Laowei not welcome

[chengdu4me]

My son just finished his mid-term exams a couple weeks ago. My wife is at the school now for a conference with his head teacher. Every parent gets this conference with the head teacher. Well, almost every parent.

 

If you are a laowei, you are not welcome to attend. I'm supposed to be his Dad. I support him, I pay for his education. But, I am not welcome at his school.

 

My wife told me that if I went, the security guards would not let me in. Chinese parents only!

[Guest Pommey]

My son just finished his mid-term exams a couple weeks ago. My wife is at the school now for a conference with his head teacher. Every parent gets this conference with the head teacher. Well, almost every parent.

 

If you are a laowei, you are not welcome to attend. I'm supposed to be his Dad. I support him, I pay for his education. But, I am not welcome at his school.

 

My wife told me that if I went, the security guards would not let me in. Chinese parents only!

 

wow, that sucks

 

I would expect you and the misses complain to the highest authority about this.

 

Do it their way, all the family, 20+ family or more shouting at principle all day every day.

Edited November 30, 2009 by Pommey (see edit history)

[chengdu4me]

No...no complaining..I'll let my money do the talking. I will discuss with my wife and son about taking him out of public school and enrolling him in a private school. This is MY son! I WILL be involved in his education! I WILL have access to his teachers!

[Smitty]

I feel for you Larry!

[xiaofeizhu]

Aww, that sucks! I agree that you should consider another school where you will be able to talk to his teacher! I know you are in another country, but I still think that children do better when their parents are both able to support them and be there for them. Good for you for deciding to take stand to be involved. Good luck! I hope it works out for the best!

[chengdu4me]

School property is very tightly controlled. For my wife to go to our sons school, she must have his school registration papers with her to prove she is a parent of a child that attends that school. But, I would think that showing our marriage books would prove we are married and that I am his Dad. Nope! Not a chance! If I was Chinese man married to my wife, I could go. Only because I am a foreigner am I not allowed. This is unacceptable!

[chengdu4me]

Perhaps the Chinese aren't so dumb. If I had been allowed on the school grounds, when I found out his grades for this half-term, I would have killed him. We have some work to do, hire tutors, more studying...lots more studying!

 

Chinese Language = B

Math (Algebra)= F

English = D

Science (Physics)= D

 

His evening basketball games are over. Computer games are over. Playing with his friends on any day except one day a week is over. He can have Sundays off, but the other six days a week, his nose will be glued to a book, he will have Math and Science tutors and I will be hammering him on English the five evenings a week I am home. I cannot allow my son to continue the spiral of poverty that has gripped his family for generations. Time for tough love!

[chilton747]

I would have gone anyway. If the security guards really did not let me in then I would be waiting outside the gate.

[Yuanyang]

Perhaps the Chinese aren't so dumb. If I had been allowed on the school grounds, when I found out his grades for this half-term, I would have killed him. We have some work to do, hire tutors, more studying...lots more studying!

 

Chinese Language = B

Math (Algebra)= F

English = D

Science (Physics)= D

 

His evening basketball games are over. Computer games are over. Playing with his friends on any day except one day a week is over. He can have Sundays off, but the other six days a week, his nose will be glued to a book, he will have Math and Science tutors and I will be hammering him on English the five evenings a week I am home. I cannot allow my son to continue the spiral of poverty that has gripped his family for generations. Time for tough love!

Tough Love being the PC term for @$$-kicking!

[Yuanyang]

I would have gone anyway. If the security guards really did not let me in then I would be waiting outside the gate.

Some Chinese parents will scream and yell at the teachers for screwing over their precious little darling (or think the teachers are demanding payoffs for grades).

[chilton747]

I would have gone anyway. If the security guards really did not let me in then I would be waiting outside the gate.

Some Chinese parents will scream and yell at the teachers for screwing over their precious little darling (or think the teachers are demanding payoffs for grades).

 

 

Or how about the ol' "your child is falling behind. For X amount we can give him extra attention." Happens a lot there so I hear.

[Scott@Hong]

This happened to me, Wifes son was having problems and I wanted to speak to teacher but was not allowed access to school. Teacher was great though and met us at his home in the evening to discuss the problem over tea.

[warpedbored]

Seems to me the larger issue is his grades. While the teachers not letting you in pisses you off, remember you are a guest in their country and have no say in how things are run. I do like the idea of private school. You would have more input and he would likely get better instruction. I agree with taking privileges unless he gets his grades up but a hard ass approach may not work either. I remember being pretty stubborn at that age. What he needs is to realize himself that unless he wants to continue the cycle of poverty you described he will need an education.

[knloregon]

My wife has just completed the same process (for the first time in the US)---but from the perspective of the teacher across the table from the parents. It was a relief to her that she received mostly support from the parents, it hasn't be universal during the term to this point.

 

she's seen both sides now, teaching in both countries, and still fresh is the impression that the Chinese parents are far less inclined to take their kid's side in any dispute----Chinese parent: kid's side of the story, teachers side of same story---Teacher wins, hands down every time.

 

American parent: its a toss up. Sometimes the parents came at it as a collaborative problem (which teacher's love) ----sometimes its all: blame the teacher, and run with it as far up the administration as possible. Wife's perspective: its almost always single parents, broken families who chose the latter----conditions which now reflect the home life of a huge percentage of American school children.

 

Not Chinese, even if the child is being reared in the extended family of migrant workers---a common model in the rural community where she taught, family structure is still enforced.

 

But back to specifics: I would ABSOLUTELY remove your son from this school---its setting a horrible example for your son---really marginalizing you, (and thus, your authority over him, and perhaps racist in origin)----while clearly, he isn't getting what he needs instructionally----I would just make sure that in interviewing any private school, they know your expectations, and the score (ie. who's paying the tuition.)

 

Your son's not blameless, and glad to see you are getting that message across, but part of a new environment is the shock of the new, and termination of an old comfort zone: harder to fall back into patterns of complacency.

 

Its an interesting problem, and hope you will keep us posted..

[knloregon]

"This happened to me, Wifes son was having problems and I wanted to speak to teacher but was not allowed access to school. Teacher was great though and met us at his home in the evening to discuss the problem over tea."

 

Really not understanding this exclusion of whites from Chinese schools---orphanages, I understand but this doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, the administration must know that white step-parents have specific parental rights, don't they?

 

But Scott's teacher/parent solution----where the teacher comes to the parent's house, or invites parents to his is very common, and a practice taught to educators in Hunan province. In addition to home visits for specific problems, teachers are expected to drop in---unannounced for an early evening visit to each student's home sometimes during the school year.