SO plans to bring a friend with her

[Thomas Promise]

My SO wishes to bring a friend with her to Cincinnati. Her friend is in LA now on a work Visa. My SO will be flying thru LA on Sunday and has a very long layover there around 11 1/2 hours before flying to Cincinnati. I did invite her friend to our home once Li got settled in here maybe in a week or two for a weeks stay or so. Now she wants to come here now. I do not know how long her friend wishes to stay here in Cincy either. I also believe that her friend has already purchased a ticket to fly here with Lihua. Her work visa is for 6 months and she has been in LA now about 2 weeks. I really do not even know this person other than having lunch with her for about an hour or so one time.

I did talk to a friend of mine about this and he said to tell Li that it is not very conveinant to have a house guest at this time with Li just arriving here yet. This is going to be a tough Knuckleball for me to hit. I do not wish to insult her friend or my SO nor appear that I am going back on my word to her and Lihua.

I do wish for Lihua and myself to get off on the right foot with a great running start with each other but with this added weight the 1st week of her arrival here to the States I feel will slow us down.

[pkfops]

My wife taught me early on in our relationship that

"Happiness is Shared in China".

[Dennis143]

I’m experiencing similar choices too, Tom. It wasn’t clear to me as to how Lihua feels about this. Does she want her friend to join her with you or is she just being polite? Her friend is here on a work visa. Where is this woman supposed to be working (where and what was her permit issued for)? Does she have legal permission to travel and work wherever she wants? How long does this woman plan to stay with you? Does she have a return ticket to LA? Does she have income or money to support herself? Or, are you expected to help her get on her feet?

 

Like it or not, these are tough choices and questions that you’ll need to discuss with Lihua. If it were me, I would be very frank and firm.

[izus]

if its what she wants thats what matters at this point.

it might be good for her to have a buddy there, let her know your feelings, maybe shes just hanging on as long as possible to the roots.

 

i'd be patient and give it some time.

 

good time for you to learn Chinese

[Randy W]

It seems to me that the decision has already been made. Go with it.

[skibum]

My wife went with her best friend and her new husband on her honeymoom trip to Thailand. I guess it is not unusual.

[dstarsboy]

Some people can't afford to support two people, with time or money. I think if my SO came down here and brought a friend for a few months, it would be really tough for me. I would be honest and say so, at the risk of you sounding like you're not a very good provider. (lose lose situation?)

 

Anyways, if its not about money then it sounds like it may only be an inconvenience, not a problem, really.

[philb]

As you can see from my timeline; I am a little OVERDUE.

 

Right now, I'd accept the Chinese Army and a marching band if she was here next to me.

 

It's all perspective...go with the flow...look at that that glass that is now overflowing and cherish every minute - every smile -

 

This could be a good excuse to sneak away to a little hideaway for the weekend.

 

Turn it into a possitive experience. Oh, and confirm that her friend is returning to whence she came in the near future; that you'll miss her dearly and that you all should keep in touch.

 

Best of luck ----and enjoy,

 

Phil

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Make sure when you are lifting to bend at your knees. The key word being "bend." Remember, you're wife is learning a new culture, a new country, and a new language. Asian culture in particular is much more supportive of friends and family than any average American would ever dream. Bend with her while she makes this adjustment, and while it may be awkward for a while, the trade-off in your trust and support of her is immeasureable.....

[Dennis143]

Guys, come on, I know that all of you would accept your SO to be with you now, under any circumstances. And, this is understandable. But, you’ve got to try and look through the clouds and see the big picture here. Now, I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but I do believe that a little bit of caution and reason is very prudent. This friend has a visa with a 6-month permit to work (in LA I assume). There are many bogus companies here in the LA area that will put up a store front and then somehow obtain temporary work visas. Once these persons are here, they look for some way to find a foothold that will allow them to stay either legally or not. Now, let us assume this is in fact the case with Lihua’s friend. Do you now simply tell her that your home is now a refuge for her? Do you at least not ask questions first to determine her status? Or, do you really not give a flying rip about it, just as long as your Lao po is happy, you are happy too. Just food for thought here, you all have preached how unfair it is to have to wait, while illegals flood across our borders. Now, what kind of involvement would you consider to harbor one? I have no idea of Lihua’s friend’s status, but it wouldn’t hurt to find out.

[Stone]

A couple of days would probably be OK. Anything longer than that would be an interruption to the privacy of you two. And her friend might comment on you, whether positive or negative. I do not believe it is Chinese culture for a friend to live in a family for a prolonged period of time.

[Stone]

Guys, come on, I know that all of you would accept your SO to be with you now, under any circumstances.  And, this is understandable.  But, you’ve got to try and look through the clouds and see the big picture here.  Now, I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but I do believe that a little bit of caution and reason is very prudent.  This friend has a visa with a 6-month permit to work (in LA I assume).  There are many bogus companies here in the LA area that will put up a store front and then somehow obtain temporary work visas.  Once these persons are here, they look for some way to find a foothold that will allow them to stay either legally or not.  Now, let us assume this is in fact the case with Lihua’s friend.  Do you now simply tell her that your home is now a refuge for her?  Do you at least not ask questions first to determine her status?  Or, do you really not give a flying rip about it, just as long as your Lao po is happy, you are happy too.  Just food for thought here, you all have preached how unfair it is to have to wait, while illegals flood across our borders. Now, what kind of involvement would you consider to harbor one?  I have no idea of Lihua’s friend’s status, but it wouldn’t hurt to find out.

199172[/snapback]

Here is a related thread about illegal Chinese immigrants in the U.S.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=16581

 

But I do not believe those illegals are Chinese students though.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

This friend has a visa with a 6-month permit to work (in LA I assume).  There are many bogus companies here in the LA area that will put up a store front and then somehow obtain temporary work visas.  Once these persons are here, they look for some way to find a foothold that will allow them to stay either legally or not.  Now, let us assume this is in fact the case with Lihua’s friend.  Do you now simply tell her that your home is now a refuge for her?  Do you at least not ask questions first to determine her status?  Or, do you really not give a flying rip about it, just as long as your Lao po is happy, you are happy too.

199172[/snapback]

Dennis, very direct, but also a VERY necessary point. Thomas, Dennis' point certainly should be looked into.....

[Thomas Promise]

I’m experiencing similar choices too, Tom.  It wasn’t clear to me as to how Lihua feels about this.  Does she want her friend to join her with you or is she just being polite?  Her friend is here on a work visa.  Where is this woman supposed to be working (where and what was her permit issued for)?  Does she have legal permission to travel and work wherever she wants? How long does this woman plan to stay with you?  Does she have a return ticket to LA?  Does she have income or money to support herself?  Or, are you expected to help her get on her feet?

 

Like it or not, these are tough choices and questions that you’ll need to discuss with Lihua.  If it were me, I would be very frank and firm.

199148[/snapback]

Yes Dennis I understand what you are saying here. I do not know anything what her plans are or her work visa stipulations.

I can understand Lihuas desires if I where moving to China for life I would also like to have a friend come with me for awhile. However not knowing what is coming down because our language barrier is killing me. Fortunately her friend lived in New Zealand for 4 years and she can speak English pretty well.

As far as me supporting her and getting her on feet for weeks on end while she is here in the USA as they say in Kentucky "That Dog Ain't Goin To Hunt!".

Lihua and myself have waited patiently through our visa process and now it has finally come to blossom. I wanted to give Lihua my undivided attention when she came here. Now I'm going to have to be a good future Husband and a good friend to her buddy all at once. Divided and conquered. I did invite her friend to visit after Lihua was here for a week of two and things got settled down for us maybe for a week or so at most.

I don't know I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill here. This maybe is a culture issue here. I'm clueless. Lihua may just assume that since we are going to be married during Memorial Day weekend this is her friend and she should be able to invite her on a moments notice.

I do plan on finding out a lot more on this the next day or so. Language problems and time difference Bu Hao.

[frank1538]

The immediate adjustment to a change, both for you and for your SO will be helped or hindered by the firend's coming so soon. I hope it's the former.