You May 育美 Website and Blog

[Joecy]

I do know you are providing a valuable service. My wife, after 5 years, is just now getting used to America. I am so proud of what she has done.

I understand well what she has been through. My head would shut down on weekends in the first year here, didn't want to say a word-- not English or Chinese. Keeping two language channels is exhausting!

 

It is constant hard work. Cheers for her !

[Joecy]

Welcome to Candle. Please post more, it will be great to read how you are doing in America. Nice to see you reaching out to help other Chinese women arriving in America.

 

Good luck to you.

 

tsap seui

Thanks tsap seui . Candle is a very unique forum, the sincerity I experienced here, I didn't see in any other forums!

 

I also feel lucky to be able to work on something I am passionate about. Still a lot to learn. I will report my progress

[Joecy]

Hi everyone,

 

In the summer of 2012, I said goodbye to my family, friends, job and home in Shanghai. I walked out of the Newark airport with my five year old daughter and four suitcases, excited to begin a new life in the U.S. - completely unprepared for the challenges ahead.

 

My confidence was high. I grew up following U.S. culture through music and movies. I am fluent in English. I majored in international trade, and I worked for one Swiss and two American companies for ten years in Shanghai. I had spent weeks in the U.S. visiting my husband. How hard it could it be to adjust to living in the U.S.?

 

The culture shock was overwhelming. Simple shopping was difficult and frustrating. I couldn't understand the cashier’s English and I didn’t recognize the coins. My confidence evaporated. I was scared to go buy a bottle of water by myself. How could I find a job if I couldn't understand anyone? I felt like a helpless child, relying on others to survive.

 

I needed help.

 

My friends in China and family in the U.S. were all generous with well-meaning advice, but they simply did not understand what I was going through. I searched but could not find support from my new neighborhood, or my daughter’s school or even in the Philadelphia Chinese community. I wished I could find people like me that understood my challenges: Chinese women who immigrated to the US and struggled with the transition.

 

Nine months later I was still struggling to find my place. I decided to start You May US, a non-profit social service organization, with the hope of building a network to support Chinese women who – just like me – needed help adjusting to life in the U.S.

 

You May was created entirely by a team of volunteers with similar values and a desire to help others. We hope that sharing others’ frustrations, challenges, confusion and successes will help Chinese women immigrants find their own path to living a full life in the U.S.

 

I am funding the costs of printing and distributing from my limited saving. In the meantime, we applied for U.S.501©3 non-profit status, and we hope to secure funding to help the cost.

 

 

Today, our first issue is printed! It's available in both English and Chinese.

There is personal journey of finding a new self in the US; true story on how volunteering help discover a path into the US society; Advice from experienced US teacher to Chinese moms; Interview of award wining Chinese artist, how lost she felt when she first arriving the US....

 

 

You may subscribe the magazine through our website.

http://en.youmayus.org/Index.asp

http://en.youmayus.org/uploadfile/image/20140628/20140628030229912991.jpg

 

Please also help You May to reach more Newly Arrived Chinese women.

I believe we share the same challenges, and we should not be facing them alone.

 

Thank you CFL!!!!

Joecy

Edited July 2, 2014 by Joecy (see edit history)

[Catherineli]

I think I'm the right one who will need YU MEI for help! Can't wait to become
"Merican".

 

Give thanks to Joecy for providing such a great help. Everyone will appreciate your magazine!

[dnoblett]

I got a pre-release copy, read some, very well written and a very good resource for newly immigrated.

 

I had my wife and her mother check it out, she did spot a few unusual Chinese words used, probably direct translation, one comes to mind was "Transplant" I had to explain to my wife that it means people moving permanently from one place to another, she thought it applied to plants.

[Joecy]

I think I'm the right one who will need YU MEI for help! Can't wait to become

"Merican".

 

Give thanks to Joecy for providing such a great help. Everyone will appreciate your magazine!

Thank you Catherine! I hope you won't become too Americanized thought

This is actually one of the core themes we discuss in You May : to be Americanized, completely adjusted to US culture and abandon our Chinese identity; or to stay pure Chinese and refuse US culture

 

TO BE OR NOT TO BE??

 

Regarding Readers in China:

We also hope to reach to those about to set foot in the US, helping them get prepared for the transition before arriving.

If you are currently living in China, or your loved one is still in the immigration process, we can also manage to mail to you.

[Joecy]

I got a pre-release copy, read some, very well written and a very good resource for newly immigrated.

 

I had my wife and her mother check it out, she did spot a few unusual Chinese words used, probably direct translation, one comes to mind was "Transplant" I had to explain to my wife that it means people moving permanently from one place to another, she thought it applied to plants.

Hi Dan,

 

Your wife was right about the word Transplant, it does apply to plants.

 

The extraordinary Chinese lady from our cover story described herself in this metaphor . She said when she moved to the US at age 22, she was like a fully grown tree. She felt like she was chopped from the root and tossed into the sea. To grow root again in a foreign land, it took many many years.

 

This root, to our Chinese woman, is our hometown, our family & friend, our way of thinking and our own identity.

But all of these were lost when we moved to the US, with our root chopped.

How to build these again -- 2nd hometown, new friends & family, new way of thinking and new identity, is what You May hope to discover.

[Catherineli]

Learning to lose identity is the first step. So true! I was a professor in China and will be a street beggar in the USA.

[True Blue]

Hi everyone, I realize I haven't introduced myself

 

Here's me:

Born in Chengdu, grew up in China, have a 7 yr old daughter came to the US at age 5

Met & married an American with 14 & 16 year old daughters

First 18 months of marriage were long distance while working through the USCIS process

First two years in the US is quite a shock and full of challenges : scare of talking to Americans, scare of going to grocery store, no friend, feeling lost and low...

Now want to help other Chinese immigrant women who may be facing similar challenges

Started a non-profit organization staffed by volunteers -all Chinese women in the US

 

Would like to hear from people on CFL, how best You May can help.

 

thank you!!!!

Joecy,

 

You are not alone in some of your feelings. I am American born and raised and I have lived here in USA for 6 decades. I too am scared of talking to Americans whom I don't know and also of going to the grocery store. I basically grocery shop late at night. The folks you meet while shopping for groceries at 2 AM at Walmart are really weird and creepy. (except me of course....well no----honestly maybe I am weird shopping that late too but you go through the cashier line a whole lot quicker when the store is empty

 

True Blue

 

ps to Dan = your wife is at a truly wonderful place. Guilin/Yangshuo is an incredibly fun trip that every visitor to China should experience at least once---. 5 Stars

[True Blue]

Learning to lose identity is the first step. So true! I was a professor in China and will be a street beggar in the USA.

We can understand where you are coming from Professor Li,

 

I taught college in USA 40 years ago. Many of us, hit by the economic downturn of the past 10 years here in the USA have seen our incomes cut by 75% or more. The work level we are now doing if we are lucky enough to have a job is 21st century slavery. So even though we are native born Americans, we can feel your pain. I am now making what I made coming out of college but now I have 40 years of experience. I'm in a dead end job with a young know it all (not really) boss but I have to trudge on. Because once you reach 50 in the USA (I am 60) jobs are very hard to come by. Most US companies do not want older workers. Scrapping by on 1/4th of your old salary, you come to learn humility quickly. I work 15 to 18 hour days and I am salaried with no raise in 7 years and several large benefit cuts.. So I essentially make less in total comp than I did 7 years ago (benefits cuts) while I make the same per hour as I did 40 years ago, but with lesser fringe benefits. We get how you feel coming from China as we used to be (somewhat) important early in our careers here as you have been.

 

The difference is you can retire at 55 or 60 in China. Many of us here must work until 70 or we drop dead (whichever comes first.- though I suspect my company won't even let me clock out until 8 pm on the day that I drop dead). We live very frugally by the way - save every nickel, rarely eat out, tiny house, 13 year old car, use the windows for air and rarely run the air conditioning even in the hot Florida summers. So glad my wife is not a gold digger or she would be long gone when the gold mine went dry years ago.

 

Keep a good attitude and enjoy nature, clean air and clean water. Love your spouse, your kids, and for some your grand-kids. Life is precious and it could be worse (and for many people each and every day it surely is).

 

Best wishes,

 

True Blue (a/k/a "Confusedus Jr.")

[Catherineli]

hahaah, thank you "Confusedus Jr" You even know my family name. I'm impressed. Did you come to my facebook? True Blue, you're a true truth. Thank you for the true information. I need all kinds of American life knowledge, negative or positive.

more please.

 

Professor Li+ street beggar Li

[Joecy]

True Blue,

Thank you for your understanding!

 

You gave me a a smile with your 2am shopping experience. Not being able to fully express myself in English, or not able to talk fast like machine guns that my American listeners lose patience, makes me feel a loser.

 

I'm also surprise to hear the change in teaching at college.You said most of the US company do not want older worker. It's the same in China. Chinese have to retire at age 55-60 to make space for the youngs, although the older has so much experience! But one difference in this whole dynamics --most of the Chinese families don't have a stay-at-home mom, wives all go to work, which probably makes the retirement saving easier.

 

 

Catherine,

Maybe we can make street beggar a profession here.

[True Blue]

hahaah, thank you "Confusedus Jr" You even know my family name. I'm impressed. Did you come to my facebook? True Blue, you're a true truth. Thank you for the true information. I need all kinds of American life knowledge, negative or positive.

more please.

 

Professor Li+ street beggar Li

Hahaha No, I don't do Facebook And I'm no Sherlock Holmes But I did learn to read. Your family name is in your posting name Catherineli = Catherine+Li

 

Google or Baidu "Occam's Razor" Professor Li - the simplest explanation is usually the most logical one.

 

Regards,

True Blue

[True Blue]

True Blue,

Thank you for your understanding!

 

You gave me a a smile with your 2am shopping experience. Not being able to fully express myself in English, or not able to talk fast like machine guns that my American listeners lose patience, makes me feel a loser.

 

I'm also surprise to hear the change in teaching at college.You said most of the US company do not want older worker. It's the same in China. Chinese have to retire at age 55-60 to make space for the youngs, although the older has so much experience! But one difference in this whole dynamics --most of the Chinese families don't have a stay-at-home mom, wives all go to work, which probably makes the retirement saving easier.

 

 

Catherine,

Maybe we can make street beggar a profession here.

Joecy,

 

You might have figured this out already, but here in USA most people get paid on a Friday so that is the most crowded day to shop. Then comes Saturday and Sunday. So shopping on Wednesday or Thursday usually has the fewest shoppers. Late night (assuming a safe neighborhood - for safety sake, please never go shopping alone at night) or 10-11 am are the best times to shop without long checkout lines.

 

American's have an old saying Time = money so use your time wisely. We all are born with a limited amount of it. Whether we are rich or poor, our time is limited. Even a Billionaire like Bill Gates can't purchase additional time.

 

Regards,

True Blue

[Joecy]

 

True Blue,

Thank you for your understanding!

 

You gave me a a smile with your 2am shopping experience. Not being able to fully express myself in English, or not able to talk fast like machine guns that my American listeners lose patience, makes me feel a loser.

 

I'm also surprise to hear the change in teaching at college.You said most of the US company do not want older worker. It's the same in China. Chinese have to retire at age 55-60 to make space for the youngs, although the older has so much experience! But one difference in this whole dynamics --most of the Chinese families don't have a stay-at-home mom, wives all go to work, which probably makes the retirement saving easier.

 

 

Catherine,

Maybe we can make street beggar a profession here.

Joecy,

 

You might have figured this out already, but here in USA most people get paid on a Friday so that is the most crowded day to shop. Then comes Saturday and Sunday. So shopping on Wednesday or Thursday usually has the fewest shoppers. Late night (assuming a safe neighborhood - for safety sake, please never go shopping alone at night) or 10-11 am are the best times to shop without long checkout lines.

 

American's have an old saying Time = money so use your time wisely. We all are born with a limited amount of it. Whether we are rich or poor, our time is limited. Even a Billionaire like Bill Gates can't purchase additional time.

 

Regards,

True Blue

 

Hi True Blue,

Interesting point about shopping on weekend!

I'm still adjusting my habit to shop once a week. I went to wet market in China everyday to pick up fresh veggie and stuff for the day. Every community has its wet market, so close you can just walk or bike there. I miss that.

 

Chinese has the same saying for Time=Money , and = life.

I guess the American are no the best example for "enjoy doing nothing" or "slow lifestyle".

I better learn to talk fast