tastes and I went over on one of my trips and walked into the door of our home. I was astonished at how beautifully she had finished off the home, and what craftsmanship had gone into the furnishings she had bought for it. I was so happy for her and proud of her for what she had done....I felt more "at home" in that home than I ever did in any of my American homes...it just felt perfect to me.

 

Many folks who run into problems with the State Department as they try and get their visas wind up with long delays and many months and years of torture and stress on their relationships. Most of them never post publicly here about them, but I used to converse with some of them by email, and PMs on Candle. THe process in Guangzhou, propagated by the American workers is very subjective and full of conjecture by those workers. They can deny anyone they feel like, and then hide behind the words Homeland Security. They literally have no oversight on their downright criminal activities. I can guarantee you that almost as many folks you see that have the easy visa, there are almost that many that get treated horribly by the State Department....and they never tell any of them the simple reason why? A well known lawyer will easily back up my words, it is literally a roll of the dice in Guangzhou as to who gets the visa and who doesn't. Anyone could be denied...ANYONE. IN our case, the first time around, we just got the wrong lucky ducky picked for us, and they treated my then girlfriend and her 10 year old son like they were filthy rabid dogs at their interview. Such lack of respect for the CHinese by arrogant Americans is sickening.

 

Wenyan and I are good today. We always knew we had a bona fide relationship, and that no Americans were going to keep us apart. Our home in America vibrates with laughter, just as the beautiful home in CHina did. Those people in Guangzhou never could wipe the grins off of our faces...but oh how they tried.

 

Write your story, I am sure it is an interesting one.

 

Rawknee

[tsap seui]

Ronny, I have high admiration for you and Wenyan for sticking it out. Not many do. There is a guy on the other site that took 6 years to get his sweetie here. The only good thing that comes out of it is that you get the time to know each other and to commit to each other. That is the only good thing. I think that you and Wenyan have had one of the most successful international marriages on this site. I know that there are some more, don't get me wrong, but the two of you truly seem to be made for each other.

 

Some times with just a couple of SKYPE talks a day, an email or two a day and one or two trips to China and when the little lady gets here and she see's that the America streets are not paved with gold and we have our own problems unlike it is in the movies that she sees in China. When she gets here and she really gets to know the guy that she has given everything up for is not exactly what she thought he was we never hear from them again. You know what I'm talking about. Of course it works both ways. You and I were lucky in the respect that we had a lot of time to get to know our wives before we got married many don't. We spent a total of 7 months together before we got married on 2 November 2001 but that was in the course of about a year. My course was the easy road and unfortunately your road was the hard rocky road but you got to say I was always there to support you as many other here were. I don't know if that helped you in any way or not but we tried.

 

I got my wife here just as the black hole days were coming and felt so sorry for the ones that got caught up in that time. I know how I would have felt. I could or did not reveal much about how my wife got here so easily because back at that time getting married on a B-2 visa was taboo and considered by many as being illegal and circumventing the law but the way that we got into our relationship was strictly legit. In some situation it is illegal, if they catch them. Plus the fact that a 26 year old young Chinese lady getting out of China with a B-2 visa was about 1 in 10,000 maybe. I told several folks that my wife had been coming to the US on a B-2 visa and was called a liar. So I just stopped telling it. Almost all of those guys are gone now except for one. I certainly don't hold any grudges against him then or today. He just didn't know or understand the truth. I had found out through my wife that B-2 visa's were going to be much more easier to get in the future and we now can see that is true. She has never told me anything that was wrong, never. I hate that sometimes that she is always right but the truth is the truth.

 

She had a lot of help from her boss in China that had strong ties with US companies that were critical to China's growth as well as the CEO of one of the companies here in the US that they did business with and he thought the world of her. Both helped get her here for business reasons. She was able to get a passport and a multiple entry visa in only 3 weeks. Folks called me a liar about that too. But it was all true. I saw the dates in her passport when it was issued and the issue date of her visa and she still has that passport. All of this is the reason that I have never told our story. Now it was not all ice cream and cake. When she got to know me from the 3 days that we spent in San Francisco and she got to know me even more in the next 2 months she wanted to come to see me. She was suppose to stay in Utah for 12 months. At least that was the plan when she left China. Well when the CEO of her company found out that she had only stayed for 2 months with the company he was pissed. The boss between him and my wife knew where she was but would not tell the big boss. After 4 months he was ready to fire her so the number two boss sent her an email telling her to get back to China immediately. Which she did. He called her into his office and told her that she was the best employee that he had ever had and if it weren't for that he would fire her on the spot and see to it that she never got another job in any major company again. He told her you know that I can't let this go unpunished because if I do I will have to do it for everybody else. So he made her work for 60 days without pay and demoted her to office manager. I offered to send her money but she refused as I felt responsible. She said that she would be ok.

 

I kinda feel stupid telling all this newbie stuff after almost 14 years but I have never really gotten a chance to get it all out there and tell it like it is and to get it off my chest.

 

I once told that my wife had a Master Card and was called a liar about that too. I know that she had one because when I checked into the hotel that was $150 a day that she got for me at $35 a day they wanted cash for the entire 30 days. I had $8,000 on me in a money belt, a few hundred in my pocket and I told her that I would almost have to take my shirt off to get it out and she paid using her Master Card. I went to the Master Card site and showed that they had been in China for 2 years. That is when both our threads were deleted and both of us were banned for 3 days. That did not bother me one bit because I am not the owner here and I, as well as he, was acting childish to say the least. I should never have stooped so low as to even responded to these kind of remarks because when you do you put yourself on the same level as they are on.

 

The candle is a new place now. That kind of thing does not go on anymore thank God. If someone even thinks about it folks just ignore such post now. I embarrass my wife sometime by speaking my mind and if I hear someone saying something that I don't think is not right I will speak up. But everyone has the right to air their own opinions as long as they are civil about it.

 

Ronny, you and I are cut from the same cloth I do believe after all we were born just a few miles from each other so we were influenced by the same style of living and culture but we are free thinking individuals and are not afraid to speak our minds. So in saying that as long as we are civil feel free to disagree with anything that I say with no hard feeling on my part what so ever.

 

Hope you and Wenyan are reunited soon

Larry

I appreciate every word of support I got on this great site Larry, your's especially!! It was hell waiting and waiting and...did I mention waiting? I got tons of support by many good folks, I am in debt.

 

You know, you will always find a jerk or 10 on a website Larry. Some of them march in lockstep with each other and rule some websites with deleted posts and piling on if a poster isn't in the same lockstep with them. That is just the way it is, especially when you throw in the male ego.

 

When I came on Candle back in late 2006 I only read and studied the immigration threads. I never even knew what Twisted Candle and such was all about or what was going on. There were a few jerks in the immigration threads but not many. At that time Dan was the man to go to and he helped many of us immensely. It was only later in maybe 2008 or 2009 that I began to read the crap that went on in the other threads, usually by guys that had their visas for their wives and just hung around to stir the pot....it seemed to me. I had no clue what all of the bickering and fighting was all about. Then when it seemed to become more clear to me, it looked like the key players in trouble packed up their bickering posts and

left. What true immigration website needs political and derisive bickering pot stirring threads in it, anyhow? At least on Candle we get to have differences of opinion just like you and I did here, and no one piled up on either side to run down either one of us in some ego driven disrespectful manner. And neither one of us needed to be in lockstep with anyone. We were allowed our freedom of thought, and of speech.

 

Enough on that silliness.

 

You may see from my side of things why I am rather slow on throwing out the "Mail order bride" junk at someone. Can you just imagine if I had come onto Candle before I made that first trip to ChIna, and told folks I had 10 photos of 3 different women in my hands...that I had only talked on the internet site for 6 weeks and was taking off to go meet "someone"? Hell, I would have been run off in disrespect, apparently like the poor guy who started this thread.

 

So his wife wanted her cousin to meet and American man and move to America. How wrong is that? When all is said and done, isn't that EXACTLY what a lot of our wives have done, and did through the laborious and lengthy waiting of the K-1 and CR-1 immigration route? You were extremely lucky in your case, and GOOD FOR YOU GUYS!!!!

 

I don't buy into that love on the internet stuff. But I do buy into going over and meeting a woman in another country and having a relationship come out of it. Or it can come undone, just the same as there are dishonest folks in both genders...in my book, more so on the American man side. I know one guy who waited 6 years to get his wife over here. He has all but abandoned her when she came over after quitting her job and moving away from everything she knew. She has had to make her own way in this country. I quit talking taking calls from the jerk, it made me so sick to see an American man do something like that to a Chinese woman...who gave up everything to come over here.

 

You just never know, here was a couple who waited 6 years. It's like they never took the time to get to know each other...or one side was sure doing a great bullshit job on the other.

 

I admit I got angry when I saw that MOB crap. Oh, I know how easy it is to say that, but WHO among us really has the right to jump on the OP's wife and her cousin? Especially in the context of a couple meeting each other, and possibly falling in love with each other. I can't find it in me to jump on the OP's wifes cousin...or the possibility that she would meet a man who loves her, and whom she loves. Sure, in the strictly, and typical, American male view of things it may look like the lady could have an agenda. Okay, what Chinese wife on here didn't start out with the thought of finding an American man...to leave China? Truth be known, not many!!! Oh I know I will get jumped on with that statement....everybody's wife only felt true love for us great men, and never thought about leaving China.....yeah right.

 

Love is flitting, some find it, some don't. No one can pin love down. You can research your mate, hire a private detective to track down your "loved one", you can talk for years on the internet, you can wait for years to get your loved one over here...who among us really knows? Not me!!! I have a laid back and open view on the whole thing. We are all adults by now, it is up to us to make our own way in this life and the search for love. I just can't point a finger at a Chinese woman whose cousin has found love in America and who is thinking of doing the same as her cousin. It's not part of my being.

 

I greatly appreciate your and Wenyan and I, Larry. They are a little stronger than I look at it for us. I feel many others, actually most others here on Candle, have had the same great luck that we have had.

 

Can you imagine if I had told those guys on Candle back in 2006 that I was going to China to meet a woman that I had 10 photos of (that were of 3 different women)...and that the woman I was going to meet had (in truth) only walked into the agency 5 or 6 days before my plane was to land in Beijing????? Jesus Christ, I would have been carried off to the woodshed on a rail and tared and feathered.

 

And, had I listened to those guys, done the conventional thing and sat in my underwear safely in my computer chair and NOT gone. Well, I would have missed out on the best thing that ever happened to me in love, extreme happiness, and a great "bona fide" relationship...now wouldn't I? Some other lucky guy would have met the lil' rabbit and I would never have known what I lost by not going. Love is always by chance. But one has to do something to make the chance happen.

 

Lev Stubbsi, the lead singer of the Four Tops used to sing the words, "my father always told me, son, if you want your prayers answered, you gotta get off your knees"

 

Rawknee

 

Here's a song in tribute to the woman I got the great fortune, as unconventional as it was, to meet...........

 

[Joecy]

Rawknee, I am so glad you said something about people worked at the GZ consulate. They made so many mistakes, can't believe they belong to the US government.

 

I am so glad you and Wenyan and your son are together! That 5 years of fighting and waiting is not gonna be waste! When I feel something hard I am reluctant to do, I found myself going back to the dark days of that forever waiting immigration days. Then I told myself, if I can go through that, I can go through everything!

 

On the other hand, the immigration seems moving a LOT faster these days! 3-5 months, approved and visa in hand! What a big difference!

[Joecy]

Also like to hear from other Chinese woman on this topic.