Jeikun

Western movies and pop culture have a lot to do with it. After all, it's convinced a generation of American girls they have to look as much like the girls in "Cosmo" as possible, Asians are just as suceptible. But, as far as many of the surgeries go, they are not just "western" traits, but also traits considered pretty by their own culture. Eyes for example, I believe it was this thread I read someone else post this (too lazy to look back), but a "double-eyelid" is a trait quite a few Asian women have naturally, and is considered very attractive, just not "everyone" as in the US. My wife has double-eyelids naturally. A small, symetrical nose is considered attractive by both cultures. Many asian women who narrow their nose, are doing so to "look prettier", but not necessarily western. Having "some" nose bridge as well. This si the one my wife wants, because according to her, glasses currently crush her eyelashes, and she finds it frusterating. Similarly, larger breasts are not a western monopoly. And Western men aren't the only ones who enjoy a nice, soft pair of well rounded... ahem... you get my point. And women have been dying their hair forever. Blondes go red, redheads go brown, brunettes go blonde... I think it was never so common in Asia, because EVERYONE had black hair, so it would have been seen as too extreme and unnatural (like the girls who dye their hair purple seem to many of us). I do agree that our western ideal of beauty has much influenced eastern ideas, but I don't think an Asian woman who has the eyelid surgery, or breast augmentation, or dyes her hair brown is trying to "look white" either. Like anything, I think it looks better on some than others. Brown hair looks awful on some asian girls, and stunning on others, for example.

Holy crap! Mind if I have a little chat with her after she arrives in the U.S. of A.? 226939[/snapback] Huh? What about? 226965[/snapback] I'll wager he wants to ask her a few questions, being a "capatalist spy" and all... lol don't bring work in here A Mafan

Well, it's 1.3 billion wich is a HUGE chunk of their budget. Yet add all the other countries listed together, then compare them with us As for Japan, my wife despises it. My former interest in Japanese culture and language is a subject I don't address often for fear of reprisal. My beliefs on this subject are nearly identical to Carl's but I dare not speak it. My wife is normally very open minded and thoughtful, but bring up Japan "Animals, pigs, perverts..." etc etc comes out of her mouth. I posted here once my opinion on why so many Chinese hate Japan so much, but my wife read it and if you think I'm posting it again after what happened after, you're nuts. Peace love and happiness are cool and all, but though we disagree, it's a subject that actually has pretty much zero impact on our actual lives, so I just avoid it now.

Jun has made so many good chinese dishes that I can't pick a favorite... Here in California, she will have some people over and cook 6 or so dishes (or sometimes just hotpot). She rarely has a name for what she makes, but she photographs every dish to post on a board she is a member of. Maybe I could find some of the photos (only members can view the pics, so I can't make links). I've learned to like lamb since meeting Jun. Especially in hot pot. Some things I like (that I can find or guess a name for): Hot & Sour soup - much better then the restaurant variety I grew up liking Mabo Tofu good and spicy Chicken with shredded Daikon Ok, I'll stop I can't describe any of this well enough. I'll find the pics on her laptop later. Some things I DO NOT like: Drunk Chicken Beef Tendon Stew (like fat-flavored jujifruits... ick) Spicy fish head (watching her and our roommate eat this made my appetite go away... I have got used to seeing her eat tripe and other internal organs, but for some reason this reminded me of two people chowing down on garbage) The one thing she can't make is dumplings. She says she alway refused to learn because she knew if she knew how to do it her friends would have always wanted her to make them, and she prefers to let someone else make them and just enjoy eating them I think I'll learn. Starting this week she wants to learn how to make western food. She made an awesome cake under my supervision a couple of days ago. Tonight she'll try buttermilk biscuits. Tomorrow a yet to be determinded chicken dish. Grill lessons to follow.

Chinese dentistry is pedestrian at best. My wife came here with a partial root canal, loose fillings, a root left in her jaw, a brand new bridge already chipping, and a poorly fit crown. And I'm sure I'm leaving out quite a bit. Not to mention dental care carries the same risk of hepatitis that medical care does. Sterilization? Boil it in a rusty pot. Reuse brush heads, etc? Hey why not? they still work! Sorry you get what you pay for, and whether the odds are 6 to 1 or 100 to 1, it's still russian roulette to me.

Again, he was not saying it was a new disease. The OP described the level of care he received in China. The OP then asked "Would you expect that level of care in the US?" Tony said "Only if it was a new disease." In other words... Tony was saying that he believed having a new disease would be the only way 16 doctors would be so busily helping a patient in the US. Since the OP was describing his experience in China, and not the US, Tony was not saying the OP must have a new disease. Granted, that does not make Tony's observation correct, but it doesn't make it as wild a conjecture as you have interpreted it to be. In my own opinion, medical care in China blows goat. My guess is westerners get better care because China always makes efforts to improve its image in the eyes of the rest of the world. Chinese people rarely get that level of care. My wife's grandfather was a famous liver specialist (now retired), she lived near a "very good" hospital, and knew some doctors personally. Yet, her experiences both personal and observed have chilled me. Here's a few: 1. To be a doctor in China requires about the US equivalent of premed + residency. Much less education required - and half of that education is focused on traditional Chinese methods meaning they have even less formal school in modern medicine than their time in college would suggest. 2. It is common to tip your doctor - that is give them extra money BEFORE the surgery so they do their best... The flip side of that thought being if you do not tip them, they may not do their best... I call that blackmail. 3. Many Chinese are born with Hepatitis B. It's epidemic there. Many Chinese also catch Hep B FROM DOCTORS OR DENTISTS! Poor sanitation and a nice black market for clean needles and medical supplies help keep this danger alive. 4. Doctors will recommend abortions for a freaking headcold. Population control is more important than good medicine. 5. Many doctors there believe you can get a myriad of diseases from your housepet. Things that any moron with an internet connection can quickly refute... yet these are the experts? 6. They will tout the virtues of the "chinese style" IUD (the ring with no string). Claiming the western kind causes infection and problems, while the truth is theirs is designed to be purposely difficult to remove and causes by easily a factor of 20 more problems than the western style which is designed to be sterile and easily removed. Again, theirs is designed for population control, not user friendliness. 7. They will give antibiotics for ANYTHING. "I suggest you try the placebo, it's excellent today!" Hell, it's available OTC. Not only is it irresponsible to the patient, it is rushing us twoards the inevitable future of super-bacteria. When your kid is dying of a staff infection that used to be knocked out with penicillan, but is now immune to every antibiotic known to man, you will know who to thank. And of course who will a frightened, ill, woman believe? her western SO without even a bachelor's degree? Or the trusted educated Chinese physician? Chinese Medicine... feh. I'll load up webMD, chug back a bottle of Bourbon and take a scalpel to myself first, thanks.

What??? How did you come to that conclusion??? That's a mighty big conclusion to come from with the information the original post had in it 223498[/snapback] In the US, one has to wait a long time for the doctor (even with appointment). If one needs emergency care in the weekend or after hours at hospitals, then one may get a doctor who is an intern. Only when a person has a new disease, then this person may get attention from many doctors. 223517[/snapback] Since he payed less than 1000 RMB, I am concluding he/she was in China, not USA. Even if they were in the USA, that was still not enough information to conclude it was a "NEW DECEASE" Think about it B) 223951[/snapback] He was answering the question in the title: Q: Can I expect this kind of attention in the USA Tony's Answer: Only if it is a new disease His observation was not that the Original Poster must have a new disease to have recieved that kind of attention in China... It was that the only way he would get 16 doctors all over a case in the US is if it is some new disease or unique situation. There, is the sun shining through the fog yet?

Some people become blinded by love, and think they know the other person. Only when looking back on things after it is too late do they realize something should have been obvious. This is another good reason for Jany's story to be told. Not just to share her pain, and her relief at it being over - but also as a warning to some of you Chinese girls, who might have been too trusting, or been worrying about something that didn't match up but were afraid to address it.

Well, first of all WE can't, because we don't know the individuals involved at all. Even the couple themselves may not be able to tell the difference. The man could be mislead, and the woman might even be in denial, because she waited so long and gave up so much just seeing the greencard as a prize that must be had even if the reason for it is gone. Telling them apart isn't so much the issue I'm debating, as the fact that some women have very valid reasons to want to stay that do not make them bad people. That is why the waiver even exists, after all. They have to show to the agency's satisfaction that the marriage was entered into in good faith, and they were not at fault in the divorce. In this case, if we are to take the poster's story at face value, it is the man who is initiating the divorce and who wants it, not the woman. Of course this could be for any number of reasons from no-fault to either or both of them being at fault. Point is, nothing is cut and dry or so simple. Every woman who has come to the US for marriage is not going to necessarily think "Oh, my marriage failed, I'd better go back to China, as I no longer belong here." Many women would depending on their circumstances, and why they got divorced, and what their life was like once they got here, how long they've been here, etc. There are millions of variables here. I just think a view that any woman who would want to remain here after her marriage failed is either crazy or a green card hunter is unfair and flawed. People and situations are rarely so simple.

People don't live on love alone. Someone who has spent over a year and a half here may now have school, job friends, familiarity, other reasons to not want to go back to China as a divorced woman. Her presence in the US may have begun for love, but she does not continue to exist solely at the whim of her husband. Her only role in life isn't "wife". Now, many Chinese women would choose to return to China. But I can easily see why some would not. And I'm not talking about the "green card hunters", I mean honest ones who left their old life behind and began a new life and may not want to do so all over again.

Actually, it's more like Spanish compared to French, I'd think. English is too dissimilar from the Romance languages, as it's root is German - not Latin. But then again, Korean and Japanese share the same Ural-Altaic roots, and yet with the exception of certain borrowed Chinese words sound completely different even though they share the same syntax and grammar patterns.

Just talked to my wife. She could barely speak. She had to leave her friends and go home early alone. She has a terrible cold.

May begins with a big holiday in China. For those whose SO's are still there (and mine who is visiting) what are they doing to celebrate? Travelling, visiting family? My wife went with a bunch of friends to (forget the name of the place, but it's where theyt filmed the bamboo scenes in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"). Unfortunately I just talked to her and she sounds awful, caught a bad cold - and may have to go home early without her friends.

The way I understood it... If your wife "gives you a green hat" it means she is cheating on you - AND - you don't know it. Like if she literally put one on your head without you seeing it - SHE sees it, HER FRIENDS see it, YOUR FRIENDS see it, but you don't... because it's on yer head. In other words, she's f#ing around, and you're ignorant of it, but everyone else knows.

Because the purpose of a K-1 visa is "entering the US to marry a US citizen". If you are already married before you come to the US (regardless of when) - then you are entering for a reason other than the one you were issued a visa for, which technically means visa fraud. It is sufficient reason to be turned back at the POE and quite possibly barred from re-entry for a period of time. It seems like a tiny little detail, but it it's actually a very big tiny little detail.

If she goes to a 4 year school, or community college in a transfer program, at least half time, and has never been awarded a US degree, you could also claim the hope scholarship come tax time for up to 2 years. It can reimburse you quite a bit.

I should be moved in, settled, and "gasp" have the 25th and 26th of March off, perhaps the 24th also. Still in Virginia though, so we'll see exactly how things pan out, but hopefully...

That has not been my experience. I guess it depends on the individual French or Chinese person. One of Jun's friends spoke in English quite a bit so I wouldn't feel left out, and occasionally would translate what the others were talking about. But everyone else, Jun included spoke only in Chinese, unless they were addressing me directly.

Let me soften that a little. That sounded like Jun's friends were "the enemy" or something... Her friends are very nice people, and treated me very well while I was there. We had a wonderful meal on Chinese New Year at her friend's home. I like them. Also I'm not saying that being "Americanized" is akin to betterment, and not being is akin to falling back, somehow. It depends on your situation. In Jun and my case, it was always the understanding between us that she wanted to speak English as well as she could speak Chinese, she wanted to understand our culture, etc etc. Which was a very close thing to my heart - not because American culture is better, but because it is "MY" culture. It felt like she respected it, and wanted to know and understand it because she loved me and wanted to be a full part of my life. I just wonder if in such "familiar" surroundings, it will be possible. This is extremely hypocrytical on my part. Many of you can speak broken (or better) Chinese in a short time, and I can barely say "Ni-Hao". Maybe I'm getting my just reward.

As most know, currently my wife is in San Jose, and I am still here in Virginia for about 2 more weeks. As I mentioned, she has quite a few friends there. Of course they all get together, go to asian restaurants, go shopping at chinese (and western) stores, go crabbing, go to Karaoke, speak only in Chinese... basically live inside a Chinese "bubble" On one hand I'm glad. Jun was homesick. Familiar faces, and places are very comforting to her and she has cheered up quite a bit, but it also points something else out to me. Since coming here, Jun's English which was already very good improved very quickly. So much so, that some people where she worked were suprised when she said she was not born here. Jun decided she loves steak (not even chopped up), italian food, tiramisu, etc etc. There were western foods and things she turned her nose up at of course, but she also came to accept and enjoy quite a bit. Her friends, well that's another story. Some have been here for years, and their English doesn't come close to Jun's. They have no non-Chinese friends to speak of, they only eat at Asian restaurants, only shop at asian grocery stores... Jun told me yesterday she missed Italian food. Sean (the guy who's apartment she's subletting) told her of a really nice Italian restaurant - but she says she has to wait for me to come, because her friends all refuse to eat at a non-asian restaurant. I mean, what if I lived in Beijing and only ate at freaking Outback, McDonald's, and Pizza Hut? Wouldn't I be seen as strange and closed-minded? I worry about Jun becoming part of a closed-circle, with me as the only western part of her life. If she gets a job who primarily uses Mandarin, talks to her friends in Mandarin, talks to her family in Mandarin - only uses English with me... I don't think it will ever improve. It might be my imagination, but I think I even noticed her making some old pronunciation mistakes she hadn't made in a long time on the phone recently... When I first talked to Jun about moving to the US, she was against the idea of moving to a "chinatown" because she said "It's not the real US". Now she's happy to live in just such a place. I guess I'm feeling a little "culturally rejected". I don't want to have to become Chinese just to fit in. If I wanted to do that, I would have preferred to have lived in China, and gone all the way. I mean, I guess it's time for a little give and take - meet in the middle - etc, etc. I just hope the new environment is condusive to it. I feel like the pressure is all on me now. Maybe that's how she felt when she first moved here...

Read my post in the "Our Stories" section for my answer in this. This will largely depend on your wife's personality, but also neither you or her can predict 100% how she will react until she gets there. Does she thrive in the city? Have tons of friends, and a packed social schedule? A busy life where she's working, socializing, making time for you and always on the go? Does she like that? Then you might be in for a rough ride. If she lives in a big city, but is rather introspective, doesn't always have to be on the move, etc etc... then she might have trouble with the lack of Chinese stores, or the "ghost-town" appearance of uncrowded sidewalks, but she should adjust to the slower pace more easily. Bottom line is have a good long talk about it, but be prepared for the unexpected anyway - and consider what you would do if she could not make the adjustment.

Sorry, but no one here least of all a moderator suggested this woman break the law. And this isn't China, so the government isn't going to shut down the site for members having opinions. If we were specifically offering assistance to her (as in call me, I know a guy) that might be different. You must do what you feel is right of course, but I will not be intimidated into deleting or locking a post - and this post will not be deleted or locked unless it veers away from CFL guidelines. With that said - I don't want to read anyone posting any "beat the system gray-area illegal advice" here either. That's not what this site is about. Those specific posts may be deleted. I had a similar situation in my first marriage, and may have some useful experience here. My ex wife and I seperated several months before our AOS interview. She got a lawyer who for 3,000 swore to her all she had to do was go to the interview, and would be given the oppertunity to file a request for an exception as long as the marriage was entered into in good faith, bla bla bla - he was full of it. Those guys can take advantage of you and take your money because if they fail you, you get deported and won't be around to complain. For my part I refused to do anything shady or illegal to help my ex stay in the country. She went to the interview by herself, was turned down with no chance to speak, the case was forwarded to a judge who signed a deportation order. This process took several months. While this was all in the works she was still LEGALLY in the US. The deportation order will have a date that you must leave by. As long as you don't stay past that date, there has been no fraud, you have done nothing illegal, and it will not be held against you if you attempt to re-enter the country because you did every thing by the book. In my ex wife's case, during this time period she found an employer that was willing to sponsor her and she applied for a work visa, it was granted, and she was allowed to legally remain in the US. Just for the record, my ex was in the US for years on a student visa, and we applied for AOS before her student visa expired - she was not on a green card hunt - but after over 5 years of living here was not too keen on going back home. My advice - speak to an attorney, but take their advice with a grain of salt, especially if they promise you the world for a large sum of money. Look into getting a work visa or student visa BEFORE the AOS if possible. Also, DO NOT lie about anything. As a member said, that's a sure way to be sure you will never be in this country legally again - and it could have legal repercussions for your husband. Getting a divorce is not a crime, and neither is wanting to be a US citizen. Just don't let your desire to stay in this country move you to do anything "sorta-legal" or downright illegal, it's not worth it. Pursue your options, and if time runs out - go back to China as required and you will still have a good chance of coming back legally at a later date. Just my 2 cents.

The issue isn't sending money. Of course someone should support his wife. The issue is sending money to send money. In the post you mention the guy is doing what he can to save money, and doesn't have but so much. He sends his wife what he can. But after talking to friends who get more, she gets jealous and wants more too. THAT is the issue. It's like the little kid who begs for the new toy because his friend has one. A husband and wife should be partners, he should give what he can and what she NEEDS - and she shouldn't badger him to give more than that. As for the girl you mention on 001 - I agree, her husband sounds like a pretty irresponsible person. I think one issue here is - and please don't be insulted - your English is not 100% (but it's very good) many people here post long wordy posts, and you missed some of the subtleties of what they were saying. No one thinks a husband should not support his wife at all. Some may disagree on how much, but that's more personal than cultural. Many Americans hear "If you don't pay me more, you don't love me" and THAT is a red flag.

ok, ok... let's not tear ski's tonsils out

Gotta agree with Trigg on that one. From my point of view, it's not refined, I find it rather gross - but apparently me using a toothpick without covering my mouth and walking around the house in bare feet is gross and unrefined too. Both views are right, and both are wrong depending on who you ask. I mean, in the west spitting is ok for say... sunflower seeds - getting your hands messy is ok for things like ribs (most bone-spittin' Chinese would stare aghast as we picked up 2 pound rack of saucy bones and proceeded to gnaw on it like those South American plane crash survivors in "Alive") - all depends on the situation. My blood would still run cold if we were in a nice restaurant here, and wifey started spitting bones - but at home, or in China hey, when in Rome... (And I saw bone-spitters in Shanghai AND beijing)