Do I keep quiet or do I spill the beans?

[Dennis143]

Through our good friend Mary, Leiqin and I had a good talk tonight about this escapade that her sister pursues. I had Mary read a few of the posts in reply to this question here on the Candle. She also believes that it is immoral to lie to Al, although she wouldn't go so far to suggest that I go against my wife's wishes. I tried to convince Leiqin that this just isn't right and that it'd be best to come clean instead of risking having an angry Meiguoren on their hands. Her rebuttal is that they've done this many times, all with successful results.

 

So, I still have ~6 weeks before AL leaves for China. In the meantime, I will try to get more of a feel for what he expects and where his head and heart are. And, I may possibly lay down a few hints for him to ponder.

 

Man, tell you what...I am swinging from one camp to the other with this moral dilemma. I don't see any wrong answers...at least while I'm reading the current answer, that is.

Edited January 19, 2009 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Sebastian]

... Her rebuttal is that they've done this many times, all with successful results....

Dennis - Have you ever thought that maybe you're one of those 'successful results' ?

(sorry, that's not so fair for me to say that, I'm not attacking you personally, really)

 

I've had one of those internal battles since you originally posted this , about what to say to you, how to say, when to say. Early on I wrote something, and had it deleted. That was a 'knee-jerk' write-up, and I was in a foul mood too. But hei - here goes... sans foul mood....

 

Basically, if one was to take the moral high-ground, then of course Tell AL, and damn the consequences with the family.

 

But - you gotta live with yer lass, and she has to maintain face as well.

 

It's a road full of broken bits o glass, and yer not wearing any shoes..

 

I would only hope, that if the roles were reversed, and you were AL, that you'd want someone to make you aware of this 'situation', prior to the trip. I can only say , that for me, I'd want someone to tell me if there was any hint of fraud or impropriety.

 

OK - enough - just wanted to get it off my chest - I'm not gonna argue with you about this, just wish you the best o luck in maintaining the relationship with your wife and her family.

Edited January 19, 2009 by Darnell (see edit history)

[tsap seui]

Dennis, being a swashbuckin' adventurist who lets the chips fall where they may, and being the last person in the world to trust anything on the internet, including web cams...I say, keep yo mouff shut on this one.

 

Let me tells ya this lil' story about this very anonymous feller (named tsap seui) who had 10 photos of 3 different women (supposedly the same woman) when he went to Beijing the first time. On the plane over I ..er uh...this anonymous feller laughed to himself that he was probably going to meet a 4th women in Beijing..and shore nuff...he did.

 

To put the Christian aspect to it I very STRONGLY believe that GOD put the lil' rabbit and I together as most american men wouldn't have gotten on a plane with photos of 3 different women who were supposed to be one woman, and when the lil' rabbit walked into the agency she used they told her they had an american man on his way to Beijing in 2 weeks time she was afraid and hated the fact that I had the photos of 3 different women...they told her that all Chinese women look the same to americans...but against all odds the lil' rabbit went to Beijing also.

 

We survived an unlikely beginning, 10 months of blue slip hell, a white slip, and now own a home in China that we will move into in a few short months. Our love for each other is larger than China.

 

I say, let the chips fall where they will, this Al guy is old enough to take care of himself..then again, I ain't much of the typical 58 year old american male, and I've been blessed with some extremely good luck.

 

tsap seui

[amanda1969]

... Her rebuttal is that they've done this many times, all with successful results....

Dennis - Have you ever thought that maybe you're one of those 'successful results' ?

It is what I guessed though.

Edited January 19, 2009 by amanda1969 (see edit history)

[ameriken]

they've done this many times, all with successful results.

 

As for ''all with successful results'', does that mean every American man they dealt with was perfectly ok with being duped so long as he got a nicer looking chick?

 

I try to put myself in Al's shoes and think how I would feel if I got to China and met a totally different girl at the airport who proceeded to tell me the girl I fell in love with has been married all along to another guy, so lets start over.

 

I guess I'd be wondering what other lies are in the future and how honest of a relationship can it be.

 

I also wonder, if the results are always so successful, then what has makes them so vehemently reluctant to tell him? What are they so afraid of if this works so wonderfully well?

Edited January 19, 2009 by ameriken (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

... Her rebuttal is that they've done this many times, all with successful results....

Dennis - Have you ever thought that maybe you're one of those 'successful results' ?

It is what I guessed though.

You guessed right. But, for those who've followed my Chinese adventures and life till today through my posts on this forum know that I am not so naive that I swallow the bait whole. Yes, in the end my wife's sister (from Nanning) was answering my emails. But, Leiqin was here in the states and I was phoning her daily. It wasn't the emails that suckered me in....I don't think.

 

Anyway, that's the feel I need to get from Al. How vulnerable or wise is he. Cripes, the man's from Wisconsin and this is his first trip outside of the US. OK, I've been there too. But I'm in the Tsap camp, in that no matter what happens, it will be the time of my life and an adventure to remember. One little devil whispers not to ruin his adventure. While my angel whispers to do what's right...I usually follow that devil. I want to do what's right. http://i41.tinypic.com/k9t7aa.gif

[sweattrl1]

sometimes going on faith works well, alot of us was never sure what waited us in china the first time we went, most of us just believed all that we were told by our online girl friends ,i was luckey my wife spoke english fairly well, but for some of you, you were not so luckey,

I'm old school but i still have new ideas, al has never met or seen or really talked to the girl, what the hell,Dennis has done nothing wrong, Al started this ,so i say leave it alone and let it play out.maybe Al likes adventure, i know i do,i am never to old school for that.advise is good , but lets support Dennis in any decision he makes,

[Dennis143]

sometimes going on faith works well, alot of us was never sure what waited us in china the first time we went, most of us just believed all that we were told by our online girl friends ,i was luckey my wife spoke english fairly well, but for some of you, you were not so luckey,

I'm old school but i still have new ideas, al has never met or seen or really talked to the girl, what the hell,Dennis has done nothing wrong, Al started this ,so i say leave it alone and let it play out.maybe Al likes adventure, i know i do,i am never to old school for that.advise is good , but lets support Dennis in any decision he makes,

What seems to be the consensus here is that those with English speaking wives vote to tell Al and those whose wife aren't English proficient vote not to tell.

 

If correct, what does that tell?http://i44.tinypic.com/qs9rv6.gif

[amanda1969]

sometimes going on faith works well, alot of us was never sure what waited us in china the first time we went, most of us just believed all that we were told by our online girl friends ,i was luckey my wife spoke english fairly well, but for some of you, you were not so luckey,

I'm old school but i still have new ideas, al has never met or seen or really talked to the girl, what the hell,Dennis has done nothing wrong, Al started this ,so i say leave it alone and let it play out.maybe Al likes adventure, i know i do,i am never to old school for that.advise is good , but lets support Dennis in any decision he makes,

What seems to be the consensus here is that those with English speaking wives vote to tell Al and those whose wife aren't English proficient vote not to tell.

 

If correct, what does that tell?http://i44.tinypic.com/qs9rv6.gif

Tell AL the truth and let him decide.

[chilton747]

sometimes going on faith works well, alot of us was never sure what waited us in china the first time we went, most of us just believed all that we were told by our online girl friends ,i was luckey my wife spoke english fairly well, but for some of you, you were not so luckey,

I'm old school but i still have new ideas, al has never met or seen or really talked to the girl, what the hell,Dennis has done nothing wrong, Al started this ,so i say leave it alone and let it play out.maybe Al likes adventure, i know i do,i am never to old school for that.advise is good , but lets support Dennis in any decision he makes,

What seems to be the consensus here is that those with English speaking wives vote to tell Al and those whose wife aren't English proficient vote not to tell.

 

If correct, what does that tell?http://i44.tinypic.com/qs9rv6.gif

 

 

Very interesting observation Dennis!

[SheLikesME?]

Tsap,

You got those 3 pictures?

 

Dennis needs to send them to a feller for a test.

[Dennis143]

 

What seems to be the consensus here is that those with English speaking wives vote to tell Al and those whose wife aren't English proficient vote not to tell.

 

If correct, what does that tell?http://i44.tinypic.com/qs9rv6.gif

Tell AL the truth and let him decide.

hmmm....your English is pretty good, Amanda.

[MarkHui]

I canceled my first trip to China for a reason similar to this. Others here tried to offer other female contacts in China and I did not go. Big mistake on my part, however Al needs to be told the truth from you or your family. When Al is equipped with the truth and travels to China for a wonderful vacation and meets a beautiful woman he will not be disappointed. This is why I said take the middle path. The sooner he knows the better for him to decide or the shock maybe to much for him to wrap his mind around. None of us that have been to China would want him to cancel. And if there is a beautiful woman waiting?

 

Armed with the truth and to see how sweet Chinese woman are and the small sincere things they do poor Al will be so disappointed. I wounder how Al will feel when the new lady walks with him arm in arm some night on a Chinese sidewalk? I wounder how he will feel when she places food in his bowl for him to eat and asks him to pour the tea for her as she taps the table with her nails? His first taste of the hotpot with a beautiful woman across from him. Learning his first few Chinese words in the mainland with the help of a beautiful woman? Have we all forgot what is in store for poor old Al?

 

To Al, go to China meet this new woman and have fun.

 

Send him an email explaining all the good sh*t he will miss out on w/a picture of the woman he will meet. She needs to meet him at the airport (very important) and you need to let it go. I wounder how Al will feel as they have private time in the back of a taxi on the way to his hotel? I think your family in China should do this if not a 3rd party, with a translated letter from her in her words telling him she looks forward to their meeting and time together in China. Al is a big boy give him the truth and some info of what a Chinese vacation can be, let him decide.

Edited January 19, 2009 by MarkHui (see edit history)

[Dan R]

sometimes going on faith works well, alot of us was never sure what waited us in china the first time we went, most of us just believed all that we were told by our online girl friends ,i was luckey my wife spoke english fairly well, but for some of you, you were not so luckey,

I'm old school but i still have new ideas, al has never met or seen or really talked to the girl, what the hell,Dennis has done nothing wrong, Al started this ,so i say leave it alone and let it play out.maybe Al likes adventure, i know i do,i am never to old school for that.advise is good , but lets support Dennis in any decision he makes,

What seems to be the consensus here is that those with English speaking wives vote to tell Al and those whose wife aren't English proficient vote not to tell.

 

If correct, what does that tell?http://i44.tinypic.com/qs9rv6.gif

 

Mine is proficient in English, and the opinion is this is done all the time.

 

Dennis, I am puzzled about one thing. Why didn't Al need to be told about the ghost writer for the first introduction? Now that the person he never communicated with is switched does he need to be told? As they say these things often work out. And sometimes they don't. It is the matchmaking game so roll the dice and see how it goes. And hide low so you avoid the I told you so or become a whipping boy for failed plans. (Maybe you can blame the whole thing on Roger)

[david_dawei]

Poor ole Al, this 45 year old man thought he was traveling 8000 miles to China to meet a beautiful 22 year old girl. Boy howdy we're all gonna just weep for him when he learns that his dream girl's already gotten married and instead he'll be greeted by her 22 year old cousin who's even more beautiful. Yes, poor ole Al suckered for becoming just a meal ticket for this beautiful young woman. Breaks your heart don't it.

 

Seriously, that's really the crux of it. My wife says that Jin and Jie look quite a bit alike, but Jie "is more beautiful, and more hard working and smart and drives a car and..."

 

Come on, the man's going to be well taken care of, how many men go through life having and getting an opportunity like this? And, I am told to just throw cold water on him/it, because deception is deception and lies are lies and the end result don't matter...

 

You can see where I am leaning...to just stay silent and hope for the best. And, yes, by not speaking up, I have become an accomplice... I know. B)

 

I still have a few weeks to give my final answer though.

I'm not sure if you previously left out the ages... 45 year old USC having a shell game with 22 year old chinese ladies

 

I think I've heard enough... I think I'd warn Jie at this point