Racism

[Rahm30]

I can understand about the racism comment, I am dealing with that with my own family. A few weeks ago my brother, sister and mother came to my house and said they refused to accept my fiance in my life. They even went as far as saying he wasn't welcome. I was very upset over it, needless to say it caused major problems in my family. My fiance is not Chinese, he is from Algeria, and of course Muslim. Automatically my family felt I was bringing a terrorist into the U.S. They haven't said anything up till now, now that it is getting close to the time he gets here.

 

I was really close with my family before all this, now we are distant. I never expected this from my mother. I was devestated over it for weeks, but now I figure I am not letting them bring me down. They are so judgemental of my fiance they don't even know him, the fact that I have known him for so long doesnt make a difference.

 

To hell with who can't accept anything in your life, and if they truly cared they would respect your judgement. For me they just missed an opportunity to meet a wonderful man.

[tywy_99]

I can understand about the racism comment, I am dealing with that with my own family. A few weeks ago my brother, sister and mother came to my house and said they refused to accept my fiance in my life. They even went as far as saying he wasn't welcome. I was very upset over it, needless to say it caused major problems in my family. My fiance is not Chinese, he is from Algeria, and of course Muslim. Automatically my family felt I was bringing a terrorist into the U.S. They haven't said anything up till now, now that it is getting close to the time he gets here.

 

I was really close with my family before all this, now we are distant. I never expected this from my mother. I was devestated over it for weeks, but now I figure I am not letting them bring me down. They are so judgemental of my fiance they don't even know him, the fact that I have known him for so long doesnt make a difference.

 

To hell with who can't accept anything in your life, and if they truly cared they would respect your judgement. For me they just missed an opportunity to meet a wonderful man.

Are you Chinese, Rahm30?

Whether you are Chinese or not, I think your family, especially your mother, will accept your husband for who he is. Your family has to overcome the initial shock, and then overcome the denial. It will take time but they will come around because they love you.

Such as it is. Life, I mean.

[Rahm30]

No I am not Chinese, my fiance he lives in China and is there on a work visa, I live in the U.S. I know my mother will come around, it just hurt my feelings at the time.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

There is enough racism in this country and the world to go around. But I believe it ever-so-important to remember that most of what we see in the world is simply ignorance and bias that stems from never having been exposed to a particular culture. Most Americans know little if anything about Chinese culture. Hell, I'm married to a Chinese woman and discover each and every day just how much I DON'T know.

 

I cannot tell you the positive impact that my wife and daughter have had upon those that have met them. These are people that had a typical knee jerk reaction to anything different from what they think as normal America.

 

For these reasons, it's important to be patient and tolerant with your friends. Take a couple steps back and don't be in a rush to reject and make ex-friends everyone that doesn't immediately accept you and your new family.

 

Lan has received several notes and calls from people whose lives she's impacted after they've met her. It's that spirit that reminds me that adjustment takes time. I will never forget my first visit to China. I wanted to turn around and leave right away because the culture was quite frankly frightening. But, I hung in there. Today, my life is richer and more meaningful than ever before.

[david_dawei]

Sometimes one has to take a stance. An overt response is necessary. Bitting one's tongue and keeping quiet is not appropriate in all situations in my opinion.

 

If I have mis-interpreted what you've said, please correct me.

I don't necessarily disagree... I was responding to the specific topic.. and your extending it to outrages of war... so it's far different circumstance and I might respond differently.

 

To Charles.. .distance can be a natural outcome regardless of confronting someone or not.. so I don't disagree with that idea either.

 

Generally, a person is free to say what they want.. if one is offended by someone's comments, then I just say, walk away... no one says you have to continue to have contact with them.. but I think on some level, confronting would simply lower yourself and leaving is the easy way out... sticking around that person and showing that 'sticks and stones' is a child's thing takes much more courage... after all, what's really offended here? As a zen master once said, "gather it up in your hands, show it to me and I'll make it go away"...

 

Although, I do think that ignorance should be confronted

Edited October 5, 2007 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[Guest Rob & Jin]

Sometimes one has to take a stance. An overt response is necessary. Bitting one's tongue and keeping quiet is not appropriate in all situations in my opinion.

 

If I have mis-interpreted what you've said, please correct me.

I don't necessarily disagree... I was responding to the specific topic.. and your extending it to outrages of war... so it's far different circumstance and I might respond differently.

 

To Charles.. .distance can be a natural outcome regardless of confronting someone or not.. so I don't disagree with that idea either.

 

Generally, a person is free to say what they want.. if one is offended by someone's comments, then I just say, walk away... no one says you have to continue to have contact with them.. but I think on some level, confronting would simply lower yourself and leaving is the easy way out... sticking around that person and showing that 'sticks and stones' is a child's thing takes much more courage... after all, what's really offended here? As a zen master once said, "gather it up in your hands, show it to me and I'll make it go away"...

 

Although, I do think that ignorance should be confronted B)

 

UMM i would have to say both Jin and I were pretty offended, a friends opinion is always welcome, but when its just down right offensive it cannont go unanswered/ unchallenged. silence in the face of oppression, is tolerance of injustice and look where that led Germany a few years back

[chilton747]

We will always have opposition come into our lives. It is how we deal with it that matters to most to us. It is always good to have exceptance in our endeavors from our peers but this is not always the case. We deal with it and move on. It is a natural tendancy for others to judge us. Thank goodness we don't have to listen

[david_dawei]

Sometimes one has to take a stance. An overt response is necessary. Bitting one's tongue and keeping quiet is not appropriate in all situations in my opinion.

 

If I have mis-interpreted what you've said, please correct me.

I don't necessarily disagree... I was responding to the specific topic.. and your extending it to outrages of war... so it's far different circumstance and I might respond differently.

 

To Charles.. .distance can be a natural outcome regardless of confronting someone or not.. so I don't disagree with that idea either.

 

Generally, a person is free to say what they want.. if one is offended by someone's comments, then I just say, walk away... no one says you have to continue to have contact with them.. but I think on some level, confronting would simply lower yourself and leaving is the easy way out... sticking around that person and showing that 'sticks and stones' is a child's thing takes much more courage... after all, what's really offended here? As a zen master once said, "gather it up in your hands, show it to me and I'll make it go away"...

 

Although, I do think that ignorance should be confronted

 

UMM i would have to say both Jin and I were pretty offended, a friends opinion is always welcome, but when its just down right offensive it cannont go unanswered/ unchallenged. silence in the face of oppression, is tolerance of injustice and look where that led Germany a few years back

I understand your feelings..

 

my basic point is... when our species ceases to differentiate the meaning of WMD (weapons of mass destruction vs words of mass destruction) and put it in it's correct perspective.... then we cease to be able to claim the priviledged position we hold in the food chain... and we'll continue to justify any war for any cause...

[Guest Rob & Jin]

Sometimes one has to take a stance. An overt response is necessary. Bitting one's tongue and keeping quiet is not appropriate in all situations in my opinion.

 

If I have mis-interpreted what you've said, please correct me.

I don't necessarily disagree... I was responding to the specific topic.. and your extending it to outrages of war... so it's far different circumstance and I might respond differently.

 

To Charles.. .distance can be a natural outcome regardless of confronting someone or not.. so I don't disagree with that idea either.

 

Generally, a person is free to say what they want.. if one is offended by someone's comments, then I just say, walk away... no one says you have to continue to have contact with them.. but I think on some level, confronting would simply lower yourself and leaving is the easy way out... sticking around that person and showing that 'sticks and stones' is a child's thing takes much more courage... after all, what's really offended here? As a zen master once said, "gather it up in your hands, show it to me and I'll make it go away"...

 

Although, I do think that ignorance should be confronted

 

UMM i would have to say both Jin and I were pretty offended, a friends opinion is always welcome, but when its just down right offensive it cannont go unanswered/ unchallenged. silence in the face of oppression, is tolerance of injustice and look where that led Germany a few years back

I understand your feelings..

 

my basic point is... when our species ceases to differentiate the meaning of WMD (weapons of mass destruction vs words of mass destruction) and put it in it's correct perspective.... then we cease to be able to claim the priviledged position we hold in the food chain... and we'll continue to justify any war for any cause...

 

very interesting point and I agree, but very broad in its scope. I would say that weapons of mass destruction ( gas chambers or bombs) have been used once the "words of mass destruction "are passively accepted by the body politic, and thats the people. Thats the danger of not challenging racism. I dont advocacte kicking the s..t out of them, to the contary I think tolerance and a damn good yunnan spicy soup, ok maybe just debate and a little understanding. Closed minds are the problem not closed hearts.