BEWARE!!!

[Guest seeker03]

i m a florida person, just like pj. Come to the usa from china long time ago. also saw many people from fla here.I date a chinese girl for a while met on asianfriendfinder, but not filed for fincee visa yet.

 

i do understand why do feel sorry for him. he is unluckiest.

 

but i do not undersdand why everyone hate ring and the husband and talks so bad about them. Salsepeople do the same thing all the time. They should make you believd what they sell is good. They lie when they sell you a car, a tv,or a computer. But you don’t hate them, that is their job. They do their jbo to make money & hve a better life.

 

That is all ring and husband try to do, make belive what she sells is good , have better life for both them. they have to use someone but so does a salesman. that is how it works. What they do isnt wrong, just like a salsman can try to do his job.

 

I do hope they try again, next time are luckyier. ring, maybe next time you find someone not so smart amearican, can help you and your husband. hopes you find one not so good at computers.

[Jatuke]

disgusting...

[skibum]

Seeker, if you see no difference between a computer and love I guess you will not have a very good life. Too bad.

[Guest R2D2]

i m a florida person, just like pj.  Come to the usa from china long time ago.  also saw many people from fla here.I date a chinese girl for a while met on asianfriendfinder, but not filed for fincee visa yet.  

 

i do understand why do feel sorry for him.  he is unluckiest.

 

but i do not undersdand why everyone hate ring and the husband and talks so bad about them.  Salsepeople do the same thing all the time.  They should make you believd what they sell is good.   They lie when they sell you a car, a tv,or a computer.  But you don’t hate them, that is their job.  They do their jbo to make money & hve a better life.  

 

That is all ring and husband try to do, make belive what she sells is good , have better life for both them.  they have to use someone but so does a salesman.  that is how it works.  What they do isnt wrong, just like a salsman can try to do his job.  

 

I do hope they try again, next time are luckyier.  ring, maybe next time you find someone not so smart amearican, can help you and your husband. hopes you find one not so good at computers.

Don't equate a salesperson, and try to get that right - salesperson, with immorality and using people. Salespeople try to help people buy the product that they are looking for. They are not trying to scam people. If you do not know the difference, then you have to be the dumbest person on this board and I have seen a few dumb ones.

[owenkrout]

Seeker, the reason everyone is so upset is that Ring broke the most basic and the most sacred of trusts. What she and her Chinese "husband" did is nothing less than prostitution. She did not just find someone else and change her mind. She willingly and knowingly decided to lie and try to use P.J. for nothing more than a ticket to U.S. citizenship.

 

Had she changed her mind and said that she had been mistaken, that she loved someone else, then I would respect her for being honest at least. Instead she brought shame to herself by showing just what sort of person she really is. I feel sympathy for those who are literally forced into prostitution. I feel disgust for those who willingly choose it simply because it is the easier route.

 

Forget about trying to convince me it is OK. It is wrong and despicable. The action of someone of low moral character.

[JonInDenver]

so seeker, under your premise i could con the little tramp into coming here and marrying me - and then i could just pimp her out for cash and keep her locked in the basement right?

 

i mean, that's my JOB right? to make MY life better and it doesn't matter who i use or abuse to do it? hell, i could trick a whole bunch of girls into coming here... i'd be rich!

 

you are a disgrace to your race seeker.

 

just a note too - if she tries again, she might not end up with someone as NICE as PJ and his parents. she could end up in prison, or as "dumpster bait" behind the local bed bath and beyond. not everyone would just let her walk away from this.

 

is that like loosing your commission?

[Guest Miaomiao]

Seeker is pretty extreme this way.

 

But thinking about PJ's mistake, I think if he's careful and thorough enough, he should have found this out a lot earlier. Ring didn't seem to try really hard to hid her "husband" from PJ. But still PJ didn't find it out that late! PJ was being really kind I guess. But still he should have been more careful. The way of meeting a gf/bf this way is really risky. PJ in some way might have been too quick and too kind to take things for granted. Ring didn't seem to be really evil. She loved the "husband" so much, you see, and sticked to him although faced with the risk of losing her status in the US, which is what she wanted in her life, but still besides that "husband". She's at least still with a loving heart, even though to a wrong one. So that she's not evil, I think. The fact is she's really too stupid, cheated by a bad man, and all in all, she's so ignorant. Young and no much education too, which could be another one more excuse to feel sorry for her.

 

I don't mean she doesn't deserve losing what she wants though. Wrong is wrong, no matter for what reason, and thus deserve punish! This is in order to help her understand moral and human and life better. What I hate is that "husband" especially. And PJ still has my deepest sympathy and console. Gladly he's beginning to recover though, and ready to think more of it I guess. Get well, guy.:-)

[Guest Miaomiao]

And I don't really think education is critical in deciding bad and good for bf/gf. In fact, morality doesn't really have much to do with education. In this issue, Ring was so ignorant that she didn't seem to be able to tell good from bad. Imagine she be a well educated girl with such a morality, PJ might never accidentally get that letter and even if he did, he might never ever be able to get the truth from her either. She could have hidden the truth so much better with better education. And look at how much a well educated Harvard girl could do to her fiance, if you know that story!! And there're too many more examples in life if you're willing to seek. Education helps people understand better of society and tell good from bad, what's moral and what's not, but that's all, as long as it concerns morality.

[ynot]

I agree with Miaomiao. If Ring was that evil, if the whole thing was just her plan to get a US citizenship, she would have been more careful, and she would have been pretend to be in love with PJ, pretend to be nice to his family...but from PJ's last letter to her, seems she acted the other way.

 

Also, from what PJ has written here, it seems that families (both sides) has some impact in this relationship. PJ mentioned his grandmother's wish, I would guess two families are somehow related. I would guess PJ and Ring did not pick up each other online/in person like most other people did here. I would guess they developed their relationship through families relationship. Maybe Ring's parents arranged this for her? Maybe come to US was what her parents wanted her to do? This is possible in China, even nowadays. From PJ's post later to clearified that Ring isn't married to that guy, it's clear that her parents knew about this other guy, but they still sent her to US. Don't forget Ring is only 23 years old, how old was she when she was engaged to PJ? 21 I guess? She's just a kid, she might not be able to fight with her parents.

 

I do not know the true story, this is just what I feel after reading PJ's post, I can be wrong. butl, we didn't hear Ring's side of story, we should not jump to the conclusion that she's evil.

[Guest Riverguide]

hhmmm.......Miaomiao,,seeker, and ynot......have a different view on this

 

then most of us here.....what Ring did was off the charts wrong...........

 

no excuse or 2nd guessing can ever correct this deception........

 

Trying to pin the blame on PJ is crazy...".he didn't look hard enought."..

 

 

My wife Ling in Beijing knows the differents between right and wrong...

 

and she gives me hell for my little white lies..........so it is not a cultural

 

thing.

 

 

It is a personel thing..... Love is all about trust......or it is about deception

 

you have to make a choice.....PJ made the first choice.....Ring made the 2 nd

 

Ring may be head over heals with the guy in china......However the means

 

never justify the end.....unless the outcome is life or death.........

 

 

Let Ring be an example to all the folks who come to this site.....The world is

 

made up of good folks and bad folks......Ring falls in the later.

 

 

I have visted China many times.....and have had a great time...each trip

 

has been an adventure unto itself........Most of the folks I have met in China

 

are just wonderful......just a couple bad apples that I had run into.

 

 

My heart goes out to you PJ...............Hang in there man.....and hold out for

 

true love and never settle for anything less.

[PJ]

All,

 

I do feel that everyone is entitled to their opinions. Even if they are not popular opinions, and I find some of them hurtful as long as they are within the preset guidelines of the board, I will not censor or delete, nor will I close the thread, as I have realized in the past that this is somewhat tantamount to censorship.

 

In the past, I have censored posts that were obscene, threatening, or violated the guidelines. However, Miaomiao, Seeker, and ynot have all respectfully weighed in with their thoughts in an articulate and peaceful manner, as is their right to do so.

 

Personally, I believe that love and trust is different than closing a sale. Also, I feel that being "young" does not excuse going out and causing tremendous hurt for your own gain. At 23, one is considered an "adult". He or she is free to drive, vote, work, and marry.

 

Even before I "came of age", so to speak, when I was 17, I would never do anything that would hurt someone in such a manner. I just cannot see being young as a legitimate excuse.

 

Again, these are just my opinions, and everyone is entitled to have their own thoughts and opinions, and express them in a respectful manner here within the guidelines of the Candle board.

 

Thanks,

 

P.J.

[PJ]

Incidentally, Seeker, I do not agree with your assessment of salespeople. A good and decent salesperson will, as R2 described, try to match a person with an appropriate product that he/she needs. The salesman will make a commission, of course. The customer will be satisfied in a quality product.

 

Of course, there are immoral salespeople, as there are immoral people in any field. These people will try to deceive, con, and misrepresent to achieve their own ends without concern for the consumer.

 

I am not a salesperson, but this is my humble perspective on the industry of sales and marketing.

 

P.J.

[Guest Miaomiao]

BTW, I don't think I'm with seeker, friends.

 

Neither does Ynot, I guess.:-)

 

Morality is different from sales products of course, I think, although I don't think I wanna run far into that issue.

[Guest Miaomiao]

I'm with the popular view, but also trying looking into the issue from a different view. I think trying to stay emotionally neutral and look from every angle may help understand more and better while getting increasingly emotional with the issue.

[ynot]

PJ,

 

I am not saying that being young is the excuse to do bad things and hurt others, my point was Ring might be under pressure from her parents, she might not be independent enough to tell them "no". But anyway, that's just my guess, like I said, it can be wrong.

 

Also because she's young, there's a big chance for her to realise the bad things she has done and correct her own mistake. Ring has definitely did wrong thing, no matter what circumstance she's under. But I don't see it's necessary to pin her to the cross of crime. She already got what she deserves, it's right for you to send her home, to report the whole thing to INS, but it is not necessary to post her personal info and picture to the public. She should have the rights to keep her own privacy even if she's announced guilty. Reporting to INS is the proper /enough punishment for her for this instance. She has a whole life ahead of her, do we have to make everyone spit on her wherever she goes?