What is expected from a Husband?

April 14, 2008

My Very Special Other are going to be maaried this month in Nanning. There are so many little items that must be done yet.

I have read some posts and have been told what I should expect from my new wife.

I am curious I am an American man with a solid upbringing in the American way of life. I want to avoid the "Mop Slapping" I have read about here on CFL.

What does your SO expect from her new husband? What does her family expect from their new son-in-law? My SO has a very wonderul daughter who is going to college here in China and will graduate in 2009. She will be almost 22 years old then. My SO is aware that it will be along time before her daughter could immigrate to the USA. Like most of us when we where this age we really did not know what we where going to be doing. She may wish to stay in China and build a good life there. He studies are in enviromental egineering. Which I believe would provide her a very good opportunity both in China and the USA.

Any suggestions on your own personal experiences with your SO?

Zhen's Tiger · April 14, 2008

My Very Special Other are going to be maaried this month in Nanning. There are so many little items that must be done yet.
I have read some posts and have been told what I should expect from my new wife.
I am curious I am an American man with a solid upbringing in the American way of life. I want to avoid the "Mop Slapping" I have read about here on CFL.
What does your SO expect from her new husband? What does her family expect from their new son-in-law? My SO has a very wonderul daughter who is going to college here in China and will graduate in 2009. She will be almost 22 years old then. My SO is aware that it will be along time before her daughter could immigrate to the USA. Like most of us when we where this age we really did not know what we where going to be doing. She may wish to stay in China and build a good life there. He studies are in enviromental egineering. Which I believe would provide her a very good opportunity both in China and the USA.
Any suggestions on your own personal experiences with your SO?

Hey Tony,

I think it's the same all over; treat your wife with love and respect, be honest and courteous to her and her family. Be flexible and patient, work hard to communicate and listen to what she is saying to you and you will be fine.

As far as the "Mop Slapping"... that's a joke (I think :lol: ) that has been exaggerated to the point of urban legend. I know the only time I get hit is when she is feeling frisky or if I say or do something especially cute or sweet for her and it's more of a 'love tap' and things will be getting fun soon. Trust me, I like when she hits me!! :huh:

Good luck, have fun, and enjoy your life together!

Steve

georgeandli · April 14, 2008

Congrats on upcoming marriage. As to what is expected, it's as varied as women. If you can figure that out make sure you post and let the rest of us know :lol:

tonado · April 14, 2008

Every woman is different. Some expect the husband to do a lot to please her (high maintenance) and some are just happy to be with the husband. First year is marriage is tough (lots of adjustment). Since you plan to get married in China, you should visit her often while waiting for the visa. Good luck.

Urkidding · April 14, 2008

Tony,

Mine came with an owner¡¯s manual¡ yours will too! :lol:

The 1st couple of line say¡

1. Do not reeve the engine over 20 decibels the 1st 3 months.

2. Do not put in reverse when without stopping 1st.

3. Keep booth hands on the steering wheel at all times.

4. Take out and eat at regular interval times.

5. Return to the Motherland as required.

6. and make sure you complete the 100,000 mile checkup

Relax and enjoy your new ride. It will be comfortable and smooth as a baby¡¯s butt.

If properly maintained it will last you a lifetime¡

Oh yea.. One final note:

Treat her, as you would like to be treated!

p.s. _ did get my goat¡¯s cheese pizza receipt and will try it this next week!

jim_julian · April 14, 2008

Of course treat each other with kindness and respect.

Given that, I think the most important characteristic for you to demonstrate is ... be a rock. Be someone that she and her family can count on. Demonstrate by your actions that you will take care of her and, to the extent needed, your step daughter and her parents for the rest of your life.

Then there are my pet guidelines:

1. Never go to bed angry, always sort things out even if you agree to disagree. And closely related ...

2. Never resurface past issues. Once things are decided it's time to move on. As Lao Po like to say, "It's finished!"

3. In China do it the Chinese way; in America do it the American way. That's not to say that you don't blend the best of both cultures but, particularly in the beginning (that's in China for you and in America for her), this has been a useful guideline for us.

April 14, 2008

Tony,

Mine came with an owner¡¯s manual¡ yours will too!

The 1st couple of line say¡

1. Do not reeve the engine over 20 decibels the 1st 3 months.
2. Do not put in reverse when without stopping 1st.
3. Keep booth hands on the steering wheel at all times.
4. Take out and eat at regular interval times.
5. Return to the Motherland as required.
6. and make sure you complete the 100,000 mile checkup

Relax and enjoy your new ride. It will be comfortable and smooth as a baby¡¯s butt.

If properly maintained it will last you a lifetime¡

Oh yea.. One final note:

Treat her, as you would like to be treated!

p.s. _ did get my goat¡¯s cheese pizza receipt and will try it this next week!

Thanks Andrew. My SO wanted to know since I am 9 years older then her if she can get an extended warranty with me. Also she now wishes to make a goat cheese pizza here in Nanning. Any suggestions where I can find goat cheese here in Nanning? Learned something just now. Never show your SO a CFL Post. :rolleyes:

credzba · April 15, 2008

You'll need to prep your house for her arrival.

I just want to agree with Darnell. I know not all women expect the same things from their husbands, but Darnells wife and mine think almost EXACTLY the same.

There are no shoes in the house, and last trip to china she sent me home spare slippers so guests to our house would have them to wear. I don't allow myself to ever wear shoes in the house. Guests get the idea pretty quick without me having to say anything.

Even though my wife is not here yet, we used the internet, and camera to buy the house together.

She reviewed a full set of pictures before we agreed to buy it.

Her signature is on the papers.

After purchase there were things I knew we needed, but I don't do anything without her agreement, and the projects all complete with step by step pictures of the project so she knows what is being done to her house.

I can't fix drains in the floor, because we have a slab foundation, so I will have to ask her what she wants done when she is here on these. To be honest I miss the drains.. why DON'T they put drains in the washrooms !?!

Last week I finished up the pacair vent upgrade (posted project pictures in the pacair thread if your interested).

We bought the house with a gas stove, exactly as Darnell thinks, though it is still not hot enough. I need to find a way to get more heat out of the burner if anyone has any ideas. Otherwise, I may have to replace it.

This week is finish replacing the fence (was an eye sore) and have one project my wife doesn't understand, but is letting me do.. a sprinkler system goes in thursday.

The walls need paint, and carpet in a house is "dirty" but she wants me to wait until she is here to pick the colors for walls. Replacing the carpet with wood she thinks may be too expensive, so we will work together to save for that expense.

My wife wants to be respected as an equal (well maybe as a little superior :threeques: ) partner. She wants to be secure, and know I will always be what she needs. She also wants me to NOT be a pushover.

Once she ask me, what will you do if you don't agree with me.

I told her in public i would always agree with her, but in private I might disagree. She was happy that I would not always agree, and that I had a face saving way planned to deal with the situation.

I don't think all wives want the same things from their husbands, but respect, support, and strength of character will lure most women

(being sexy doesn't hurt either)

jim_julian · April 15, 2008

I must respectfully disagree with the last couple of posts.

You cannot make China in America ... you can try, but in my opinion in the long run you will fail.

House shoes ... mud rooms ... special kitchen fans ... in my opinion -- too much guys.

Let me refer you to rule whatever it was ...

In China do it the Chinese way, in America do it the American way.

It is very important to her happiness that she assimilates. Not easy. Takes time. Best long run solution ... in my opinion ... others wil disagree, because this is CFL.

JamesnYuHong · April 15, 2008

In my household, I find it's best to always do it the wife's way.

If a man couldn't eat Chinese food, use chopsticks, live in a place decorated and maintained entirely in a Chinese style, and accept and understand a good cussing out in the Chinese language, I'm not sure what use he would be to my wife.

SheLikesME? · April 15, 2008

I don't think you can avoid the mop-slapping. There are so many little ways of thinking that just get in the way. Even in conversation you may find your thinking and the things you bring up to be illogical to her or as Jim posted if it is in the past don't mention it again. The best you both can do is adjust. Enjoy and feed the romance!!!! She has so much adjusting to do and no matter how well she speaks English it is not good enough.

I posted how mine showed up trying too hard to be non-Chinese. She even acted insulted at me pulling out the chop sticks. She forbade her daughter to use them as well. Others will do just the opposite and all in between. Your going to have to wing it. We use sticks at every meal now, but it was tense at first.

Best advice I can give is to clean the top of the bar you hang cloths on in the closets and scrub down the walls and shelves in there. This was my big event on arrival day :lol: Seems that dusty bar meant I did not care for her. :Dah: I cleaned everything but never in my wildest immagination would I have thought about that bar. She may ask if hangers are clean like in the other thread.

She may or may not want to hang her cloths to dry so I would be prepared with a line on a porch and in the bathroom and one of those portable fold up hanging bars just in case. (I actually had no idea that the Chinese had the kind of bathroom I wanted before I ever knew the Chinese had that design. So one day I hope to have one of those as well as an inclosed porch for drying cloths and storing vegtebles. I like the idea of the kitchen remodel but my wife got the perfect flat bottom huge deep skillet looking pan at a garage sale.)

She may or may not be so damned tight with money that ... well take her to garage sales to loosen things up, if she is not insulted from it all being used.

Clean your garage and make all things tidy everywhere. Let her clean and rant if needed on arrival.

Ranting just might be in the same league as the way Chinese talk to each other when negotiating a price on something they are buying. After all the heated yelling they agree and are friends after amazing. So get some thick skin and don't take it too serious. Jim's post has a lot of wisdom!!!

SheLikesME? · April 15, 2008

If she has new cloths you may not want to put your things with hers just to make sure the color does not come out. Chinese cloth is sometimes the same way America was in the 50s.