Ever Lose Respect For Your Partner?

[SheLikesME?]

Have you ever had disagreements that escalate into real differences in the way others are treated outside your immediate family?

 

 

My wife and I try to be truthful to each other, but what if one needs to approach the gray area of telling a lie to make things better? This isn't what I wanted in a wife, frankly. I've lost some respect and now look at things differently. This may change and she may change, she says. Anyway I hope it is a growing experience instead of a spiral.

[ameriken]

Have you ever had disagreements that escalate into real differences in the way others are treated outside your immediate family?

 

 

My wife and I try to be truthful to each other, but what if one needs to approach the gray area of telling a lie to make things better? This isn't what I wanted in a wife, frankly. I've lost some respect and now look at things differently. This may change and she may change, she says. Anyway I hope it is a growing experience instead of a spiral.

Doug, are you just venting, or are you looking to hear others experiences? Can you clarify a little? Ken

[se_lang]

We all want to think the best of our SO's. However can they always live up to the pedestal we place them on? After all they are just human like everyone else, yes they even have personality flaws(sigh). It could be a valid point I don't know I was not there however before looking at "her" issue find out why it bothers "you" so much then decide if it is worth an otherwise happy life together.

[Guest Mike and Lily]

We all want to think the best of our SO's. However can they always live up to the pedestal we place them on? After all they are just human like everyone else, yes they even have personality flaws(sigh). It could be a valid point I don't know I was not there however before looking at "her" issue find out why it bothers "you" so much then decide if it is worth an otherwise happy life together.

 

Once a lie is told, it takes much time to regain that trust and respect. It's not easy, but if a relationship is worth saving, both parties will try to get it done.

[Urkidding]

Have you ever had disagreements that escalate into real differences in the way others are treated outside your immediate family?

 

 

My wife and I try to be truthful to each other, but what if one needs to approach the gray area of telling a lie to make things better? This isn't what I wanted in a wife, frankly. I've lost some respect and now look at things differently. This may change and she may change, she says. Anyway I hope it is a growing experience instead of a spiral.

 

 

Geezzzzz...

 

All the time DOugie... How long have you been married?

 

I thought you two were newlyweds? Wait to you become a real ole fart like me and make some real BS and mushrooms grow out of it...

 

 

Then you can say "Yea! we really know each other"

 

Besides, Now that she has her own USC papers and US Passport, I can't tell her to go back to CHina anymore. ...so I guess She's srtuck with me...

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

Dougie my man

No sir in 2.6 years I have not crossed the bridge YET!!

[esun41]

I think by some of the info you post in the past that you and wife don't spend much time together. Taking that and the fact that K-visa relationships have very little time to develop anyways.

Getting to know my wife has been a challenge. She's not the same lady I met on my first trip who made my head spin. She's a bit on the selfish side sometimes and I have seen her tell those little white lies... just not to me yet. Her attitude is good however. She just thinks I'm a bit too emotional about our relationship. I know she loves me... maybe not the perfect relationship but something to grow on. In a perfect relationship I think I'd get bored!!!

 

I'm not a relationship counselor but sounds like you need to get to know her better. Don't give up... ever!

 

Good Luck Doug!

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

For any relationship to grow you must have trust. No trust no relationship or it will be a stormy one at best. Misunderstandings happen in the best of relationships. If the trust factor is there they are easily repaired and forgot about. If no trust someone will generally continue to throw up this error over and over until a simple mistake can lead to a mountain of trouble.

[Dennis143]

I think by some of the info you post in the past that you and wife don't spend much time together. Taking that and the fact that K-visa relationships have very little time to develop anyways.

Getting to know my wife has been a challenge. She's not the same lady I met on my first trip who made my head spin. She's a bit on the selfish side sometimes and I have seen her tell those little white lies... just not to me yet. Her attitude is good however. She just thinks I'm a bit too emotional about our relationship. I know she loves me... maybe not the perfect relationship but something to grow on. In a perfect relationship I think I'd get bored!!!

 

I'm not a relationship counselor but sounds like you need to get to know her better. Don't give up... ever!

 

Good Luck Doug!

I agree, Eric. Sounds like the honeymoon is over. And, that's not a bad thing. It's just part of the relationship evolution.

 

I rather enjoy reading those idealogical comments from those who don't have their partner here yet vs. posts as yours, Eric, who understand the day to day reality of what it requires to settle in and find your comfort level with each other.

 

Just as Doug and we may find traits that are unsettling or even shocking, so do they find with us. It's a simple matter of learning and accepting, growing and maturing in your relationship together.

[egolessvegan]

Good posts, Dennis and Doug!!

 

Sun Kang Ning

[chilton747]

Lose respect for my wife? Why my wife is a dream come true for my redneck a**! She can climb a tree up to the very top if need be to git them bird eggs, she can catch fish with her bare hands, she can slay a deer without even usin a gun for crying out loud. Now she put me in my place a while back with her foot up beside my head before I could blink my eyeball. That's right, she is a Kung Fu woman! B)

But I never thought about losing respect for this lil woman. I only thinks about how I AM the luckiest man alive........errrrr.....at least until she gets here?

[griz326]

I've lost some respect and now look at things differently. This may change and she may change, she says. Anyway I hope it is a growing experience instead of a spiral.

 

 

I don't think you can lose just some respect; respect is an all or nothing sort of thing.

 

The words we use shape our thoughts and our future.

 

Perhaps if you make an effort to think of this as a disappointment in your gal rather than a loss of respect you will spiral upwards rather than downwards.

 

Good luck & best wishes.

[shaffej7070]

The honeymoon's just begun, hehe.

[Smitty]

I think by some of the info you post in the past that you and wife don't spend much time together. Taking that and the fact that K-visa relationships have very little time to develop anyways.

Getting to know my wife has been a challenge. She's not the same lady I met on my first trip who made my head spin. She's a bit on the selfish side sometimes and I have seen her tell those little white lies... just not to me yet. Her attitude is good however. She just thinks I'm a bit too emotional about our relationship. I know she loves me... maybe not the perfect relationship but something to grow on. In a perfect relationship I think I'd get bored!!!

 

I'm not a relationship counselor but sounds like you need to get to know her better. Don't give up... ever!

 

Good Luck Doug!

I agree, Eric. Sounds like the honeymoon is over. And, that's not a bad thing. It's just part of the relationship evolution.

 

I rather enjoy reading those idealogical comments from those who don't have their partner here yet vs. posts as yours, Eric, who understand the day to day reality of what it requires to settle in and find your comfort level with each other.

 

Just as Doug and we may find traits that are unsettling or even shocking, so do they find with us. It's a simple matter of learning and accepting, growing and maturing in your relationship together.

Most people don't give enough time to grow a relationship, or anything. My ex wanted to get married right away. I don't mean after a year, I mean after two weeks.

 

I doesn't matter where your spouse is from, no two people are going to think the same in every situation. You might think that your SO, whether she is someone you grew up with or just met on the internet a few months ago, thinks in the same direction as you - chances are you are wrong.

 

Doug hasn't posted the details in this event for us to make any sort of informed comments on what has happened. General comments for general questions.

[SheLikesME?]

Example:

My cousin up the street has a wife born in Columbia. This couple I have shared my experience with from the beginning. They were my greatest ally.

 

The have been married over 20 years. They got custody of his 2 boys from a previous marriage and raised them. They also have one of their own togather. One is 25, married, and just had a daughter born. This son has told his step-mom she is not welcome in his house. He has told his father he is welcome but not her. My has tried his best to get the boy to turn around, but of course he has the right to have nothing to do with his fathers wife. Now his wife says him or me. She does not want him to go see his son or granddaughter. She has put him in an impossible situation. Or has she? Any opinion? They are on the brink of divorce.

 

 

Cousin said a friend of his told him that you cannot reason with an unreasonable person.