Charlotte Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 #1A couple went to a marriage counselor. The wife complains: " My husband has not talked to me for 6 months." The counselor turned to the husband, "Is that true?" "Yep," said the man, "because I didn't want to interrupt her!" #2 Men can talk for hours on one topic; women don't even need a topic. #3 A man put up an ad to sell his Britannica Encyclopedia. The ad says: " Just married; wife knows everything!" Link to comment
owenkrout Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 I may use some of your jokes in classes, Charlotte. They may help to stimulate interest and thought about why that is funny. None of my students are English language majors and none of them have ever had a foreign teacher before. Therefore the cultural issues such as humor are things that they have never had presented before. At least not realisticly. The newer textbooks attempt to inject humor, but honestly it is usually pretty lame and they attempt to address cultural issues but often bungle it badly, even giving totally wrong impressions. Link to comment
floyd Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 Humor and the use of explicatives are the last parts of a language to master before fluency. In fact some feel that only a native speaker can every be completly fluent in these areas. I know at times when we were watching American TV, and I would laugh at something my wife would look at me very quizically. BTW, since you menttion teaching classes in China I am sure you are already aware that the US government has a catalog full of materials they publish, available at low costs, and that are only available outside the USA, for teaching American English and culture. For those that want to learn proper American pronunciation, a better choice then movies would be listening to VOA broadcasts. Since this is a humor thread and not really a language thread I will resist the urge to go further off topic on other language issues. Link to comment
chinadave2001 Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 President Lyndon Johnson once said thast there were two secrets to a happy marriage: 1. Let your think she can do whatever she wants. 2. Let you your wife do whatever she wants. Dave Link to comment
Charlotte Posted April 29, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2003 Hey I got this from a friend of mine via email. Don't shoot me -- this is how American women feel here.... With all of you American men marrying Chinese girls, I think they should replace the first line: nice men are marrying Chinese wowen!!! ***********************************Who understands men? 1. The nice men are ugly. 2. The handsome men are not nice. 3. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only their money. 7. The handsome men without money are after our money. 8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. 9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. 10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative. NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN? Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! Link to comment
warpedbored Posted April 29, 2003 Report Share Posted April 29, 2003 Hey I got this from a friend of mine via email. Don't shoot me -- this is how American women feel here.... With all of you American men marrying Chinese girls, I think they should replace the first line: nice men are marrying Chinese wowen!!! ***********************************Who understands men? 1. The nice men are ugly. 2. The handsome men are not nice. 3. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only their money. 7. The handsome men without money are after our money. 8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. 9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. 10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative. NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN? Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!And american women wonder why american men are marrying foreign women in record numbers. I saw a documentry about this topic about a year ago and the # 1 reason the men are marrying foreign women. In the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield are " I don't get no respect" They pretty much view us as human wallets and sperm donors. Link to comment
tonado Posted April 30, 2003 Report Share Posted April 30, 2003 Old Chinese Saying A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." Link to comment
tonado Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn'tneed. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets ahusband.A man never worries about the future until he gets awife.A successful man is one who makes more money than hiswife can spend.A successful woman is one who finds such a man. HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lotand love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot andnot try to understand her at all. LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men, but marriedmen are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but hedoesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUEA woman has the last word in any argument. Anything aman says after that is the beginning of a newargument. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTINGMARRIED:Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking mein the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."They stopped after I started doing the same thing tothem at funerals. Link to comment
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