Racism

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I was talking to a very close friend when I told him that I loved Jin we are engaged and we have applied for a visa so she can come her. His response was "why am I bringing a slanty eyed mexican here?" cant I do beter better than a mail order bride from the 3rd who just wants a GC. I was floored that a close friend would say this, guess he's not coming to the wedding

[Joshua + Wang Zhuo]

Well, we all know racism is out there........It is more sad and upsetting when it comes from someone we know and care about though.

 

When I told my family, all my step dad could say was "Well, at lest she isn't black....." That is life though. I truly think the best way to deal with ignorance like that is to smother it with kindness. I have warned my Fiancee about my family and their racism. Our plan of attack is to just be overly nice and laugh about it. If they don't overcome their ignorance........Well, I guess it is their loss and not mine.

 

Joshua

[Guest Rob & Jin]

Well, we all know racism is out there........It is more sad and upsetting when it comes from someone we know and care about though.

 

When I told my family, all my step dad could say was "Well, at lest she isn't black....." That is life though. I truly think the best way to deal with ignorance like that is to smother it with kindness. I have warned my Fiancee about my family and their racism. Our plan of attack is to just be overly nice and laugh about it. If they don't overcome their ignorance........Well, I guess it is their loss and not mine.

 

Joshua

 

Yes I agree, but still dont understand why he felt the need to share his racist opinions about Jin with me, after I just told him I love her, I wonder how much he would like it if I insulted his wife ? not much I guess. But a better man and just said bye, bye

[Gordon]

I think most people learn racism at a very young age. Also he is probably just jealous because of his fat white wife

 

Unless you fear for your life at the time, you need to confront the racism at the moment it happens to let the people know where you stand.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I think most people learn racism at a very young age. Also he is probably just jealous because of his fat white wife

 

Unless you fear for your life at the time, you need to confront the racism at the moment it happens to let the people know where you stand.

 

Well he can get to a gun in 15 seconds from any where in his house, and yes his wife is fat, but then again I did not really want to get into a argument on ignorance, just told him he is a a-s and left

[Gordon]

My best friend talked some crap when I first told him about my intentions with My Ying. I simply asked him if he would like me talking crap about his wife. Of course he said no. That was the end of the crap talking.

 

Many people speak in racial tones amongst their friends occassionaly, but when it comes down to it, they really know in their heart that all people are created equal. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

 

When I say to confront your friend I don't mean to get nasty or physical. I simply mean to let him know that you did not appreciate his comment. He might have gotten a laugh from his statement before so he thought it would go over again with you. If he is truly your friend he will understand and that should be the end of it. I don't know how long you have known this person but don't let one instance ruin a friendship. Some people have to be shown the other side of tolerance to know it is allright to stand there too.

[rogerinca]

I think most people learn racism at a very young age. Also he is probably just jealous because of his fat white wife

 

Unless you fear for your life at the time, you need to confront the racism at the moment it happens to let the people know where you stand.

 

Yes, this is very true !!

 

There is a song from the great old film South Pacific.

In it are these words:

 

You've got to be taught

To hate and fear,

You've got to be taught

From year to year,

It's got to be drummed

In your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught.

 

You've got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade,

You've got to be carefully taught.

 

You've got to be taught before it's too late,

Before you are six or seven or eight,

To hate all the people your relatives hate,

You've got to be carefully taught!

 

[pkfops]

I went through that with my exfriend.

 

We used to fish, camp and backpack.

 

I removed him from my life.

 

Guess what?

 

I'm a happy guy.

[Dennis143]

I went through that with my exfriend.

 

We used to fish, camp and backpack.

 

I removed him from my life.

 

Guess what?

 

I'm a happy guy.

Smart man, Pete. Not a bad idea to surround yourself with people you love and who love you back.

[jim_julian]

A couple years ago I sent an e-mail Christmas card from China to all my friends and relatives. It was a picture of Lao Po and Er Mei in Santa hats sitting on the couch in our apartment with me sitting in the middle, arms around both girls. The text was simply "Merry Christmas from China".

 

People were generally quite complementary of the card except for one of my slightly distant relatives who was not aware of my relationship with Lao Po. He wrote back a chatty note where he "complemented" me by asking where I had found such good looking (several terms for ladies of questionable morals).

 

He is, in fact, married to a woman that comes from another country.

 

I simply wrote back to him and identified the two ladies as my intended bride and step-daughter to be. We never referred to the incident again and he and his wife are very friendly to the girls and have invited us to come stay with them sometime for a short vacation (they live quite a distance from us).

 

People exhibit prejudice without thinking. I'm sure he didn't "mean anything" and thought he was just joking.

 

In most cases I think it is better to avoid any confrontation and, most importantly, leave an escape route for the offender.

 

We should also bear in mind that prejudice is rampant in China (my opinion). Our loved ones probably have prejudices related to skin tones, city/area of residence, etc, etc. and we should reinforce that we think it inappropriate to express such prejudice in public.

[shaffej7070]

I was talking to a very close friend when I told him that I loved Jin we are engaged and we have applied for a visa so she can come her. His response was "why am I bringing a slanty eyed mexican here?" cant I do beter better than a mail order bride from the 3rd who just wants a GC. I was floored that a close friend would say this, guess he's not coming to the wedding

 

 

He is no friend of yours. My closest friends have supported and still do from the very beginning. Besides, you have much better friends here at CFL.

[shaffej7070]

We should also bear in mind that prejudice is rampant in China (my opinion). Our loved ones probably have prejudices related to skin tones, city/area of residence, etc, etc. and we should reinforce that we think it inappropriate to express such prejudice in public.

 

The norm for most homogeneous societies.

[rogerinca]

A couple years ago I sent an e-mail Christmas card from China to all my friends and relatives. It was a picture of Lao Po and Er Mei in Santa hats sitting on the couch in our apartment with me sitting in the middle, arms around both girls. The text was simply "Merry Christmas from China".

 

People were generally quite complementary of the card except for one of my slightly distant relatives who was not aware of my relationship with Lao Po. He wrote back a chatty note where he "complemented" me by asking where I had found such good looking (several terms for ladies of questionable morals).

 

He is, in fact, married to a woman that comes from another country.

 

I simply wrote back to him and identified the two ladies as my intended bride and step-daughter to be. We never referred to the incident again and he and his wife are very friendly to the girls and have invited us to come stay with them sometime for a short vacation (they live quite a distance from us).

 

People exhibit prejudice without thinking. I'm sure he didn't "mean anything" and thought he was just joking.

 

In most cases I think it is better to avoid any confrontation and, most importantly, leave an escape route for the offender.

 

We should also bear in mind that prejudice is rampant in China (my opinion). Our loved ones probably have prejudices related to skin tones, city/area of residence, etc, etc. and we should reinforce that we think it inappropriate to express such prejudice in public.

 

Jim,

 

I always walk away with something positive from many of your thoughtful posts !!

[credzba]

My father loves me dearly, and supports me in every endeavorer.

When I told him I was marrying a Chinese woman, he said ...something about a slant eyed woman ...

 

I said "That slant eyed woman will be your daughter in law, and it would be nice if you didn't refer to her that way".

 

Ever since he has been back to his supportive loving self.

I don't think he thought "slant eyed woman" would be insulting, but once I pointed it out, he never said it again.

I am certain after I left the house that day my step-mom probably explained the situation...

 

So, sometimes it isn't racism, it is just not knowing the right thing to say.

 

On the other hand, I was in China, and I go to the market both alone and with my wife near our home there. Most of the market people know me, and ask about me when I am gone.

One though, would refuse to sell things to me or my wife because "she was always with that american".

 

So, prejudice is world wide, we just need to deal with it when we find it.

[chilton747]

I was talking to a very close friend when I told him that I loved Jin we are engaged and we have applied for a visa so she can come her. His response was "why am I bringing a slanty eyed mexican here?" cant I do beter better than a mail order bride from the 3rd who just wants a GC. I was floored that a close friend would say this, guess he's not coming to the wedding

 

 

He is no friend of yours. My closest friends have supported and still do from the very beginning. Besides, you have much better friends here at CFL.

My thoughts exactly!!