Jeikun
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Posts posted by Jeikun
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My new daughter along with all middle and senior high school kids had to attend two weeks of military training in August of this year. It was felt this would help to curb some of the problems of the little emperor generation!!
This kind of military training has been going on for the past 50 years in most high schools and virtually every college or university. It is not related to the Little Emperor Syndrome.
It actually stopped for a decade or so, till post 1989.
No, it did not stop. I have been here for going on 13 years and since 1994 I have seen it yearly at each and every school near my home -- from high schools to colleges.
Perhaps in some rural farming communities or at sub-standard private institutions it hasn't been taking place, but in Guangzhou, Shenzhen and Shanghai in each and every public school it most definitely has.
I think he said it stopped until post 1989(as in started again post 1989)... last time I checked 1989 was more than 13 years ago...
so you can both be right. -
Could it be so you don't illegally bring in some person who looks almost like your SO and try to pass them off as him/her to circumvent immigration? lol
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I agree with feathers here. The culture we brought with us from our countries of origen (mostly Europe) are PART of American culture. Out culture didn't begin when the Declaration of Independance was signed, just like my family didn't materialize out of the ground at that time.
As a matter of fact, my mothers side of the family came over in the 1680's so 200 years is a little lean of an estimate. Does a culture begin to form when a government is formed? When people become geographically seperated? Where does one end and another begin when it is a matter of inheritance?
Now I can understand if you were asking what is UNIQUELY American... that may be a short list indeed because most of what is considered traditional culture are things hundreds of years old, and we just haven't been around that long... but it doesn't mean we are culturally void. Our traditions and art literature music legal system, etc have roots going back thousands of years through Europe and back into ancient Rome, and also from other continents as well.
China is China and has been China for thousands of years, and remained pretty much under the control of the same peoples and their cultural traditions are a straight line.
Western Europeans began with their own primative cultures, had another forced on them by the Romans and incorperated it into a new whole, with some things being shared in common and many differing based on national and geographical boundaries... then many immigrated to and eventually founded this country. The culture they brought with them is ours because we are them.
I find it strange when it seems as if someone is spitting when they say "American Culture". Our country has produced many great writers, poets, artists, and composers. It's not all Britney Spears, Hot Dogs, and Survivor. When I watched a Christmas parade or 4th of july fireworks as a child, and through adulthood I consider this "American" did we invent fireworks? no. Did we invent Christmas? no. But it is OUR tradition and culture and bonds us together and has endured many generations, and if you ask me that equals a cultural tradition.
The examples are there if you look for them... the problem is most Americans don;t give a rip and are content to not pay attention in American Lit, opt out of Art and Music, and promptly begin the tradition of watching crap TV and eating bacon cheeseburgers. I dare say many people on this site even know more about Chinese culture than their own.
*edit* It's not my intention to snub the contributions of other cultures to the US - most notably those our ancestors brought over as slaves, but for simplicity sake I limited it to a single thread.
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Yeah I would have to say I have seen less than 30% of those values in the Chinese I have met personally.
It would be kind of like making a list of traditional Christian values, I doubt most (nominally Christian) Americans would meet 30% of those either.
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The disparity in urban vs rural life is global. It is true even in the US.
However, the US went through the change over an extended period while China is going the change in a compressed time frame. ...and the population of China dwarfs the population of the US.
The Chinese people I have met in the countryside have always appeared to be happy and healthy - even on my first trip to China in 1978. Poverty does not always imply poorness of life.
There should be no illusions: there will always be a disparity between urban and rural life globally.
The "disparity" between Rural and Urban USA is negligable when compared to the chasm that exists in China. We're not talking about big screen vs 27", BMW vs Chevy, or caviar vs mashed taters here... We're talking about 2007 vs 1905.
Rose colored glasses make the world look nice and all, but don't do much for your vision.
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As I said in another post though, since the August price increase the processing time has been slowed down considerably. They are saying the receipt with extension could take 90 days (which means her GC would expire before you receive it). So be prepared in case this happens to you. We are currently at 42 days since the USPS shows our I-751 was delivered with no receipt and was told they won't even look into it until it has been 90 days with no receipt.
Of course, hopefully by February when you send your I-751, the slowdown (which was due to a flood of petitions to beat the price increase) will no longer be an issue.
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The only thing laughable about racism is that our open and multi-cultural society is still capable of producing racist thoughts. I have heard a lot of this type of thing too (Mostly jackassy questions about "Is everything on an Asian girl slanted? Har har har"
). But, to be honest, that kind of thing doesn't bother me very much.What bothers me is the stigma of foreign marriage. The whole "mail order bride" thing that follows the whole process around really gets my goat. Ok, maybe it is true that some people somewhere married their American husband for the visa. We've all heard the "friend-of-a-friend" stories about the Russian wife who disappeared on the honeymoon. Or the Mexican wife who had a boyfriend in the same city as her fiance. Those stories are as common as any other urban legend, I suppose. But that kind of thing actually happening is very very rare, I think. The process and the people who oversee the process are very thorough and it just isn't possible for that kind of thing to happen.
Now, I travel a lot for work. And I have been pursued by women looking for an American. Those girls had an agenda (sometimes an agenda that they have stated very clearly). But, that agenda is very easy to see through. Honestly. I don't think that those kinds of girls are "fooling" anyone. You see what it is and you pass it by.
But, since the reinstatement of my single status three years ago, I dated quite a few local girls too. Most of them had an agenda. Sometimes it was more clearly stated. Sometimes it was hidden. Sometimes THEY didn't even know they had it. But they had it. Their agenda wasn't "I want to go to America". Their agenda was "I want to go back to school" or "I want to have a baby" or "I want to live with someone and get rid of my debt" or "I want to quit working" or "I want to get married like all of my friends did". To these girls, I wasn't "love", I was a means to an end.
And that's why I chose my sweetheart. Of all the girls I met, foreign and domestic, she was the only one WITHOUT an agenda. Of course, she has dreams and goals in life (we all do. I do too). But her goal for being with me is to be with me. That's it. Hell, do you think her first question was about America? For the first few months that I knew her, she was asking about ways that I could go to her! But I don't care where my Angel comes from, what I care about is the quality of our relationship. If the right girl for me was next door or in Timbuktu, I wouldn't care. It just so happens that she happens to be from China.
So when I hear these things about "slant-eyed Mexicans" and girls who "don't care so much about their boyfriend's blue eyes as they do his green card", it makes me a little angry. Because the people of the world are all the same. Some girls (ANY girls) have an agenda, some don't. And to assume something about a relationship based on the geographical location of one of the members, shows a poor understanding, not just of foreign people, but of people in general.
And that complete lack of understanding, in my opinion, is what should be laughed at.
I like you, you sound like me 3 years ago.
I dare say, though, that the majority of stereotypes stem from some tidbit of truth. Now this thread was originally about racism.. which is deplorable. But sadly some of the "mail order bride" stereotypes are far from urban legend.
I think most of them originated back in the days prior to the internet when someone would go to a marriage broker or actually order a catalog in the mail (with bios and addresses)... those were much more open to scamming and fraud. They also tended to attract more desperate people on both ends... hence the numerous negative stereotypes that endure to this day.
In the modern age with PCs and sites like Match, eharmony, yahoo personals, etc... the idea of finding a mate using the computer has caught on with a much larger audience, and by extension so has finding an international mate by the same medium. This makes a lot of the old stereotypes undeserved and outdated... BUT there are still orginizations and people out there who will take advantage of you.
Another danger is in thinking, just because we are taught to believe that "stereotypes are wrong" - that there re no differences between Chinese and American people. My wife and I both believed this, and as a result we ignored or largley laughed at posts by people like David. Trust me... there ARE things you need to both understand about each other's cultures, upbringing, deep-set morals and prejudices. Since we both refused to admit this... we really allowed many things to come between us, and went from the extreme of "there are no differences" to the extreme of "the differences are insurmountable".
I'm not saying that you are personally approaching it that way, it's just that I caught a tiny whiff of it in your post, so I thought I would give my veiw as someone who was burned badly by thinking he could intellectualize and empathize away the truly vast differences in western and eastern thought. I'd hate to see that get someone else.
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Jun is frugal unless it involves beauty products or shoes. She thinks the money she saves in other areas (like vetoing my DVR cable box) leaves room for Shisedo, Estee Lauder, and Nine West.
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Added my vote.
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I told my Ying that I am not a rich man and I think she believes me. She asked me once before I visited China the first time how much I made and how much my bills were. She does accounting in China so I laid it on the line for her and I guess she thinks it is adequate. She tells me that she just wants to lead a quiet and simple life. She says she will work here if we need her to. What a great girl!
Not insinuating anything, but just struck by the irony that Jun said the exact words that Ying did when I explained I wasn't well off by any stretch. "I just want to lead a quiet and simple life.", "Money isn't most important, we will both work if we need to.". Even posted on this website "Jason is already successful because he has me."
That didn't last very long at all.
Again, I'm not quoting your post because I think that means anything ominous in your case. Only because I made pretty much the exact same post 3 years ago.
Not saying it was her fault either. It's just that understanding something mentally, and actually living it are 2 different animals. Just be understanding if your SO's have adjustment issues that they "said they wouldn't have", because sometimes it just isn't possible to understand your reaction to something until you experience it first hand.
Of course most things like that can be worked out, as long as it isn;t due to lying by either side, or an EXTREMELY gross misunderstanding that gets compounded as it is built on.
Just stay open and open minded (which is telling most of you what you already know anyway).
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I saw this too. When Jun was in China she openly criticized much about it. Most (not all) for the negatives I saw in China were from what she told me herself. About a month after she came to the US, while one of my friends was visiting us, we began talking about something (I forget) in the news at the time bad about China. Jun protested, and I used her own stories she had told me as examples... she ran upstairs crying... whoops.
She said "China is my family. Just because I can talk about the faults of my own family, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt if someone else criticizes my family." I understood exactly what she meant, and felt like a real shitheel.
I took it to heart, and (to her anyway) avoided criticizing China unless prompted by her to do so. (In other words if she says "this in China is bad" I should say "you are right", and otherwise keep my mouth shut.
)With the exception of the Chinese medical system which I will hate until death, but she agrees with me on that point anyway, so it's ok.
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How could the CFL wives are all sweetheart while their moms, dads, brothers and sisters are so uncivilized and rude?
I think, Joanne, it is more of a case that "a person" may be one way, but "people" can be another way entirely. It's not really pointing the finger at anyone as an individual, but the social norms that make that kind of thing commonplace.
If everyday when I tried to get on the bus, 200 people were pushing me... then soon I would be pushing also. You can't really blame any one person for it, but change has to start somewhere.
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And the same thing happened to him that happens to any US civil servant who abuses his power like that (provided the system works)... he was fired, charged, and (I think) had his ass sued.
I see no irony in the quote. Is that an American lawyer posing with her? Was justice done? She was a victim of a criminal act, and the perpetrator was punished under the law. She received medical treatment and compensation.
If this had happened to a Chinese woman in China no one would have given a shit, and no one would have had to pay the price. My wife watched a cop beat the hell out of an old lady on the street for trying to sell drinks out of a cooler. No one batted an eye. This happens dozens of times a day.
I get what you are trying to say here, Lance... but the sensationalism of the post and the slant you are putting on it (not talking about criminal acts, we are talking about people helping those in trouble) deserves to be called out a bit.
Jeukin, if ILS used an example of a Chinese person being stricken over by a car and left to die, I wouldn't have said much as I agree with your position and ILS regarding the Chinese apathy towards another Chinese in distress.
But ILS used an example of an American being hit and left to die on the road. That is so unheard of. It's completely isolated and anecdotal. It goes contrary to everything I've witnessed in China while living there--especially since this supposedly took place in Shanghai, where there are tons of Americans living and working there.
The sad and pathetic truth is that a Chinese person in China is much more apt to help a laowei in distress than a fellow Chinese citizen in distress. And this is completely taken for granted by laoweis because most laoweis don't even realize they've been accorded special treatment. The special treatment they receive is still viewed by many laoweis as uncivilized and rude.
That's pure irony.
As for sensationalism, I'd say the way the story is told in the original post is pretty sensational. I'd actually like to read an actual journalistic account of this story. Any links would be appreciated, whether in Chinese or English.
I will agree with you that that kind of thing happening to a foreigner is shocking. I always saw what you and others have said here... Chinese treating each other terribly but putting on a different face for the foreigners.
But dispite using an American in his example, I think his basic point was the attitude about helping others in distress vs looking the other way or even discouraging help. That point I believe is valid. If his post hadn;t mentioned that the vistim was an American I wouldn't have even batted an eyelash at it.
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My SO passed along a disturbing piece of news from Shanghai which happened earlier this month.
Here's a disturbing piece of news that transpired a couple of years ago:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nati..._niagara30.html
http://zonaeuropa.com/20040729_11.jpg http://zonaeuropa.com/20040729_12.jpg http://zonaeuropa.com/20040729_13.jpg http://zonaeuropa.com/20040729_7.jpg
The graphic front-page photo has played to the worst fears of this provincial river port city ¡ª showing a local businesswoman's face beaten black and blue and her eyes swollen shut.The victim is a Chinese tourist who recently was attacked during an outing to Niagara Falls, on the U.S.-Canadian border. But the suspect isn't any violent criminal or quick-hit mugger. The man who allegedly punched Zhao Yan repeatedly and doused her with pepper spray was an inspector with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
Officer Robert Rhodes is accused of throwing the 37-year-old gym-equipment saleswoman against a wall, kneeing her in the head and striking her head on the ground. Rhodes, 43, was charged with violating her civil rights and faces 10 years in prison if convicted. He said he thought Zhao was with a man from whom officers had just confiscated marijuana.
Given this "anecdotal" evidence, these words below seem ironic, don't they?
For all the negative things that get said by others around the world about Americans, one thing I can genuinely say is that our culture does a decent job of looking out for those in trouble than many other cultures do.Clearly Zhao Yan doesn't think so.
Imagine if this is what awaits your SO as she arrives at her POE into the US.
And the same thing happened to him that happens to any US civil servant who abuses his power like that (provided the system works)... he was fired, charged, and (I think) had his ass sued.
I see no irony in the quote. Is that an American lawyer posing with her? Was justice done? She was a victim of a criminal act, and the perpetrator was punished under the law. She received medical treatment and compensation.
If this had happened to a Chinese woman in China no one would have given a shit, and no one would have had to pay the price. My wife watched a cop beat the hell out of an old lady on the street for trying to sell drinks out of a cooler. No one batted an eye. This happens dozens of times a day.
I get what you are trying to say here, Lance... but the sensationalism of the post and the slant you are putting on it (not talking about criminal acts, we are talking about people helping those in trouble) deserves to be called out a bit.
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That's the problem with anecdotal evidence, no matter how many of us have 5 or 6 stories, it's not enough for any kind of proof or clinically unbiased statistical analysis. But from my experience as well as Jun's I believe I love Sunshine is very close to the truth here.
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But tying your statement in to the subject of this thread... those "Socialist Morals" were published, printed, and dissiminated by a communist regime. And all, strangely enough, seem to coincide in some way with things that would help people in being subservient to the government, and not questioning it's authority on artificial moral grounds. They are also things that the government does not themselves exemplify.
Communism is a failed experiment. Because it cannot function on a large scale. In theory it's a utopian concept. But all real world communist governments end up as near totalitarian states who use socialistic morality and an iron fist to eliminate classes, put a small elite in control, and turn the vast majority into serfs.
Socialism is a concept that can have a place in any form of governement, and to some degree is a good thing (as you pointed out), though I believe it shouldn't be taken too far - and my idea of too far may differ from yours.
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1) Love the country, do it no harm;
Give the country as much pollution as possible to get a profit
2) Serve the people, never betray them;
Take from the people and treat them like idiots
3) Follow science, discard superstition;
Science is what I say, Communism ideal is not a superstition nor are UFOs
4) Be diligent, not indolent;
Work hard, work harder so that I can play golf
5) Be united, help each other, make no gains at other's expense;
Keep that in mind at all times, esp. when making fake baby milk powders and taking land
6) Be honest and trustworthy, do not sacrifice ethics for profit;
Then move out of China
7) Be disciplined and law-abiding, not chaotic and lawless;
Drive on the sidewalk, bribe officials and hire hitman to take over coal mines
8) Live plainly, work hard, do not wallow in luxuries and pleasures.
Build more factories for the commoners and more bath parlors to create more jobs for the young girls
Source: Chinese President calls for building of socialist morality
I think Tony "gets it". I was thinking almost the same thing as I read this. Those 8 are great ideas for good little socialists, a pity all the good socialists are busy hanging out with Bigfoot and Elvis on the UFO out looking for the chupacabra.
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These kinds of questions will always give you a variation on 5 responces:
1. Dump her!!!
2. Just give her the money!!
3. Talk it over with her more and decide.
4. Look deep into your heart and go with your gut feeling.
5. I don't have enough information to give advice.
These will be mixed with real or imagined understanding of Chinese culture, personal experience, and personal prejudice.
In the end #5 is probably the most dead on. I'll throw in with a mix of 3 and 4. Those who say give her the money, or dump her are working in absolutes. Taking that kind of advice to heart can be dangerous.
YOU know how well you communicate, your feelings, if she has ever done anything suspicious, if you have doubts in your heart, etc... take those into account. Talk to her. Take her feelings and pressures into account. Then make a decision and discuss the why's of your decision with her, so you can hopefully see eye to eye on it whatever it is.
I don't mean to imply that other advice is meaningless... mine is worth no more or less. Just wanted to point out that in any issue like that you will get the entire range of advice from one extreme to the next and all points in-between. Because Chinese-American, or not, all of our wives, fiancees, ex's, are different people... and we are very different... lawyers, brokers, retired, truckers, drifters, military, college students... some of us are smart, some of us are morons... most are a little of both
Point being take it all with a grain of salt and realize no one of us posting has "the answer". Just take it into consideration, and use your best judgement.
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You have a good intellect, AMafan. I especially like what you said about understanding the language and how words are used being a key to understanding thought processes. But being as we were/are both linguists of course I would like that
At times reading your posts I thought perhaps you were subjecting yourself to too much, but I can see from how things are now for you that for your situation, and your commitment, you are the one who has prevailed.
I dare say 90% of us (including me) would be divorced if we had been in your situation. And while yours may have been an extreme example, I think there is some wisdom in there that most of us could take away (as demonstrated by many of the replies you have received).
I also really liked the 4 points (stages) in cultural adjustment that Jesse pointed out. Anyone who's fiancee/wife has not arrived in the USA yet would do well to pay attention. After step 4, either things begin to get better, or they break. Sometimes it is completely out of your control, as in many ways it is a personal transformation your wife endures, and all you can do is give support. But if you drop the ball, you may look back with regret.
I'll break my own rule just for this post, and say that my marriage was almost destroyed primarily by this process and failure to get past step 4. So I can't emphasize paying attention to it enough. (Though I ask to please respect my wishes for now and do not discuss my relationship in detail on the forum. I will post eventually when I know the outcome of the next few months.)
Anyway, I just wanted to say I respected AM's and Jesse's posts. Both good to absorb and concider how they apply to you and yours.
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Right, I agree. She is only in trouble for applying for an AOS. You are not allowed to immigrate on a non-immigrant visa.
Jeff
My reply is Off-Topic, but that statement is not true. If someone is here legally on any visa they can apply for AOS.
For example, my ex-wife was here on a student Visa, and after we married we applied for AOS.
The issue is if you violated the intent of the visa. If someone gets a tourist visa, and just uses it to get married that is looked at as misusing the visa and AOS could be denied. If they come on the same tourist Visa for a 6 month stay and after 4 months fall in love with someone and get married in Vegas... that is NOT a misuse of the visa, and AOS is no problem.
Yes, it is subjective. But they tend to be lenient unless it is obvious misuse. And even then, if they pay the $1,000 fee, they tend to still be lenient (though there are horror stories out there).
Exceptions would be K-1 (can only apply for AOS after marriage to the beneficiary), and Visa waivers (can't apply for any kind of visa or extention). There may be other exceptions, but by and large it is no problem.
Yes this issue was discussed before. Your example where your friend was here as a student, fell in love and got married. This is acceptable because they did plan to get married. In this case they came to US got married went back to china and because of health issues he had to return to the US. She had a valid 1B visa and came to the US to be with her husband. They filed for an AOS and thats when then trouble started.
Now if she came to the US and they got married and didn't plan it then it would be a different situation.
Wouldn't their situation actually be like a couple that married over seas except they married in Las Vegas? They should have filed a c130 while she is in China?
Except now she here so she shouldn't leave. They need a immigration lawyer to help straighten out this issue.
Jeff
Actually I was only referring to the statement "You are not allowed to immigrate on a non-immigrant visa.", as a blanket statement as being incorrect. As you mentioned before, the OP's issue comes from not following proper procedure, even though it was unintentional. But non-immigrant visas as a whole, are easily converted to a greencard via AOS, as long as there was no evident use of it to circumvent immigration law.
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It's "I-485A" so not "I-485 a $1,000 fine" but "I-485A ($1,000 fine)"
But I am confused also... I thought you had to file WITH the !-485A and pay the fine... not without. People who don't need to pay the fine don't file it.
For example, a friend of mine from Japan came here on a visa waiver and got married and filed her I-485 (which is not allowed) but also filed the I-485A, paid the $1,000 and her status was adjusted without ever having to leave the country.
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Right, I agree. She is only in trouble for applying for an AOS. You are not allowed to immigrate on a non-immigrant visa.
Jeff
My reply is Off-Topic, but that statement is not true. If someone is here legally on any visa they can apply for AOS.
For example, my ex-wife was here on a student Visa, and after we married we applied for AOS.
The issue is if you violated the intent of the visa. If someone gets a tourist visa, and just uses it to get married that is looked at as misusing the visa and AOS could be denied. If they come on the same tourist Visa for a 6 month stay and after 4 months fall in love with someone and get married in Vegas... that is NOT a misuse of the visa, and AOS is no problem.
Yes, it is subjective. But they tend to be lenient unless it is obvious misuse. And even then, if they pay the $1,000 fee, they tend to still be lenient (though there are horror stories out there).
Exceptions would be K-1 (can only apply for AOS after marriage to the beneficiary), and Visa waivers (can't apply for any kind of visa or extention). There may be other exceptions, but by and large it is no problem.
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Not sure, but I do know that when I split up with my ex-wife prior to AOS and she tried to file on her own (WITH a lawyer) they told her to get lost, and sent her a deportation letter. But the VO did basically say so as to help her for future attempts at entry that she would simply put it as a missed appointment.
There is a means for her to remove conditions on her own, but no easy way to get the conditional greencard on her own to my knowledge.
And this hypothetical person will soon get a letter stating the application has been deemed as abandoned (not denied) due to the appointment not being kept. It may include some info regarding how to get it back on track if it was an error, and will state that the SO will soon receive notice of a deportation hearing. (This is what I got in the mail, I wish I said I had kept it so I could show you, but I just laughed and threw it away.)
In the case of abuse perhaps a good lawyer could make a case at the court hearing for her... but otherwise married or not she is likely screwed.
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dont worry about it! my wife tested positive for hepa b they told us just to have her checked out once she was here so we did it turns out she was just a carrier and is not contagious. they only worry about a disease that is of great concern to the public ( like aids or tuberculosis that is active).
hepa-A is what you would get if eating contaminated foods.
hepa-b can be passed on to a child from a mother who has hepa-B and while pregnent. and can be spread just like aids and is contagious; I-V drug use sexual contant any exchangin of bodily fluids.
hepa-C is usualy caused be a damaged liver and is contagious from direct contact with blood from the infected person.
You are giving contradictory info. Your wife is in fact contagious, even if she is a "silent carrier". But for the purpose of entry into the US, the US will not deny her entry because she has Hep B virus.
But don't confuse this fact with the fact that your wife is very much a carrier of the virus and can spread it to others through sexual or body fluid contact.
If you don't understand this, please go back to her doctor and get this clarified. A silent carrier is a full carrier of the Hep B virus. It only means the Hep B virus is not actively attacking her liver currently. It does NOT mean she's cured and nor does it mean she's not contagious anymore.
I want to also add that it doesn't mean she won't GET sick. Many so-called "silent carriers" who don't follow up suddenly find they have terminal and advanced liver cancer or chirrosis of the liver in their 30's or 40's. It's about a 25% chance. That is worse odds than Russian roulette and doesn't kill as quick and painlessly either.
I also second that she is contageous. She may be BARELY contageous, but is contageous nonetheless, especially through blood. Her doctors and dentists all need to know so they can take proper precautions. Something as simple as sharing a toothbrush if your gums bleed a little could still spread it also.
She needs to be checked up on every 6 months. Any less than once a year is just asking for tragedy.
Filing for AOS
in AOS & Immigration Challenges
Posted
K-1 Visa is only good for 90 days after entering the US. You need to marry AND apply for AOS during this period.
If you go over this a bit, there will likely be no trouble (as long as you married within the 90 day timeframe) but years? hell no.
If you want to wait several years to even file "for personal reasons" you might be better off not marrying her at all. She will be "out of status" and your AOS might not be approved at that point. Basically she would become an illegal.
So let's see...
- can't return to China without having to stay
- will have a visa overstay on her record and may be barred from returning to the US for years if she decided to come back
- can't work
- can't drive
- can't have a bank account, or use any services (without the chance of coming to someone's attention and getting a deportation letter).
Yeah I'd say that's a pretty bad idea.