Life in America 2

[SheLikesME?]

On a more positive note my wife was HUGELY (is there such a word?) surprised at how the kids at our daughters school passed out valentine cards and presents to each other. She just could not believe this. Daughter brought home a things from one of the students mother, and other gifts from kids.

 

Strange thing is my wife and I had an argument just 2 days before when I took daughter to the store and got the little cards to pass out on Vlaentine. It only cost a buck so she just tempered. It was a home work assignment after all.

 

Later we went up to the school for a parent teacher conference. Wife really talked about that event a lot and how in China nothing like that would ever happen. She could not believe everyones kindness. Especially she could not believe how some parents came and helped with the class and made things at home for each student in the class. She just thought about how much of a challange that would be for her, and she was thinking next school year she will have to do something similar to return the favor and generosity.

 

We also discussed how teaching is done in a way to try to motivate kids and get their interest verses discipline.

 

Any others have some positive experiences of life in America after spouse arrrives or your own experiences?

[SheLikesME?]

Some discoveries and wonderful things in marriage to my Chinese wife:

 

(Maybe this belongs in another thrad but oh well, I got to go do some work on a house)

 

1 Wife insists on the 3 of us eating TOGETHER, and trying to get my Mom or son to join us as well. Whis took some adjustments from our casual ways, but the benefits are SO GOOD.

 

2 Wife did not want a big huge daily plan or schedule, just for me to give her a basic idea of what I will do and when, because cooking and the meal togehter is SO important to her but is best for all of us... I had to figure this out, after being defensive at first (because I hate scheduling anything). Once I saw how little she needed or wanted to know so she could plan family things, I was so happy at her desire to make us a close family. Wow

 

3 No worry over the marriage commitment. One can concentrate on their job, and if time goes past a commitment to eat dinner or something, for a good reason like your job, IT IS OK. As wife says we will see each other later. Of course she often waits without eating until I am finished so we all eat together. Wow..

 

My car buddy and I discussed last night how he has to make his wife first and always worry that something may go wrong. He worries at work. I recall similar feelings. Then while my wife was here I accepted and realized how committed she is and I am. We can enjoy breakfast and maybe a little hug and then turn in silence go to our computers, phone, clients office, school, or what ever and just DO what we need to. Later we will all eat together and there will be some romance or hugging or something very nice at the end of the day or when ever. Guys and Gals, I had to wake up to this.

 

One thing I expressed to my buddy last night was how the whole year I was seperated from my wife I tended to need the reassurances his wife and my own experience with American women needed. So I was just like the American women. I knew things were OK, but my past experience in life just worked on me. This 6 weeks really rattled and woke me up and I accpeted what I have. Geeze it is wonderful. I feel so peacefull and can now go work hard and make the survival money. The closest thing to this in my past was a woman very similar to my wife who wanted the peace, BUT, she was not going to stop seeing other men, just because we........ I recall looking at that woman I loved so strong and asking her what kind of creature she was. Anyway, finally someone I can turst. This has been hard coming for me.

[Feathers268]

Within months of being here, Jen and I hosted the family for Christmas 2005 with Jen cooking 2 different meals(Chinese of course) for both Christmas eve and day. This past year that continued with her expressing the idea of cooking and hosting Thanksgiving.

She has embraced many of the American holidays already looking forward to gifts for Mother's Day etc.

Of course most of all, green card is not enough. She has her sites on naturalization and is looking forward to the time she will be a full fledged USC.

[Urkidding]

On a more positive note my wife was HUGELY (is there such a word?) surprised at how the kids at our daughters school passed out valentine cards and presents to each other. She just could not believe this. Daughter brought home a things from one of the students mother, and other gifts from kids.

 

Strange thing is my wife and I had an argument just 2 days before when I took daughter to the store and got the little cards to pass out on Vlaentine. It only cost a buck so she just tempered. It was a home work assignment after all.

 

Later we went up to the school for a parent teacher conference. Wife really talked about that event a lot and how in China nothing like that would ever happen. She could not believe everyones kindness. Especially she could not believe how some parents came and helped with the class and made things at home for each student in the class. She just thought about how much of a challange that would be for her, and she was thinking next school year she will have to do something similar to return the favor and generosity.

 

We also discussed how teaching is done in a way to try to motivate kids and get their interest verses discipline.

 

Any others have some positive experiences of life in America after spouse arrrives or your own experiences?

Doug,

 

You¡¯re going to have to teach her to go with the flow. You need to take the lead (like dancing) and let her follow. I know it¡¯s a lot of work in the beginning but eventually she will get the hang of it and follow thru like a champ. It took me a while, hell I got mine mowing the grass already not to mention teaching her that washing machine beats doing in the sink. And when she want to dry the clothes outside, let her know about the bugs and the birds who like to leave little surprises. Just tell her ¡°Stick we me and I show the ropes honey.¡±

 

Other lessons will follow!

[Dennis143]

Some discoveries and wonderful things in marriage to my Chinese wife:

 

...the whole year I was seperated from my wife I tended to need the reassurances... This 6 weeks really rattled and woke me up and I accpeted what I have. Geeze it is wonderful. I feel so peacefull and can now go work hard and make the survival money.

 

Anyway, finally someone I can turst. This has been hard coming for me.

Kind of like an awakening. You knew all along that it was possible, but never knew if it was possible for you. Yet, you never gave up hope on that dream. And, now you know for real. Yes, it is wonderful to be at peace knowing that you have the brass ring now.

 

Great write up, Doug. I am so happy for both of you.

[Feathers268]

Here is athread I did after we returned from China last November. It takes time, but in a lot of cases, they do learn to adapt to thier new home. Americanization

[esun41]

Doug,

 

You bring up a great topic here... one from the heart and spirit of marriage. Too often, we hear stories of adapting to food and clothing etc... How culture is being based on material things and not of what matters etc...

 

My honeymoon ended long ago and it just keeps getting better. Your post summarized what is real to me.

 

Thanks

[SheLikesME?]

esun41 Thanks... You have said it before about your honeymoon ending and how great it is now. Glad I got a taste of that good life. And Yeah it occured to me we should write more about American culture. I love reading the ladies reaction to our country. Boy did I want to move there instead of her here when we started this. It was a mixed feeling for me, but in the end we are doing the right thing by being here.

 

WoW, good post Feathers. It is good for me to see how your wife had some of the same opinons as mine. It certainly came out of mine's mouth about 5 weeks into the visit that "I think America is wasteful". She LOVED traveling with me, though. I hope her return is a better experience, not that this was bad. We both learned a lot and can better prepare. Well......I hope she sticks with me

 

Yeah Dennis your right.. I think most of us here were like that. We/most believeed in something and never let go of it. So we have been blessed. I just don't have words for how good this feels. But I bet someone else will post something in another thread some day and the words will flow. I have been wanting to dedicate a thread to my love for my wife and the wonderful times we had together, and the strength and sacrifices she made while here, and before. Maybe this is enough.

 

Andrew I am trying. I have to be careful of not insulting her and sometimes there just is not time to explain. Like the screaming I did to stop, as she pulled out in front of a speeding teenager with a cell phone. She stopped great. I may have over done the driving instructions other times I let a lot of other things go.

[SheLikesME?]

Resturaunts and Menus:

This was tense at best the first time or 2. Neither of us knew exactly what to order for them to eat. I ordered HOT woter twice, but one of them just didn't believe it and brought cold water with no ice. Later in the visit wife said just normal no-ice water, I believe so they would not go so far out of their way to bring steaming water. BUT, one waiter brought a tea pot toward the end of the visit full of hot water. She really liked it. I guess I embarressed her when I instructed the first waiter to go run Hot tap water from the faucet.

 

What I want to get to is my wife's frugality once she started getting the hang of it. She knew my company limit per meal and as we looked she got what looked good (to try usually) but she read the fine print sometimes and saw that if she got this instead of that we got an extra side or something, sometimes at a cheaper price. The team work, when on the road, was great. I really got a joy, and so did she at working the system. Usually we ordered 2 dishes and one extra plate for the lil one. Working the travel became a good part.

[esun41]

The restaurant menus post brings back memories. Believe it or not, Denny's was our first stop after we arrived back fron China at LAX. Nothing else was open and my family was hungry! Good thing they had pictures of some of the food. Of course, my wife complained about all the "fat" in the food but raved about the "french fries"

[SheLikesME?]

... but raved about the "french fries"

ditto

 

Almost every meal until they got tired of it.

 

Oh to add to the saga....I lost weight, as she predicted, because I will be moving more and working on the house. She gained 5-10 pounds I bet, but looked better for it. When she arrived she was either perfectly healthy or a little gaunt. Cheeks kind of sunk in a little. When she left her body was just a little more feminine looking to me and her face more attractive, like before. I think she was eating too less while working and going to school.

 

She got into eating, big time.

[david_dawei]

I think the first really big eye opener was the ability to borrow and make money in so many ways... due to her lack of exposure to alot of western ways, I think this was never thought before.

[Feathers268]

I think the first really big eye opener was the ability to borrow and make money in so many ways... due to her lack of exposure to alot of western ways, I think this was never thought before.

With Jen, it was the idea that bad business practices could be reported and lead to legal trouble for cheating consumers. I run into this a lot with Asian customers that find it hard to believe that I am not just trying to cheat them when their laundry equipment is not working.

[SheLikesME?]

Similar to school, the Primary or Jr Sunday School at church impressed my wife, both in China and here in the USA. She got the phone number of the teacher to learn how to make the cup cakes that were handed out to her daughter in SS class. Wife seems amazed at giving and friendlyness this way, with no hidden motive behind it for business or otherwise.

 

PS: A few folks asked me about her today. One man I learned speaks manderin. Maybe he can interpret some for her, if she wants. I think it will be a long time before she goes to church with me again unless I start driving to Plano or some other area where it is either in Chinese or there is an interpreter with headphones she can put on. Any broadcast can be in manderin and a friend of mine says it costs nothing and will order it for our next conference. I guess one expects this from a church.

 

Our building burnt to the ground a few days after they went with me. A local church of Christ is letting us use their building in the afternoon until we make arrangements for the next 2 years during a build. It was very generous of them.

Edited March 5, 2007 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[Joanne]

I would think that she can still go to church with you even if she could not comprehend everything being said. Right?