Randxuej, I am sorry to hear that your sweetie is suffering the loss of her grandpa. I will cross my fingers for her and her grandpa as well. I can imagine how hard facing the cruel fact like that.
My grandpa passed away in an accident when I was four years old. I cried so hard that my family often praised me later how mature I was for my age because they thought I could understand the loss of a dear family member. But in fact, I was not as smart as they assumed. I guess my fear of death weighed more than grief.
After I grew old enough to really understand this kind of grief, the first person I lost was my beloved grandma (Nainai in Chinese). She was the kindest woman I have known. She died half a year before my graduation from college, which really struck me. The shadow of losing her still exists in the bottom of my heart. I often dream of her. I regret that I didn't accompany her much because I too focused on my study when I could have chance to be with her.
When nainai was alive, I shared the same bedroom with her until I went to college. Usually She couldn’t see me until I came back from the school in the evening. In the night when I was doing evening self-study in my bedroom, she often tried to chat with me. Instead of considering old nainai's loneliness, I always felt annoyed by her interruption and refused to talk to her with a sound good excuse that I wanted to do well in my lessons and was so innocent to promise that I would talk with her after I got into college. At that time I thought only after passing the entrance examination to college, my study would be finished. Childish! Due to a kind of joint problem nainai was not able to walk in her later life. I also promised her that I would take her to the downtown of our city to see the changes, which had taken place there after I finished my study in the college. I thought only after then I could have time. Stupid!! I even planed to give her money to buy what she might want after I became to work. I can't find a word to describe how silly I was then.
Those dreams and plans were broken until that afternoon when I came back to my dorm from classes in the college, the telegram found me. As soon as I read that worst news, I realized I made the biggest mistake that I didn't spend any time with my amiable nainai when I could. I would not have chance any more though I wanted then. I caught on a long distance bus and rushed home and knelt on my knees in front of nainai's bed and confessed my stupidity and unawareness in front of her, whose consciousness was already not clear. She didn't stop her last breath until I talked to her eventually. Relatives said that she was waiting for my return. I believed.
My nainai's death struck me deeply. However, from her death I learned a valuable lesson: Never hesitate to give my love, care or help to the people around me as much as possible when they need it. The day never can come if I think I only can give my help when I have plenty time or display my love only when I have lots of money. Even it can come; maybe my love and help are meaningless to them at all. Like now, even I want to talk to nainai or take her out; she doesn't need them any more. Love can be expressed by many means besides time or money, but cannot be waited to give, I learned. (Is this sort of Chinglish? I hope I make myself understood. ) If we can give our love and care to the people around us, even one day they have to leave us, we can have more happy times to recall rather than regret as I do now. I cannot make up any happiness, which I was supposed to be able to create for nainai. What I can do now is to realize my old dream that I chat with my nainai in my real dream when I dream of her in the tranquil night.
Sorry, I just wanted to express my consolation to Randxuej's girl, but end up with writing my own grief in those long words. Thanks for your patience!
Is there a dry eye in the house? You should be a writer Xiao Hua. You touched my soul with your letter. I too lost a loved one a few years ago. My oldest sister begged me to come and visit her when I was In Idaho visiting my family. I didn't want to drive the extra 110 miles to her house. The following winter she died before I ever got a chance to see her again. A regret I will carry to my grave.